My Favorite Explosion

It’s not like I had never been inside this house before, I’m here more than I’m at my father’s. But being here with Vic, just the two of us was something I didn’t think would ever happen again. Obviously it was because we needed to hash out ten years of built up questions, uncertainties and lost communication, but it was still weird to me.
“Wanna go outside? It’s been pretty nice today” Vic suggested. I nodded in reply, following him out to the back deck that I had sat on with Mike a few weeks ago when I told him everything that happened. It was like déjà vu, and I was hoping that the outcome would be positive.
I took a seat at one end of the table, Vic sitting to the right of me. I took my cigarettes out of my pocket placing them on the table not to crush them, inhaling a deep breath. Clearly this was harder than I thought it was going to be as tears brimmed my eyes reliving everything over the past seven years in a quick flashback.
“What happened to you out there Letty? You’re not the same.” He sighed grabbing my hand in his, “Not at all. There is so much pain in your eyes. What the hell happened to you?”
“Oh God, Vic I don’t even know where to begin” I sighed a tear rolling down my cheek.
He slid up to sit on the edge of his seat, using his free hand to wipe the tear away that fell. “What about starting with why you left? I think I deserve to know that much” He said with pain in his voice.
“Do you remember that day I had snapped on you, saying that I wanted some type of commitment from you or nothing at all? I wanted a title, not just to be the girl you were friends with who you fooled around with. I wanted more than that, and when I told you, you didn’t talk to me for two weeks. I had already been thinking about moving, My hours had gotten cut at work, I wasn’t enjoying it or the people anymore. I got offered a job in North Carolina , and they had made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. Full time hours, a pay increase for moving out there and amazing health insurance. So I took it. And I ran away from my problems like I always do. Instead of trying to talk to you again I just ran. I felt I had ruined everything like I always do and didn’t want to deal with the consequences of it. I was scared.” I shrugged at the end unsure of how he was going to react. I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes, realizing I had made a terrible mistake of leaving.
“I regret ever leaving that day. That arguments we had, it tore me up. I couldn’t believe that I had let things get that bad and I couldn’t see how much you were hurting because of my stupidity. I pushed you away, and I’m very aware of that. And I am so eternally sorry for that. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”
“I don’t hate you Vic.” I sighed playing with the cross that hung from my neck that he had given me ten years ago. I never took it off, I never would either. “I could never hate you Vic.” I choked out as a few more tears fell out. I quickly wiped them away as he reached out pushing a stray hair that had fallen out of my bun.
“What the ever living hell happened to you out there? You’re so different. And not just lookswise, you’re so damaged that it shows in everything you do. You flinch away at the slightest touch, Letty, please what happened?” He pleaded. It was at this point that I couldn’t stop at just a few tears rolling out, it felt like a river was flowing out from eyes.
“You’re going to be so disappointed in me, Vic”
“I could never be disappointed in you Letty. Just tell me, please.”
I inhaled a deep breath, picking up my cigarettes and lighting one blowing the smoke away from Vic’s face. I slumped in the chair trying to collect myself and my thoughts, wondering where to begin with all of this. I exhaled a large cloud of smoke and turned my head back to Vic.
“I was so miserable, all the time. I dreaded going home. I was always hoping to get out late, or someone would call out so I could work longer so I didn’t have to go home. I started dating this guy, his name was Danny. We dated for about two and a half years before we moved in together. Things were great at first, we got along great, his family loved me. Everyone constantly said we were perfect together. And I believed it for a while” I cringed as I remembered the first time he hit me, still able to feel the sing to this day. “About two months after we moved in together he started changing. He was angry all the time, nothing was ever good enough for him. We got into a fight because I had gotten stuck on a late job at work and he didn’t believe me. I left work two hours late, I was in the middle of working a traumatic cardiac arrest, and trying to intubate the patient. I had blood and vomit all over my shirt, it was a fucking mess. He was a mess, so many broken bones, but I had a shot at saving this kid’s life. He was only a year older than me. When I finally got home, in scrubs from the ER because my entire uniform was ruined all I wanted was a bath, a glass of wine and to go to bed. But when I walked into the house he started screaming at me for not answering his thirty seven phone calls or twenty two text messages. He then questioned why I was in hospital scrubs and when I tried to tell him he called me a liar and slapped me across the face.” I watched Vic’s face turn from concern to anger as he tried to keep himself calm. I took another long drag of my cigarette, exhaling slowly before I continued. “I was in shock, I didn’t know what to do. He apologized profusely of course. And it didn’t happen again for a few months. I walked on eggshells around him, making sure not to do anything to piss him off. But one night he had been drinking, quite a bit of the heavy stuff and when I came home from work about forty five minutes late, he freaked out again. But this time it was worse. And it got worse every time. I ended up in the hospital because he threw me down the stairs.” Vic was slowly being unable to keep himself calm. “Vic it only gets worse from here” I choked out noticing his anger.
“I’ll be okay. But are you okay? This is a lot to talk about” He asked of course more concerned about how upset I was getting from talking about it than the anger that he was feeling. I nodded in response taking another deep breath forcing myself to calm down. Telling him was a lot harder than I thought.
“After about three more trips to the hospital, and unable to find any way out because he dropped me off at work and picked me up, I really thought there was only one way out. I was going to overdose on my antidepressants, sleeping pills and wash it down with some Jack Daniels. I had cut myself so much that you couldn’t tell if I had any skin left that wasn’t touched from that fucking razor. My plan was working great, I was so close to death I could taste it. But he came home early and found me passed out in the bathtub. He was the one talking to me, but I couldn’t hear him. All I could hear was your voice and how disappointed I knew you’d be when you found out. He sounded like he actually cared about me. But I knew better than that. I was out for three days, when I woke up I was alone, even though it was the middle of visiting hours. I pushed the call button, I needed water and more pain meds. The doctor, three nurses and a couple of aids came rushing in. They were shocked I woke up. The doctor didn’t think I would ever wake up, being stuck in a vegetable like state for the rest of my life. The doctor asked me a bunch of questions, if I was suicidal, why I was suicidal, why I did it that way. I ended up telling him about what had been going on for the past few years. He said because I admitted to being suicidal, he had to send me to a psych facility, but made sure he found the best one that I’d be able to get a good support system out of and get the hell out of there. He kept his word, I was out of there in two and a half weeks, but the support system wasn’t the greatest.” I sighed picking up my cigarettes, lighting another one.
“Are you okay?” Vic asked wiping away the tears that fell down my cheek.
I exhaled deeply, turning to look at him, “I’m alright. I just get so mad at myself for letting things get so bad. For letting it go so far. For letting myself do that to myself. God I was so selfish. I never thought about how it would have affected Dad, or Austin or Mike. Or even you,” I sighed. “All that mattered to me was getting out of the situation I was in. I barely got to talk to Mike, or Austin, fuck even my own father because he was such a controlling fuck. I always made up excuses that I was busy at work when really I was sitting at home with him and he wouldn’t let me answer the phone. He always thought Mike was more than just my friend. That was another night of trying to run and hide from him. But nothing ever worked, that month I was in the hospital and psych ward was the most peaceful month of my life.” I sighed feeling myself start to shake from the memories that were continuing to flood back to me. “It doesn’t get any easier to talk about. Maybe one day it will, but not yet”
“Is that it?” Vic asked wanting to know how much worse it could get.
“God I wish” I managed to stifle a laugh, “Things were okay for about a year. But I was still depressed, I still cut. I was still miserable. I just wish I would have thought to leave sooner. I just got so fed up of dealing with him, that I couldn’t do it anymore. Mike had called me one day telling me that you guys were going on tour with Austin and the rest of the guys and that you were going to be playing twenty minutes from me. And that was when I knew it was time to come home. I knew I couldn’t stay any longer. If I did I was going to end up dead, and I don’t think it would have been from another suicide attempt. He was getting more violent with each day that passed and I couldn’t handle it anymore, I was nowhere near as strong as I used to be, I wasn’t allowed to go to the gym, I couldn’t drive, I could only hang out with friends once a month. He controlled every aspect of my life. I think what drove me the craziest was that everyone believed it. All the bullshit lies I was able to come up with for yet another bruise, or scratch or broken bone. Nobody questioned it. I was alone, trapped inside of my mind. The only thing I had was music to get me through it all. I don’t think I’d still be here if it wasn’t for that. I don’t even want to go back to work because of all the terrible memories I have from Carolina. It hurts just to think about it. All I can keep thinking is what if people know about it over here? What if he went around the company bad mouthing me and making me seem like some horrible, terrible person and that he’s the victim?” It killed to know it was a possibility but I knew better than to think he hadn’t done it. He was manipulative enough that it could work. “The only reason Dad and Austin don’t know is because he changed himself to my emergency contact in the hospital and I was too terrified to call and say anything. I was so paranoid that he had a recording or something on the phone. I felt like a God damn drug dealer with a pay as you go phone in my locker at work. I called my dad as soon as I hung up with Mike and gave him the phone call he had been waiting seven years to get. I wanted to come home, a girl needs her dad” I laughed “And now, here I am, seven years later exactly where I started”
Vic stood up to sit on the table in front of me, “I’m so sorry for everything that happened to you.” He started as he lifted my chin up to look at him. “God, Letty I wish I never let you go. I always regretted letting you just leave like that, I always will. Nothing is ever going to make what happened to you okay.” I could hear the anger growing in his voice as he pushed back his hair with his left hand, using his right to take mine. “There is nothing more I wish I could do than stop you from leaving seven years ago. I doubt Mike told you, but I asked him about you all the time. I knew you still talked to him, you’re like the sister he never got. Which is kind of weird to say now that I said it out loud actually. Sounds pretty messed up” He laughed causing me to manage a small giggle. “What I mean is that you two have always been close, so close that I was afraid that you were going to deny me those ten years ago at the beach.” He smiled.
“Oh my God, you remember that?” I laughed as I recalled the day once again.
“Of course I do.” He smiled again, “I could never forget that day. You had the balls that I didn’t.” He laughed. “Seems like you still do. I was afraid you weren’t going to call me today.”
“Austin had to pep talk me into it, I was terrified to be honest” I said quietly.
“Why?” He asked pushing back a few strands of hair behind my ear.
“I had no idea how this was going to go. And I’m terrified of the unknown.” I shrugged.
He stood up quickly, reaching his left hand out waiting for me to take it, “Where are we going?” I asked hesitantly.
“Just come with me Letty. Allow the unknown to happen sometimes. It’s worth it” He smiled grabbing my hand, “All you have to do is stand up”
I pushed my chair out as I stood up following him into the house, and out the front door. Which he left unlocked now.
“Vic, really. Where are we going?” I asked again.
“Just trust me Scarlett, if you never trusted me before, or never will again. Just this once, please?” He asked, begging with his chocolate brown eyes.
I nodded in response following him down the road, my hand still in his. I knew the path we were taking, we were going to the beach. A place I hadn’t been in a very long time.
We reached the sand where we both took our shoes off and continued walking down the beach, his hand still firmly holding onto mine. I’m not sure if it was because he thought I was going to run, or if he needed the confidence that I had always given him.
To most people, a beach is a beach. All the sand is the same, the water the same. Not many landmarks on an area that is so easily changed by weather, animals, and humans. But to me, I always had a spot I came, laid out a towel and sat. I would read, tan, listen to music all in the same spot. It was just far back enough that I didn’t have to adjust my position when the tide came in, and the same spot I would lay and tan. In that spot, set up was a towel with an umbrella to the right and a small navy blue folding chair next to the towel. Exactly how I always set up my spot.
“Vic, what is this?” I questioned.
“So, when you called, I was at the studio. But I had just finished up. And I’ve had this idea that when you came back, I’d take you here and make things right. I also didn’t think you would have avoided me for three weeks, but I can’t blame you. You were angry and I know seeing me when you weren’t expecting to threw a huge wrench in your plan. But I have to say, I was definitely not expecting to see you back here. I had given up on the idea that you would ever come back. I figured you had found someone and were super happy with them and out being a super paramedic couple saving the world one person at a time. Tonight, has shown me that obviously that was not the case.” He stopped to take a breath, “So when you called, I knew it was the perfect time to do this. I never forgave myself for letting you walk out of my life so easily, and don’t try to tell me any differently. I know I did, and I’ll never forget how shitty I felt when the realization hit me that you weren’t coming back. But I want you to know I never forgot about you like you thought I did.” I went to protest but he stopped me before I could, “I know you thought that Scarlett. I heard you and Mike talking one night. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but it’s hard not to when you hear your own name” He smiled as he noticed I knew when he was talking about. “Come sit” He said sitting down on the towel, patting the empty space across from him on the towel. I did, sitting cross legged on the towel inhaling the scent of the ocean as I closed my eyes enjoying the moment. He took both of my hands in his as I lowered my head back to look at him.
“Scarlett, I have to tell you something” He smiled as he scooted closer to me.
“What’s that Vic?” I asked unsure of where this could go. My life had been full of enough surprises the past few years, I never expected anything anymore.
“Oh man, this isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.” He exhaled deeply. “I love you Scarlett Olivia Aurora Carlile.” He stated with more certainty than I had ever heard anyone speak. I was in complete shock, it being the last thing I expected from him. “I knew you were something else from the day I met you, and I will always thank my brother for befriending you” He laughed, “You probably think this is absolutely ridiculous that the first time you talk to me I decide to pour my heart and soul out to you, but I wasn’t sure how tonight was going to go either. Either I do it now or never, and I couldn’t live with myself if I chose never and knowing that things could have gone differently once again, and I don’t want you to ever leave again. I completely understand if you don’t feel the same because I mean it’s been seven years and a lot has happened since then, or if you even still care” He continued on, I raised my left pointer finger to his lips to quiet him,.
“You’re ranting” I laughed as I took my hand away. He opened his mouth to speak again, but I quieted him once more. “Vic, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamed this scenario. And before you start letting that mind of yours wander to think I hate you, I don’t.” I sighed uncrossing my legs moving closer to him placing each leg over his crossed ones. “For the record, I love you too.” I smiled as I heard an audible breath escape his mouth. I giggled softly to myself as I now made it my turn to hold his face in my hands, “We sound like some cliché love story, but I’ve always loved you, and that’s why I got so angry about it. I felt like I was the only one fighting, and that you couldn’t make up your mind. And I should have respected that. You were busy trying to make music, the one thing you love the most with your three best friends. I was busy being a typical girl who wanted answers and wanted them when I asked for them. I’m sorry for pushing you away Vic, because I made a huge mistake. But at least you got some pretty great songs out of it.” I laughed as his cheeks turned red.
“I see you noticed that” he laughed.
“Yea, I did. If a girl doesn’t realize when a song was written about her she doesn’t deserve one.” I laughed looking at him as he hung his head down. I wasn’t sure what had come over me, when he looked at me I leaned in and kissed him. I wasn’t sure what I had expected to happen, but I was surprised when he kissed back taking control and laying me back down on the towel without breaking the moment. It wasn’t a sexual kiss, but one filled with passion, longing and most importantly, the love I had missed for all those years.
He pulled away first, taking a deep breath and he adjusted himself to lay next to me, pulling me onto his chest. “I missed you so much Scarlett. I will never let anything happen to you.” He said holding me tight, “Assuming, that is what you want.” He said quietly.
I sat up, leaning on my right arm to look him, face to face. “Victor Vincent Fuentes, I don’t think there is anything else I would rather have to look forward to” I smiled at him. He sat up, using his right hand to trace from my hair line to my chin and smiled.
“I love you, Scarlett.” He said kissing me.
“I love you, Vic.” I smiled as we laid back down on the towel watching the sunset over the beach. I never expected tonight to go as it did, but ten years was worth the wait.

Notes

And here it is folks! I had to do some tweaking to this one, it was a super hard chapter for me to write. I've based Vic's personality off of someone I had in my life that I lost much too soon. This year makes seven years that he took himself to suicide and he was the one to introduce me to Pierce the Veil, I thought it was only fitting I base one of my protagonists on the man who stole my heart so young. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter because I am very pleased as to how this ended up coming out.

Please don't stay silent readers, thank you to those who comment after every chapter. You're amazing! <3