I walked out to the backyard where Vic was sitting by the pool. I walked over handing him a beer and sitting on the chair beside him putting my sunglasses back down over my eyes as I played with the sapphire black band ring on my left ring finger. Before I got comfortable I turned my body to face him as I watched him adjust himself to do the same. He shot me a smile I returned as I reached down beside my chair on the side he couldn’t see.
“Babe I have something for you” I said picking it up and turning back to him.
“What? What for? Did I forget something?” He asked panicked.
I laughed at his urgency and confusion, “No, I just felt like it” I smiled handing him the bag.
“It’s kinda heavy” he laughed, “Nothing’s going to bite me right?”
“No dummy” I laughed, “Now just open it already!” I yelled at him anxiously.
“Hmm, maybe I’ll wait then little miss anxious” he laughed.
“Don’t you dare!” I laughed sitting up on my chair as he did the same beginning to remove the tissue paper. My heart began to beat faster, unsure how he would react. Inside were two pairs of baby converse, one blue pair and one pink. I was pregnant and couldn’t think of a better way to tell him.
He pulled out the rest of the tissue paper and his eyes went wide. “Letty…what does this mean?” He asked pulling both pairs out, a huge smile on his face.
“Vic, I’m pregnant” I smiled as he put them back in the bag standing up and holding his hand out to help me up. He pulled me into a huge as I felt the smile grow bigger with each second that passed.
“Really?” He asked me holding my face in his hands pulling my sunglasses off my face.
“Really, really.” I smiled at him. He kissed me anxiously and with so much love. I returned the kiss knowing that this is exactly what I wanted for the rest of my life.

I shot up from my sleep and when I realized it had just been a dream I felt myself sadden and subconsciously slid my right arm over my stomach as a tear rolled down my face. I rolled over pulling my pillow back over my face. It felt like a jackhammer was working triple time in my head, all I wanted was to go back to sleep after the terrible idea of Jack Daniels Fire Whiskey shots. The thought of it made me want to throw up.
I pulled my pillow off my face looking at the time, it was three thirty and I heard people upstairs.
“AUSTIN!” I yelled hoping he would hear me.

“WHAT?!” he yelled back from the top of the stairs it sounded like.

“COFFEE!” I demanded pulling my pillow back over my head.

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs a few minutes later and buried myself into my bed even more, not thinking it was possible. The door opened and I felt someone jump on top of me, “Scarlett!” I heard Mike yell, he was entirely too sober for me right now.

“Go away Michael!” I yelled pulling the blanket over me even more.

“Here’s your coffee Scar” I heard Austin say as he walked into the room. I sat straight up craving the delicious nectar and drank half in one shot.

“I need a shower” I said after almost gagging from the smell that came from me. It was a mix of sweat, beer, liquor and cigarettes and it was disgusting.

“You smell like a brewery” Austin laughed.

“That’s from my flannel” I croaked out realizing I didn’t have much of a voice. “Tino accidently spilled his beer on me” I laughed remembering, as a sharp pain went through my head. “One of you go in the closet, there’s a box on the top shelf can you give it to me?” I asked. Mike got up to get it placing it next to me on the bed as I examined my right arm trying to see how my veins were today. I found one along my forearm and set everything up, placing the tourniquet on my arm and sliding the IV in with ease as Mike and Austin stared. I connected the bag of saline and handed it to Mike telling him to put it on the hook behind my bed.

“What on earth did you just do to yourself?” Austin asked confused.

“I’m hungover, which really means I’m dehydrated which means I need fluid. And Zofran. I need Zofran too” I said feeling the nausea begin to hit me as I looked in the box for my bottle of Zofran popping one under my tongue.

“is this normal?” Mike asked.

“For you, probably not. But this is how we don’t deal with hangovers in my job” I laughed “I’ll be fine in about an hour or so” I said sipping my coffee and reaching for my glasses.

“So, you gonna talk to Vic today?” Austin asked me

“You’re going to talk to Vic?” Mike asked feigning confusion.

“Don’t pull that Mike, you’re as obvious as an open book” I scoffed at him. “But yeah, I was planning on it anyway. I was also planning on being up by two but that didn’t work out.” I laughed

“Well this will” Austin stated ending my laugh, “I’m serious Scarlett. You can’t do this anymore”

“I know Austin. Let me just get ready to be a functioning human being, I cannot go outside of this room or talk to anyone looking like this right now.”

He nodded walking out leaving me and Mike, who also had a face to give me without saying anything.

“What’s the face for Fuentes?” I asked laying back against my headboard.

“When are you going to tell Austin?” he questioned

“After he sees his cardiologist. He has an appointment in a few days. I’ll tell him once I know his heart is okay and he can handle it”

Mike nodded letting it drop and I closed my eyes recalling the dream I had just woken up from. I felt a smile crawl across my face as Mike shoved me to make sure I was still awake.

“What are you all smiles about over there Scar?” he laughed poking me in the side.

“I had a good dream last night” I smiled.

“What was it?” he asked being nosey.

“It’s bad luck to tell someone your dream before breakfast”

“Scarlett it’s almost four o clock” he laughed

“It’s still breakfast for me” I laughed getting up disconnecting the line I had running for myself.

“Jesus Scarlett, you yell at me for not wearing pants and now you’re not!”

“Why do you think I had you get the box for me when Austin was in here!” I laughed smacking the back of his head and walking into my bathroom to take a shower.
When I got out I changed into black jean shorts a blue tank top and slid on flip flops. I brushed my hair, throwing it into a bun and walked upstairs with my cigarettes, phone and most importantly empty coffee cup. I walked into the kitchen putting everything on the counter and making another cup of coffee. I walked outside to sit down with my coffee and a
cigarette, pulling Vic’s name up on my phone.

“He still has the same number” Mike said from behind me causing me to jump up.

“You can’t do that to me Mike! Jesus fucking Christ!” I yelled trying to relax again.

“Well, I just figured I’d tell you.” He said sitting down across from me. I sipped my coffee glaring at him. “He was going to call you before, but I told him to let you call him”

I nodded unsure as to how this was going to go. “I have no idea what to say to him Mike. You had to force it out of me” I chuckled as I took a deep breath.

“Just ask him if he wants to meet up and talk, you promised him that you would talk and you’re keeping your word about it”

I nodded once more taking a sip of my coffee and drag of my cigarette. “Here goes nothing” I mumbled hitting the call button.

It rang three and a half times before he answered, “Hello?” He said, I guess he didn’t have my number.

“Hey Vic, it’s Scarlett” I managed to shake out.

“Hey Scarlett” he said, the shock thick in his voice. It was still weird to hear him use my full name, he never did.

“So uh, remember how I said we’d talk? Just not last night?”

“Yea, I remember. Is this you keeping true to that?”

“Yea, yea I am” I said hearing my voice get shakier, “Are you around today?”

“I’m in the studio right now, I’ll probably be done in about an hour. Is that okay?”

“Yea, that’s fine with me”

“Alright, I’ll call you when I’m on my way home from here. Do you want to just come over to the house?” he asked unsure.

“Yea that sounds good. I’ll see you then”

“Alright then, I’ll see you in a little bit. Hey, uh, Scarlett?”

“Yea Vic?”

“I’m glad you called. I was afraid you wouldn’t”

“Makes two of us Vic” I chuckled.

I heard him laugh, “Alright, I’ll see you soon then. Bye Letty.” He said, I could hear the smile in his voice was laced with worry and fear.

“Bye Vic” I said hanging up the phone and putting it back down on the table. I continued drinking my coffee digesting the phone call I just finished. I was actually going to talk to Vic. Nearly three weeks later and I was finally facing what was probably my biggest fear here in California. I just needed to remind myself that we both needed the closure, if not anything else.

Mike and I sat outside talking as I stared at my phone waiting for it to ring with Vic telling me that he was leaving the studio.

“Stop staring at it Scarlett” Mike scolded.

“I’m really nervous Mike” I said as my phone went off with a text.

Vic: Hey, I’m leaving the studio now. Should be home in twenty
Me: Okay sounds good

“Was that him?” Mike asked looking at my phone.

I nodded in response, “I’m afraid how this is going to go” I said lighting a cigarette. “I know we both need the closure because obviously I missed something if he referred to me as his ex girlfriend. People don’t just do that because they feel like it” I laughed nervously.

“Well maybe that will be answered when you guys are talking everything else out.” He as if he were stating the obvious. “Are you going to tell him about that piece of shit?” Mike asked. He never referred to Danny by name, I couldn’t blame him.


“I don’t exactly have a choice Mike” I shrugged. “Last night I went to walk away and when he grabbed my arm he felt a few scars. Not something I can exactly avoid when they weren’t there while I was home before I left. I just don’t know how to tell him. It was hard to tell you! And you’re my best friend for fucks sake” I laughed.

“You’ll figure it out. You always do. I have faith in you” He smiled standing up.

“Where you going?” I asked hoping he wasn’t going home.

“As far from my house as possible. I don’t want to be there to hear you two bang each other’s brains out” He smirked

“OH well aren’t you funny Michael”

“I’ve got jokes for days Scarlett” He laughed, “I have a lady date myself” He smirked

“ugh ew. Okay, good bye Mike” I stood up to give him a hug.

“I love you Scar, it’s all going to be fine.” He said hugging me and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Love you Mikey! Use protection!” I yelled as he flipped me off while he walked out of the yard.

I looked at the time to see it had been about fifteen minutes, perfect time to light another cigarette and prepare myself for this conversation. I wasn’t sure exactly how it would go, but I was hoping for closure, at the worst.

As I walked into the house I saw Vic pull in the driveway and knew it was time for me to go. My head was saying to go, but my body wasn’t reacting. I was paralyzed with fear and felt a panic attack coming on. It started to take over, my hands stuck in the position they were in five minutes ago, my breathing short, choppy and quick.

You wanted this, Scarlett. Now get the fuck over yourself and over to that house you know so well. Things can only get better from here. You won’t be afraid to see him anymore. Stop letting this shit control you.

I let out a few deep breaths to control my breathing and managed to move from the living room and out the door. I walked across the street and up the stairs to the front door, knocking on it. Vic was the only one who ever locked it. The door opened, revealing Vic standing in his usual skinny jeans, gray button up and backwards hat.

“Hey” he said with an awkward smile. “I figured you’d just walk in” he laughed.

“I figured the door was locked, you’re the only one who locks it” I shrugged feeling like I had already fucked it up.

“Some things will never change” he smiled. “Come inside already would you?” He laughed stepping to the side to let me in. I left all my negative thoughts at the door realizing this was something I should have done a long time ago.

Notes