The Life and Lies of The How-To Manual

The next day I was blind and could barely talk. I could barely say a word. It took all my willpower to actually force the words from my mouth.

I will admit it. I cried.

I cried.

And I cried.

I had lost my power to say anything. I felt so helpless and weak. I cried because I couldn’t see those who I loved and who loved me. I couldn’t talk and tell them that I loved them. I could barely move to give them a hug. I was just a lump with a half-beating heart and a dim mind.

And I kept crying.

Tony and Autumn came to myself early in the afternoon. We talked. Well, they talked. They told me how everyone was doing. I nodded and shook my head, smiling a little on the occasion. It was all I ever really could do now.

“We’re going to get a puppy soon.”

“It was supposed to be a Christmas surprise!” Autumn chuckled.

“Well, I kept begging her for one and even though Christmas was two weeks away, we’ve decided that one of our presents to each other. We have a cute little bulldog puppy picked out. His name is Bub and we’re going to adopt him mid-January.” Tony explained with a smile. I nearly started crying again, trying to imagine them with a little puppy running around their house.

“Cute.” I managed out eventually. Tony patted my leg and Autumn squeezed my hand. I was so lucky to have my best friend here by my side.

They kept on talking as if nothing was wrong. The hour passed by and eventually they went to go leave and eat dinner. I was alone yet again. Dr. Cameron and Dr. Chase walked into my room, changed my IV and walked out.

I was still lonely.

The IV and the new dose of meds kicked in. They were supposed to help with a blood clot that could be impeding my vision. Maybe they would give me a few more hours to see outside the window, into the night, into the meteor shower.

The door slid open sometime later. I’m not sure how much later it was, but there was the familiar smell that he brought into the room. Jaime.

I opened my eyes, seeing blurry colors but grinning. At least I could see. After a moment of him getting adjusted and sitting down, my sight started to clear up. I reached out, slowly, so slowly because I was in so much pain and could barely move, but I touched his cheek. He held my hand against his jaw, closing his eyes. I knew I would remember this sensation for a long time.

“Hey, how are you?” He asked. I nodded, shrugging slightly.

“Good.” I managed out, feeling dizzy after exhausting my energy to say one word.

“You look better. The boys wanted to come see you, but Vic needed some sleep and the others were outside waiting in the lobby. I had to convince the nurse to let me back in here again.”

I smiled. Himes had a way with words, that was for sure.

I saw him fidget nervously before he took a deep breath. He held my hand between his as I looked at him curiously.

“Did you sleep well today?”

I nodded.

“That’s good.”

More awkwardness. Something was up.

I must’ve closed my eyes or passed out for half a second because soon enough, my hand was dropped and he was fishing for something in his pocket. I squinted to see it clearly.

Jaime stood up, his hands clasped behind his back, holding something in there. I searched for his eyes, locking onto those two familiar brown orbs that I loved so much.

“Willow, do you remember when we met the very first time?”

I nodded.

“I remember you played the marimba so well and I just had to hear more. You’re an amazing, talented, beautiful, and hilarious girl that I’ve had the pleasure of being with for so long. I know I’ve been an butt-queef and have been stubborn a lot, but you’ve stuck with me. I can’t tell you how lucky I am to be with someone so dedicated and inspiring as you. MD, you struggle with this day in and day out, I can see that, but you have the courage to go on and fight this horrible disease. I could never be as brave as you.”

I blushed and looked down slightly before looking back to him. He had gotten on one knee beside the bed.

“Willow Caston, you’re the love of my life, the one I want to be with forever. I can’t imagine a world without you. Please, will you marry me?”

Tears flooded to the rims of my eyes. I lifted my left hand, covering my mouth, nodding.

“Yes, Jaime, yes!” I managed to croak out. Jaime exploded into grins as he reached up, placing a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring on my right ring finger.

He reached up, hugging me tightly. I smiled, kissing the little hollow behind his ear. He reached up and place another tender kiss on my lips as held my hand.

“I’ll always be yours.” He whispered. I nodded.

“And…the…same.” I responded after exhausted efforts. He kissed my forehead, placing little box on my beside stand.

“Get some sleep. I have to go before the nurse kicks me out. I’ll be out in the lobby.” He whispered. I smiled.

“I love you.”

I made a little heart with my hands. I could speak no more.
The next day, I had a swarm of people come and tell me their congratulations. I couldn’t see anything anymore. The meds had stopped working, but I kept on pretending I was alright.

I could barely speak. In fact, I didn’t say anything until late at night when Jaime came up to spend alone time with me again. That was okay. I was saving my few words for him.

Alex and Jack were super excited. Jack kept on hugging me and would lay in the bed next to me petting my hair, just normal bus antics moved onto a hospital bed. Rian and Zack made me pictures that I felt with my hands. The rough crayon marks made my fingers swim over the page.

Oh, and then there was my mom, who was crying over her ‘little baby girl growing up and getting engaged’. I calmed her down the best I could, but that job mostly went to Autumn to help me out here.

And her, yeah, my best friend. She was all for the wedding. She was talking dresses, explaining the different types of cake, possible venues, and anything else that crossed her mind. I loved her to death. She was always so helpful.

It was finally at night when I got a chance to hang out with my fiancée alone. He just sighed and turned on the TV. Everything felt…normal for once. He cuddled up with me on the hospital bed, his arm around my shoulder. I could feel his familiar warmth heat up what was left of my hope.

Jaime gave me new hope and new strength. I’d move on and kick this cruel fate’s butt, showing what a strong person I am.

It was when he left, promising to return later in the morning, that everything took a turn for the worse.

It was Dr. Cameron who walked in. I could tell by the way she walked, the sound of her footsteps. At least being blind heightened all your other senses.

My hands nervously flipped against the pages of the how-to manual sitting on my lap. I was tempted to fill the last page about getting married, but I didn’t. Something had been stopping me all this time.

“Willow, we have some news.”

I raised my head to show my acknowledgment of her presence.

“The last few test results came back. They were inconclusive. The meds have stopped working and whatever has been affecting your brain has spread to cover all of it. We’re going to try to add a different medication, but it’s just to ease the pain. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing else we can do.”

A tear slid out of my eye.

“Time?” I whispered, feeling my throat ache at the words.

“A day.” She said. I heard her sit down as I let the tears slide down my thin cheeks. Of course, only a day.

I only had a day and a half engagement. What would Jaime do to find his soon-to-be-wife dead a day later?

No, he said that I always had his love. And he will always have mine.

“Don’t…tell…” I gasped, the words barely making a sound.

“If that’s what you want.” She responded, patting my wrist tenderly.

I nodded.

She walked out.

A day. A day for them to get their last goodbyes.

Notes