The Life and Lies of The How-To Manual

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of coffee tingling at my nose. I sniffed a little. The bus was slowing to a halt somewhere. My lazy mind was a little behind in the entire process so I had no clue what was going on. The others were rushing around and I was just lying like a rock.

“Come on, Ding!” Autumn hauled me to my feet. I yawned again and pushed myself back down onto the couch, flopping my legs out and throwing a pillow over my head. Five more minutes, please!

“You asshat, come on! Weenie, go out and face the day!” She yelled. I punched her in the thigh and she yelped, landing into Tony.

“Fine, but we’re having guests and I can guarantee he’ll sit on you!” Autumn growled. I perked up at that. Wait, him!? I shot up like bullet out of a gun and bolted for the back lounge, but a certain Mike Fuentes stopped me.

“Ding!” I yelped.

“Come on, MD! I’ll protect you.” Mike chuckled. I squealed harder at the thought of Mike “attempting” to protect me. He had the attention span of a squirrel.

“Jaime!” I yelled. Jaime came rushing out.

“I was summoned?” He asked.

“Jaime!” I yelped again as Mike threw me over his shoulder. I squealed, getting a little dizzy. Mike set me down, only for Jaime to pick me up. I held onto his shirt like it was a life raft.

“Come on, MD. He’s just screwing around.” Jaime let me down, holding my wrists like handcuffs. I shrieked and pulled away. I glanced out at where we were. The sign on a large terminal was labeled Arizona International Airport. I paused long enough to hear four voices outside the bus. Vic popped up from the bathroom. Tony was sitting in the driver’s side, silently cursing at a middle aged man who wore a polka dot sweater.

In the heat of June.

These people.

Just. These. People.

“Why is there a footprint on the door?” A hushed voice asked outside the door. I squealed at the recognition and made a frantic dash for the back lounge. Jaime held me close. Autumn poked my face.

“Ding.” I growled at her. She giggled. Tony smiled to her as he walked to the door.

“Come on, let’s be good to our friends.” He chuckled lightly. I shook my head as he opened the door.

“Jack! Alex! Rian! Zack!” Tony greeted them as he let the All Time Low boys in. Jack set his bag down along with the others next to a couch. His brilliant eyes held a malevolent gleam in it.

I mean, he’s one of my best friends and all (Shh…don’t tell Autumn that), but he knows my greatest weakness: I am very ticklish.

“Hey, MD.” Jack beamed. Jaime pinned my arms behind me as I squeezed my eyes shut. Alex, Rian, and Zack were all giving hugs to everyone else. That Barakat boy had his eyes on me.

“Ding!” I yelped as he stepped forward and tazered my side. I bit my lip as I withheld a long laugh. Jaime let go of me as I choked on my own happiness. I attempted to push him away, but I was caught. His smirk grew wider as he laughed loudly with the others.

We were so caught up in our little ritual of trying to poke and tickle each other that we didn’t notice Alex come up behind Jack. The man’s best friend grabbed his arms.

“Now, MD!” Alex yelled and I attacked Jack, aiming for the spot that always made him laugh. It was right between his ribs and stomach, just in the middle. I gently tickled him which made the man scream like a girl. Eventually he begged mercy.

“OKAY OKAY!” Jack yelled. I tilted my head as he struggled in Alex’s grasp.

“Ding?” I asked him, waiting for the word.

“I’m done! I’m done! Mercy!” He yelped as I poked him one last time. Alex finally let him go, his brown eyes ablaze in the joy of the moment. Jack gave me a tight hug.

How had this started? How this be normal? Why was Jaime not jealous?

It all started at a concert, only a year ago.

It was a year after I met PTV. They invited us to a concert with All Time Low. After their set time, it was PTV’s turn and ATL. I was waiting backstage for them to be done. It all started when Jack came up and poked my side. Autumn was next to me. She’s super protective about other guys come up and talking to me. Most guys try talking to me, figure out my speech impediment, and then begin to make fun of me or walk away with a look of disgust. Autumn has become my personal bodyguard against those asshats. She, ahem, removes the problem…

Have you ever heard of little Johnny? Yeah, I didn’t think so…

Anyhow, Jack came up to me and poke my side. I leapt up, nearly letting out a loud shriek. Hey! It tickled! Autumn got into defense mode and looked like she was about to rip a new hole in Jack. The man looked pretty scared.

“Hey! I just wanted to talk to the pretty girl.” Jack raised his hands in defense. I blushed but looked at Autumn. She glared daggers into Jack’s bushy eyebrows.

“She has a boyfriend, excuuuuse me!” She drew out. I slapped her arm. I don’t think she really knew who she was talking to. I mean, it was pretty dark back here.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Hey, I did see you with Jaime earlier, didn’t I?” He looked at me. I sent a panicked glance at Autumn. I was still in that little spot in time where I was still in shock I got to talk to other band members.

“Yeah, and it’s going to stay that way. Now, I would move along before I rip another butthole in your throat-“ I cut her off before she could go into more gory details. Jack had visibly paled in the dim light. He slowly backed off, avoiding eye contact, and not feeding the wild Autumn.

I slapped her arm and glared at her. The I’m-going-to-rip-you-a-new-ass impression wasn’t a great first impression.

Running after Jack, I caught up with him and jabbed his ribs. He squeaked and whirled around. I grinned and danced back to Autumn. Jack just winked and that was the beginning of a great friendship.

“Hey we should totally do that!” Vic laughed. I was snapped out of my little memory as Jack waved his hand in front of my face.

“Earth to Dinger, do you copy?” He asked. I rolled my eyes but nodded. Everyone had taken seats on the couches as Tony started up the bus. He honked the horn as we pulled out of the airport terminal.

“Vic was saying we should party tonight.” Jaime whispered to me. I put my head in my hands. Vic plus beer plus Jack and Alex plus everyone equals oh, calamity!

“For sure!” Rian agreed. Tony gasped loudly.

“Pillow fights!?” He asked. Autumn grinned into the side mirrors.

“As usual.” Mike nodded. I looked confused, along with Jack, Alex, and the rest of ATL.

“Oh, you need to experience a drunken pillow fight. Let’s say that Turtle and Autumn make a deadly team.” Jaime muttered to us. My eyes widened. I mean, violence was increased with alcohol and Autumn was a naturally violent person…

“And Hide and See!” Autumn chuckled.

“And if you thought pillow fights were bad…” Mike yawned. Jack poked me but I was too scared to feel it.

Notes