Somebody's Supposed to Fall In Love
Chapter Fourteen: Don't Fear the Reaper
“Nix…” An extremely gentle voice called. What a lovely voice it was- frighteningly familiar.
The voice sounded so strong but broken- so warm but cheerless. It didn’t take long for me to figure out I couldn’t open my eyes- I was much too weak. I had a faint understanding of my surroundings though. My hand was still carelessly lying on the cold tile bathroom floor and my neck ached from the uncomfortable angle my head was laying. My legs were straight out and spread apart and I was slouching against the cabinet still. I felt my hand lifted from the ground and into someone’s warm grasp.
“Nix,” that damn voice called again, stronger. I wanted to yell- to scream for it to go away. All I wanted was to be left alone. I could feel myself so close to escaping this world; I felt to so close to death that it was morbidly exciting.
“Phoenix!” the voice sobbed. Placid water droplets fell onto my limp hand. The sobbing became louder and my curiosity began to rise.
Who is this? Is this even real…?
Shaky arms lifted me from the ground bridal style. Whoever or whatever this was, was sprinting out of my house. My head was bobbing and my arms hung loosely.
What’s going on? Is this what death is like..?
The drops of water kept falling and one landed at the corner of my eye, falling down my cheek. Whoever was carrying me chocked on their own sob and began to move faster.
Tired, my mind began to slow and my senses shut down.
Maybe…Maybe when I wake up I get to see Mommy and Daddy…
“Dammit Phoenix.”
My head shot up and I spotted Phe walking out of the shadows, her shirt tattered and her eyes swollen. I took in a sharp breath; I’m in this damn place again. I looked just as I did when I passed out; a black silk bra and blood-speckled skinny jeans. The blood on my arm was still running and I was surprised I didn’t feel the slightest bit of fatigue.
“I can’t believe you,” she snarled.
“I was tired!” I cried, frustrated.
“So you throw it all away!?”
I paused to think, “Why not...? I didn’t matter to anyone-not even myself. I didn’t want to live tortured by my own thoughts and insecurities anymore!”
“Are you that blind?”
I gasped. What does she mean?
“They love you so much. You just refuse to see it!”
“Shut up!”
“They want nothing more for you to be happy and to stop shutting them out! Can’t you see that?!”
I clutched my head as the all too familiar red throbbing of the surrounding walls pulsed erratically. Unlike last time, Phe didn’t comfort me; she stepped closer and shouted even louder.
“You doing that to yourself was so self-centered and irresponsibly impulsive!” She shouted, waving her fist. The pain became worse and my breathing became shallower.
“You can’t just break bonds like that- Nothing but heartbreak is guaranteed!”
Gasping for air, I tried to slow the red throbbing and the walls faded to a glowing white and the grey specks reappeared.
“You…you don’t have a say in what I do with my body. You were spawned from pain- the reason for your creation is a part of the reason I want to die!”
Phe’s snarl dropped and she looked genuinely saddened.
“But I’m not the direct motivation behind your actions and you know it. You’re taking the ‘easy’ way out- you don’t want to face you’re problems and you’re teetering on the border that separates life and death.”
I was breathing heavily still and struggled with responding.
“What…What if all I want is to die? No one seems…to understand that. How can they ask me to stay somewhere I’m...not happy?! Isn’t that just as unfair?!”
Phe shook her head at me, the headphones around her neck laid against the pale skin covering her collar bones.
“You felt it didn’t you?” she whispered.
Clear confusion rang through my lack of a response.
“You felt him rush you out of that house, right?”
So…that was someone I knew?
She looked confusedly at my disappointed frown, “Who- or what- did you think it was?”
“I dunno,” I admitted. “Who was it?”
She scoffed, “Who do you think it was?”
Impatient and regaining my strength, I snapped at her.
“Just tell me! I don’t feel like playing guessing games with you.”
“You shouldn’t have to guess!” she yelled back, yanking her headphones from around her neck. Phe tossed the wireless device to me and I snatched it from the air. She gave me a look that clearly read put them on.
Wary, I put them over my head and waited for something to happen. The slow beep of a heart monitor was the first thing I heard and it was made quite obvious where my unconscious body was.
The hospital…I’m in a hospital.
“Keep listening,” Phe mumbled.
Grudgingly, I closed my eyes and focused.
“Phoenix…I’m so sorry,” a voice whispered. It was hoarse and pained, barely above a whisper.
My eyelids immediately pulled open and my lips parted.
“I didn’t mean anything I did…I was just…I was just confused and stupid- so fucking stupid,” the voice sobbed.
My chest felt like it caved in and I fell to my knees.
That voice.
The voice I hadn’t heard speak to me in months.
Vic.
“I should’ve known better,” he cried. “I knew you cut- I knew you were struggling with depression!”
I felt hot tears spill from my eyes but my face was straight, I remained intently focused on his voice and desperately hung off his every word.
“But I was lost and didn’t want anything to do with you- I couldn’t stand the sight of you,” he admitted.
“I was selfish,” he declared, “I knew I meant a lot to you and I knew you depended on me but…I fucked it all up and I just…I’m sorry...I’m so sorry…”
Vic was openly sobbing and continued to repeat those two words and my heart broke each and every time. I slowly pulled the earphones off and my eyes looked off at something that wasn’t there. Phe appeared by my side and slowly helped me to my feet.
“…How do I get back?” I chocked, my eyes still staring beyond and into the infinite white and grey.
“Same thing as last time...except…” she hesitated.
I looked at Phe with desperate eyes, willing her to continue.
“You have to want to live, Phoenix. Not for Vic, not for Jaime, not for Mike, not for Tony…But for you.”
"If I can't?" I whispered, unable to deny the shadow of doubt that swallowed up my heart.
She looked down, "...You'll die within the next three days."
The voice sounded so strong but broken- so warm but cheerless. It didn’t take long for me to figure out I couldn’t open my eyes- I was much too weak. I had a faint understanding of my surroundings though. My hand was still carelessly lying on the cold tile bathroom floor and my neck ached from the uncomfortable angle my head was laying. My legs were straight out and spread apart and I was slouching against the cabinet still. I felt my hand lifted from the ground and into someone’s warm grasp.
“Nix,” that damn voice called again, stronger. I wanted to yell- to scream for it to go away. All I wanted was to be left alone. I could feel myself so close to escaping this world; I felt to so close to death that it was morbidly exciting.
“Phoenix!” the voice sobbed. Placid water droplets fell onto my limp hand. The sobbing became louder and my curiosity began to rise.
Who is this? Is this even real…?
Shaky arms lifted me from the ground bridal style. Whoever or whatever this was, was sprinting out of my house. My head was bobbing and my arms hung loosely.
What’s going on? Is this what death is like..?
The drops of water kept falling and one landed at the corner of my eye, falling down my cheek. Whoever was carrying me chocked on their own sob and began to move faster.
Tired, my mind began to slow and my senses shut down.
Maybe…Maybe when I wake up I get to see Mommy and Daddy…
“Dammit Phoenix.”
My head shot up and I spotted Phe walking out of the shadows, her shirt tattered and her eyes swollen. I took in a sharp breath; I’m in this damn place again. I looked just as I did when I passed out; a black silk bra and blood-speckled skinny jeans. The blood on my arm was still running and I was surprised I didn’t feel the slightest bit of fatigue.
“I can’t believe you,” she snarled.
“I was tired!” I cried, frustrated.
“So you throw it all away!?”
I paused to think, “Why not...? I didn’t matter to anyone-not even myself. I didn’t want to live tortured by my own thoughts and insecurities anymore!”
“Are you that blind?”
I gasped. What does she mean?
“They love you so much. You just refuse to see it!”
“Shut up!”
“They want nothing more for you to be happy and to stop shutting them out! Can’t you see that?!”
I clutched my head as the all too familiar red throbbing of the surrounding walls pulsed erratically. Unlike last time, Phe didn’t comfort me; she stepped closer and shouted even louder.
“You doing that to yourself was so self-centered and irresponsibly impulsive!” She shouted, waving her fist. The pain became worse and my breathing became shallower.
“You can’t just break bonds like that- Nothing but heartbreak is guaranteed!”
Gasping for air, I tried to slow the red throbbing and the walls faded to a glowing white and the grey specks reappeared.
“You…you don’t have a say in what I do with my body. You were spawned from pain- the reason for your creation is a part of the reason I want to die!”
Phe’s snarl dropped and she looked genuinely saddened.
“But I’m not the direct motivation behind your actions and you know it. You’re taking the ‘easy’ way out- you don’t want to face you’re problems and you’re teetering on the border that separates life and death.”
I was breathing heavily still and struggled with responding.
“What…What if all I want is to die? No one seems…to understand that. How can they ask me to stay somewhere I’m...not happy?! Isn’t that just as unfair?!”
Phe shook her head at me, the headphones around her neck laid against the pale skin covering her collar bones.
“You felt it didn’t you?” she whispered.
Clear confusion rang through my lack of a response.
“You felt him rush you out of that house, right?”
So…that was someone I knew?
She looked confusedly at my disappointed frown, “Who- or what- did you think it was?”
“I dunno,” I admitted. “Who was it?”
She scoffed, “Who do you think it was?”
Impatient and regaining my strength, I snapped at her.
“Just tell me! I don’t feel like playing guessing games with you.”
“You shouldn’t have to guess!” she yelled back, yanking her headphones from around her neck. Phe tossed the wireless device to me and I snatched it from the air. She gave me a look that clearly read put them on.
Wary, I put them over my head and waited for something to happen. The slow beep of a heart monitor was the first thing I heard and it was made quite obvious where my unconscious body was.
The hospital…I’m in a hospital.
“Keep listening,” Phe mumbled.
Grudgingly, I closed my eyes and focused.
“Phoenix…I’m so sorry,” a voice whispered. It was hoarse and pained, barely above a whisper.
My eyelids immediately pulled open and my lips parted.
“I didn’t mean anything I did…I was just…I was just confused and stupid- so fucking stupid,” the voice sobbed.
My chest felt like it caved in and I fell to my knees.
That voice.
The voice I hadn’t heard speak to me in months.
Vic.
“I should’ve known better,” he cried. “I knew you cut- I knew you were struggling with depression!”
I felt hot tears spill from my eyes but my face was straight, I remained intently focused on his voice and desperately hung off his every word.
“But I was lost and didn’t want anything to do with you- I couldn’t stand the sight of you,” he admitted.
“I was selfish,” he declared, “I knew I meant a lot to you and I knew you depended on me but…I fucked it all up and I just…I’m sorry...I’m so sorry…”
Vic was openly sobbing and continued to repeat those two words and my heart broke each and every time. I slowly pulled the earphones off and my eyes looked off at something that wasn’t there. Phe appeared by my side and slowly helped me to my feet.
“…How do I get back?” I chocked, my eyes still staring beyond and into the infinite white and grey.
“Same thing as last time...except…” she hesitated.
I looked at Phe with desperate eyes, willing her to continue.
“You have to want to live, Phoenix. Not for Vic, not for Jaime, not for Mike, not for Tony…But for you.”
"If I can't?" I whispered, unable to deny the shadow of doubt that swallowed up my heart.
She looked down, "...You'll die within the next three days."
Notes
I have school tomorrow and weekdays are always hell so I decided to update early ;-; Im sure you don't mind c: Subscribe, Vote, Comment, Rate and all that jazz~Topic of the Day: How do you feel about the requirements/consequences to wake up? Comment!
Hey guys its me, R.W. I broke my laptop (yes the new one I just freaking got) and got it back 2 days ago. I've tried signing in with my google account and its not allowing me to! So I made a new one with my tumblr in hopes of getting some help. Is there anyway I can get my account back? Or transfer my story? I'd be devastated if I lost access to everything.
If I do, have to start over I will rewrite this story. I read through it before I broke my computer and I feel that there is a difference in "skill" when you read chapter 1 vs. chapter 41. It's very cringy actually.SO, IF THERE'S NO SOLUTION, I may just make serious revisions via copy+paste ==> microsoft word, edit and post it on the account I am currently posting this comment with. Thanks for reading through this and I'd appreciate help if you know anything! Comment or message me with tips and suggestions please!
6/4/15