I Breathe You In With Smoke.
Wake Me Up And Let Me Know You're Alive.
The heart monitor that was in the same room as me, it was steady for now, but it still terrified me.
It would get really fast or really slow.
It was a normal pace when it was just me in the room, then there were some times it would get a little slower, only speeding back up when the guys would talk to her or visit.
I've been listening to it for so long. I'd lost track of how long I'd been here.
I refused to leave, to sleep. Jaime and Tony somehow were able to stay, and before I could stop myself, I blurted out that I was Jasmine's sister. I couldn't leave, be almost 3 hours away from her. No.
Just wake up. We can go back to the way it was. Before I left when we would talk about everything for hours behind the guys' backs everyday. You telling me your modeling stories, and listening to you laugh or babble on about Amelia.
Don't let this be it. Not the end, not yet. I just got back, you can't leave ME now. please.
"Is there any new news on when she's gonna wake up?" Tony looked up at the short, blonde nurse who still towered over everyone as they were all seated in the uncomfortable chairs.
After everything going on, Tony's voice still had the angelic ring to it, which would've made me smile, if it weren't for either of the circumstances.
The nurse sighed before she spoke.
"No. I'm so sorry. Nothing has changed since the last time we ran tests." She sighed again then left the room, closing the door behind her.
Nothing made sense to me anymore. Nothing seemed the same.
Nothing seemed real. It was like a out of body experience.
I felt numb ever since it happened.
I haven't talked, I haven't left the hospital room. Vic or Tony either.
Even though everyone was in the hospital room with me, i made no eye contact or any sort or acknowledgement that they were there. They'd hug me, but I did nothing in return.
Most of the time, i didn't know who was in the room with me until they spoke.
Tony would sometimes hold my hand, lightly rubbing it.
I knew it was his by the way it felt against mine.
The roughness of his fingers from playing guitar, but yet, at the same time so soft.
Then there was that stupid spark that never left.
Everytime he touched me I felt it.
I hated it, but I was too tired from my lack of sleep that I never had the energy to pull away So I just let him hold it, a tear silently falling from my closed eyes.
All I'd known was that it was only a matter of days, and she was only getting worse.
Maybe if i fall asleep for alittle, She would be up by the time I woke.
But I was never able to fall asleep and she was never able wake up.
She seemed almost dead, doing absolutely nothing but breathe.
Breathing. That's it.
Not even on her own. She would stop breathing when she was breathing on her own, so now she's back on a ventilator.
I heard Tony quietly sniffle beside me, still holding my hand. I know he's crying, and I want to comfort him, but I can't bring myself to look at him. I know it'll make me cry.
"She needs to wake up. Everyone here needs her.."
I heard more sniffles and sobs from everyone else in the room.
That's all I wanted. I wanted her to see her beautiful child, to talk, move, something to let us know that she was still in there, but all I could do was keep my head down and eyes closed, hand latched onto hers.
The door opened and quiet footsteps made their way into the middle of the room.
"I hate to tell you guys this... But hours are over. We're going to do more tests tonight then tomorrow, bright and early you can come back. We'll call if anything in the tests change."
"My, come on.."
I couldn't speak.
I felt so numb, I barely noticed them.
But what i did notice, was Tony's hand leaving mine.
My hand felt cold and empty but I wasn't going to say anything to him.
"Please. Please let me stay tonight..."
I heard no reply from the nurse, but felt the familiar warmth and spark back in my left hand again.
Before i knew it, I was finally sleeping. Wishing for a dream filled night, but got nothing.
What felt like 30 minutes later, the sun started to shine through the white mesh curtains which slowly started to wake me out of my dreamless sleep. I heard low mumbles from everyone.
I tried to close my hand, it felt like I hadn't cracked my knuckles in forever which caused them to be extremely sore, but i failed doing so when i realized Tony was still holding my hand.
Was he here all night with me? How was he allowed?
"Mya? Baby!" Tony squeezed my hand.
Sleep. I just wanted sleep, but I couldn't help but feel my heart race at how he called be 'baby'.
"Hm?" Was all i could manage.
I was so tired. My first night of sleep and he interrupts it...
"She's waking up!"
His words made my heart flutter as my eyes shoot open as leaned up straight.
JAS?!?!
It would get really fast or really slow.
It was a normal pace when it was just me in the room, then there were some times it would get a little slower, only speeding back up when the guys would talk to her or visit.
I've been listening to it for so long. I'd lost track of how long I'd been here.
I refused to leave, to sleep. Jaime and Tony somehow were able to stay, and before I could stop myself, I blurted out that I was Jasmine's sister. I couldn't leave, be almost 3 hours away from her. No.
Just wake up. We can go back to the way it was. Before I left when we would talk about everything for hours behind the guys' backs everyday. You telling me your modeling stories, and listening to you laugh or babble on about Amelia.
Don't let this be it. Not the end, not yet. I just got back, you can't leave ME now. please.
"Is there any new news on when she's gonna wake up?" Tony looked up at the short, blonde nurse who still towered over everyone as they were all seated in the uncomfortable chairs.
After everything going on, Tony's voice still had the angelic ring to it, which would've made me smile, if it weren't for either of the circumstances.
The nurse sighed before she spoke.
"No. I'm so sorry. Nothing has changed since the last time we ran tests." She sighed again then left the room, closing the door behind her.
Nothing made sense to me anymore. Nothing seemed the same.
Nothing seemed real. It was like a out of body experience.
I felt numb ever since it happened.
I haven't talked, I haven't left the hospital room. Vic or Tony either.
Even though everyone was in the hospital room with me, i made no eye contact or any sort or acknowledgement that they were there. They'd hug me, but I did nothing in return.
Most of the time, i didn't know who was in the room with me until they spoke.
Tony would sometimes hold my hand, lightly rubbing it.
I knew it was his by the way it felt against mine.
The roughness of his fingers from playing guitar, but yet, at the same time so soft.
Then there was that stupid spark that never left.
Everytime he touched me I felt it.
I hated it, but I was too tired from my lack of sleep that I never had the energy to pull away So I just let him hold it, a tear silently falling from my closed eyes.
All I'd known was that it was only a matter of days, and she was only getting worse.
Maybe if i fall asleep for alittle, She would be up by the time I woke.
But I was never able to fall asleep and she was never able wake up.
She seemed almost dead, doing absolutely nothing but breathe.
Breathing. That's it.
Not even on her own. She would stop breathing when she was breathing on her own, so now she's back on a ventilator.
I heard Tony quietly sniffle beside me, still holding my hand. I know he's crying, and I want to comfort him, but I can't bring myself to look at him. I know it'll make me cry.
"She needs to wake up. Everyone here needs her.."
I heard more sniffles and sobs from everyone else in the room.
That's all I wanted. I wanted her to see her beautiful child, to talk, move, something to let us know that she was still in there, but all I could do was keep my head down and eyes closed, hand latched onto hers.
The door opened and quiet footsteps made their way into the middle of the room.
"I hate to tell you guys this... But hours are over. We're going to do more tests tonight then tomorrow, bright and early you can come back. We'll call if anything in the tests change."
"My, come on.."
I couldn't speak.
I felt so numb, I barely noticed them.
But what i did notice, was Tony's hand leaving mine.
My hand felt cold and empty but I wasn't going to say anything to him.
"Please. Please let me stay tonight..."
I heard no reply from the nurse, but felt the familiar warmth and spark back in my left hand again.
Before i knew it, I was finally sleeping. Wishing for a dream filled night, but got nothing.
What felt like 30 minutes later, the sun started to shine through the white mesh curtains which slowly started to wake me out of my dreamless sleep. I heard low mumbles from everyone.
I tried to close my hand, it felt like I hadn't cracked my knuckles in forever which caused them to be extremely sore, but i failed doing so when i realized Tony was still holding my hand.
Was he here all night with me? How was he allowed?
"Mya? Baby!" Tony squeezed my hand.
Sleep. I just wanted sleep, but I couldn't help but feel my heart race at how he called be 'baby'.
"Hm?" Was all i could manage.
I was so tired. My first night of sleep and he interrupts it...
"She's waking up!"
His words made my heart flutter as my eyes shoot open as leaned up straight.
JAS?!?!
Notes
AH!IS JASMINE GONNA WAKE UP?!?!?!?! ^.^
Sorry this was more of a "Thought oriented" Kinda chapter.
I'm determined to finish this tonight.. So.. >:D
Love ya!
Cass
sequel pleeeease :D
5/14/14