I Breathe You In With Smoke.
This Love Was Out Of Control, Where Did It Go?
"So, you gonna get back with Mr. Cutie?" Rachel giggled as we both stood in front of the wall mirror, doing our hair.
"Oh my God, Rach. I hate you." I mumbled, grabbing one of her bobby pins and placing it in my hair.
"Just askin'. Geez, so hostile."
"I don't know, I mean... maybe? There's just still alot holding me back."
"Well, come on. That shit is always going to be in the back of your mind, but you can't let that hold you back, y'know? You love him?" I looked down and nodded.
"I love them all..."
"Then stop overthinking." She said, dousing her hair in hair spray. "I get where your coming from sweetie, but it's over with. If it's not, then you have them to protect you if those assholes ever make their way back to you. I'm sure they can hold their own, especially if they're fighting to protect you." My phone started ringing and I walked over to the bed, seeing a familiar number light up the screen.
"Hey Himes."
"Ah! HI MYAAAA!" Rachel turned around and shook her head.
"I can hear him all the way over here." She whispered. That's Jaime for ya.
"Hiya."
"Come over!"
"Work."
"Then... We come to you?"
"No, stop it. You guys are going to be bankrupt if you want to drive to see me everyday." I laughed.
"Worth it..."
"Thanks big bro, but I don't think either one of us has gas to waste..."
"Oh, go see 'em. I'll pick up your tables." Rach told me. My jaw dropped and I put my phone to my shoulder.
"What? No.. I have to have my half of rent on the table in a week and-"
"Sh, shut up. I got it. I can't do this all the time, so look at it as a blessing and have fun." She winked.
"B-But you're taking the car.."
"HELLO?!" I heard Jaime scream. Rachel's eyes flickered to the phone and I put it up to my ear.
"Hey, sorry. Hold on."
"I'll drive you, call in late or some shit."
"That's way too much trouble.."
"Do you want to go or not?" She huffed.
"W-well..."
"Change into something cute and be at the car in 5 minutes." She said with a smirk, grabbing her purse and walking out the door.
"Himes?"
"Mhm?"
"When do you want me over?"
"WHAT?! YES! NOW!" I shook my head and smiled.
"Okay, I'm at your front door."
"Very funny. Just hurry up, I miss ya."
"Okay, okay."
"Love you!" He screamed.
"Love you too." I told him before I hung up the phone. I quickly changed out of my uniform and headed to the car.
"Ready?"
"Yep. Hey, thanks for doing this." She smiled, giving a slight nod as we pulled out and began our drive to San Diego.
"Alright." She said as she put the car in park. "I can't pick you up, unless I absolutely have to. Your boyfriend didn't fill up my tank like I'd asked him to." I rolled my eyes.
"Sorry."
"Yeah, yeah. Go enjoy yourself, darling. That smile looks good on ya." I blushed and looked at my lap, opening the car door and jumping out. She blew me a kiss as I closed the door and I waved, watching her pull away. I walked up, my eyes widening at the sound of screaming and glass shattering. I didn't hesitate to run in, thinking it was Kevin, memories flashing back at the screaming match the day that Jaime had rescued me.
"THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT!" Mike walked out and ran to me.
"You probably shouldn't be here." He said.
"What? Why? Who-"
"YOU KNOW WHAT?! FUCK YOU SARAH!"
More glass shattering.
"Tony?" I fought against Mike's grip. "Mike, let me go!"
"We're leaving." He told me.
"NO!" I screamed and shoved him off. He reached for my wrist, but it just barely slipped his grip as I took off up the stairs, the screaming loud and clear now.
"I FUCKING TOLD YOU! WE WERE A MISTAKE! WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT?!" Without thinking, I opened the door.
His room was a wreck. Holes in the wall, broken glass scatter the floor, some of the posters were ripped, and quickly tossed items were broken on the floor.
"OH, SO THIS IS THE HOME WRECKER?!"
"Mya..." Tony whispered.
"W-what's going on?"
"What's going on?! WHAT'S FUCKING GOING ON IS YOU FUCKING RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP, YOU FUCKING WHORE!" Tony ran over and grabbed her wrist as she picked up a lamp. I gasped and backed away.
"Don't fucking touch her. Get out of my house."
"You're just gonna throw 6 months away over this tramp?!"
"W-Wait... six months?"
"No.. M-"
"You cheated on me?"
"NO!"
"YES! DON'T FUCKING LIE!"
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Tony screamed at her. She rolled her eyes and shoved her way past me.
"Enjoy my sloppy seconds." She spat and slammed the door. I stood there shaking as tears streamed down my face.
He wouldn't... right?
But he did.
He wiped some blood off of his lip and walked over to me.
"My's..."
"N-No... d-d-don't t-touch me."
"Please, I-I-"
"Were you?"
"N-No I just... No."
"You just what? You did didn't you. You fucking did."
"It's complicated. You gotta believe me."
"This is what I get for giving you a second chance?" I sobbed. He went to wrap his arms around me, but I shoved him off, hearing glass crunch beneath his feet as he stumbled back.
"I should've never trusted you. You're a fucking cheater. Just like my father."
Did I just say that? Oh no.
" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING MYA!? I'M NOWHERE NEAR YOUR FUCKING FATHER! UNLIKE HIM, I CARE IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU! I NEVER LEFT YOU! YOU LEFT ME! I ONLY TRY TO FUCKING HELP YOU!"
"What, so now you wanna fight with ME? I don't need a fucking babysitter!"
"...Yeah, I used to think until you tried to ki-"
"SHUT UP, DAMMIT!" I screamed, now only crying out of anger.
"I don't need my past thrown up in my face every time i have a conversation with someone that knows about it! I know I know I fucked up! You think i can forget it!? Every time I look down, I'm reminded of what I've done and what i felt that night! I don't need it from you or from anybody else!" I screamed and shoved him.
"FUCK YOU TONY! HOW COULD YOU!" I shoved him again. He stayed silent, letting me do the damage.
What was I doing? What have I become? Laying hands on the person that I... No.
He went to far this time.
"How the hell do you tell someone you love them and fight for them to stay with you, and then turn around and fuck them over by cheating on them?! I thought I meant more to you then a simple fuck! But no! You just wanted to get your dick wet!" I backed away from him and slid to the floor, barely capable of taking a deep breath before a sob escaped my throat.
"I-I'm so sorry." I felt him kneel down and try to hold me, but I shoved him off.
"SORRY MEANS NOTHING! SAYING ONE FUCKING WORD WON'T TAKE BACK WHAT YOU DID!" I shook my head and got to my feet. I went to walk out until he pushed me against the door, pinning me.
"I AM SORRY! I FUCKED UP! I SCREWED SOME BITCH WHO MEANT NOTHING TO ME! I KNOW! BUT I HAVE THE BALLS TO TRY AND GET YOU BACK 'CAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU!"
"Tony! Get off me! I hate you!"
"You have to believe me!"
"It's too late, I'm tired of being everyone's fucking door mat." I choked out, eyes bloodshot and stinging with tears.
"Welcome back, right?" I scoffed, shoving him off and stomping out the door. I heard footsteps pound behind me.
"TONY FUCKING-" I whipped around to find Mike.
"Whoa, hey..." He mumbled, wrapping me in a hug. I fell limp and cried into his shirt.
"He cheated on me, Mike."
"I didn't know, I swear. I'm gonna fucking kill him, but I think we both need to take a walk right now and cool off.." I sniffled and nodded, leaning into Mike as we walked.
"Wanna go see Jas?" I nodded again.
"The other guys are over there, do you want me to tell-"
"N-No.."
"Babe, they're gonna know something's up."
"I don't care. You don't tell them." He hesitantly nodded and lit a cigarette.
"Can I have one?" He looked down at me and blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth.
"Smoking kills."
"We live to die." He smiled a little and nodded, handing me his cigarette and lighting another one for himself as we walked.
We walked into Jas' apartment to hear crying. I sighed and walked into her bedroom where Vic was.
"Hey babe." He told me. I waved.
"She okay?"
"Horrible stomach pains." He frowned as he rubbed her back. She wiped her tears and grabbed her stomach.
"It hurts so....b-bad." She choked out. I grabbed her hand and sat on the edge of the bed to see Jaime come back with a glass of water for Jasmine.
"Hey My's... Sorry a-"
"I get it." I said and looked over at Jas as she cried into Vic's shoulder.
"Is it normal for it to be this bad?" I whispered. Everyone shrugged.
"Is Tony still with Sarah?" Vic asked Mike.
"Oh God, Sarah.. Worst 4 months of my life just listening to her whine about the stupidest shit." Jaime mumbled. "Thank God he has you b-"
"Okay, Jaime.." Mike cut him off, running his hand across his throat quickly to tell him to stop.
"Wha-WHAt happened?" Jas asked.
"Excuse me." I whispered, trying to walk out of the room until Jaime grabbed my shoulders.
"My, why are you crying? Did he fucking hurt you?!"
"Jaime.. Please. What's done is done."
"What'd he do? Did he hit you? I swear to God-" Vic started.
"Stop okay? Jas doesn't need to hear us fight and I certainly don't want this either. He cheated on me, it's over with."
"He WHAT?!" They both screamed.
"N-No.. Tony Wouldn't.." Jas told me.
"He admitted it. Been dating her for 6 months." I whispered, wiping my tears.
I was so fucking sick of crying. I had cried more in 2 days than I had in the time I was gone... And that's saying something.
"Mike, can you take me home?"
"My's.. We still want you here."
"... Not today." They all nodded in understanding.
"We'll deal with him, I promise. Nobody's going to ever hurt you again." Jaime told me as he wrapped me in a hug.
"I'm used to it." I whispered and and pulled away, walking over and giving Jas a kiss on her forehead.
"The pain should get better. I love you.." I told her. She nodded and Vic pulled me down into a hug.
"I'm sorry, beautiful.."
"I don't need your pity, Vicky. Thank you, though."
"I love you."
"I love you too. Come on, Mike." He sighed and nodded.
"Here, take mine. Fill it back up though." Vic said, throwing him the keys. Mike nodded and wrapped his arm around me, hopping in Vic's Cadillac and heading home. I closed my eyes and tried to keep my fingers away from my wrist, feeling the urges surface.
They've almost never been so strong before.
This wasn't good...
"Oh my God, Rach. I hate you." I mumbled, grabbing one of her bobby pins and placing it in my hair.
"Just askin'. Geez, so hostile."
"I don't know, I mean... maybe? There's just still alot holding me back."
"Well, come on. That shit is always going to be in the back of your mind, but you can't let that hold you back, y'know? You love him?" I looked down and nodded.
"I love them all..."
"Then stop overthinking." She said, dousing her hair in hair spray. "I get where your coming from sweetie, but it's over with. If it's not, then you have them to protect you if those assholes ever make their way back to you. I'm sure they can hold their own, especially if they're fighting to protect you." My phone started ringing and I walked over to the bed, seeing a familiar number light up the screen.
"Hey Himes."
"Ah! HI MYAAAA!" Rachel turned around and shook her head.
"I can hear him all the way over here." She whispered. That's Jaime for ya.
"Hiya."
"Come over!"
"Work."
"Then... We come to you?"
"No, stop it. You guys are going to be bankrupt if you want to drive to see me everyday." I laughed.
"Worth it..."
"Thanks big bro, but I don't think either one of us has gas to waste..."
"Oh, go see 'em. I'll pick up your tables." Rach told me. My jaw dropped and I put my phone to my shoulder.
"What? No.. I have to have my half of rent on the table in a week and-"
"Sh, shut up. I got it. I can't do this all the time, so look at it as a blessing and have fun." She winked.
"B-But you're taking the car.."
"HELLO?!" I heard Jaime scream. Rachel's eyes flickered to the phone and I put it up to my ear.
"Hey, sorry. Hold on."
"I'll drive you, call in late or some shit."
"That's way too much trouble.."
"Do you want to go or not?" She huffed.
"W-well..."
"Change into something cute and be at the car in 5 minutes." She said with a smirk, grabbing her purse and walking out the door.
"Himes?"
"Mhm?"
"When do you want me over?"
"WHAT?! YES! NOW!" I shook my head and smiled.
"Okay, I'm at your front door."
"Very funny. Just hurry up, I miss ya."
"Okay, okay."
"Love you!" He screamed.
"Love you too." I told him before I hung up the phone. I quickly changed out of my uniform and headed to the car.
"Ready?"
"Yep. Hey, thanks for doing this." She smiled, giving a slight nod as we pulled out and began our drive to San Diego.
"Alright." She said as she put the car in park. "I can't pick you up, unless I absolutely have to. Your boyfriend didn't fill up my tank like I'd asked him to." I rolled my eyes.
"Sorry."
"Yeah, yeah. Go enjoy yourself, darling. That smile looks good on ya." I blushed and looked at my lap, opening the car door and jumping out. She blew me a kiss as I closed the door and I waved, watching her pull away. I walked up, my eyes widening at the sound of screaming and glass shattering. I didn't hesitate to run in, thinking it was Kevin, memories flashing back at the screaming match the day that Jaime had rescued me.
"THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT!" Mike walked out and ran to me.
"You probably shouldn't be here." He said.
"What? Why? Who-"
"YOU KNOW WHAT?! FUCK YOU SARAH!"
More glass shattering.
"Tony?" I fought against Mike's grip. "Mike, let me go!"
"We're leaving." He told me.
"NO!" I screamed and shoved him off. He reached for my wrist, but it just barely slipped his grip as I took off up the stairs, the screaming loud and clear now.
"I FUCKING TOLD YOU! WE WERE A MISTAKE! WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT?!" Without thinking, I opened the door.
His room was a wreck. Holes in the wall, broken glass scatter the floor, some of the posters were ripped, and quickly tossed items were broken on the floor.
"OH, SO THIS IS THE HOME WRECKER?!"
"Mya..." Tony whispered.
"W-what's going on?"
"What's going on?! WHAT'S FUCKING GOING ON IS YOU FUCKING RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP, YOU FUCKING WHORE!" Tony ran over and grabbed her wrist as she picked up a lamp. I gasped and backed away.
"Don't fucking touch her. Get out of my house."
"You're just gonna throw 6 months away over this tramp?!"
"W-Wait... six months?"
"No.. M-"
"You cheated on me?"
"NO!"
"YES! DON'T FUCKING LIE!"
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Tony screamed at her. She rolled her eyes and shoved her way past me.
"Enjoy my sloppy seconds." She spat and slammed the door. I stood there shaking as tears streamed down my face.
He wouldn't... right?
But he did.
He wiped some blood off of his lip and walked over to me.
"My's..."
"N-No... d-d-don't t-touch me."
"Please, I-I-"
"Were you?"
"N-No I just... No."
"You just what? You did didn't you. You fucking did."
"It's complicated. You gotta believe me."
"This is what I get for giving you a second chance?" I sobbed. He went to wrap his arms around me, but I shoved him off, hearing glass crunch beneath his feet as he stumbled back.
"I should've never trusted you. You're a fucking cheater. Just like my father."
Did I just say that? Oh no.
" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING MYA!? I'M NOWHERE NEAR YOUR FUCKING FATHER! UNLIKE HIM, I CARE IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU! I NEVER LEFT YOU! YOU LEFT ME! I ONLY TRY TO FUCKING HELP YOU!"
"What, so now you wanna fight with ME? I don't need a fucking babysitter!"
"...Yeah, I used to think until you tried to ki-"
"SHUT UP, DAMMIT!" I screamed, now only crying out of anger.
"I don't need my past thrown up in my face every time i have a conversation with someone that knows about it! I know I know I fucked up! You think i can forget it!? Every time I look down, I'm reminded of what I've done and what i felt that night! I don't need it from you or from anybody else!" I screamed and shoved him.
"FUCK YOU TONY! HOW COULD YOU!" I shoved him again. He stayed silent, letting me do the damage.
What was I doing? What have I become? Laying hands on the person that I... No.
He went to far this time.
"How the hell do you tell someone you love them and fight for them to stay with you, and then turn around and fuck them over by cheating on them?! I thought I meant more to you then a simple fuck! But no! You just wanted to get your dick wet!" I backed away from him and slid to the floor, barely capable of taking a deep breath before a sob escaped my throat.
"I-I'm so sorry." I felt him kneel down and try to hold me, but I shoved him off.
"SORRY MEANS NOTHING! SAYING ONE FUCKING WORD WON'T TAKE BACK WHAT YOU DID!" I shook my head and got to my feet. I went to walk out until he pushed me against the door, pinning me.
"I AM SORRY! I FUCKED UP! I SCREWED SOME BITCH WHO MEANT NOTHING TO ME! I KNOW! BUT I HAVE THE BALLS TO TRY AND GET YOU BACK 'CAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU!"
"Tony! Get off me! I hate you!"
"You have to believe me!"
"It's too late, I'm tired of being everyone's fucking door mat." I choked out, eyes bloodshot and stinging with tears.
"Welcome back, right?" I scoffed, shoving him off and stomping out the door. I heard footsteps pound behind me.
"TONY FUCKING-" I whipped around to find Mike.
"Whoa, hey..." He mumbled, wrapping me in a hug. I fell limp and cried into his shirt.
"He cheated on me, Mike."
"I didn't know, I swear. I'm gonna fucking kill him, but I think we both need to take a walk right now and cool off.." I sniffled and nodded, leaning into Mike as we walked.
"Wanna go see Jas?" I nodded again.
"The other guys are over there, do you want me to tell-"
"N-No.."
"Babe, they're gonna know something's up."
"I don't care. You don't tell them." He hesitantly nodded and lit a cigarette.
"Can I have one?" He looked down at me and blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth.
"Smoking kills."
"We live to die." He smiled a little and nodded, handing me his cigarette and lighting another one for himself as we walked.
We walked into Jas' apartment to hear crying. I sighed and walked into her bedroom where Vic was.
"Hey babe." He told me. I waved.
"She okay?"
"Horrible stomach pains." He frowned as he rubbed her back. She wiped her tears and grabbed her stomach.
"It hurts so....b-bad." She choked out. I grabbed her hand and sat on the edge of the bed to see Jaime come back with a glass of water for Jasmine.
"Hey My's... Sorry a-"
"I get it." I said and looked over at Jas as she cried into Vic's shoulder.
"Is it normal for it to be this bad?" I whispered. Everyone shrugged.
"Is Tony still with Sarah?" Vic asked Mike.
"Oh God, Sarah.. Worst 4 months of my life just listening to her whine about the stupidest shit." Jaime mumbled. "Thank God he has you b-"
"Okay, Jaime.." Mike cut him off, running his hand across his throat quickly to tell him to stop.
"Wha-WHAt happened?" Jas asked.
"Excuse me." I whispered, trying to walk out of the room until Jaime grabbed my shoulders.
"My, why are you crying? Did he fucking hurt you?!"
"Jaime.. Please. What's done is done."
"What'd he do? Did he hit you? I swear to God-" Vic started.
"Stop okay? Jas doesn't need to hear us fight and I certainly don't want this either. He cheated on me, it's over with."
"He WHAT?!" They both screamed.
"N-No.. Tony Wouldn't.." Jas told me.
"He admitted it. Been dating her for 6 months." I whispered, wiping my tears.
I was so fucking sick of crying. I had cried more in 2 days than I had in the time I was gone... And that's saying something.
"Mike, can you take me home?"
"My's.. We still want you here."
"... Not today." They all nodded in understanding.
"We'll deal with him, I promise. Nobody's going to ever hurt you again." Jaime told me as he wrapped me in a hug.
"I'm used to it." I whispered and and pulled away, walking over and giving Jas a kiss on her forehead.
"The pain should get better. I love you.." I told her. She nodded and Vic pulled me down into a hug.
"I'm sorry, beautiful.."
"I don't need your pity, Vicky. Thank you, though."
"I love you."
"I love you too. Come on, Mike." He sighed and nodded.
"Here, take mine. Fill it back up though." Vic said, throwing him the keys. Mike nodded and wrapped his arm around me, hopping in Vic's Cadillac and heading home. I closed my eyes and tried to keep my fingers away from my wrist, feeling the urges surface.
They've almost never been so strong before.
This wasn't good...
Notes
Hey<3We decided to put in this filler because as we wrap this story up, the chapters may be a little on the shorter side... so yeah.
SO JAS IS HAVING THE BABY NEXT chapter. Haha sorry. xD
So... This fight and stuff, it's all going to make sense in the end, so bare with me.
2-3 more chapters left, thanks for reading<3
-Crys
sequel pleeeease :D
5/14/14