I Am Not Alright, and I Would Rather
You Lost That Right, To Hold That Crown
I bit my lip as Cam led me down the hall to the other room. I tried not to get too freaked out, but how can I not? It's been six years, since I left Tony without a proper goodbye... If I were him I'd hate me...
"Mike calm down," Cam said as we reached the door, "It's going to be ok. Shit might be awkward, but it won't last forever. You just need to man up and face him already."
I nodded and sighed, trying my best to calm myself. He was right; yes it would be awkward at first. But, we can move past that, right? It's only awkward if you make it, right? So I just won't make it. Yeah, that works. I'll just act casual, I won't avoid him, but I won't make a huge effort. I'll leave it up to him, that sounds good.
Cam gently knocked on the door, muttering something about not having a key. A few seconds later the door opened to reveal Jaime. He smiled widely when he saw me.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he exclaimed, pulling me into a big hug.
I chuckled and hugged him back, "Anything for my Hime!"
He laughed and released me, pulling me into the hotel room. Cam followed us in and closed the door. I looked at the room; it was a mirror image of the room I was in with Vic and the others. I noticed someone, Tony, sitting on one of the couches. His arms were crossed a crossed his chest. I noticed that his neck was tattooed and his ears were stretched. (A/N I know he sewed them up so just don't) I bit my lip as his eyes met mine, he instantly looked away, saying nothing.
He stood up and walked over, putting his hands in his pockets. He moved Jaime out of the way and stood right in front of me, his face showed no emotion. I felt my heart beat faster, what is he going to do?
"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice was cold and distant.
"Filling in for Matt I guess," I said, trying to shrug it off.
"No," he said, his voice harsher than before, "What are you doing in San Diego? No one wants you here."
I bit my lip and looked down, unsure of what to say. Vic and Jaime want me here, right? I mean, Jaime sent me an invitation, he asked me to come. He wouldn't of done that if he didn't want me, right?
But what if this was some cruel, cruel joke. Let me back into their lives and kick me out again. I don't see them doing something that mean, but, it's been six years, so I don't know. Maybe I should just leave, go back to Maine. Forget I ever tried to make it up to them.
"Tone chill," Jaime said, “If we didn't want him he wouldn't be here. I invited him, he wanted to come, so he came. End of story."
Tony rolled his eyes, "Just like that? After six years of nothing?! I wasted two years looking for him, crying for him, and for what? Him to come back out of the blue after one fucking invitation!?" He was yelling by the last question.
His words stung, but I think I understand his anger. I left him without a word, it wasn't fair at all, I understand that.
"I'm sorry Tony," I said sheepishly, avoiding his eyes, "What I did wasn't fair..."
"Yeah you're right!" he yelled, "It was selfish of you! You were supposed to love me like I loved you! We were supposed to be happy together! But you fucking ruined everything! You broke my fucking heart! You have no idea what I went through!"
"What did you go through Tone?" I asked gently, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me.
"Why should I tell you?" he snapped, "You lost the right to expect an answer to that question! It's none of your business anymore!"
Something inside of me snapped and I started yelling at him, "Well sorry I had to what was best for me! Sorry I wanted to get better before I went over the fucking edge and killed myself! You weren't the only heart broken one you know that? I didn't want to leave you, but I fucking had too! I'm sorry that I loved you so much more than you ever knew!"
He gritted his teeth before whispering, "I don't want your fucking apologies..."
"Then why are attacking me?" I demand. This situation was making me unnecessarily angry, yelling at him probably didn't help too much. And I do deserve his anger, but I can't help but yell back at him, even though he doesn't deserve it. He just has a way of bringing out all of my emotions.
"I need to feel something," he mumbled before running off, possibly into the hotel room bathroom.
I looked up at Jaime, he was biting lip and looking around hastily.
"Hime," I asked, breathing heavily, "What happened?"
He sighed deeply before saying, "You don't want to know Mike. And even if you did, it's not my place to say..."
"Mike calm down," Cam said as we reached the door, "It's going to be ok. Shit might be awkward, but it won't last forever. You just need to man up and face him already."
I nodded and sighed, trying my best to calm myself. He was right; yes it would be awkward at first. But, we can move past that, right? It's only awkward if you make it, right? So I just won't make it. Yeah, that works. I'll just act casual, I won't avoid him, but I won't make a huge effort. I'll leave it up to him, that sounds good.
Cam gently knocked on the door, muttering something about not having a key. A few seconds later the door opened to reveal Jaime. He smiled widely when he saw me.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he exclaimed, pulling me into a big hug.
I chuckled and hugged him back, "Anything for my Hime!"
He laughed and released me, pulling me into the hotel room. Cam followed us in and closed the door. I looked at the room; it was a mirror image of the room I was in with Vic and the others. I noticed someone, Tony, sitting on one of the couches. His arms were crossed a crossed his chest. I noticed that his neck was tattooed and his ears were stretched. (A/N I know he sewed them up so just don't) I bit my lip as his eyes met mine, he instantly looked away, saying nothing.
He stood up and walked over, putting his hands in his pockets. He moved Jaime out of the way and stood right in front of me, his face showed no emotion. I felt my heart beat faster, what is he going to do?
"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice was cold and distant.
"Filling in for Matt I guess," I said, trying to shrug it off.
"No," he said, his voice harsher than before, "What are you doing in San Diego? No one wants you here."
I bit my lip and looked down, unsure of what to say. Vic and Jaime want me here, right? I mean, Jaime sent me an invitation, he asked me to come. He wouldn't of done that if he didn't want me, right?
But what if this was some cruel, cruel joke. Let me back into their lives and kick me out again. I don't see them doing something that mean, but, it's been six years, so I don't know. Maybe I should just leave, go back to Maine. Forget I ever tried to make it up to them.
"Tone chill," Jaime said, “If we didn't want him he wouldn't be here. I invited him, he wanted to come, so he came. End of story."
Tony rolled his eyes, "Just like that? After six years of nothing?! I wasted two years looking for him, crying for him, and for what? Him to come back out of the blue after one fucking invitation!?" He was yelling by the last question.
His words stung, but I think I understand his anger. I left him without a word, it wasn't fair at all, I understand that.
"I'm sorry Tony," I said sheepishly, avoiding his eyes, "What I did wasn't fair..."
"Yeah you're right!" he yelled, "It was selfish of you! You were supposed to love me like I loved you! We were supposed to be happy together! But you fucking ruined everything! You broke my fucking heart! You have no idea what I went through!"
"What did you go through Tone?" I asked gently, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me.
"Why should I tell you?" he snapped, "You lost the right to expect an answer to that question! It's none of your business anymore!"
Something inside of me snapped and I started yelling at him, "Well sorry I had to what was best for me! Sorry I wanted to get better before I went over the fucking edge and killed myself! You weren't the only heart broken one you know that? I didn't want to leave you, but I fucking had too! I'm sorry that I loved you so much more than you ever knew!"
He gritted his teeth before whispering, "I don't want your fucking apologies..."
"Then why are attacking me?" I demand. This situation was making me unnecessarily angry, yelling at him probably didn't help too much. And I do deserve his anger, but I can't help but yell back at him, even though he doesn't deserve it. He just has a way of bringing out all of my emotions.
"I need to feel something," he mumbled before running off, possibly into the hotel room bathroom.
I looked up at Jaime, he was biting lip and looking around hastily.
"Hime," I asked, breathing heavily, "What happened?"
He sighed deeply before saying, "You don't want to know Mike. And even if you did, it's not my place to say..."
Notes
Title Cred: Linkin ParkGuys, I'm a shit updater, I know, I'm sorry. But I got busy yesterday and I just couldn't finish a chapter before going to bed. *Bows head in guilt*
So I have a funny story; So my parents took me to a hibachi grill for my birthday tonight (I'm 16 bitches xD) and the chef was fucking crazy. He threw food at us, squirted alcohol at me and almost set my hair on fire... AWKWARD! But the food was good so it's ok. :D
I fucking loved this story you are a natural talent!!!! :)
2/18/14