I woke up to the sound of groaning coming from beside me. I was taken back for a moment before memories of last night flooded back into my mind.

"Oh shit," I heard Tony say, taking the words right out of my mouth.

I chose to keep my eyes shut as he carefully removed his arm from my chest and untangled our legs. I hadn't noticed that the tingling feeling was still there, until it was gone. When I felt him sit up, I decided it would be a good time to wake up.

I slowly opened my eyes, not expecting the light to hurt as much as it did

"Ah fuck," I groaned, "To bright..."

I heard Tony swallow hard as I opened my eyes all the way and slowly sat up. I wasn't feeling too badly hungover yet, which is pretty good. I guess I was awake for long enough after Tony fell asleep for some of the alcohol to wear off.

I looked over at Tony, he sheepishly turned his head and blushed. Cute. I bit my lip, I'm so done with forcing myself into thinking a certain way. I'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes. Maybe I do believe in love, maybe I don't. Maybe I believe in lust and infatuation. Only time will tell. For now I have to keep an open mind.

"Fuck Mike," Tony whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," I whispered in response, "It's not your fault. Nothing's your fault."

He bit his lip as his face grew redder, "I pretty much jumped you..." he mumbled, still not looking at me.

I exhaled slowly, "Maybe," I said quietly, "But I wasn't complaining and I kind of liked it. So not your fault..."

He bit his lip and finally looked up at me, "This isn't how you're supposed to respond," he said, "You're supposed to be angry at me. You're supposed to yell at me for taking advantage of you. You're not supposed to say you enjoyed it..."

"And why's that?" I question.

"You left me," he murmured.

I swallowed hard and didn't say anything. He's right, I did leave him, but I didn't want too. This is becoming a trend for us, me leaving at the worst possible times and coming back to feel old feelings.

"As much as you said in that note you left me," he continued, "I never understood why you had to leave. So please, enlighten me?"

"It's complicated," I whispered.

"I have time," he said, annoyance lacing his voice, "You owe me an explanation."

I bit my lip, so hard that I tasted blood, "I- Well. You know how bad I was when I left right?" He nodded, "Well my therapist figured out what the problem was, why I was tortured on a daily basis. The thing that triggered me was something I held very close to my heart. Something that I loved. I loved it so much that I was so insecure about losing it, insecure to the point where it happened every time."

I stopped talking, suddenly too embarrassed to tell Tony the rest. It sounds stupid now, but back then it made sense. I'm really insecure about my past, I feel weird opening up to people, even though Tony was there for most of it...

"What was that thing Mike?" Tony asked, "You should've told me, I would've helped you..."

"That's the bad part Tony," I said, "I know you would've helped me, but there's nothing you could've done." I paused for a second to take a breath, "It was you Tony. You were the one that I was insecure about. Looking back on it now, I see that I had no reason to be worried. We were both mutually in love with each other, but for some reason I just couldn't see it."

"Oh," was all Tony said. He looked down at his hands, they were sitting delicately in his lap. It was at that moment I realized we were still naked.

"Do you see why I had to leave now?" I asked, my voice gentle.

He nodded, still looking down, "I didn't know it was my fault," he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Hey now," I said, putting a hand on his bare shoulder, "It's not your fault. It's mine. You were the perfect boyfriend, there's not a thing you could've done to fix or change it. It was all on me."

He nodded slowly, still not looking at me.

"Your turn," I said softly, "Don't think I didn't see your thighs Tony. Tell me why?"

He sighed, "It was bad Mike. When I eventually got help about 2 years ago, I found out that I'd been depressed for years. That's why I was so addicted to self harm the first time we reunited. That's why I went back to it... I couldn't go a day without it. At first it numbed my sadness, but as time went on, I grew numb, numb and alone, and it allowed me to feel something. And even though I've been clean for a year and a half, I'm still painfully numb. But when I saw you, I felt something, that's why I freaked out at you and jumped you a few hours later..."

I looked down, feeling so, so guilty. If I were around, he wouldn't have been so alone, and maybe he wouldn't of been so numb.

"I know what you're thinking Mike," he said knowingly, "Don't you dare blame yourself. Yes, I wouldn't have been alone, but I still would've been depressed. And I'm slowly getting better, I promise."

Wow, he really did know what I was thinking. It made me want to smile, that he can still read me like a book after all this time. I didn't smile though, I couldn't let myself.

"So what now?" I asked after a semi-comfortable silence.

"I don't know," he whispered, "It seems like we pretty much destroyed each other's mental stability..."

I nodded, "It does seem that way..."

"Maybe we should just end things here then," he suggested, "We cause each other so much pain, maybe it would be best to stop this before it becomes something. We won't forget last night though, we'll let it be a reminder to why we can't be a part of each other's lives anymore."

"That sounds like it would be the smart thing to do," I sadly admitted.

"So I won't bother you for the rest of the time you're in San Diego," he said softly.

"And I won't tell you where I go when I leave," I added. Giving him a sad smile, which he returned.

We sat in silence again before I got out of bed and started getting dressed. I felt his eyes traveling my body, I didn't mind though. I just continued to put my suit back on.

When I was fully dressed I took one last look at Tony, he was still sitting on the bed, staring at me. We made eye contact for a moment before he looked away. I walked up to him and gently kissed his forehead.

"Bye Tony," I whispered.

"Bye Mike," I whispered back.

And with that, I turned my back and walked away. I opened the hotel room door and walked out.

The last thing I heard before closing the door was Tony mutter, "When did my life become a Taylor Swift song?"

Notes

Title Cred: Bring Me The Horizon (I was so stubborn about listening to them, but now that I finally have I love them ._.)

Ok, I really like this chapter. Just thought I'd say something.

SINCE YOU GUYS TEND TO ASSUME THINGS I'M JUST GOING TO SAY RIGHT NOW THIS IS NOT THE END!