(Spencer’s POV)


I never got to tell Vic how I really felt about him. Our lives were unfairly torn apart by Death, but I guess it was meant to be. Everything happened for a reason, which sucked because they happened at our expense. Why would life introduce me to these four amazing people just to rip us apart?


The tears that were streaming down my face were like icicles. They were freezing, but they were also cooling on my burning cheeks. The air around me was pleasantly chilly.


I knew I was dead. I wasn’t in “limbo”. This feeling was different than the other near-death situations. I knew I died instantly; I felt no pain. The only pain I felt was regret.


I never intended to get shot. I guess I was naïve and ignorant; if a man is evil enough to kidnap a girl for his sexual pleasure, then surely he would be evil enough to use a gun. But I wasn’t thinking straight. Mike had a gun to his head, and I knew what I did would be enough to save him. There would be no other way. Besides, I was not about to surrender myself to my kidnappers. No, that would be Hell on Earth.


Another icicle tear slithered down my cheek as I thought about how I preferred the Heaven I was in.


My time on Earth, besides the few months of happiness I had with my best friends of Pierce the Veil, was Hell. Drew Sanders, Carlos, the nightmares, the depression, the fires… I was tormented my entire life. It was a shame that as things started to look up for me something terrible had to happen. But I would have no more nightmares anymore. I would have no more worries of falling back into depression or self-harm because I made it to Heaven. I don’t know how I did it, but I was here. And, to be perfectly honest, I was happy.


As happy as I could be without Vic and Jaime and Tony and Mike. My heart broke for them. I didn’t want to leave them, but I knew I had no other choice.


As Death dragged me away, he whispered sweet-nothings into my ear. The other two times he tried to take me I was two busy fighting back to hear what he was saying. But Death was kind to me. He told me that everything was going to be okay.


Death told me to wait here. I have not crossed over completely, yet, because he said I needed to do something, first. I didn’t know what I needed to do, but he promised me that everything was going to be okay. Despite how evil he seemed while I was alive, I realized how kind he was. Death was now my friend. He saved me from my torturous life. Life was my enemy; life was the one who was making terrible things happen to me and my friends. Death was the one who took all the suffering away.


I asked Death if Vic and the other guys would be okay, too, and he said yes. They were all I worried about. I didn’t care about myself; I cared about them. Death said that was why I was here. Apparently I was selfless. Apparently that was a good thing.


I couldn’t exactly tell where “here” was. I was sitting on a bench in the middle of nowhere. I chuckled lightly to myself; my surroundings seemed like a stereotypical Heaven: everything was white and glowing. Technically this wasn’t even Heaven yet, but I already felt like I was in pure bliss. Well, almost. I felt a nagging in my brain telling me that I couldn’t be completely blissful, not yet. Something was keeping me here. I wasn’t quite ready to move on.


As my thoughts continued, the empty space around me slowly evolved into a recognizable room. I looked to my left to see Death standing next to me. I didn’t fear the reaper anymore, for he didn’t look scary. He smiled sympathetically at me as my senses adjusted to the room I was now in.


It was Vic’s room. I turned back abruptly at Death in confusion and sadness. These feelings will subside as soon as you enter Heaven. You will never be sad or confused or scared again. He whispered to my brain. I nodded. So I just had to push through the pain here, and then I could be happy for eternity.


I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if Vic could see me or hear me or sense me. I didn’t even know what day it was—how long have I been gone?


I turned to Death for the answers, but he disappeared into the shadows of the room. I choked back a sob and decided to follow my instincts. I crawled into bed next to him. He was lying on his left side, so I laid down on my right side.


My heart shattered over and over again. His eyes were closed, but I knew he wasn’t asleep. He was crying. There was a trail of tears on his cheeks. Fresh tears traveled down the old, dry path. My heart broke again. I just wanted to be with him, but nothing would bring me back.It was an excruciating, helpless feeling.


“Vic,” I said, unsure if he would hear, see, or feel me, but deciding to speak to him anyway. He opened his eyes slowly. He didn’t look alarmed. His big, brown eyes stared at me, breaking my heart for the third time tonight. He looked so sad.


“I know you’re tortured within,” I sang softly to him. He blinked, more tears flowing from his eyes. “I’ll never wander my friend,” I sang. I said it as a promise. I would never leave him. I would always be with him. God damn it, how I wished I could be with him tangibly rather than spiritually. It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair! Focus, Spencer… I nodded at my reminder. I probably didn’t have a lot of time here with him.


“You’re really here,” he whispered. His voice was cracked and broken. Nobody else would understand this, but we understood the unexplainable. We had this profound connection; this connection existed when we almost died together twice. We couldn’t explain why, but we knew that it was real. It was real for us, and that was all that mattered.


“Yes, I am, Vic,” I said. “I’m so sorry,” I shook my head, another wave of pain crashing into me.


“Don’t say sorry,” he said. I touched his cheek with my hand, drying a few tears. His face was so warm and so alive against my cold fingertips. “It’s nobody’s fault,” he said. I nodded, letting a soft smile escape my lips. He was right, and I was glad he and the other guys didn’t blame themselves. “It’s life’s fault,” he added. I nodded again in agreement.


“Everything happened so fast,” I said. “But, Vic, I never told you how much I cared for you,” I admitted. If blushing in my state was possible, then my face was turning a rosy pink.


“We can’t deny what we had, Spence,” he said softly. He was right. What we had was something special. Something irrefutable. Something brilliant. “It sucks that it only lasted for a horrible short period of time, though,” he said.


“It all makes sense, now, Vic,” I said. “I fell in love with Jaime to fall in love with you,” I said. Saying the words out loud, on the contrary, didn’t make sense. But they made sense in my head, and I think they made sense in his head, too. Everything the happened between Jaime and me led me to Vic.


At my words, Vic leaned in and lightly placed his lips on mine. Euphoria washed through my sad, bloodless veins. Sparks danced on the surface of my lips. Butterflies flew in the emptiness of my stomach. My heart beat again for just a moment; it throbbed, overwhelmed with feeling, with love. My mind sang softly. I’ll be the only light…


“Vic, please make me a promise here tonight,” I said, separating our lips ever so slightly.


“Yes?”


“Promise me that you will not follow me out,” I said quietly. “Life was cruel to me, but you will be okay. I know for a fact that you will be okay. So stay here with Himes and Tones and Mikey, okay?” I brushed a fallen piece of hair away from his face. “Promise me that you will be happy and will forget the bad stuff. Promise me that you will remember me when we were happy. When you think of me, imagine us at the beach with our CapriSuns and bagels, okay? Promise you won’t torture yourself for the rest of your life over me,” I said.


“Only if you promise me something,” he countered. “Promise me that you will never leave me. That you will never leave us. Don’t let us forget what it feels like to have you around. Let us feel your presence,” he said.


“I promise, Vic. I promise I will be right there on stage with you as you guys play. I’ll be next to you every night when you sleep. I’ll hold your hand when you are alone. I will whisper words into your ear when you need help with lyrics. I will always be there,” I promised.


“Then I promise, too,” he said, kissing me again.


“But, Vic,” I began. “I really do want you to move on, too, okay?”


“It will be so hard, though. You and I—I just—I don’t see myself anywhere else but here. With you. It sounds so corny, but I don’t think I’ll have a connection with any other girl again,” he said. I could see the sadness in his eyes, but I could also see the seriousness. This was more than just not wanting to move on; this was the literal inability to move on.


“Then, Vic, I’m afraid you are going to have to become gay,” I sighed, smirking slightly. He laughed, and for a second his eyes sparkled. I smiled. I loved watching him laugh.


“I am not going to become gay, Spence,” he rolled his eyes, and then he grew serious again. “I’ll have my music. I’ll be okay. And who knows? I might meet someone else, but I know she’ll never compare to you,” he said. “If I ever get into another relationship, it will never compare to what we had,” he added.


“I just want you to be happy,” I said. I would not get jealous. I knew what we had was special and unique, and he knew that too. That was all that mattered.


“I think I have to go now,” I sad sadly, feeling a twisting and pulling around me. I wasn’t afraid though, because I felt resolved. I was happy knowing that eventually Vic would be happy, too. It sucked knowing that I was soon going to be on my way to happiness, while he was stuck here and had to work to get over everything… I really just hoped that he would find peace eventually.


“I love you,” he said, kissing me softly again.


“I love you, too,” I said. “Tell the others that, too,” I said.


"Wait!" Vic almost yelled.


"What is it?"


"I, uh, I never asked you what your tattoos meant," he said softly, tracing the six doves on my left shoulder.


I smiled sadly at him. "They're for my families. For everyone I loved who died at the hands of Drew Sanders," I explained. "If you had died, I would have gotten one for you," I added quietly. He kissed each bird lightly, tracing his lips on my skin.


"Dove's are for peace. I hope you find peace, sweetheart," Vic said, his voice breaking again.


"I hope you find peace," I whispered.


We laid there for a little while longer, just staring at each other. I studied him carefully; I traced his face with my hands. I never wanted to leave him, but I had to. And, now, I felt myself being pulled away.


“Knowing us, I’ll probably see you around,” Vic said, chuckling slightly. His voice was now hoarse and unstable even as he tried to be reassuring.


“Well, I’ll definitely be seeing you,” I sighed. “Don’t do anything too embarrassing,” I grinned against his mouth. Vic wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. I squeezed him back. I could feel myself start to fade away from him. I could feel his grasp become tighter as he recognized that I was leaving. It broke my heart knowing that he was going to have to wake up tomorrow morning with nobody to hold. But he had Jaime and Tony and Mike…


Everything was going to be okay…


Vic disappeared, and I was welcomed by light. Death held my hand as I walked to the light. Before I entered the light, he let go. I can’t go in there with you, Spencer, but you will be okay, he whispered. I nodded. Of course the darkness couldn’t go into the light with me. But would I be alone?


Of course not!


I hugged my mom and dad tightly. I kissed James on his head. My brother! My family! And then there was my foster family. I missed them all so much. I held their hands and I hugged and kissed them all, and then we all walked together into a peaceful oblivion. Together at last.


~~


“We will bring the tidal wave!
We will bring the tidal wave!
We will bring the tidal wave,
And nothing will remain!

She’s mine!
You stay away from her it’s not her time!
‘Cause, baby, I’m the one, who haunts her dreams at night,
until she’s satisfied”
Make me a promise here tonight, love like a tidal wave,
dreamless in early graves, I never want it to be this way!
The chemicals will bring you home again.
This is it, when it’s done, we can say that:
When it’s sudden death we fight back!
Fuck it!”


Heaven was nothing like I expected. I always thought that you were stuck there forever (stuck in a good way), but I was allowed to freely travel from Heaven to Earth. I visited Vic and the boys every day, and I think Vic sensed my presence. Sometimes I would touch his cheek and smile at him, and a spark lit up in his eyes and he would smile back.


Now, I was sitting on the edge of the stage they were performing on. My feet dangled off of the stage, and I sat their happily, admiring the music, the crowd, and, most importantly, the guys.


Vic was singing with so much passion. Emotions were spilling over everywhere. When Vic finished the song, he was on his knees in distress, and then the band group hugged. I kissed each of their cheeks, and then they smiled at each other. I joined their hug, squeezing them hard. Vic was crying the most, but I also could sense that he was getting better. I rested my hand on his hand, and his fingers curled ever so slightly, as if he knew I was there. I looked down at his wrist; a beautiful tattoo covered the scars closest to his palm and, I knew, was preventing future scars. It was a dove. It was peace. It was me.




I would have expected it to be painful and frustrating to be down here with them because they couldn’t see me, but it wasn’t. I knew they could feel me.


I knew that you were supposed to let the people you love go when you die in order to help them move on, but I made a promise to Vic. I knew that they didn’t want me to leave, so I never was going to. I wasn’t haunting them; I was helping them.


Because what we had was different. Special. Beautiful. And in life and death, it could never fade away.

Notes

I wrote this because I felt this nagging thing in the pit of my stomach. I just felt like I didn’t resolve as much as I wanted to, but I can’t undo what I’ve already written; it just wouldn’t be right.
So, I hope you like this bonus chapter. It’s in Spencer’s POV after death. Writing this helped me let go and finally end this once and for all.

Ending this so suddenly was very bittersweet for me. I really came to love Spencer and the story, but as soon as I wrote “And, just like that, tragedy walked right in to my life again” under Vic’s POV, I knew what (unfortunately) needed to happen. So, I swallowed the lump in my throat and just started writing. I felt very conflicted after posting the Epilogue because I wished that I could resolve more with Vic and Spence.

I feel kind of silly for being upset over this because it’s just a story, after all; but that still doesn’t mean it can’t affect your feelings.

So that’s why I wrote this bonus chapter. I feel like it ends things on a better note.

But life is bittersweet guys. Cherish it and make sure you tell everyone you care about that you love them.

__

So, I just wanted to thank EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU for the INCREDIBLE feedback on this story. It really means the WORLD to me. Writing is my passion, and to see people receiving what I write in such a positive manner makes me want to do a millioin cartwheels through a flowery prairie. I’m sorry for the emotional rollercoaster ride, but, hey, that’s life, right?

So, thank you again for the support, even when I create a sad ending. You guys are amazing.

If any of you need anyone to talk to, as well, I’m always here. Just a message away :)

I swear I feel more comfortable talking to you guys than my real life friends about things haha.

wow sorry for the intensely long note i think i might have blown this out of proportion a tad, but whatever :)