Can We Lose Our Minds?
Epilogue
**Five Months Later**
“San Diego! How is everyone feeling tonight?” We were finally back on tour, and tonight was our first show. The crowd cheered. I only wished that I could reciprocate their enthusiasm and really mean it. The crowd sounded like they felt great. Us, on stage, well, not so much.
“We are going to jump right into the show with a new song, if that’s okay,” I said into the microphone. The crowd cheered again. The crowd fueled some happiness in me, so I was able to genuinely smile at me. But then I frowned, realizing what this song was about.
“I kissed the scars on her skin.
I still think you’re beautiful, and I don’t ever want to lose my best friend.
I scream out God you vulture!
Bring her back or take me with her!
Tear it down break the barricade!
I want to see what sound it makes.
I hate this flavor with a passion and I fucking hate the aftertaste!
How does it feel? How does it feel, well, it feels like I’m on fire!
Wake up I know you can hear me!
Make me a promise here tonight.
Love like a tidal wave, dreamless in early graves.
I never wanted it to be this way.
The chemicals will bring you home again….
This is it, when it’s done, we can say that:
When it’s sudden death we fight back.
Oh!
Pretend like I don’t entice you.
I’ve seen you circling the sky above my head you traitor!
I will never be taken for granted again
Keep digging holes in the desert
Say a prayer for you
I know that you’re in pain, but if we die at the same time does it still scare you?
Make me a promise here tonight.
Dreamless in early graves, I never want it to be this way…
The chemicals will bring you home again….
This is it, when it’s done, we can say that:
Oh, my God, we’re not gonna make it!”
I took a breath, I wiped back my tears. I looked into the soul of the crowd.
“Come on, guys, sing it with me,” I yelled, raising my arms as I introduced them to the next part: “We will bring the tidal wave,” I encouraged. The crowd waved their arms and followed my lead.
“We will bring the tidal wave,
We will bring the tidal wave,
We will bring the tidal wave,
We will bring the tidal wave,” I said lowly.
I picked it up, screaming, now:
“We will bring the tidal wave!
We will bring the tidal wave!
We will bring the tidal wave,
And nothing will remain!
She’s mine!
You stay away from her it’s not her time!
‘Cause, baby, I’m the one, who haunts her dreams at night,
until she’s satisfied”
I took a breath, looking up to the ceiling above me.
“Make me a promise here tonight, love like a tidal wave,
dreamless in early graves, I never want it to be this way!
The chemicals will bring you home again.
This is it, when it’s done, we can say that:
When it’s sudden death we fight back!
Fuck it!”
We finished the song heavily, and, somehow, I was on my knees. I took a deep breath, calming myself down. I felt a firm hand on my shoulder, and I looked up to see Jaime, fresh tears streaming down his face, as well.
The crowd was respectfully silent as me, Jaime, Tony, and Mike went in for a group hug. I gripped them tightly, allowing tears to fall.
The crowd softly chanted. Their voices were like whispers in the wind. “Spencer! Spencer! Spencer!” Their chant only made the tears fall faster. My heart was shattered into a million pieces, but the crowd was currently sewing the pieces together with their respect and dedication.
“Spencer! Spencer! Spencer!”
I closed my eyes, tears blinking away, and I was suddenly brought back to the event that made me lose my mind forever.
The only things I saw were red and blue. Red and blue of the police cars. Red and blue, red and blue, red and blue. But mostly a lot of red.
I couldn’t hear anything, for my eardrums were busted from the shot.
I couldn’t feel anything, either. Numbness overflowed me.
When Spencer lunged at one of the guys, it was enough of a distraction for Mike to turn and injure the man threatening him. Mike was able to turn and shoot his attacker, not killing him, but immobilizing him.
But Spencer was not so lucky.
The other man with the other gun reacted in the worst-case scenario: sending a bullet through her head.
She died instantly.
There was no time for me to save her. There was not enough life in her for me to shield her from Death again. Death took her away with him, for good this time. While he dragged her away, he didn’t hesitate to rip my heart out with his lanky, grimy fingers, as well.
According to me, it was not her time. According to Death, she had lived her life enough. According to Death, she needed to die.
I gazed into the crowd, looking at each fan. I loved all of them. They made the pain bearable.
We would be okay. She didn’t die in vain; she died knowing she was saving Mike and I. It hurt us like hell having to witness, but she died selflessly. She didn’t have to die, but she did. And she had evaded Death so many times in her life; you can only run away from Him for so long.
But we would be okay. We were healing. We had our fans supporting us and we had our instruments to let everything out with. And, some day, we would meet her again. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or next month, but someday soon we would meet her again.
If we hadn’t have lost our minds already, Spencer would be in our memory forever. But we lost our minds, so she will just have to remain forever in our hearts.
“San Diego! How is everyone feeling tonight?” We were finally back on tour, and tonight was our first show. The crowd cheered. I only wished that I could reciprocate their enthusiasm and really mean it. The crowd sounded like they felt great. Us, on stage, well, not so much.
“We are going to jump right into the show with a new song, if that’s okay,” I said into the microphone. The crowd cheered again. The crowd fueled some happiness in me, so I was able to genuinely smile at me. But then I frowned, realizing what this song was about.
“I kissed the scars on her skin.
I still think you’re beautiful, and I don’t ever want to lose my best friend.
I scream out God you vulture!
Bring her back or take me with her!
Tear it down break the barricade!
I want to see what sound it makes.
I hate this flavor with a passion and I fucking hate the aftertaste!
How does it feel? How does it feel, well, it feels like I’m on fire!
Wake up I know you can hear me!
Make me a promise here tonight.
Love like a tidal wave, dreamless in early graves.
I never wanted it to be this way.
The chemicals will bring you home again….
This is it, when it’s done, we can say that:
When it’s sudden death we fight back.
Oh!
Pretend like I don’t entice you.
I’ve seen you circling the sky above my head you traitor!
I will never be taken for granted again
Keep digging holes in the desert
Say a prayer for you
I know that you’re in pain, but if we die at the same time does it still scare you?
Make me a promise here tonight.
Dreamless in early graves, I never want it to be this way…
The chemicals will bring you home again….
This is it, when it’s done, we can say that:
Oh, my God, we’re not gonna make it!”
I took a breath, I wiped back my tears. I looked into the soul of the crowd.
“Come on, guys, sing it with me,” I yelled, raising my arms as I introduced them to the next part: “We will bring the tidal wave,” I encouraged. The crowd waved their arms and followed my lead.
“We will bring the tidal wave,
We will bring the tidal wave,
We will bring the tidal wave,
We will bring the tidal wave,” I said lowly.
I picked it up, screaming, now:
“We will bring the tidal wave!
We will bring the tidal wave!
We will bring the tidal wave,
And nothing will remain!
She’s mine!
You stay away from her it’s not her time!
‘Cause, baby, I’m the one, who haunts her dreams at night,
until she’s satisfied”
I took a breath, looking up to the ceiling above me.
“Make me a promise here tonight, love like a tidal wave,
dreamless in early graves, I never want it to be this way!
The chemicals will bring you home again.
This is it, when it’s done, we can say that:
When it’s sudden death we fight back!
Fuck it!”
We finished the song heavily, and, somehow, I was on my knees. I took a deep breath, calming myself down. I felt a firm hand on my shoulder, and I looked up to see Jaime, fresh tears streaming down his face, as well.
The crowd was respectfully silent as me, Jaime, Tony, and Mike went in for a group hug. I gripped them tightly, allowing tears to fall.
The crowd softly chanted. Their voices were like whispers in the wind. “Spencer! Spencer! Spencer!” Their chant only made the tears fall faster. My heart was shattered into a million pieces, but the crowd was currently sewing the pieces together with their respect and dedication.
“Spencer! Spencer! Spencer!”
I closed my eyes, tears blinking away, and I was suddenly brought back to the event that made me lose my mind forever.
The only things I saw were red and blue. Red and blue of the police cars. Red and blue, red and blue, red and blue. But mostly a lot of red.
I couldn’t hear anything, for my eardrums were busted from the shot.
I couldn’t feel anything, either. Numbness overflowed me.
When Spencer lunged at one of the guys, it was enough of a distraction for Mike to turn and injure the man threatening him. Mike was able to turn and shoot his attacker, not killing him, but immobilizing him.
But Spencer was not so lucky.
The other man with the other gun reacted in the worst-case scenario: sending a bullet through her head.
She died instantly.
There was no time for me to save her. There was not enough life in her for me to shield her from Death again. Death took her away with him, for good this time. While he dragged her away, he didn’t hesitate to rip my heart out with his lanky, grimy fingers, as well.
According to me, it was not her time. According to Death, she had lived her life enough. According to Death, she needed to die.
I gazed into the crowd, looking at each fan. I loved all of them. They made the pain bearable.
We would be okay. She didn’t die in vain; she died knowing she was saving Mike and I. It hurt us like hell having to witness, but she died selflessly. She didn’t have to die, but she did. And she had evaded Death so many times in her life; you can only run away from Him for so long.
But we would be okay. We were healing. We had our fans supporting us and we had our instruments to let everything out with. And, some day, we would meet her again. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or next month, but someday soon we would meet her again.
If we hadn’t have lost our minds already, Spencer would be in our memory forever. But we lost our minds, so she will just have to remain forever in our hearts.
Notes
Dear my wonderful subscribers,
I am very sorry for suddenly putting this on you. I hope you don't hate me forever.
I just couldn't drag this out any longer. I just couldn't.
I literally cried writing this (how stupid is that). It just had to happen, and I'm sorry.
Lots of love,,
Claire.
Ps. i feel very shitty about this and like a total utter bitch and i'm sad that this is the end but idk
Aw, wow. This is incredible to hear. I'm so completely overjoyed that you liked it a lot (your story "We don't make sense" was one of the first fics i've ever read, and it's one of my favorites, and you're an amazing writer so it's amazing to hear that you like my own stories).
It's so amazing to hear that my story gets people emotional, even though none of the events in it are exactly relatable, they still, like you said, pull at our heart-strings. BUt it's amazing to hear this because it means so much to know that people connect with what i write. And yes, sometimes I get thinking about it, too, and get mad that she died, also. which makes no sense considering i could have made something different happen, but i'm kind of glad it did happen, because now i have more to write about! but still, it gets me sometimes, too haha
and thank you so much for the comment about how my writing has improved since "the curse". that's awesome to hear, too, because i didn't really notice but it's cool to hear that you noticed that! That story was my baby, being the first fic i've ever written for this site and i miss writing it. but thanks so much! :)
and by the way, i just love long comments. this means so much to me you have no idea (or maybe you do haha) but so i don't know i found it necessary to write a long reply, just so you know how awesome it is to hear this kind of feedback and i'm a rambler also! i will always be a reader of YOUR stories, as well! thank you so much for everything, waking up to this literally made my day! <33
8/1/13