Austin’s P.O.V.


I walked into the front lounge of the bus where the rest of the band was gathered together and looking at Alan’s phone.


I headed over to the kitchen counter, simultaneously checking the battery percentage on my phone. Only 7%. I sighed and grabbed the charger that is always plugged in above the counter and connected it to my phone.


When I finally heard a familiar voice on the other end of Alan’s phone I turned around and asked “Who are you guys talking to?” popping my head over to see Saint on FaceTime with the guys. My heart sank and I wanted to leave before she could see me. I had no idea what to say to her.


But Aaron told me to come say hello and it would’ve been rude of me not to now. I didn’t say much since she didn't really acknowledge me then Dave came into frame. It looked like Saint was practically sitting in his lap with his arm around her.


I got a bit offended when I saw that. I mean, she knew how I felt about her but here she is with another guy basically draping over each other.


The only thing I could manage to say was a feeble “Bye, Saint” before they hit the end button.


After Alan hung up and got off of the phone with Saint, I couldn’t help but feel sadness? Anger? Frustration? Anguish.


‘Why would she throw a fit over the thought of me loving her then be all over Dave?’


I tried to keep my composure as I walked back to my phone and checked my twitter and instagram.


“I’m really happy Saint’s awake and okay” Alan said in general, which only fueled my thoughts about her.


“I’m just glad we found Dave when we did. I don’t think we would’ve had anyone else for Saint to stay with if not for him,” Aaron said, “I mean, we don’t personally know any of her family”


It was at that moment, I felt sorrow, guilt, and grief all at once.


I did know someone from Saint’s family personally. Taylor, my wife, was Saint’s identical twin sister.


I felt tears gloss my eyes, I tried to blink away the tears but it only forced them to fall down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away before anyone noticed. What was small run-off tears turned into small, almost inaudible, sobs.


“Are you okay, man?” Tino came up next to me suddenly and placed a hand on my shoulder, making me jump.


I just shook my head slightly trying to think of what to say but I couldn't think of anything that would make sense to him. I just walked away and off the bus searching for a place to go and hide.


I walked the streets of Munich aimlessly, trying my best to calm myself down. I felt my pockets for my phone but then I remembered I had put it on charge when I found all I had was my wallet.


I must’ve confused the guys so much, I feel like I overreacted but I’m not ready to go back and apologize or explain so I kept walking and thinking, keeping my eyes on the ground.


‘I miss my wife, I really do. Is that why Saint is so important to me? Because she’s the closest thing I have in my life that is directly linked to Taylor? No, It can’t be. I’m such a wretched human being! I am really capable of using someone so I can feel better about losing my wife? Did I not care about Taylor enough to the point I could find her replaceable? Oh, I fucking HATE this’


My mind is raging and the only things I could think about was how I was a bad person and how confusing my brain is.


‘I could really use a drink right about now’ I thought to myself


I looked at my surroundings but I didn't know or recognize anything around me. So I wiped the cold tears rimming my eyelashes from my puffy eyes and asked a random group of people where the nearest pub was. Then went in the direction they pointed me to. I walked a few blocks when I found a run down looking pub.


‘Doesn’t look too bad. I guess it could be worse’ I figured and walked in.


I walked past a few guys playing pool on a dirty pool table with drinks and ashtrays lining the borders, found a stool at the bar, and sat down.


The bartender busted through the kitchen door behind the bar and he looked behind him to yell at whoever was back there cooking while walking to me, then proceeded to ask me a question in a language that I definitely did not speak.


I could only assume he was asking me what I would like to order.


“A beer please?” I spoke softly. He simply nodded and was back soon, placing a tall glass in front of me.


I sipped on the beer quietly for a while until heard the doors open I glanced behind me to see who it was but it was just someone leaving. I just turned back around but soon after felt a light tap on the shoulder. I turned to see it was a fairly attractive woman who I hadn't seen when I first walked in or heard come in. She wore dark eye shadow and black lipstick, ripped jeans, a mesh crop top that showed her black bra underneath with a leather vest over it. She had a leather, studded choker which had chains that dangled off of it and other studded accessories all the way down to her studded boots.


“Is this seat taken?” She asked as she pulled out the chair next to me. I couldn’t help but notice she had a noticeably cute German accent but I just shook my head and went back to my drink.


“What brings you here?” She started up a conversation with me, throwing her long black hair over her shoulder.


I looked back to her, and she looked me dead in the eyes.


“Uh,” I turned away quickly, “I just needed to get my mind off of things”


“Ha” She scoffed, “Alcohol isn’t going to do that”


“Yeah? Oh well” I wasn’t really up for a whole lecture about my drinking habits from some
random chick.


“I like that kind of thinking” She said, and ordered a drink.


“Cheers,” She raised her glass to me, I simply raised an eyebrow, “To drinking when we can’t face our problems”


“I dig it” I said and clicked our glasses together.


‘This random woman knows nothing about me or what I'm going through, but I’ll entertain it’ I thought to myself.


I sat there with her ordering drink after drink and just feeling less and less angry about life. This woman had the kind of personality that made you forget about everything and keep your attention on her. Soon enough friendly banter turned into flirting.


“How about we get out of here?” She pulled me in close and whispered into my ear.


‘no, I’ve had my fun. plus, I need to get back to the bus, explain to the guys what happened. They’ll understand’ I decided to myself.


I knew I shouldn’t be here and I shouldn’t do this but I let her words flow through my ears and into my blood like poison.


“Well, uh, I don’t know,” I started but watched her face turn into a pout, “I just need to get back to my friends”


“Your friends can wait, can’t they?” She asked and leaned back into me.


‘no, they can’t. and I’m out way past bus call’ I said only in my head again


“Yeah, but-“ She cut me off by planting a kiss on my lips.


I sat shocked for a quick moment before I decided to react. I began to kiss her back, syncing perfectly with her every move.


“You live close?” I asked after letting our kiss end.


‘oh, what’s the harm?’ I tried to convince this was okay.


She simply smiled at me and rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb.


“In fact, I do” She said.


“Then what are we waiting for?” I asked with a sly grin.


She hopped off the bar stool and started walking towards the door, keeping the same smile from before. I quickly paid the bartender and followed this mystery girl. Once we both had walked out the door and let it shut behind us I pulled her close to me. I pushed her up against the wall before going in for another kiss from those intoxicating lips of her’s.


I pulled away from the kiss and went to look at her, but instead of seeing venomous eyes covered in eye makeup, I saw Saint.


“I love you” I said, without the words actually escaping. Only echoing throughout my head.


I saw the tears in Saint’s eyes, I saw the shock, the sadness. Saint looked around and back to me, allowing the words to slowly slip from her lips.


“No, you don’t” she said.


A deep sadness settled in my stomach and I blinked my eyes hard.


When I opened my eyes again I realized I had entered back into reality. I then saw this stranger’s face again, those darkly shaded eyes and those jet black painted lips that meant nothing to me.


‘I can’t do this’


“I’m sorry” I said to her, “I can’t do this” I actually said what I wanted to say.


She sighed “Time to face our problems, I guess”


I was a bit confused by what she said but when I felt someone turn me around quickly, it started to come together.


“What the hell are you doing with my girlfriend?” A man about my age and height grabbed my shirt and yelled in my face.


“Girlfriend?” I asked.


“Oh, don’t you act like this is a surprise! I know you’ve been cheating on me with that whore at your job” The girl shouted at him and smacked his arm in attempt to get him off of me.


‘no wonder she was so eager to leave with me. she was trying to get back at her boyfriend’


“Okay, well it looks like you two have some things to sort out, so I’ll just be going” I tried to slip out away.


“Fuck that! I should beat your ass” He pulled me back.


“Listen man, I’ve got problems of my own to deal with.Just let me leave and you’ll never have to see my face again” I started to get angry.


“You think you can get off that easy after making out with my girlfriend?” His hot breath hit me right in the face and the alcohol on it was so strong, I could taste it.


“You’re fucking drunk, dude. Get the fuck off of me,” I pushed him away from me, forcing him to finally let go of my shirt and fall to the ground, “She didn’t mention you, she didn’t tell me her name, hell, she didn’t even ask me for mine. Obviously you fucked up and she’s angry with you, but there is no reason to drag me into this” I bent down to his level.


I stood back up and looked at this girl.


“I guess you were right. Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but I don't think getting drunk and trying to cheat on your boyfriend with a random guy will either”


I started to walk away when this drunk dude got back up and threw me to the floor. He went to stomp on my chest but I quickly rolled off into the street, dodging it.


I jumped up and looked at him as the fire in my eyes ignited. The look on his face said it all. He quickly sobered up and was scared as he realized his mistake. With each step I took closer to him, he shrunk down in size.


I swung my arm around, catching his jaw with my fist letting him fall to the ground once again.


“You ain’t so big dick now, huh?” I spat at him.


I stood over him and repeated a combo of punching him in the face and kicking him in the side. My drunk and enraged mind got lost in the violence that I didn’t even notice when the cops pulled up. I only realized they were there when two officers pulled me off of him. I finally looked at the finished product of my anger and felt instant regret.


He laid almost motionless and weak as another officer and the girl helped him up. I put both my feet on the ground and let them throw cuffs on my hands that were held behind my back. I tried my best not to show any signs of resistance and allowed an officer to escort me to the squad car.


The ride to the station was short but felt like forever. When we got there they didn’t hesitate to throw me in a temporary holding cell.


I sat on the bench and looked down at my hands and arms. They were covered in dried blood and dirt, something I couldn’t see before I was in the fluorescent lighting of the police station.


I was no longer comfortable sitting with another man’s blood literally on my hands now that I actually could see it. I stood up and walked over to the bars and as close to an officer’s desk as possible.


“Excuse me,” I called to him and he looked up at me and took off his glasses, “Can I get some hand sanitizer or something to clean off with?”


He chuckled to himself and pointed behind me with his pen. I followed his stare to see he was pointing at the cold, metal toilet at the back of the cell.


“The toilet?” I asked


He said nothing. Only nodded his head.


I looked back at the toilet then back to the officer who had went back to his paperwork. I cursed myself and walked over to the toilet, kneeling in front of it. I examined the toilet to see that it was fairly clean and ultimately spotless from what I saw. I thanked god for that and cleaned off.


I returned to the bench when it felt like my arms were the cleanest they could be with just toilet water. I laid down and threw an arm over my eyes drifting off into a quick nap.



CLANK CLANK CLANK



I jumped up and looked in the direction of the loud noise. I turned to see it was the same officer as before hitting the bars of the cell to wake me up in the most annoying way possible.


“You get one phone call” He mumbled


I stood up and walked over to the officer who held a corded landline in his hands. The wire of the phone stretched all the way back behind his desk and had a few extra feet on it. I could probably take the phone half way into the cell if the phone could fit through the bars.


He held it up for me to take but as my hands reached out for it, the officer retracted the telephone.


“Ah, ah, ah,” he said, I gave him a confused look, but he held up a pump bottle of hand sanitizer, “Don’t want to spread any germs, toilet hands”


“You had hand sanitizer the whole time?” I asked.


He let out a big guffaw and pumped some into my hands and I took it gratefully. Once I got my hands on the phone I picked up the phone an dialed Alan’s number and pressed the phone up to my ear.


“Hello?” Alan answered after letting it ring a few times.


“Alan!” I said relieved.


“Austin? Where the hell have you been?” He asked.


“I got arrested” I told him sheepishly.


“What?!”


“I got into a fight, but I need you to come bail me out” I said urgently


“Bro, it’s like 6am” He said over a rustling on the other end of the line.


“I know but after the night I’ve had I just want to lay down in my bunk” I told him.


“I’ll be right there,” He sighed, “I need to get an uber really quick, though”


“Thank you so much, Alan. I owe you one”


“Damn right, you owe me one” Alan said before hanging up suddenly.


I put the phone back on the receiver.


‘he loves me and he knows it’ I said to myself as I returned the phone to the officer.


I laid back down and looked at the ceiling.


‘this night really took a turn’ I thought ‘and that poor guy, he probably had to go to the hospital. I’m so fucking stupid sometimes’


I heard doors opening and closing all night long but I didn’t think much of it until I heard Alan’s voice.


I sat up fast to see my little ginger friend talking to Officer Desk Jockey. They started up the paper work and soon enough he was unlocking the cell door and letting me out.


“Here’s your wallet,” the cop said placing it in my hand, “And you’re free to go”


“Wait, really?” I asked astounded, “That’s it?”


He nodded “Your friend paid the bail”


“But that guy, he was really messed up..” I tried to understand why was just being let off the hook.


“My buddies spoke to him, he doesn’t want to press any charges. Says he wants to put it behind him” The officer stuck his thumbs through the belt loops on his pants as he explained.


“Really?” I asked one last time.


“You act as if you want to be charged” he raised an eyebrow at me.


“Oh no,” I said, “I’m good”


“Then get out of here, so I can go home” He huffed.


I didn’t want to bother this guy anymore so I pushed Alan out the door and started on our way back to the bus.


“Can you tell me what happened?” Alan asked as we sat in the back of his uber.


I sighed and started on the story of my night from the few moments before I stepped off the tour bus and everything that went through my head. I just let it all pour out of me.


As I wrapped up the story, I looked at Alan and he had an unreadable look on his face.


“Austin, I don’t know what to say,” He told me, “I mean, I didn’t mean to upset you with the whole Saint thing. And you never told me about Taylor and Saint being sisters. Man, this must really be hard for you”


“I don’t know what to do, Alan” I admitted.


Alan looked down at his hands and sat a bit uncomfortable as he thought.


“Austin,” He said without looking up, “If you don’t love her, you can’t lead her on. Saint is a beautiful person and is already hurting as it is. If something happens to her again, I don’t think she’ll make it” Alan had a sincere look of sadness on his face.


“I don’t know how I feel anymore. I was so certain but then I started questioned everything and,” I paused as I held my hands in my hair, “I just don't know”


We finally made it back to the bus where Phil, Tino, and Aaron sat in the front lounge, this time in their pajama pants. They all looked up when I took those few steps up onto the bus. As I started walking in they all stood up and started asking if I was okay.


“Guys, I just want to shower and lay down. We can talk about it in the morning” I told them and they all agreed as I walked away and to the bathroom.


I stood in the shower and let the hot water run through my hair and down my back. I lathered Phil’s shampoo through my hair and squirted some of Tino’s favorite body wash on my washcloth. I haven’t bought any of my own stuff since I ran out last week. But the guys won’t mind if they don't know.


I emerged from the bathroom to see the lights had been lowered and no one was around or making any noise. I just rolled into my bunk and sighed.


‘I have to figure my shit out’ I told myself


Before I could think myself to death, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift off into sleep but it all came to haunt my dreams as well. Saint, Taylor, guilt, and grief all tortured me in one night. By the time morning came, I was just as, if not, more drained than when I went to bed.


I could already tell it was going to be a long few weeks..

Notes

Hey guys, sorry for such a long wait for an update. But being new author on this awesome story, I wanted to make sure it was perfect before posting. So I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and perpetual will be back with Chapter Fourteen asap :)

~~Miss Lady