I ran out of the bus screaming at Tony aimed the water gun at me. I ran as fast as I could to the other side of the bus to try and lose him, but it was no use because I ran right into Jaime who soaked me with his water gun.

“White shirt!” Jaime screamed as he soaked my chest.

I couldn’t help but let out a squeal at the feeling of the water cooling me down. It was our second day in Texas, and we just couldn’t take the heat anymore. Mike had surprised us by buying everybody a Super-Soaker water gun, and then the war broke out.

“Score!” Jaime screamed as he soaked my white shirt, making my bra clearly visible through the soaking fabric.

“Pervert!” I screamed as I soaked him right in the crotch. I sprayed him until my ammo ran out. “Crap,” I said when I tried to pump the gun to get some water out.

I turned around and ran back into the bus to shove my gun under the sink. My shirt was dripping all over the place so I just pulled it off. This was a serious war, and wearing a shirt was the last of my worries. I filled my gun up and, for added emphasis on how seriously I was taking this game, I ran to my bunk very quickly and picked up my stick of waterproof eyeliner before making war stripes in a tribal pattern along my face. One long line from the top of my forehead down to my nose, three horizontal lines on each check, and a line on the bottom of my chin.

I wrapped my shirt around my head like a turban and crept out very silently. I could hear Vic yelled at Mike from around the corner and decided that now was my time to get them both while they were preoccupied. I walked over to the corner of the building and waited for a second to listen. They were talking about teaming up, and I knew that was the perfect time to attack. I jumped around the building while wailing Indian calls into the air as I squirted them right in the abdomen. I moved my body from left to right, making sure to get each of them.

The tried to get me back, but I turned and ran away as fast as I could. I laid down onto the ground and rolled under the bus. As I was rolling, I ran into another body. I turned to look next to me and saw Tony sitting there with war paint under his eyes and a bandana on top of his head. The two of us had to of looked ridiculous.

He held out his hand silently, offering to become an ally. I gladly shook it in silence. We remained under the bus for a while, waiting for the perfect moment to soak Mike, Vic, and Jaime all at once.

As I waited, with my ears alert and my eyes peeled for the image of their shoes from under the bus, Tony Perry stared at me. He stared intently, and I tried my hardest to not feel his gaze upon my lips, but it was so hard to ignore.

“What?” I asked in more of a breath that a whisper.

Tony just shrugged and looked away with a smile.

That’s when we heard it. All three of the boys had teamed up together and were trying to find us.

“Where the hell could they have gone?” Vic asked as they stopped in front of the bus.

Tony and I slowly, and very silently began to crawl over to where their shoes were. I got ready by laying on my side so I could quickly roll out from underneath the bus while tony laid flat on his back with his head toward the front of the bus.

I counted off to three with my fingers, and once my third finger went into the air, Tony pushed himself out on his back and began to spray them from behind. I quickly rolled out of the bus and stood up to attack them from the front.

Tony was screaming while I continued to wail out my Indian cries.

“What the fuck?” Mike screamed as we soaked them down.

They tried to spray us back, but their attempts missed us. We all continued to spray each other until we had finally run out of ammo.

“I think it’s safe to say that Meedie and I won that battle,” Tony said as he stood up.

Mike pulled out his phone and held it up to take a picture of us as Tony wrapped his arm around my shoulders. We held our guns in the air and Mike snapped the picture.

“Meedie, is that your bra?” Tony asked as he looked down at my chest.

“Yes, now stop looking at my boobs. You’re all a bunch of perverts. I swear you all need to get laid,” I laughed as I walked away from Tony’s arm.

Mike grumbled something about how he was trying to while he posted the picture of me and Tony on instagram.

“We should leave this war paint on for the show tonight to brag about our victory,” Tony suggested as we all walked onto the bus to get changed.

I let out a loud laugh as I pulled some clothes out of my duffel bag. “I’ll do it,” I said with a shrug.

Tony stood behind me as he peeled his shirt off of his body. “What’s wrong?” he asked when he noticed that I wasn’t moving.

I was never the one who was afraid of changing in front of the guys, after all, it’s not like it mattered to me because they were like my family, and I had nothing to be self-conscious about because I wasn’t even attracted to them. I sighed as I told myself, yet again, that nothing had happened the night before with me and Tony Perry. I was certain of that because Tony hadn’t tried to talk to me about it, and like I’ve said before, he is the type of person who likes to talk through everything. So I concluded that my drunk self had imagined the entire kiss, maybe even dreamed it, because Tony wasn’t acknowledging anything that had possibly happened between us.

“Nothing,” I shrugged as I pulled my damp shorts off of my body.

“Here,” Tony said as he handed me his towel.

I took it and began to dry off my legs. I really needed to change my underwear as well, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it in front of Tony.

“Could you, um…just don’t look,” I said quietly.

Tony turned around without any objections as he removed his own pants.

I quickly peeled off my underwear and pulled on a dry pair before pulling a pair of jeans up after them.

“Okay, it’s safe to turn around,” I mumbled while searching for another shirt to throw on. Even though my bra was still damp, I decided that it would be too difficult to try and change it. I pulled a tank top on over my jeans before pulling my hair out of the bun that was on top of my head. I began to brush through my long hair, working hard to pull out the tangles.

“Here,” Tony said when he noticed me struggling. He held out his hand and I very slowly placed the brush into his hands. He reached around me and pulled all of my hair backwards before gentle working through the tangles at the ends of my hair.

I couldn’t help but wonder why he was doing this for me. Why was he acting this way? Tony Perry wasn’t this way. Tony Perry was the guitarist who was mostly quiet, but very confrontational and caring, but not this caring. I don’t think I’d ever seen him do something like this.

My heart sputtered when I tried to think: why me? Why was Tony doing this for me? Why was Tony Perry doing this to me? I sighed when the thoughts of last night flooded my mind once again.

“You okay?” he asked when he heard my sigh.

“Yeah, just…exhausted.”

“Take a nap then. We need you nice and refreshed for tonight. We’re staying in a hotel tonight, so that means we’re actually not going to do much sleeping. Mostly just partying.”

I laughed at his words as memories slowly began to consume me. Most of them involving Marky. My shoulders slouched just a bit as I continued to let my memories play in my brain – sending me an entirely new wave of emotions, thoughts, and regrets.

Tony had stopped brushing my hair, but his hands were still gently stroking down the damp locks that cascaded down to my lower back. He rested his hand on my lower back with his pinky brushing against my pant-line.

“Stop,” he said quietly.

The bus door opened and I pulled myself away from Tony and just dove straight into my bunk to try and take a nap. I don’t know why I needed to get away from Tony so quickly, but for some reason I was afraid of the guys seeing me with Tony, because no matter how much I wanted to convince myself and say that we hadn’t missed the night before, I knew that we did. And I knew that I had liked it.

-

I was already slightly buzzed by the time Pierce the Veil was going to take the stage, as were the rest of the boys. We had checked into our hotel room a few hours before the show and decided to do some pre-gaming to get us pumped for the rest of the night.

Tony was smiling more than he usually did as he played his guitar, and like we had discussed earlier, we each still had our war-paint on from the squirt gun challenge we had.

After ‘Hold on ‘Till May’ I ended up staying on the stage for a while to just talk. They usually kicked things off by leading right into the next song, but Vic decided that it was important to tell everybody about our day.

“In case you’re wondering why Meedie and Tony have war paint on their face, it’s because we had a water gun fight earlier and these two teamed up and attacked the rest of us from underneath our tour bus.”

“That’s right, we won,” I said into the microphone while Tony draped an arm over my shoulder.

The sight of hundreds of phones and cameras pointed in our direction was always something that would feel so new to me. No matter how many shows I had performed in, I still would never get used to the idea that all of these people wanted so desperately to take pictures of me.

“I SHIP IT! I SHIP IT!” A few girls in the front were screaming.

“You what?” I asked into the microphone as I grew closer.

“I SHIP YOU AND TONY!” They screamed out.

“Ship? What the fuck is that?” I asked, looking to Vic for answers.

Jaime was cracking up over on his side of the stage and Vic couldn’t contain his laughter either. I looked to Tony who was just shaking his head. Mike stood up and called me over to him. He grabbed my microphone from me.

“No! Fuck that!” He said into the mic. “If anyone is going to be shipped with Meedie it’s me, damnit!”

I began to laugh as he handed the microphone back over me. “Does it have something to do with sex?”

The crowd screamed at the word sex and I couldn’t help but laugh the entire time.

“It’s like when they think you guys should be together,” Vic finally explained into the microphone.

I tried my hardest to laugh, but I couldn’t help but feel awkward. I looked over to Tony who was just looking down as his fingers hovered over his guitar. I thought about the kiss again, and my cheeks reddened. “That’s my cue to leave,” I said into the microphone.

“Give it up for Meedie MontClair!” Vic screamed into the microphone. The arena filled with screams as I left the stage, holding my hand up as a thank you.

-

I was drunk again, which was to be expected from me. I wished that I could go back to how I felt a few nights ago. How I felt like I didn’t need to temporarily bury my sadness in liquor, but now I was burying my feelings about something else.

Tony Perry followed me through the hotel as I searched for a vending machine that would give me a drink other than whiskey. I needed to wash away the horrible taste in my mouth from the cheap whiskey that Casey, Mike’s drum tech, had bought for us. Leave it to Casey to buy cheap alcohol. But I guess I couldn’t complain since it had served its purpose.

I thought I was walking, but what I was doing clearly was just stumbling. Tony was laughing at me as I walked straight into walls, plants, and even fell once in the hallway of a random floor that we were on.

“Come on,” he said as he lifted me off of the ground.

“Fucking cheap ass whiskey…” I muttered as I struggled to find my balance.

“Water,” Tony said simply as he looked straight ahead,

“Finally!” I walked up to the vending machine and rammed my hands in my pockets to pull out my cash. “Two bucks? What a rip-off.” I shoved the two dollars into the machine regardless and selected A3 for a bottle of water.

The machine didn’t budge.

“Uh oh,” Tony said from beside the machine. “Faulty machine.”

“No fucking way,” I groaned. “I traveled through space and time for you, baby. Please give me some water.” I gently began to stroke the machine as I begged for my water bottle. But of course, nothing came out.

“Water!” Tony shouted as he swung his right leg back and them launched it into the side of the machine.

A loud thud sounded through the hallway as the machine let out a loud groan and finally spewed out a water.

“Oh thank God,” I said as I reached into the machine to pull out the bottle. “Okay, we can go back to our floor now,” I said as I tore off the lid and took a drink of the water.

We loaded into the elevator that was right beside us and I made my way into the corner while Tony went up to the numbered buttons. He stared at them for a moment with his lips pursed and his eyes narrowed.

“Um…what floor are we on again?” he asked as he looked at the variety of numbers.

I sipped on my water and just shrugged. “Call Jaime and ask,” I suggested.

Tony pulled out his phone and dialed Jaime’s number. “Dude…what floor…no, listen…what floor are we on?” Tony hit the number three and thanked Jaime before hanging up.

“Third floor,” he told as he quickly pointed at the lit up number.

We got off on our floor and began to walk toward the direction of our rooms. “What’s everybody doing?”

“They’re all going crazy in my room.”

“I don’t want to go crazy,” I said with a pout.

“Me neither.”

We arrived to the front of my hotel room and I shoved the key card into the door. I bit my lip as I thought about inviting Tony is, strictly just to relax and get away from the party that was happening in the room he was stuck sharing with Jaime. We could hear the loud music and talking from down the hall as we stood in front of my open door, waiting for me to decide on whether or not I should let Tony come in.

If I did let him in, there was the possibility that he might kiss me again. If I didn’t let him in, I would regret missing the chance to feel his lips against mine. But I knew that I shouldn’t want that. I shouldn’t want anything with Tony, or any other guy for that matter.

“You can hang out here for a while,” I said from over my shoulder. “Just until everything dies down.”

“Yeah, cool. I’ll just head back as soon as the room isn’t as crowded.”

I nodded and walked into my room. I was given a room by myself since I was the only girl on tour. Which meant only one bed in the room. And no couch. If Tony was planning on trying to fall asleep, he would be forced to share the bed with me.

I pulled off my sweatshirt to reveal nothing but my bra. I went to reach for a shirt that was in my suitcase, by Tony grabbed my arm and stopped me.

“I want to talk to you,” he said.

I looked at him, then back at my suitcase, then back over at him. “Umm…okay,” I said slowly.

He pulled my wrist back and sat us down on the right side of the bed. He let go of my wrist and looked down.

“What is it?” I asked.

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he connected his lips to mine and I couldn’t help but feel relieved. I was afraid that he was going to try and talk about us kissing. I wouldn’t have known what to say if he would have asked me what it meant. I didn’t know what it meant, and I was hoping it didn’t mean anything. Feeling his lips against mine was the only thing I wanted to feel. I didn’t want to feel confused about my sexuality, or confused about my life, or confused about music, I just wanted to feel Tony Perry against me.

He slowly began to use his body to push me down onto the bed. My legs were still hanging over the edge of the long side of the bed while my back laid flat against the comforter. Now I know why he wanted to talk before I put a shirt on. I knew what this was going to lead to, and as much as I wanted to stop and tell him wait, I like girls, I couldn’t. The words were missing from my brain and all I could think about was Tony Perry’s right hand that rested just below the bottom of my bra. He held onto my side, his thumb gracefully rubbing my skin and casually slipping just under the seam of my bra as he stroked it from side to side. He didn’t push it though; he just continued to touch my skin while our lips and tongues moved together slowly.

He was laying half on top of me – half of his body was hovering over me while the rest of him was propped up on the right of me. His left elbow was buried into the mattress to hold himself up, but his hand was gently playing with the ends of my hair. One of my hands was gripping onto the front of his shirt while the other nervously groped at the comforter beneath us.

I didn’t have any idea what to do. I hadn’t had sex with a man since I was sixteen years old, and after that, I had only slept with a couple of women. Being with a woman was already so different than a man. It mostly just touching, kissing, licking, and grinding. Even with Lindsay and a few other women I had hooked up with, I was never that sexual. I’d never been sexual – not even in high school, apart from the two guys that I had slept with during my sophomore year. I wasn’t a particularly horny person. But around Tony, I felt this burning sensation from deep inside my stomach and throat. I could feel my chest heating up and my hands shaking. I’d never wanted anything – anyone - so badly.

His hand had found its way under my bra entirely, but before he could wrap his hand around my breast, he waited a second; he gave me a chance to stop him. But I didn’t. I kissed him a little harder, and tightened my grip on his shirt. His hand slid under the cup of my bra and I felt his calloused hands make contact with my nipple. It was so different than what I was used to – his hands were large and rough, but so gentle in his motions.

I could feel his erection against my leg, and I wanted to do something – anything – to not feel so inexperienced, but I just didn’t know what to do. I thought about being bold and trying to unbuckle his belt or rubbing over his pants, but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. I was afraid.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted very quietly after he pulled away from my lips to pull off his shirt with the hand that wasn’t under my bra.

Tony laughed a little bit as he removed his hand from my chest. He traced small circles on my stomach, right beside my belly button. “You say that a lot.” His voice was quiet and low. His eyes stared at his fingers as they traced around my hip bones that were more defined than usual from lying on my back. I liked this Tony. I liked the gentle, sexy, turned-on Tony Perry.

“Well, what do you want?” he asked me.

“You,” I replied breathlessly. My chest was heaving slowly with each deep, shaky breath.

“You’re shaking,” he said as he picked up my hand that was noticeably shaking.

“I’m nervous.”

Tony nodded. He could figure out why I would be nervous. It was for obvious reasons, but I was certain that he had no idea about how long it had been since I had actually had sex with a man. But that didn’t matter in that moment. All that mattered was that I wanted Tony.

“Can I take this off?” Tony asked as he pulled at my bra strap.

I bit my lip and nodded. I lifted myself up just a bit, propping my body up with my elbows. Tony reached behind me and unclasped my bra while his lips found their way to my neck. He took his time; unclasping each hook one by one as he continued to bite and suck on my neck.

I lay back down and he pulled my bra off of me. He took a moment to stare at my body. He studied the tattoos on my chest and breasts. He took his finger and traced the heart tattoo I had around my right nipple.

“Mmm,” he groaned slightly. “I like this.”

He continued to gently move his fingers around my chest. His fingers tickled, but sent shivers down my spine, making me want him even more than before. “Tony Perry,” I slightly groaned to try and get him to stop teasing me.

He smiled down at me, but this time he didn’t turn his head away. He kept his smile visible and confident.

The next few minutes were a blur as he pulled down my pants. I wasn’t ashamed of my body, and I wasn’t usually self-conscious while in the bedroom, but I couldn’t help but feel strange as I lay on the bed, naked, with Tony Perry standing at the edge of the bed. I sat up and decided to try and be bold. My fingers reached up to make contact with his belt. He put his hands to his sides and let me take my time. I slowly undid his belt buckle and let it hang there as I bit my lip and popped open the button to his jeans.

Tony let out a small groan as I reached for his zipper. I could feel him through his pants, and I was afraid of what I was getting myself into. But I wanted it. I wanted it so bad. I pulled the zipper down and pulled down his pants and briefs at the same time. I couldn’t do anything but just stare and bit my lip. I didn’t have a clue on what I should do next. All I kept thinking was: Fuck, this is going to hurt so fucking bad.

Tony continued to watch me, waiting for me to decide on what I wanted to do next. I slowly reached out and placed my hand around his erection. He let out a groan at the feeling, and let his head fall back. A wave of confidence washed over me. I bent forward and placed him into my mouth while his eyes were still fixated on the feeling.

“Fuck, Meedie,” he said through a moan as he snapped his head back down. I continued to move, doing whatever I felt like a blowjob would consist of. He continued to let out some groans and curse words as I kept him in my mouth. I pulled away and looked up at him, nervous and wanting.

He gently pushed me down so I was laying down on the bed before coming up to stand over me. He reached his hand down and began to rub me without any warning. I let out a breathless squeal when he inserted one finger.

“Jesus Christ, Meedie,” he gasped. “You’re so fucking tight, and I only have one finger in.”

His words felt so foreign to my ears, but I groaned none the less. “I haven’t...It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a guy.”

“Yeah, but, you never like…I don’t know…used stuff when you were with those girls?”

It felt so awkward to be talking about this, especially with Tony Perry of all people. Tony never talked like this, that was usually Mike’s job to be dirty and sexual. I shook my head and bit my lip as he slowly moved his finger in and out. “I was never very sexual,” I said quietly. My back arched and he placed his thumb over my clit as I spoke. “Fuck,” I moaned.

“Could’ve fooled me,” he said with a smirk. “You know that this is going to hurt, right? It’s probably going to feel like your first time all over again.”

“I don’t even remember how my first time felt,” I said somewhat breathless.

Tony pulled his hand away from me as he pushed open my legs. “Okay, but, just, tell me if you still want this.”

“Please,” I groaned quietly. “I do. I want you, please.”

I felt like a fool whimpering the way I was. I gripped onto the sheets as his left hand grabbed onto my thigh that was closest to him. He took his other hand and wrapped it around himself as he got closer to me. He gently rubbed himself over my slit and moaned before he very gently placed his tip at my entrance.

“Ready?” he asked softly.

I nodded and gripped onto the sheets, preparing for the pain that was going to come. He slowly began to push into me, and my eyes closed and I bit down as hard as I could. I let out a few deep breaths as he continued to glide his way in. The pain was unbelievable. I felt like I was being ripped apart. I was mentally cursing at myself for thinking that this was a good idea.

He pushed all the way in and stood there for a moment. He looked down at me and the pleasure left his face when he saw how much pain I was in. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” I choked out. “Go,” I gave him the okay and he gently pulled out of me. The pain wasn’t as bad coming out, but as soon as he started to slowly push himself back into me, the pain started all over again.

He stopped once he pushed himself all the way in again. “Seeing you in pain is making this really difficult,” he admitted as he looked down at me. “I can stop.”

I didn’t want him to stop, I wanted to feel the pleasure, I wanted Tony, but it was just so painful. “No, keep trying,” I said quietly.

And so he went again, and that time it wasn’t as bad, but there was still no pleasure. He went one more time, and that time was almost there, but the pain was still way too powerful.

Tony pulled out of me completely and stood away from me. “I can’t do it,” he said. “I can’t keep looking at you in pain. I want you so bad, but I can’t…I can’t stay hard when I see you hurting.”

I sat up straight as Tony pulled his briefs and pants back on. I looked down and twiddled my thumbs while trying to ignore the pain that was still throbbing from between my legs. “I’m sorry,” I said lamely.

“Hey,” Tony said in a gentle tone. “Don’t be sorry.” He sat down next to me and gently pet my hair away from my face.

“I feel lame,” I admitted.

Tony laughed a little bit. “Why would you feel lame? Don’t feel lame.” He bent down to kiss my temple before resting a hand on my thigh. “You’re sexy as hell,” Tony muttered as his lips remained connected to my face. He kissed down my jawline and down to my collarbone.

“I should probably get dressed,” I said while looking down at my naked body.

“Or not,” Tony mumbled from against my collarbone. “I like looking at you.”

I ignored him and bent down to pick up my shirt and underwear. I stood up to put my clothes on.

“Meedie,” Tony said to get my attention.

“Yeah?” I turned around to see him getting up from the bed.

“Blood,” he said quietly as he began to strip the comforter off of the bed.

My cheeks turned a bright red and I felt like I could cry. I could feel the alcohol rushing through my veins now that I was standing up. I had almost forgotten where we were and what was actually happening. Jaime, Vic, Mike and the rest of the crew were only a few rooms down the hall, partying, drinking, and having the times of their lives. And I had ditched the drinking to attempt having sex with Tony freaking Perry. Tony Perry, one of my best friends for years. Tony Perry, the one who introduced me to my first girlfriend. Tony Perry, who had just confused the hell out of me and my sexuality.

“Hey, it happens,” Tony shrugged as he shoved the comforter away by the closet and headed back over to the bed. “Come here,” Tony said once the comforter had been stored away. I crawled up onto the bed and slowly lowered myself into his open arms. He held them around me and continued to kiss the side of my head repeatedly.

“Tony…”

“Hmm?” he responded with his face buried into my hair.

I opened my mouth to ask him about all of this, because even though I didn’t want to face reality and I just wanted to let him wrap his arms around me and kiss me, I needed to know what this meant to him. Because maybe it would help me to figure out what this all meant to me. At this point I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I was lost, and this situation with Tony was not helping me.

There was a loud, sloppy know on the door followed by drunken voices screaming after me. I ripped myself from Tony’s grasp and stood by the window beside the bed. I threw his shirt at him as I went to pull on my pants. It really wouldn’t have been that big of a deal for us to stay the way we were, we could easily just say that we had fallen asleep, and it would mean absolutely nothing if we would have played it off that way. But since we were so comfortable on the bed, and trying so hard to stay away from the reality of the situation, we had been caught off guard and now our drunken minds and hormones were running around the room almost as frantically as we were trying to get our clothes on.

I went and answered the door and Tony lay back down on the bed, pulling out his phone to try and act like he was just hanging out. I felt like everything seemed so much more suspicious.

“Meeeedieeee,” Mike’s voice called through the door. “We bringin’ da part-ay to youuu.”

“Meedie open the door, I need to pee!” Vic yelled.

Jaime’s words were masked entirely by giggles but I think he said something about coming to pick up his kid from daycare. I rolled my eyes as Tony laughed from the bed.

I opened the door and the boys all stopped their talking and stared at me with a strange look.

“You’re not wearing a bra,” Mike pointed out right away.

A sea of curse words washed through my mind. How could I have forgotten to put on my bra? Especially with a tank top that was so low cut on the arm-holes. I knew right away that the sides of my breasts were showing by the way Mike was staring at me as I was slightly turned to the side.

“What’s the matter, Mike? Never seen the side of a tit?” I asked with my best attempt as my usual, snarky self.

“Not yours,” he smiled drunkenly through eyes that were droopy and squinted. Jaime’s eyes were squinted as well.

“I smoked weed,” Jaime whispered yelled to me. “I’m high.”

“Let me in, I have to pee,” Vic whined as he placed his hands over his crotch and began to bounce in place.

“You guys only had to walk like three doors down, how come you couldn’t pee in your own room?”

“Let me in!” Vic insisted. He pushed passed me, and as he passed, Jaime and Mike entered as well. They walked into the room and I lingered by the door for a moment with my eyes shut. There was no way the guys could find out about what had happened between me and Tony. It would just complicate things so much more.

“Tony!” Jaime screamed as he jumped onto the bed. He landed on top of Tony and placed a big, wet kiss on his cheek. “Tony, you’re my best friend, man.”

Tony laughed and tried to push Jaime off of him. While Mike took his time looking around the room.

I finally shut the door and walked back into the room. It was a sight that I really wish I could have never seen. Vic was peeing with the door open, Jaime was trying so hard to kiss Tony’s cheek again, and Mike had found my bra that was lying on the floor and had put his arm through the straps and pulled it up to his body. I had no choice but to take a picture for instagram.

“You guys are so going to regret being this drunk,” I said as I posted the picture. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and walked over the side of the bed that Tony and Jaime weren’t wrestling on.

“It would be so weird to have boobs,” Mike said more to himself than anyone. “Wait a minute.” He placed his hands around the cups and continued to hold them there. “How big are your tits, Meedie?”

“Guess,” I said while resting against the pillows. I was careful to make sure my shirt was still fully covering me chest.

“34B,” Jaime yelled out.

“Nope,” I laughed.

Vic entered the room after taking what seemed to be the world’s longest piss. “No, she’s definitely bigger than a B-cup.”

“I’m going to say 34C.”

“Yeah, that’s gotta be right,” Vic said as he sat down at the foot of the bed.

I shook my head, telling that they were wrong once again.

“32D,” Tony spoke up.

“Yeah,” I nodded, shocked that he was able to guess my size so perfectly. I tried to think that maybe he had seen the tag of my bra, but there was no way he could have seen it when he had taken it off of me so quickly. But then again, he did have them in his hands…

“What the hell, Meedie? I never knew you had big tits like that,” Jaime said, genuinely shocked.

I laughed a bit. “Probably because I only wear t-shirts so you can’t tell.”

“Well if you would just fuck me already, then I would know,” Mike said. “But nooooo, you don’t like penis.”

I could feel my cheeks turning red and the room grew silent. Tony was looking at my face, observing the blush on my cheeks.

“What? No snide comment? You’re not even going to call me a pervert?” Mike asked as he raised an eyebrow at me suspiciously.

“Nope,” I said simply. “Now everybody get out so I can sleep!”

It took another twenty minutes to try and get the boys out of my room. Mike was trying to take my bra with him and then a game of monkey in the middle broke as Mike tossed my bra to Vic and they continued to throw it around the room until I was finally able to snag it once Jaime made a bad throw.

They left the room and I immediately pulled off my pants. I was about to crawl under the sheets of the bed when there a knock at my door. I groaned as I made my way back over to the door. I swung it open, expecting to see Mike trying to get me in bed with him one last time, but instead Tony stood there.

“I forgot something,” he said slightly out of breath.

“What did-“

His lips crashed onto mine roughly. It took me a second to realize what was going on before I actually kissed back. He pulled away after a minute and smiled.

“Goodnight,” he said as he turned around and ran back down the hall.

I shut the door and turned around to put my back up against it. My heart was pounding out of my chest and my lips continued to tingle.

I decided to try and pick apart my feelings. Sure, I still thought that guys were attractive, but I was never actually attracted to them. I had only had sex with a guy twice on my entire twenty-six years of life, but never was I actually attracted to them. I just did it because I was sixteen and thought that it was the thing to do. I had always liked girls. I didn’t even consider myself to be bisexual, I always thought that I was downright lesbian.

But Tony Perry had kissed me, and I kissed him back. And I liked it. I wanted him to do it again, and he did. And I wanted to have sex with him. I wanted it so bad, and even after all of the pain that I was in during out attempt, I would still do it again. I liked seeing him turned on and sexy and wanting me, because he made me feel the exact same about him.

But what did this mean?

I groaned and pulled my hair up into a ponytail before I crashed against the sheets of the hotel room bed. The alcohol was slowly fading away. I wished that my thoughts would fade away as I buried my face into the pillow and tried not to cry.

Notes

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