As the rest of the crew drank themselves into a coma, I decided to keep myself at a light buzz. Everybody kept asking me if something was wrong because I had decided not to drink – it was extremely out of character for me to turn down alcohol. But that was just the thing, for once, things weren’t wrong. Well, things were wrong, but they weren’t bothering me as much anymore. I didn’t want to drink myself into oblivion, and I didn’t want to sit and sulk in my thoughts while drunk. I couldn’t stop thinking about all of the kids that had been chanting my name.

I was sitting in the back of the bus by the window I usually retreated to. But instead of staring outside at the blurry lights and speeding cars, I was staring down at my phone with my thumb hovering over the sign in button on the twitter app I had re-downloaded. The fans all missed me so much, and I felt horrible for abandoning them like that. At one point in time, I had somehow changed their lives, and then I left them there, alone, without any warning.

I knew what it felt like to be alone, and I didn’t want to think that I had left anybody alone.

“Do it,” Tony Perry said from behind me.

I looked over my shoulder quickly. I hadn’t even heard him come in.

“Tony Perry, you scared me,” I said quietly. I looked over his features. His eyes were a bit red and sunken from being tired, and his hair was still coated in sweat. He had changed his clothes so he was wearing a Key Street t-shirt and some jeans. I watched him as he sat down beside me and looked at my phone screen.

“Do it,” he said again. “You need them, too.”

I sighed and nodded my head before hitting my thumb to the screen. In a matter of seconds I was logged back into my twitter. My feed popped up, and I could hardly even remember how to work it. On the screen I saw a post from Vic saying something about having an incredible show. I continued to scroll down, reading over my former friends’ posts. Alex Gaskarth from All Time Low’s tweet caught my attention the most.

Is this for real? :O And posted with it was a picture of me that somebody had taken during ‘Hold on Till May’.

“Everybody’s talking about it,” Tony said quietly as he looked down at his own phone. He used his thumb to scroll down the screen. “Aw, look,” he said as he showed me a picture that Mike had posted.

Showing our girl some love :) You killed it @meediemontclair

Posted with it was a picture of Tony kissing my cheek.

“How the heck was he able to get that picture so perfectly?” I asked as I looked closely at the photo. You could clearly see Tony giving me a kiss on my cheek while a huge smile was on my face.

“I don’t know. He’s magic or something. I kissed you so fast.”

It felt weird hearing those words come from his mouth, but I did my best to try and hide the slight awkwardness that I had felt. I decided to start retweeting some things that my friends had posted. Within seconds, they were all tweeting me back. Most were appalled that I was back on twitter, others were just saying hello, and some were congratulating me on stepping back onto the stage.

“Let’s see what the fans said,” Tony said as he reached over my shoulder to click on the mentions category. “Damn,” Tony said as he looked at all of the mentions.

Pictures upon pictures were posted of me. Fans were all welcoming me back, asking me questions, and trying so hard to get me to reply to them. “It’s so hard to not sit here and try to reply to everybody,” I said as I retweeted a couple of photos from fans.

“Oh, I know,” Tony laughed as he continued to scroll. “So, what do you think this all means?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed as I opened up a new tweet. “I guess I’m back.” I typed out exactly what I had said and posted it.

We sat in silence as we both began to look around our social media sites. I decided to go to instagram as well. If I was back on twitter, I might as well be back on instagram, too.

“Tony, take a picture with me for instagram,” I said as I held my camera out in front of us.

He put his phone down and put his face right beside mine. He made a shocked face: his eyebrows up high on his face, his eyes open wide, and his mouth open with his teeth showing. I tried my best to mimic his face. I snapped the picture and posted it with the caption: Celebrating this night with @tonyperry.

Within a matter of seconds, my phone let out a ping noise. I checked my twitter to see what it was. Apparently I had set up for when certain people posted something new on twitter, I would get an alert for it. This alert was from Mike.

“Uh oh,” Tony laughed as he stared at his phone. “Mike is demanding your attention,” he laughed as he read the tweet.

I looked down at my phone.

@meediemontclair are you cheating on me with @tony_turtle? I’m hurt.

@ptvmike you are the only man for me

@meediemontclair prove it to me! ;)

@ptvmike not until you magically grow a vagina

Tony began to laugh hysterically from beside me. “Mike is going to come in here any minute, just watch,” he said with a laugh.

I quickly opened up my camera and turned to stare at the door. Sure enough, within seconds Mike barged into the room holding up his phone with a hurt expression on his face. I snapped the picture just in time. Tony and I immediately looked down to the screen to see a picture of Mike holding his phone up in one hand with a beer in the other, his eyebrows furrowed, and his mouth in an ‘o’.

“Did you just take a picture of me?” Mike asked, confused. “You fucker!”

I laughed and posted the picture on instagram and twitter with the caption: caught @ptvmike coming to try and convince me to reconsider my sexuality…again.

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes with a laugh. “You guys want a beer?”

“No, I’m good,” Tony said with a smile.

“Nah,” I replied. “I don’t feel like drinking anymore.”

“You guys are so weird. I swear to God if I wake up and find you and Tony in the same bunk together I am going to tweet it to entire world and hold it against you forever!”

Tony awkwardly laughed and I just waved him away. “Whatever, Mike. It’s not going to happen, so go play with yourself because you’re not getting anything from me.”

“You can’t deny the power of the penis for long, Meedie,” he wiggled his finger at me as he spoke. He walked out of the room and things grew really tense in the room.

“Why aren’t you drinking tonight?” I asked.

Tony sighed and shrugged at the same time. “I don’t know. Why aren’t you?”

“I don’t feel like crying,” I said very quietly. Tony nodded. He knew exactly what I meant by that. And for a moment, I almost felt like I could cry. But because I was actually happy. For the first time in a long time I was happy.

Tony was twiddling his thumbs next to me. “Umm...” he said awkwardly, “you’re not like mad or weirded out about me kissing your cheek, right?”

His question caught me off guard. Was it something that really needed to be talked about? Leave it to Tony Perry to try and talk everything through, though. Everybody always thought he was so quiet and reserved, but out of anyone on the bus he was the one who liked to talk things out the most. I shrugged. “It was a bit out of character. But it’s all good.”

I saw everything happening so clearly. He turned to look at me; he leaned in very slowly, licked his lips, and pressed his lips against my cheek very gently. And the only weird thing about it was that I didn’t pull away. This time he didn’t rush it. This time it wasn’t as a friendly gesture because his hands were occupied. This time it was slow, sensual, real.

He pulled away from me very slowly with his eyes closed. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say.

“Goodnight,” he said quietly before getting up and leaving the room without an explanation, or even looking back at me.

I remained in that same spot, staring forward with my phone in my left hand. I lifted my right hand and touched where Tony had pressed his lips to my cheek. I felt a tingling sensation on my cheek and nervousness tickled my stomach. I wiped my cheek and took in a shaky breath. Surely Tony was just trying to say goodnight to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek because it was a nice thing to do. Surely Tony Perry wasn’t trying in any way to come on to me.

Surely I hadn’t enjoyed the feeling of his lips against my skin…

-

Mike pulled open the curtain to my bunk the next morning and snapped a picture right away. Flash on and everything. “You know now that you’re back on the face of the earth, I am never going to leave you alone. I am going to dedicate one day a week to being strictly pictures of you.”

“You’re such a fucking creep. Now get out of here, I’m sleeping,” I grumbled as I rolled over in my bunk.

“How is it that even when you don’t drink the night before you can still sleep in later than all of us?”

“Mike! Shut up! I want to sleep!”

“Time to wake up,” Jaime sang through the bunks. “Everybody up! We’re going out to eat.”

“I hate all of you,” I groaned as I sat up. I had slept in my t-shirt and underwear from the night before, and as I got out of the bunk I didn’t even bother to put any bottoms on.

“Woah, Meedie,” Vic laughed as he saw that I was walking around the bus without any pants on.

I ignored him and continued to walk around the bus. I poured myself a cup of coffee and leaned up against the counter as I sipped on it.

“Meedie,” Mike said as he walked back into the room. “Want to ditch breakfast and hang out in my bunk?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Vic just took his head at him.

“I feel so bad for you, Meedie,” Jaime laughed as he poured himself a pot of coffee from beside me.

“Meedie,” Tony Perry called my name from the bunks before he entered the room. He had no shirt on and only a pair of jeans and some vans. “Woah, shit.” His cheeks reddened when he saw that I wasn’t wearing any pants.

“Why is it such a big deal that I’m not wearing pants? It’s not like you guys have never seen a girl’s legs before. Shit,” I laughed a bit. “What’s up?” I finally responded to the fact that he had called my name.

“I was just going to ask if you wanted to ride around today,” he asked without looking at me.

“Oh,” I said, thinking for a bit. I didn’t really feel like riding bikes, but maybe Mike would let me use his long board. “Sure, but, Mike, can I borrow your long board? I’m not really feeling a bike.”

“Only if you ride it without pants on,” Mike responded immediately.

“Sounds good to me,” Tony laughed before turning around to grab a shirt. “Let’s go, Meedie, hurry!”

I groaned and walked over to the bunks to change my clothes. I threw my hair up into a messy bun, pulled on one of my sleeveless tank tops and a pair of jeans. I rolled them up a few times from the bottom before slipping on my American-flag print vans. I hurried into the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face, put on some deodorant and use the bathroom. I grabbed Mike’s longboard from the back of the bus and then my phone and sunglasses from my bunk.

I walked off of the bus to where Tony was pulling his bike from the underneath storage of the bus.

Vic, Jaime, and Mike walked off of the bus. “I guess you guys aren’t coming then?” Vic called over to us.

“I’m not really hungry,” I said with a shrug.

“I already ate,” Tony replied as he finally pulled his black bike free from the storage.

The boys left as Tony and I turned to look at the parking lot that we were in. We were already at the venue that we would be performing at later tonight, but no fans were there yet so we were free to roam around without being bothered. But we only had a few hours to kill before the early-birds would start to show. It was almost nine in the morning and the sun was already shining bright on the state of Texas.

I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture of Tony as he stood beside me, sitting on his bike and staring at the parking lot.

“Great,” he laughed. “Now your phone is going to become an extension to your hand just like Mike.”

I laughed and posted the picture on instagram. “Oh shut up. It’s been ages since I’ve actually paid attention to my phone. I have to make up for lost time.”

I posted the picture and tagged Tony in it. I didn’t put a caption or a location because I didn’t want any fans to see it and rush to the venue early to try to catch us. Of course I wanted to see them again, but it was nice to spend some time without the panic and rush of being surrounded by people who were all demanding your attention. Plus, I already got enough of that when Mike was around.

Tony began to ride off through the large parking lot of the arena. I shoved my phone into my pocket and followed beside him. It had been a long time since I had been on a long board, so it took me a while to adjust to the feel. I practiced on my control and cruising before I was able to break out into carves, swerving around Tony Perry as he rode slowly.

He looked at me and laughed while he stood up to pedal faster. He went ahead of me and stopped, turning to look at me with his phone in his hand. I did a sharp carve and stuck my tongue out while flipping off the camera. Tony took the picture and laughed at the screen.

“That’s such an awesome picture,” Tony commented. I rode up beside him and looked over his shoulder.

The picture was perfect. The rays of the sun were visible from behind me and you could see Tony’s reflection in my sunglasses.

“That’s awesome,” I said with a smile. “Post it.”

Tony took a moment to post the picture, and a few seconds later, my phone let out a ping from my pocket. I pulled it out to see the notification that Tony had posted something. I opened the picture and read the caption.

Riding around with this babe @meediemontclair

I couldn’t help but blush at the comment. I quickly shoved my phone into my pocket and used my foot to kick off and ride toward the sidewalk. “Come on!” I called after him.

The sidewalk had a very long hill with a curve down at the end. I waited at the top of the hill for Tony to meet me. “Are we going to ride down this?” he asked.

“Yup,” I replied with a smile. “Ready?”

“No,” he gulped, staring at the intimidating hill.

“Go!” I shouted anyway. I gently pushed myself off and adjusted my feet so I was balanced on the board. I immediately began to roll down the hill, gradually picking up speed as I did so. Tony waited a minute so there was some space between us before he pushed himself down the hill to roll along behind me.

I crouched down so I could go even faster. I passed the cars beside me, going at least five miles per hour faster than they were. It was a rush. The wind blew my bun back, slowly pulling it out of the knot on top of my head. My tank top ruffled in the wind, and I could feel the air against my stomach as the breeze seeped in through the deep arm holes. I wanted to close my eyes and enjoy the feeling. I felt so free. I felt untouchable.

“Oh my god!” A few people screamed as I passed them. I noticed their band shirts and knew that they were walking up to the venue. “That’s Meedie!” One girl said loudly.

I gave them a small wave, looking over my shoulder to see their reactions for when Tony was going to pass them. Tony whizzed by and gave them a casual hello, sending them into a fit of squeals and excitement. “That was Tony Perry! Oh my god!” One girl said.

“I LOVE YOU TONY!” They called after him over and over again. I shook my head and laughed as we neared the end of the hill. I curved around and my board eventually came to a stop once the hill started to go up.

Tony soon met my side.

“How are we going to get up there?” Tony asked, looking up the hill.

The small group of fans were standing right where we had passed them. They knew that we would have to come back up that way. As if on cue, and large van pulled up at the stop sign right beside us. I rode up its back bumper in a hurry, motioning for Tony to follow suit.

I grabbed onto the backbumper with one hand and held one hand out to Tony. “Hold my hand and pedal at the same time.”

He listened to my instructions and grabbed onto my wrist. I grabbed onto his and stood on the long board as the bus because to trudge forward. Tony pedaled along with the bus, and to my surprise, it worked.

“WAIT!” The girls screamed after us. I graved them a smile as we passed by.

Once back at the top of the hill, I let go of the bus, but Tony didn’t let go of my wrist. He held onto me and continued to pedal forward, pulling me along with him. The fans ran after us, and once we were closer to the venue, he let go of me and we stopped to let the fans catch up to us.

As if on cue, Vic, Mike, and Jaime walked up from the other side of the parking lot all holding bags of food and drinks.

The group of four or five girls were running up to us now, but we just stood there. Vic noticed them and a smile broke out onto his face. He was always so happy to see when fans wanted to see them so badly. I felt like, even though he knew that he had made an impact, he still needed to be reminded of it every now and then.

“Can we take a picture with you guys?” They asked right away.

“Here,” I said, holding out my hand for her phone. “I’ll take it for you guys.”

She handed me the phone and I stood out in front of them as they all stood together for a group photo. I snapped a couple of pictures to make sure I got it for them before reaching out to hand her the picture.

“Can we get a picture with you, Meedie?” the girl then asked as she held out her phone to Mike. “Will you take it for us?”

Mike nodded and took her phone before standing out in front of us. “Wait,” Mike said as he lowered the phone a bit. “Somebody put their hand on Meedie’s boob.”

“Mike…really?” I asked.

“Please, it’ll be funny! Someone has to touch them since I can’t.”

The girls erupted into a fit of giggles as I rolled my eyes and told them to go ahead. Right away, they all reached their hands out to place them on my boobs.

“This has got to be illegal,” I said.

They continued to laugh. I made a shocked expression and Mike snapped the picture.

“Thank you guys so much,” the girl said as she took her phone back.

We told them it was no problem and that we hoped they would enjoy the show. We turned to walk away, but before we got too far, they called back after us.

“Wait! Meedie! Can I get a picture of you and Tony?”

“Uh…” I turned to look at Tony who was sitting on his bike and looking over to us. Mike took his long board from my hands before riding away on it.

Tony slowly approached us on his bike with a smile on his face. “Come on,” he said to me. I walked over to him. “Get on the pegs,” he said as he motioned to the gold pegs that were on the back of his back. I stood up on the pegs as he kept the bike steady with his feet placed firmly on the ground. I placed my hands on his shoulders to balance myself.

“Smile!” She said as she held her phone out and took a few pictures. “That’s so cool.”

“Tag us in that. I bet it’s sick,” Tony said. “See you guys, have a night time tonight.”

And before I could let myself off of the back of his back, he took off with me standing on his pegs.

-

Although I had such a great day, I couldn’t deny that craving I had toward the alcohol after the show. I sang on stage again, and just like the night before, it was a thrill and gave me a temporary fix for what I had been missing on for the past ten months without music…and without Marky. I was missing Marky, and that’s what kept me going back to the bottle.

It felt the same as every other night of my more recent life. I would drown myself in a bottle of Jameson so I could reach that temporary care-free feeling; that certain point where you finally feel like your life is fine and there’s nothing that could bring you down. But with that high, always came the fall. And there I was, once again, riding out my fall in the back of the bus while staring out the window that I could never pull myself away from.

I would slip away from the rest of the guys completely unnoticed since they were too drunk. But they didn’t have a fall like mine. Their fall usually just consisted of their heads crashing against their pillows. They had problems, sure, but not like mine. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I always ended up in tears because of it. Staring out the window in tears with my knees pulled up to my chest. I would think about Marky and only Marky.

Tony Perry walked into the room and sat beside me. I felt like he had become a part of my routine, too. For the past three nights, he’s ended up by my side, staring out the window with me. I didn’t even turn around when I heard him enter the back of the bus. He sat beside me and stared straight ahead while the tears continued to silently fall from my eyes.

“You cry a lot,” Tony said in a slightly slurred manner. He was drunk as well. “Everybody’s asleep,” he said soon after. The two different statements threw me off a bit. I didn’t know which to respond to, so I remained silent.

“You’re too pretty to be so sad,” he said quietly.

I decided to remain silent again. I just stared out of the window, watching as the lines on the freeway blurred and the cars passed by. I didn’t have a response. Prettiness had nothing to do with sadness. Any why would Tony Perry be calling me pretty, anyway?

“You’re pretty, too, Tony Perry,” I replied with a laugh. I decided to try and lighten the mood because I really was not in the mood for a heavy conversation or a lecture on how I shouldn’t be so sad. His words were too thick in the air. I had to say something.

Tony laughed just a bit before looking down to hide his smile.

“Why do you do that?” I asked while watching him.

“Do what?”

“You always bow your head to hide your smile,” I explained. “You shouldn’t hide your smile. Happiness is beautiful.”

“So now I’m beautiful?” Tony asked with another smile.

I rolled my eyes and looked back to the window with a small smile on my lips.

“You do it, too,” he said. “You’re so used to being sad that you hide what little happiness you feel.”

I bit my lip as my smile disappeared. He was right. I didn’t have any room to speak about showing happiness when I was the expert at hiding it. I just nodded and continued to stare out the window.

And that’s when I felt it. Tony placed his hand on my knee and his lips to my cheek. But this time he didn’t get up to leave or say goodnight. And this time I didn’t question his actions inside my head. And I didn’t deny the tingling and nervousness that consumed me. I didn’t deny the feeling of attraction that I had to the sensation of Tony’s lips against my cheek and his hand against my knee. I didn’t deny the unfamiliar feeling of attraction toward a man instead of a woman.

His lips lingered longer than the night before when he had kissed my cheek. He pulled away and I didn’t know what to do. I had been with women for the past six years now. And before that I had only been with a man a couple of times. I was nervous and afraid. And quite possibly reading way too far into the situation. Maybe Tony was just trying to be friendly. Maybe he was just trying to say, hey, I’m here for you.

But his hand was on my knee and his lip print was on my cheek and my heart was in my throat.

“I don’t know what to do,” I said quietly. And my statement applied to more than just my current dilemma on what to do with Tony. It was a general statement that related to everything. I didn’t know what to do with myself without Marky. I didn’t know what to do about my band. I didn’t know what to do about my drinking problem. And I didn’t know what to do about my unexpected attraction to the feeling of Tony Perry’s touch.

“Don’t do anything. Just let it all happen.”

Before I could even begin to decipher what Tony said, he pulled my head back and crashed his lips to mine. I closed my eyes and kissed him back without any hesitation.

His hand remained on my knee as our lips drunkenly moved together. Our tongues soon joined in on the action. But that’s all we did. We sat there and just…made out. I felt like I was in high school again – sitting at home before my mom came home from work, making out on my couch when I knew I wasn’t supposed to.

I wasn’t supposed to be kissing Tony Perry. I kissed girls. For the past six years I had liked girls. Since I turned twenty years old I had liked girls. Since Tony Perry first introduced me to my first girlfriend, I had liked girls. But now Tony Perry was introducing me to something that was new, but never an impossibility.

And that was the third time that Tony Perry had changed my life.

Notes

Meedie's outfit

I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I like this story a lot. It's fun to write.

Thank you guys so much for all of the subscriptions and comments and rates already! You're all so fabulous.

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