I had settled for taking two shots and then sipped on an extremely saturated mixed drink for the rest of the night. I was extremely proud of myself for actually following through on my vow to try and drink less, and I think that that way my life was starting to turn around had a lot to do with my motivation to stay remotely sober. Tony, on the other hand, had no limit when it came to the amount of shots he had choked down, and I was pretty certain he wasn’t planning on stopping any time soon. Even though I had been partying and drinking as much as Tony had been in his life, his tolerance was a lot higher than mine, and his emotional stability was also a lot more solid that mine.

Tony tugged on my hand while I was in a conversation with Matt, the boys’ tour manager (not to be confused with All Time Low’s tour manager whose name was also Matt), about the progress with my new band. “Hold on, babe,” I said as I gently squeezed his hand. I returned to listening to Matt as he gave me a few tips on how to pick a manager better than my last.

“Meedie,” Tony whined like a child. “I’m ready to goooooo.”

“I’m not,” I whispered while Matt continued to talk. “Hold on.”

Matt looked between us as he spoke, double checking that I was still listening. I nodded to him to tell him to continue, but he was stopped before he could even open his mouth again. Tony spun me around by my wrist and crashed his lips against mine.

“I’m ready to go.” Tony’s voice was firm and authoritative, but I pulled away just a bit, confusion written over my face. His lips were barely touching mine as we exchanged breath. He pulled my hand down and firmly placed my hand over his jeans, right over his crotch. He pushed my hand down a bit and then repeated himself, “I’m ready to go.”

I understood what he meant and grew overly excited for the chance to have sex with Tony, especially after our little fight thing we had. I turned around to face Matt after Tony released my hand. “Matt, I’ll have to continue this conversation with you later. Tony’s not feeling well,” I said with a fake pout. “Too much to drink,” I whispered so others wouldn’t hear.

“Oh, alright,” Matt said with a wink. He saw right through my lie. “I’ll make sure nobody heads back to the bus, don’t worry.”

Tony immediately grabbed my wrist and pulled me through the bus, grabbing a shot in the kitchen area on the way through. He downed the liquid and hissed at the burn before tossing the shot glass over to the leather couch, right beside where Mike sat with Rian Dawson. We were out the bus door before they could even turn to see where it had come from.

I could see our bus just about twenty yards away, and my excitement continued to boil up in the pit of my stomach. Tony was staggering in front of me, somehow still able to walk faster than me even though he was fairly drunk. I studied the way his black hair waved at the back of his head, the ends sticking out just slightly from the static of his t-shirt. His snapback was holding the rest of his hair down.

We made our way to the back of the bus, shutting and locking all doors behind us just in case someone did decide to wander in, but I was pretty certain that they knew better than to do that. After all, Jaime did promise us a bus to ourselves.

Tony pushed me down onto the couch, a hungry look filling his glassy, drunk eyes as he smiled down at me. He reached down and began to un-do his own belt buckle while I adjusted myself so I was lying down. I stretched my arms above my head, stretching out my body in an attempt to look sexy under Tony’s gaze. He licked his lips and smiled even wider. He pushed his pants down before pouncing on top of me in a playful manor, his body crushing me just a bit. I let out a laugh as Tony began to kiss down my neck.

Tony's hands crawled up my sides, but I stopped him just before he could reach the area of my scabbed tattoo. He noticed the way I shied away from his touch and pulled his lips from mine before frowning down at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked through his frown. "You're not into it?"

I shook my head. "No, I am into it!"

"Then what is it?"

I bit my bottom lip for a brief moment before connecting my lips to his once again. "Take my shirt off and find out," I mumbled against his lips.

Tony let out a chuckle and pulled his lips away from my again, his fingertips already pulling at the end of my shirt. He pulled it over my head quickly and stopped to look over my torso. He started from my pant line and worked his way up, his eyes immediately being attracted to my breasts. I rolled my eyes and turned on my side just a bit, so he could notice my new tattoo clearly now.

His eyes softened and I could see that he sobered up just a bit when he caught sight of my new tattoo. He smiled widely and reached out to hover over the outline of it, careful not to touch it since it was still new. He stared at it for a long while, his smile still on his face and his eyes still glued to the spot.

“It’s beautiful,” Tony muttered as he looked over to me. “Just like you.”

I smiled shyly at his words and then looked down at my side to stare at my newest addition to my canvas – a monarch butterfly. The lines were clean and the shading was done perfectly, so the perfect shade of orange was visible in contrast to my skin tone. Its wings were extended, giving a full view of the wings and body of the butterfly just over my ribcage. The lines were still elevated and the skin was red all around it, but even then it looked beautiful.

“You know, I got it because of what you told me about them,” I said.

“That they resemble change?” he clarified. I nodded in response and Tony smiled even wider as he bent down to gently kiss just beside the edge of its wing. “Very fitting.”

I let out a small laugh, but I was soon silenced when Tony continued to kiss around my tattoo, eventually moving up so he could kiss over my cleavage and then back up to my neck, before he finally made contact with my lips again.

I was expecting the sex to be rough, like before, but this time something was different. The atmosphere changed as soon as he saw my tattoo, and instead of fucking me senseless, we made love. I had never done anything so passionate before, and I wondered if Tony was toying around the idea of love in his head as well, because his actions surely made me believe so.

He lifted me up and wrapped his arms around my naked body; sweat was already dripping down our foreheads after the first ten minutes. His movements were assertive, but the way he held me so closely to him made me feel so much more appreciated and well, loved.

I know that I had been saying this since the first time I had sex with Tony, but that was the best sex I ever had. I had never felt like more of a woman in my entire life, and I never knew that it meant to make a woman out of someone until that moment when Tony made love to me for hours in the back of his tour bus.

There was no denying my feelings now.

-

When I woke up in the morning I was surprised to see that we were already at the venue in New Jersey, and most of the bus was already awake. I slipped out of my bunk, leaving Tony to continue to sleep since he was probably going to have a hangover after the shots he took the night before. I only had a large t-shirt and some panties on and I was certain that I had the worst case of bedhead mixed with sex hair ever.

I heard chatter coming from the front longue as I grew closer, the smell of coffee drawing me toward the rest of the band members that lounged around. I emerged from the bunk area as I wiped my eyes. I headed toward the coffee maker by memory and noticed that the talking had stopped.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and then turned around, ready to provide a snarky comment to Mike’s perverted eyes, but instead I saw Reid, Drew, Al, and Logan sitting around the couches – my new band was on the tour bus, and now they were staring at my somewhat exposed body and horrible hair. I immediately felt embarrassed.

“Well, better get used to this now,” I said. “If we’re going to be a band together, this is going to be common.”

“I never even thought about the differences in gender,” Drew admitted, laughing quietly.

“My girlfriend would be so jealous right now…” Reid laughed as he looked at me. “You’re her biggest crush.”

Logan was silent; he seemed to be pretty shy. But Al, on the other hand, was nearly bouncing out of his seat.

“Am I the only one fangirling like crazy?” he asked, the excitement making his voice crack.

“You’re fangirling over Meedie’s vagina?” Mike asked as he stepped into the room. “Happens to me all the time.”

He stood beside me to pour himself a cup of coffee and I decided to punch him in the arm for his comment. He cringed and immediately grabbed onto his arm as his face scrunched up in pain.

“Okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” Mike said. He turned around and I could see him winking at Al. So I hit him again.

As if right on cue, Tony rolled out of my bunk and paused in front of it to stretch and look around. He caught sight of me and smiled before walking over to me. He planted a kiss on my lips, making sure it was noisy so everybody knew that he was kissing me. My cheeks immediately heated up.

“Just coming to mark my territory,” Tony announced as he turned around.

“No need to worry about us,” Drew said, holding his hands up to surrender.

“No, I know,” Tony laughed. We all turned to look at Mike who just held his hands up and gave us all a guilty smile.

“Guilty,” he admitted. “So what are you guys doing here, anyway?”

Vic cleared his throat from the corner of the room. He was sitting at the table with his laptop in front of him and his headphones sitting beside him - plugged in and ready to be put in use. “I invited them on the bus. Meedie mentioned that she was interested in making music with them, so I wanted to talk to them. I’m just looking out for my little sister.”

“Vic was also telling us some stories about being in a band,” Logan said, finally speaking up after being silent this whole time. “Do you think we really have a chance, Meedie? Like, is this actually going to happen?”

The bus grew quiet as everyone turned to me. For a moment I was thinking: duh, I could make this happen so easily. But then again, I read deeper into his question. He wasn’t just asking me if he thought that we had the talent, but he was also asking me if I was ready. Was I ready for this?

“Yes,” I finally said. “This is happening.”

Getting adjusted to new band members was going to be an interesting process – with my last band, Marky and I were able to find our other band members in a heartbeat because Marky used to be a guitar technician and roadie. He met a few people while on tour and they became some of our best friends, and thus Meadows, our band, was born. This time the circumstances were much different, and I really knew nothing about these guys.

I wasn’t afraid though. I knew that the touring wasn’t going to happen anytime too soon. First we would have to record some demos – most likely in Vic’s garage – and then find the right record label to sign us. That part wouldn’t be too difficult, since I had a lot of connections. This was where the true bonding would happen. We would know each other’s musicality and we would really get to know each other while recording. Excitement began to bubble up from deep within as I thought about being back in the recording studio, and eventually touring and playing music in my very own band once again.

Tony brought me back to the conversation by gently wrapping his arm around my waist. He knew that I was getting far too swallowed up in my thoughts – he could always tell when my mind went running.

I decided to excuse myself from the room so I could go shower and make myself a bit more presentable. I decided on dressing up a bit since the weather wasn’t unbearably hot – it was rather chilly, even for a spring afternoon. I did my makeup dark – just like Lisa had showed me – and decided to whip out one of my new goodies from Jaxin’s clothing line. I decided to wear his new black Key Street beanie, and that way I didn’t have to worry about doing anything to my hair.

I pulled on an old pair of black skinnies and paired them with a black and white striped top that was long sleeved, but cropped so it showed my midriff. I pulled on a red and black flannel, and a jean jacket over that, making sure to roll the sleeves of the jacket up a bit so the flannel showed a bit more. I smiled at my appearance and even took an awkward mirror selfie to post on instagram.

Back on the tour! This is what I’ll be wearing today, if you see me around make sure you say hello. #awkselfie

When I walked back out of the bathroom, there was nobody in the lounge but Tony. He had already changed his clothes and seemed to look ready for the day. He was smiling down at his phone when I walked in, and I immediately felt nervous about the way he was looking at his phone. Was he smiling at a text message? Could it be that Faith was still trying to contact him?

“Cute picture,” Tony laughed as he flashed me the screen of his phone. My picture that I had just posted was open on his phone. I watched as he double tapped the image the like it.

I felt ridiculous for being so paranoid about why he was smiling. I needed to trust Tony. He had been cheated on before, so he knew how it felt, and I knew that he would never do that to anybody else, especially not me – he saw how distraught I was when Lindsay cheated on me.

“What do you want to do?” Tony asked as I sat down on the couch beside him. I pulled my feet up under my bottom as I got comfortable on the couch. Tony wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to his side while kissing my head at the same time. “Nice beanie,” he commented.

“Want to go for a ride?”

Tony locked eyes with me, a smirk on his face and an eyebrow enthusiastically cocked.

“No, I meant on the longboards or something!” I slapped him in the chest. “Jesus, give me a break. I’m feeling a bit sore from last night.”

“That’s not what I wanted to hear,” Jaime’s voice spoke up from the corner of the room, right where the bunks were. “I’m still not used to you guys together.”

“Well, get used to it,” Tony said as he laughed. “And get used to hearing things like that. Because it’s not the first time you’ll hear it, Himes.”

“Well, as soon as the tour’s over you’ll keep your sex talk in Newport Beach with you,” Jaime said as he neared the coffee machine.

A sly smile crept over my face as I realized that Jaime was wrong because Tony was planning on moving back to San Diego. Jaime turned around and immediately recoiled, a strange – frightened, maybe? – expression taking over his face.

“Why do you guys both have the look on your faces like you know something that I don’t?”

“I’m moving back to San Diego, dude,” Tony said with a huge grin plastered on his face.

Jaime immediately grew excited, nearly bouncing around the kitchenette. “Seriously?” he nearly screamed. “I’m so excited! We can start playing pool at the bar again and and and…”

“You’re going to hyperventilate, Jaime,” I said with a laugh. “Calm yourself.”

“Okay, sorry,” he said while taking in a few deep breaths. “Do you know where you’re going to live yet?”

Tony furrowed his eyebrows and frowned. “Oh, um…no, actually.”

“Jess could totally look around for you and send pictures and all that stuff. It’s not like you need to be too picky since you’re not going to be there most of the time,” Jaime offered. He immediately pulled out his cell phone and began to tap around to text his girlfriend, Jess, to see if she could find him a place to live.

The excitement that Jaime was still portraying was exactly what was going on inside of my head; I just didn’t want to show it. I couldn’t allow myself to get too giddy over things involving Tony, even though I really wanted to. Just the feeling of his arm around my waist sent my body in a fit of tingles and my heart would race. The feelings I had for Tony were alarming – especially to someone like me. Someone who always had such a rigid exterior and a tough persona. But, really, I was fangirling just as much as anybody else.

-

I leaned to my left, guiding Mike’s long board that I was riding around the back of the venue. I carved along the street, swerving left and right to continue my momentum as I cruised around the venue. Tony got caught up in an interview with the rest of the guys, and once again, I refused to join in. I still wasn’t quite ready for any questions they might throw my way. The pressure would be too real, and the last thing I needed was a stressful situation to send me over the edge.

I ended up riding straight up to a group of kids that were sitting against the back wall of the venue. Two of them were smoking cigarettes while the other two were laughing and talking. Music was playing from their phones – it sounded like All Time Low, but I wasn’t too sure because the volume was so low.

The kids all stood up, immediately waving me over with grins and panicked demeanors. I jumped off of the board and quickly jogged alongside it as it slowed down. I bent down and quickly swooped it up, the wheels still spinning noisily as I joined the circle of fans.

“Hi,” one girl said. She was tall and lanky with dark hair that was pulled back in a slick ponytail. She had snakebites and something about her really stood out to me. I was pretty certain that I had met her before – once a very long time ago. I wracked my brain, scanning through the countless amounts of stories I had read, conversations I had with fans, and names that had been chucked my way. I finally reached her conversation in my mind – it was Meadows very first gig at our very first headliner. She was the first person in line at the venue and we talked about how difficult it was to be an older sister.

“Hey Morgan,” I greeted, desperately hoping that I had got her name right. The way her eyes lit up told me that I was right. “How are you? Long time no see, huh?”

She didn’t respond, instead she choked out something about how I remembered who she was. The rest of her friends seemed to be in awe, one of them had their phones out, recording me from the moment I approached them.

“Of course I remember you,” I said. “I’m pretty good with remembering people that I meet, as long as we have a conversation that’s more than two seconds long.” I let out a small chuckle.

“I’m Kenny,” one guy said. “I’m her boyfriend.”

I smiled over at Morgan, who blushed at Kenny’s words. “Nice to meet you,” I said as I shook his hand.

The kids were great to talk to, and Morgan didn’t say very much to me the entire time that I was with them. She just kind of stared with a smile. But that was fine, I was getting to know her friends. I liked how personable they were – I didn’t feel like a band member when I was with them. They talked to me like I was just hanging out in their group, waiting for the show to start. Then a small idea came into my head, more like an experiment, really.

“Hey, the doors are opening in like ten minutes,” I said as I looked down at my phone.

“Oh, do you have to go?” Julie asked, a frown on her face.

I quickly texted Tony, giving him a small heads up as to where I was and where I was going to be for the next couple of hours. “Actually, no. I’m going to hang out with you guys. Is that okay?”

“What do you mean?” Morgan asked.

“Like, I want to go through the line with you guys and stand with you. If that’s okay, I mean,” I said. “I want to try a little experiment. I posted a picture on instagram of my outfit and told people to say hello if they saw me. So I just want to see how many people will actually recognize me if I’m just standing around.”

“You’re pretty recognizable,” Kenny laughed. “But I’m pretty sure we’re all okay with the idea of you hanging out with us.”

The others all nodded in agreement, and I couldn’t help but feel nervous as we all started to walk toward the front of the venue. I could see the last person in line walking forward as the line entered the building – each of them having their purses or bags checked and their tickets scanned as they entered in groups of four or five. We hung back as a few stragglers walked up to the door and went in. I flashed my pass to them and then asked one of the security guards to bring my longboard to the dressing rooms so I wouldn’t have to carry it around.

By the time Mayday Parade came on stage, only a total of three groups of fans had actually noticed me and stopped to talk – so around a total of fifteen people, maybe. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but it honestly felt so great to feel like a fan again. It felt so great to watch the performance and just hang out. No special treatment (to a certain extent). No side-stage viewing. No earplugs to protect me from the amps that were on the stage. Just pure music filling my ears. I watched the fans and how they interacted. I watched the reactions they had to the music. I looked at the merch they were wearing, and most of all, I watched my friends kill it on stage.

By the time Pierce the Veil came on stage, the group I was with had dwindled down to only three – me, Morgan, and Kenny. The other two had left to try some crowd surfing. Kenny wrapped his arms around Morgan and I watched her smile as he sang along to Bulletproof Love in her ear. I wondered what it would be like to be at a concert with Tony like this. I wondered how it would feel to be a normal couple once we were off of tour. What kind of dates would we go on?

Tony and I were very close, but mostly be association. I was excited to get to know him on a more personal level. I was excited to learn all about the casual Tony, instead of the touring Tony.

Hold On Till May came up, and I panicked for a quick second as I remembered that I needed to get up on that stage to sing the female vocals. I was pretty far back in the venue, crammed between a couple of larger gentlemen who definitely would not let me pass through the crowd, and going all the way around the venue to the dressing rooms would take way too long.

I looked up at saw one of the girls that was with us earlier being tossed over the ocean of bodies. I watched how quickly she traveled over the tops of the heads of those in the crowd, and I knew exactly what I needed to do to get to the front. I tapped the shoulders of the gentlemen in front of me, and they each turned around with angry expressions, but their faces immediately softened when they seemed to recognize me. I pointed up with a hopeful expression and the two of them gladly obliged. Each of them reached down to lift me up and toss me into the air. I let out an excited squeal as the hands immediately began to push up on my body, tossing me forward. I made sure to hold onto my beanie with one hand so I didn’t lose it in the crowd.

Tony locked eyes with me as I grew closer to the stage, his face immediately lit up in amusement and he started to let out a bellowing laugh – it couldn’t be heard over the music, but I knew the laugh so well that I could hear it echoing in my mind. I was growing closer to Jaime’s side of the stage, but Tony waved Matt, the tour manager, over so he could help me and hand me a microphone. Jaime reached out and grabbed onto my hand, pulling me up onto the stage as the security guided me over the gap between the pit and the stage.

The microphone met my hands just in time for me to sing the first words. My voice was breathless and raw since I hadn’t warmed up and was still breathing heavily from the adrenaline rush that I got while crowd surfing, but it didn’t matter, because once the crowd realized what I had just done, they screamed louder than the music and my vocals were drowned out by their own beautiful voices.

It felt great to be a fan again, and it felt great to live a little after a very stressful few weeks on tour.

Notes

Meedie's Outfit

Hey guys! Here's an update - FINALLY. I'm so sorry it took forever for me to get this out, but don't worry! I'm all caught up on all of my stories and now we won't have to worry about waiting for so long.

I wanted to give you guys a more relaxed, laid-back chapter to make up for the drama that was included in the past few chapters. I know it was somewhat uneventful, but things are DEFINITELY going to be picking up next chapter :)

Let me know what you think! Love you all so much!