I remained sober that night – not a single drop of alcohol met my lips. Unless kissing Tony counted since he was drinking. I was having an amazing time, though. Watching everybody else get drunk was really entertaining in itself. I sat down beside Vic who was casually sipping on a beer and just people watching, like I had been.

“It’s fun on the sober side, isn’t it?” Vic asked, gently bumping my shoulder as he spoke. “Well, sober-ish,” he corrected, pulling his beer up to his lips to take another drink.

“It really is,” I agreed. “What am I like to watch?” I asked.

Mike was rolling up a joint at the kitchen table while Tony and Jaime had their arms looped and their legs tied together to try and see what it was like to be Siamese twins. Casey was taking pictures of them while the rest of the crew was just sitting around drinking and talking over the music. I wondered what I would be doing in this moment if I was drunk – I usually got pretty emotional and would have probably skipped out on the festivities to sit and stare out the window in the back lounge like I often did when I was drunk.

Vic shrugged. “I don’t know,” he sighed. “I don’t really like seeing you drunk.”

I furrowed my eyebrows a bit. “Why?” I asked, confused.

“Well, I just feel so protective over you. And I know you can do some pretty crazy things when you’re under the influence,” Vic explained, pausing to let out a laugh. I couldn’t help but laugh along – we had some pretty crazy nights through the years and I had done some pretty bold things. “You’re like a sister to me, you know, you’re family. And I just feel like I have to take care of you, is all.”

“Do you feel like that with Mike, too?” I asked, turning to look at Mike who was now wearing his shirt like a turban, sitting on the kitchen table, pretending to meditate while his joint was hanging from his lips.

Vic chuckled at the sight and yelled for Casey to snap a picture with his cell phone. Casey immediately obliged and began taking pictures of Mike, mumbling something about how he needed Adam to get a good picture of it.

“I mean, in a sense I do feel protective over Mike, too,” Vic said, answering my previous question. “But, he’s a man, and for some reason I just know that he can hold his own – for the most part. But I do feel responsible for him a lot of the time. I feel responsible for all of you, actually.” Vic furrowed his eyebrows as he came to this realization.

“Just because you’re older than us all doesn’t mean you have to worry so much,” I said. Vic was always the moderator of the band and our group of friends – for all of the years that I had known Vic he was always being the big brother or father figure. He especially looked after Marky.

“What does it matter to you?” Marky shouted, slamming his backpack down on the Fuentes’s kitchen table. Mike followed Marky into the kitchen, snickering at the argument that had stirred up in the car. I followed Mike, grabbing a soda from the fridge before perching up on the kitchen counter to watch Marky and Vic go at it, yet again.

“Because, Marky! You can’t just flunk every single subject – I tell your sister and Mike the same thing! You guys need to take school more seriously!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Marky retorted. “I’m not going to college, so this means literally nothing to me. I just go because it’s the fucking law.”

“No cursing in my house!” Vivian shouted from down the hall, causing Marky to blush in embarrassment. “You boys calm down! You argue too much.”

“Yeah, Vic, calm down,” Marky snarled and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re not my dad.”

Vic groaned loudly, spinning in a half circle as he gripped onto the roots of his hair, pulling slightly in frustration. “You just don’t get it!” Vic nearly screamed, his voice screeching as his anger seethed. “I care about you guys so much and I just want to make sure someone is looking out for you!”

“Oh, sorry that we have a shitty mom and no support at home,” Marky retorted, obviously taking his words to heart too much.

Vic groaned again. “That’s not what I- UGH!” He calmed himself down in an instant and walked up to Marky, placing his hands on his shoulders and looking him dead in the eyes. “Marky, just try to listen to what I’m saying. Please try to get your grades up, trust me. It’ll just make everything easier.”

Marky finally gave in, caving under Vic’s caring and unfaltering gaze. Marky leaned into Vic’s arms, turning his hold into a strong embrace, each of them randomly patting each other’s backs to make it more manly.

“Hello?” Vic called, waving a hand in front of my face. “Earth to Miranda,” he said, dragging out the last letter of my name. I smiled a bit at the sound of my full name, Marky used to be the only one who ever preferred to call me Miranda instead of Meedie – my full name reminded me of him.

“Sorry,” I giggled a bit wiping my eyes. “I was just remembering how good you were to Marky.”

Vic’s eyes changed from amused to nostalgic and sad. But his smile never left his lips. “Yeah, I loved that kid. Still do. Always will.”

“Yeah, me too,” I said with a sigh. I was nice being able to talk about Marky like this – remembering our past and our happy moments. Remembering the life I had with Marky. I did feel sad – that was inevitable – but I didn’t feel the need to cry. I felt that my head was lighter, my mind no longer weighed down with the images of Marky’s death, but instead latent with his smile and his smart-ass personality. I didn’t want the conversation on Marky to end – especially when I could share it with someone who could see just what I was remembering.

“Are you ever going to let the public know about him?” Vic asked, changing the direction of the topic just slightly, but still leaving Marky present in our thoughts.

I pondered his question for a moment. The public knew plenty about him, but not about his death. All they knew was that it was extremely unexpected. When Marky first started to come clean, we informed the public about his sucstance addiction and informed them on his road to recovery, then, not much long after – Marky’s death was the trending topic. There was no in between. No explanation. No progress report. Just death. I wondered if the fans just sort of knew what happened because of the fact that he was a user. I wondered if they felt hurt for not knowing how he died. I dropped off the face of the public world in order to help myself recover, but I never really realized that the fans needed to recover as well.

The fans knew and loved Marky almost as much as those closest to him – just in a slightly different way. His death brought them a lot of pain – not only had they lost a member that they had grown to love, but they also lost a band that they loved. Marky took Meadows with him to his grave, and the band could never be back together again. I grew up listening to a lot of different bands, and if the same thing would have happened to me, I would have been depressed. Out right depressed.

“I think they deserve to know,” I muttered, but Vic wasn’t really paying attention anymore. I had taken far too long to answer his question and somebody else had pulled him into a conversation. I excused myself from the party that was happening in the bus, and made my way to my spot in the back.

I sat down, staring out the back window as the roads blurred together in a dark fog, passing by quickly as the bus made its way to our next venue location. My mind naturally wandered to Marky again, seeing as he never really left my mind. But this time I was really mulling over the idea of releasing information about Marky somehow. I needed to do some sort of interview. I couldn’t just post something like this on twitter or instagram, or whatever – I needed this to be wide-spread information for everybody to see. I needed people to know how amazing Marky was and how he died, and I needed to let everybody know that I wasn’t going to leave with him.

The door to the back lounge opened and closed and a few moments later I felt someone sit down beside me. I leaned into his side, already knowing who it was who had come and found me. Tony Perry, the one who would always be there to find me.

“I was thinking about him a lot today,” Tony said softly as he brushed his lips against the side of my head. He buried his nose into my hair and took a breath, inhaling my scent. “I don’t know why, but everything reminded me of him.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Me, too.”

“It was a good day,” Tony admitted.

“It really was.”

I took in a deep breath as my mind made a very huge decision right in that moment. “Hey, Tony?”

“Yeah?”

I sighed a bit, setting myself up to say the words out loud. “I think I’m ready,” I said, “to do an interview and tell people about everything.” Saying the words out loud made them much more real, and now I couldn’t back down on my decision – I think that I subconsciously knew that Tony would hold these words and make sure to force them down my throat every time I thought about backing out, and that was probably why I decided to tell him. That, and because admitting it out loud – to myself – made them register more in my head, and in my heart.

Tony wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and sighed against my jacket as he buried his face into my shoulder. “I think that’s a great idea,” he said. “I think you’re ready, too.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “The fans deserve to know.”

Tony nodded and then lifted his head. He nudged my cheek with his nose to get me to turn my head. I giggled as he continued to nudge me until I finally turned, allowing his lips to meet mine in a gentle kiss. “You’re so incredible,” he mumbled against my lips. “You’re so strong.”

“You make me strong,” I replied as I applied pressure into the kiss once again. Tony’s lips twitched into a smile and I could feel the lines of his lips against mine as he let out a throaty laugh when I moaned into the kiss a bit. I couldn’t help it – everything about him drove me wild, not only sexually, but emotionally as well. I honestly couldn’t tell if I was moaning because of the pleasure his lips brought to mine, or if I was moaning because he was so sweet and made me feel like myself again.

“Should I go lock the door?” Tony asked as the keep became hungry – my hands were tangled in Tony’s hair while his found their way to my hips. I nodded and slid off of his lap to allow him to walk toward the door. So soon as he approached it, Mike pushed it open, trying to nudge his way inside.

“Hey,” Mike said, offended when Tony pushed the door so Mike couldn’t enter all the way. His body was trapped between the door and the doorframe, his right foot just barely entering the back lounge. I couldn’t help but laugh at the confusion on his face. “What gives?” he whined, averting his eyes back to Tony.

“I’m going to lock the door,” Tony explained, trying to give Mike the hint that we wanted to be left alone.

Mike started wiggling his way in, but Tony pushed him back out. “Let me in,” Mike whined, a pout on his lips.

“No, dude,” Tony laughed. “We’re gonna fuck, now go away.”

Mike’s eyes lit up a bit. “No, that’s okay. I can come in.”

I couldn’t control myself any longer, the laughter escaped my lips as I watched Mike still trying to get into the room. Tony’s eyebrows furrowed in irritation, but a smile was still on his face. “Dude!” Tony exclaimed with a laugh. “You can’t watch, what the hell!” Tony laughed.

Mike pouted again. “I thought we were all family here!”

I laughed even harder at how stupid Mike sounded.

“We’re close enough, right? Just let me watch! I won’t touch,” Mike suggested, his words slurring slightly. He held up his hands and wiggled his fingers. “Unless you want me to.” He raised his eyebrows and smiled.

Tony laughed loudly and this time used more force to push him out of the doorway. Mike continued to complain, saying something about his lawyer was going to hear about the way Tony was treating him, but we just laughed it off. Tony’s expression changed as soon as he was able to click over the lock on the door. He went to the iHome in the corner of the room and plugged in his phone, playing some music so we could drown out the sound of Mike’s tapping on the door.

Tony tackled me down on the floor, saying something about how the couch didn’t have enough room for what he wanted to do to me. He bent over, ready to plunge his face in my cleavage, but stopped when both of our phones beeped from our pockets. We each pulled them out and read the notification on our screens.

@ptvmike: Wow @tony_turtle and @meediemontclair just shut the door in my face. All I wanted was to watch. I thought we were friends :(

“I’m going to kill him,” Tony grumbled as he tossed his phone onto the couch. He took mine from my hands just as I replied to the tweet.

@meediemontclair: @ptvmike you wouldn’t be able to handle watching what @tony_turtle is about to do to me ;)

There was a reply instantly, and Tony read it out loud.

@ptvmike: ew @meediemontclair don’t tweet me while @tony_turtle is inside of you

“The fans are probably freaking out right now,” I laughed as Tony tossed my phone to the couch, right beside his.

“Enough talking,” Tony mumbled as he pressed his lips to mine to shut me up.

-

I woke up around eight in the morning, curled up on the floor of the back lounge. Tony’s jacket was wrapped around me like a blanket while Tony was lying next to me – naked – with his face squished into the floor. I chuckled at the sight and decided that we should probably move to a bunk and get dressed before other people woke up. Plus, Tony’s back would surely be feeling the pain of sleeping on the floor later. I got up and searched for one of my duffel bags that were stuffed in the back lounge somewhere, holding some of my new merch that I had bought while on tour. I picked out an All Time Low shirt and picked up the jeans that I had worn the night before. I didn’t even bother going to find some fresh underwear because I was due in for a laundry day – all of my clothes were dirty and I was thankful that we would be staying at a hotel that night so I could get some laundry done.

As I was pulled my shirt out of the duffel bag, a small business card managed to slip out. I watched as it fluttered to the floor, swaying a bit in the air before landing, letters facing into the carpet. But there was a name and number scribbled onto the back of the card.

Abby
628-214-4343

I wracked my brain, trying to remember an Abby. It wasn’t a girl that I had hooked up with, I was pretty sure. And I never really got numbers, anyway. But then it hit me when I turned the card over and saw the company name on the card.

On the first day of tour, the boys had an interview and the girl who was going to be doing the interview was trying to get me to join in, saying that this could be her big break-through if she landed an interview with me. I declined, of course, since it was still a hard time for me. But then she scribbled down her number, insisting that I call in case I was ever ready (or if I ever wanted the company). I was ready now, and I knew that she was the perfect person to call. It was a sign – the card falling from the bag just after I had decided that I wanted to tell people about Marky.

I slipped into the bathroom after grabbing my cell phone off of the couch. I dialed the number, and nervously waited for her to answer.

“Hello, this is Abby,” she answered after a couple of rings sounding groggy.

“Oh, uh, hey Abby,” I said with a nervous chuckle. “Um, it’s Meedie. Uh, Montclair.” I didn’t know if I should have said my last name, so I added it in at the last second. I probably sounded like a stupid, nervous wreck. Because, honestly, I kind of was.

“Meedie! Hey!” she chimed, happily. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Well,” I said softly, “I’m ready for that interview.”

Abby was adamant at my words, her grogginess immediately fading and her excitement taking over. She was the nervous wreck now, and it made me feel a bit better about how nervous I was. She wanted to get it done as soon as possible, insisting that she fly out to wherever I was and doing the interview that night. Which actually worked out perfectly because we were going to be staying in a hotel that night, and we could easily do the interview in my room while the rest of the crew and bands partied. It was perfect, and I honestly couldn’t wait. I told her to keep my posted by texting me throughout the day. I told her I would put her name on the guest list at the venue in case she wanted to get a little bit of footage at the concert, and she was even more ecstatic about that.

I ended the call and hopped into the shower – quickly rinsing myself off and washing my hair before stepping out. I pulled my jeans on and then my bra before laying the shirt out of the counter so I could cut the sleeves. After cutting it into a cut-off shirt with plunging arm-holes to show off my new tattoo, I slipped it on over my head and then stepped out of the bathroom. Tony was half dressed now and sitting on the couch, his head tipped back and his mouth open as he snored. I laughed at the sight and gently shook him to wake him up.

“Hey, why don’t you head to your bunk,” I suggested. Tony nodded and I helped him up, guiding him toward the bunks. Instead of trying to climb up into his own, he rolled into mine, pushing himself up against the back wall and almost immediately knocking out again. I crawled in behind him, letting out a small laugh as I got comfortable.

-

“I don’t know what it is,” Reid said as he took a seat on the couch in the back lounge. Jaime had agreed to help us record a couple of demos on his laptop so we could see how we sounded together. So far everything was clicking perfectly, and now we just needed to make sure that we actually did sound good. Listening to ourselves perform was one thing, but listening to ourselves while not performing was always a completely different experience.

“What do you mean?” Jaime asked as he furrowed his eyebrows. He was hovering over his laptop, lips pursed as he was focusing on the application on the screen. “Here we go,” he muttered to himself as he found whatever he was looking for.

Reid shrugged his shoulders. “I just have this crazy feeling about this.”

“Good, I hope,” Al chuckled as he hit around his bass a bit, the unplugged plucking of the strings being a comfortable background noise.

Reid nodded and help up a hand as if to correct himself. “Yes! I mean, it’s great. But I’m afraid of something not working out, you know? I feel like it’s just too good to be true. Like, I know we’re all friends and stuff now, but still. You’re Meedie Montclair, and you’re Jaime Preciado, and you guys are like…here. I don’t know.”

“You just sound a little starstruck,” Drew said with a goofy grin. “We all are, but this is it, dude. It’s happening. Meedie is answering our prayers.”

The connection these boys had was undeniable – I wondered how long they had been friends for. I also felt a bit concerned that their connection would sever any sort of bond that I wanted to make with them. But then I thought about Pierce the Veil and how even though Mike and Vic were brothers, and Tony and Jaime had known each other forever, there wasn’t a divide between them. They all developed their own relationships and it would just take time for me to feel like that with the rest of the guys.

“I think you’re actually answering mine,” I admitted quietly as I hovered over Jaime’s shoulder, watching him as he finished up our first demo. It was a bit tricky to get the drumming done, but we had somehow managed to get it all done only two hours, which was quite impressive for being cramped up in the back of the bus without the ideal equipment.

The CD tray popped open, signaling that our song was done. The sound making all of us – except Jaime – rise and lean forward. We stared down at the blank CD, all of us nervous and unsure of what to say or do. Jaime pulled it from the tray by poking his middle finger through the hole on the cd. He pulled it up off of the tray and then stood up, heading over to the front lounge where the rest of the guys were sitting around. When they saw Jaime enter, they all immediately dropped whatever they were doing and stared as he headed over to the xbox to use it as a stereo. The bus had surround sound built in to it, and as soon as the tray closed and the CD loaded, I began to shake.

I sat down on the couch, the rest of the guys soon following suit. Tony was sitting across from me while the rest of my new band sat around me. I needed to hold on to somebody – I needed to squeeze onto someone for dear life, especially since the song started off with my voice singing a cappella. It had been so long since I had actually tried to achieve studio quality with my voice, and I was afraid that it was going to sound horrible and off-pitch. I grabbed onto Logan who was sitting beside me. He sent me a reassuring smile as the slight fuzziness of feedback player through the speakers, signaling that the CD had started playing.

And then I heard myself singing, and I was surprised at the sound of my voice. I sounded much different than I was used to. My voice was a bit more mature, and more emotional. It cracked on the longer notes, but not in a way that sounded like I couldn’t hold a note, it sounded raw and real. I listened to the words that I had written, naturally the song was about death, seeing as writing about Marky’s death was the only thing I could really manage to do.

Surprise surprise, it’s me again – cold and dark in this carbon box
And when death comes, it’ll be not love I need
But the sins I carry to let me bleed
So let me bleed

There was a slight pause in the music as my voice trailed off for a moment. Just as my note is about to end, I bring it back up with a growl, Logan coming in on the guitar, teasing with a few chords, and then it all breaks out in a full frenzy – Reid is smashing on the drums, the bass riff is detailed and prominent while Drew and I are screaming in the background of Logan’s trashing on the guitar – there’s not really a rhythm to his notes, just screeching and wailing, almost like the sound of someone crying.

The song was one of the heaviest things I have ever done, and I was quite pleased with how aggressive it was sounding. Although Meadows was in the same genre as Pierce the Veil, we didn’t do a lot of screaming, and this band with Logan, Al, Drew, and Reid sounded nothing like Meadows – and I was very happy about that. I needed something new. I needed people to hear something new, and this was perfect, and the band name was perfect.

The song ended after a very successful three and a half minutes. My knuckles were white from how hard I was gripping onto Logan’s hand, but he didn’t seem to mind – his embrace was just as strong as mine.

“Damn,” Vic finally spoke up, shaking his head. “That was fucking metal.” He smiled widely, and I knew that it was the best compliment he could have given me.

“Right?” Jaime exclaimed, agreeing with Vic.

“I had no idea you could scream like that,” Vic said, eyes wide. He gently massaged his vocal chords as he spoke.

“I did,” Tony said with a smirk. Vic rolled his eyes and I think somebody sitting next to me made a gagging noise. “You sounded amazing, babe.”

I smiled widely. “Thank you,” I said. “Really, any suggestions at all? Like, honest opinions, please?” I asked, my eyes searched the room.

“You know,” Mike said, he seemed to be thinking about something as he tapped his palms on his thighs. “Reid, there’s this combination that would sound totally sick right before the second chorus, it goes something like…” his voice trailed off as he tried to remember the drum combination. He began slapping away on his thighs, Reid intently watched, mouthing off number counts as he studied the combination.

“Okay, okay,” Reid said and then slowly started to repeat it. He messed up a couple of times before he finally got it right, without Mike ever correcting him. “Yeah, I like that.”

Mike looked at him, kind of dumbfounded at how he had learned the entire combination after only watching it once. “How did…”

“I’m uh…self-taught. I learn through watching,” Reid said with a slight blush. “I still can hardly read music, I just learn off of videos and memory.”

“That’s sick. You’ve never messed up or needed to write something down to remember?” Mike asked.

“Nope,” Reid smiled. “I have it all locked away up here.” He pointed at his forehead and then dropped his finger.

“That was so amazing,” Vic said again, shaking his head. “Can I put it on my phone so I can listen to it some more? I’ll let you know if I hear anything worth noting after a couple of listens.”

Jaime and Vic stood up to go sync the song unto Vic’s phone in the back lounge while the rest of the guys stood up, Tony grabbed a round of beers from the fridge for all of us. He handed one to each of us. “A celebration is in order,” he explained.

“Agreed,” Mike said as he popped off the cap of the bottle.

“To In Hopes of Change,” Jaime called, rejoining the group. He held up a water bottle since he didn’t drink beer, and Vic grabbed a beer from the fridge and held it up.

“To In Hopes of Change!” we all called, clanking our bottles together before gulping down the alcohol. I smiled widely as Jaime hit replay, my own voice filling my ears once again. It felt great to hear my music playing in the background while everybody I cared about was all together, celebrating and chatting. I placed my hand over my heart, knowing that Marky was there, celebrating with us.

Notes

Meedie's Outfit

Hey guys! I really enjoyed this chapter because a lot kind of happened, and it really opened up a portal to a lot more that is going to happen. Also, please don't make fun of the lyrics I tried to write. I honestly HATE writing poetry, and lyrics is very similar to poetry, so it was hard for me to think of something to write. So yeah, I don't know. Just pretend they're like some really powerful lyrics and just go with it, okay? ahaha.

I'm love to hear your predictions and such for the story. I know that it's been a bit fillerish, but that's definitely going to be changing soon ;)