Will You Fall In Love Again?
You're Way Past Dead
It’s been two weeks since the funeral, I’ve took some time off work to grieve and I’m leaving for New York in two days to see my parents and to just get away from San Diego for a while. I need it. Mike hasn’t spoken much to me, we’ve cuddled and cried a few times in bed but other than that it’s like he isn’t even here. He drinks a full bottle of whiskey, gets high, then falls asleep on the couch and I have to clean up after his drunken ass. I’m getting tired of it really; he’s not the only one hurting. I don’t know who he is anymore, this is not the Mike I fell in love with, and I’ve never ever seen this side of him. I’m trying so hard to be who he fell in love with and make this easier for us, but he’s making it more and more difficult.
I picked up his empty whiskey bottle and his ash tray for the fifteenth time this week and put a blanket over him on the couch, I cleaned up before calling Vic for him to come over and look after his brother whilst I go away for the weekend. I packed a few last minute things, like my charger before heading out and locking the door. I needed space. I needed to just get away. I might connect with the city again and feel a bit more like me, a bit less lost and maybe, just maybe, a bit happier and less broken.
I can't lie, I've been loving the time away from Mike. Maybe he just needed more time to come round and get off of the drink. I’ve decided we need to talk; we need to just sort it all out. It’d be easier that way. I’m leaving my parents’ house for the airport shortly and I am nervous, sad, excited to leave. Nervous because I know I need to speak to Mikey, sad because I do miss my parents, and excited because I miss Mikey, to be honest. I just want him to be the way he used to, and hold me in his arms.
I fell asleep on the airplane on the way home with sweet memories of a year ago when Mike was the cutest little thing on the planet. Sigh. I awoke with a jump when I realised we’d landed, I must have needed that peaceful sleep. There was always someone checking up on me back at my house, to make sure I was okay. I’d lost like 15 pounds so I was exhausted all the time, but whenever I’d gotten to sleep I’d be woken by people checking on me or by Mike smashing something, drunk, as always. I pondered on what I was going to say to him when I got home whilst waiting on my luggage. That’s when I finally decided to turn my phone on; I’d kept it off the whole weekend and put my faith in Vic to keep everything under control. I turned my phone on and it was bombarded by texts, missed calls, emails, everything. Fuck. Most were from Vic, I read one.
From: Vicky :-) <3
Scarlett, Mike’s drinking is out of control… I know you’re hurting too but you two need to talk. He told me he misses you. You both miss each other. You both need to sort this. Soon.
To: Vicky :-) <3
I know Vicky, I’m going to, I thought a lot whilst I was away, it was good for me. Sorry I had my phone off all weekend to purely think and catch up on sleep. I’ll phone you once I’m in.
I put my phone back on and put it on silent whilst I waited for a cab, I hadn’t noticed, but Vic had phoned me again countless times and text me, I hadn’t noticed that is, until I unlocked the door to my house. I was fucking disgusted when I walked through.
“Mike?” I said, putting the keys on the table, where Jaime ran through the hall to get me.
“Scarlett, uhm. Hey. Uhm…”
“Spit it out, what the fuck is going on with this place? All I smell is weed, whiskey and smoke and what is with the mess?”
“I just got back from staying with my girl all weekend so I’m as shocked as you are.” He said as he took my case and led it towards my room.
“And Mike is where?”
“He’s been sleeping in your bed I think so he’ll be in he-” Jaime paused and looked like he’d seen a ghost.
“Scarlett I think you should wait in the living room for a sec.” All of a sudden I heard moans from a woman coming from MY room.
“What the fuck Jaime?!” I pushed passed him and looked in my room to see my boyfriend, on my bed, with another fucking girl. Wait. No. It was the slut he fucked before we got together. They were going at it and she was moaning and he moaned back. “What the fuck is going on?! I go to my parents to fucking grieve for my dead baby and you decide to fuck some ugly slut?! What the fuck Mike?! Who the fuck are you?! I don’t know you anymore. Get out my house. I want fuck all to do with you, you can get your stuff tomorrow.” I said as I stormed into the living room and sat down, Jaime sitting by me. Mike looked so guilty and there was so much sadness in his eyes. I guess he was so out of it that he didn’t even know what he was doing. That’s not the point though. The point is that he fucking cheated on me when I have done nothing but love him. Once a player always a mother fucking player.
Jaime handed my phone that was ringing, it was Vic.
“WHAT?!” I said, my anger was building more and more in me.
“Calm the fucking tone, Scarlett I’ve been trying to phone you for an hour. The first night I was ‘babysitting’ Mike you could say he told me to get to fuck, we argued, I left to give him space but he locked me out, I couldn’t do anything because you had your fucking phone off. Don’t fucking shout at me I’ve been trying to contact you. I’m sorry Scarlett but he’s out of control, I don’t know what else to say I’m so sorry…” he started sobbing, to which so did I.
“Vicky, it’s okay…” I started to say, still sobbing.
“No, Scarlett, it’s not just all this. Not only have I lost my wonderful nephew but my fucking brother is addicted to cocaine.”
I froze. “WHAT?! I can’t believe it…” I looked around and saw it everywhere. Of fucking course. Just my luck.
“He must have been doing it behind our backs, Scar…”
“I just caught him cheating, I heard him telling the slut to go away and he hasn’t spoken to me since. I
want him gone Vicky.” I sobbed harder.
“He fucking didn’t. I’m going to fucking kill him.” I soon ended my phonecall with Vic, and told Jaime to take some of Mike's stuff that was already lying around in the living room which included DVD's and stuff and to take it round to Vic's. I had already decided, I was going to tidy up this place for Jaime and then go in and speak to Mike. I knew he’d be too much of a coward to come out and speak to me first. I cleaned the kitchen, which was the least messy. It took me about an hour and a half to clean the living room and I put everything in the trash and sat down. I was nervous as fuck. I’d told Jaime to just steer clear until the next morning, or until Mike had gone home to Vic’s.
I slowly walked over to my room and opened the door. Mike was lying on my bed, his slim body looked yellow, he was obviously ill. All he’d done was taken drugs and drink, he hasn’t even eaten. I don’t know how he was alive, seriously. He had his hands in his face and he was sobbing, hard. Good. He fucking deserved it. What did I do to deserve being cheated on? Nothing. We were both hurting; it doesn’t cost anything to just speak to me about things instead of fucking everything up. I sat down on the floor, not even wanting to look at him. It disgusted me to do so, knowing his hands, his arms, his legs, his lips had been on that girl and I couldn’t hold my tears in if I looked at him.
“Michael. I want you out. I’ll help you pack the rest of your stuff and I’ll drive you to Vic’s, because you’re still way too intoxicated, but I want you out. This, what we had. It’s fucked now. You’ve pushed me over the edge. I can’t do this. I was actually planning on coming home to you, making love to you and telling you we’d get through this, together, as a couple, and get to the way we used to be. But when I came through this door, of my own fucking home, on my own fucking bed and saw you with her. With that slut. I just can’t. I can’t do this Michael, I’m done. We’re done.” I managed to keep calm whilst speaking but automatically started sobbing once I was done, with my head in my hands and my knees up to my chest against the bed. To my surprise, he listened to everything I had to say, he then came off the bed and slumped himself down next to me, the smell of sweat, sex, whiskey, weed and cologne radiating up my nostrils made me sick. I didn’t want him to smell like this because of some other girl. I wanted him to smell like this because of me. He was supposed to be mine. Mine. I started sobbing harder, feeling tears run off my face and his arm wrapped round me.
“You’re supposed to be with me and love me no matter what you asshole!” I took his arm off me and walked to my wardrobe where I pulled out a big bag. I intended to start packing his stuff and just let him go away. But I cried harder and slumped down to the floor in front of my wardrobe, blinded by my tears. “I’m hurting too Mike! I’m hurting too!”
He rushed over to me and said, “I know, princess, I know… Shh, come on, I hate seeing you cry” he said in a high pitched voice because he was crying himself.
“Then why did you fuck her?” I said, staring him dead in the eyes.
“I was out of it; I don’t know what I was thinking or what I was doing. I love you, Scarlett, I love you. Please don’t do this, I need you. I’ll fucking die without you.” he sobbed and put his forehead on mine.
“That’s not good enough anymore Michael. This isn’t just some teenage fight, this is real. This can’t work. I can’t look at you without seeing her, without wanting to cry. I need you to go, please just go and at least give me time. You’re addicted to drugs now, I can’t watch you waste yourself away, I can’t. I’m sorry Mike. This is done…”
We packed his stuff and I drove him to Vic’s. The car ride was silent and awkward, and there was so much sadness in us. You could feel it in the air.
“Could you tell Jaime to come to the car, if he’s still awake?” I quietly chuckled. He nodded and opened the door before looking back at me.
“I love you Scarlett Danes and I always will. You mean everything to me. I’ll get clean for you, I’ll tour and then afterwards I’ll come see you at the apartment, we’ll try again, I need you to promise me we can try again.” He said with tears in his eyes and smashed his lips into mine, making our last kiss passionate. It was appropriate, I guess.
“I promise. But please, if not even for me, but for your brother, get clean. Please. If you’re not clean the promise is broken and I can’t do it. I love you too Michael Christopher Fuentes, and I’ll never forget you.” I stroked his hair, took in his beautiful facial features for the last time, in a while anyway, and lightly pecked his lips before he went out of the car, got Jaime and we drove home. I got home and just collapsed in Jaime’s bed, crying into his shoulder, he let me sleep there that night and I just cried and he let me.
It’s been a month and the guys are leaving for tour in the morning so I’m spending the night with Jaime and then I’m packing for myself in the morning. I’m moving back to New York. I need to start fresh. I can’t keep the promise to Mike. I thought about it a lot, but I just can't. I can hardly even look at him, even though I have to be civil for him, but it makes me sick knowing what he did to me at such a delicate time in both our lives.
I got ready after I drove Jaime to Vic’s, said my goodbyes and teared up, them thinking I was being silly but really it was because I was leaving for good. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’d found a good tattoo place that wanted me in New York and I was just happy to get away. I’d found an apartment and everything, this was going to be good for me. I can move on. I’m only 23 years old; I need to be happy, not moping around about Mike all the time. I haven’t spoken to him, but I know that he hasn’t bothered to get clean yet, despite Vic’s pleas. I wrote my letter to Jaime explaining everything and giving him my new number, not wanting anyone else to have it. He’d find it when he got back from tour. Everything was going to be better now. Everything would be perfect again.
I picked up his empty whiskey bottle and his ash tray for the fifteenth time this week and put a blanket over him on the couch, I cleaned up before calling Vic for him to come over and look after his brother whilst I go away for the weekend. I packed a few last minute things, like my charger before heading out and locking the door. I needed space. I needed to just get away. I might connect with the city again and feel a bit more like me, a bit less lost and maybe, just maybe, a bit happier and less broken.
I can't lie, I've been loving the time away from Mike. Maybe he just needed more time to come round and get off of the drink. I’ve decided we need to talk; we need to just sort it all out. It’d be easier that way. I’m leaving my parents’ house for the airport shortly and I am nervous, sad, excited to leave. Nervous because I know I need to speak to Mikey, sad because I do miss my parents, and excited because I miss Mikey, to be honest. I just want him to be the way he used to, and hold me in his arms.
I fell asleep on the airplane on the way home with sweet memories of a year ago when Mike was the cutest little thing on the planet. Sigh. I awoke with a jump when I realised we’d landed, I must have needed that peaceful sleep. There was always someone checking up on me back at my house, to make sure I was okay. I’d lost like 15 pounds so I was exhausted all the time, but whenever I’d gotten to sleep I’d be woken by people checking on me or by Mike smashing something, drunk, as always. I pondered on what I was going to say to him when I got home whilst waiting on my luggage. That’s when I finally decided to turn my phone on; I’d kept it off the whole weekend and put my faith in Vic to keep everything under control. I turned my phone on and it was bombarded by texts, missed calls, emails, everything. Fuck. Most were from Vic, I read one.
From: Vicky :-) <3
Scarlett, Mike’s drinking is out of control… I know you’re hurting too but you two need to talk. He told me he misses you. You both miss each other. You both need to sort this. Soon.
To: Vicky :-) <3
I know Vicky, I’m going to, I thought a lot whilst I was away, it was good for me. Sorry I had my phone off all weekend to purely think and catch up on sleep. I’ll phone you once I’m in.
I put my phone back on and put it on silent whilst I waited for a cab, I hadn’t noticed, but Vic had phoned me again countless times and text me, I hadn’t noticed that is, until I unlocked the door to my house. I was fucking disgusted when I walked through.
“Mike?” I said, putting the keys on the table, where Jaime ran through the hall to get me.
“Scarlett, uhm. Hey. Uhm…”
“Spit it out, what the fuck is going on with this place? All I smell is weed, whiskey and smoke and what is with the mess?”
“I just got back from staying with my girl all weekend so I’m as shocked as you are.” He said as he took my case and led it towards my room.
“And Mike is where?”
“He’s been sleeping in your bed I think so he’ll be in he-” Jaime paused and looked like he’d seen a ghost.
“Scarlett I think you should wait in the living room for a sec.” All of a sudden I heard moans from a woman coming from MY room.
“What the fuck Jaime?!” I pushed passed him and looked in my room to see my boyfriend, on my bed, with another fucking girl. Wait. No. It was the slut he fucked before we got together. They were going at it and she was moaning and he moaned back. “What the fuck is going on?! I go to my parents to fucking grieve for my dead baby and you decide to fuck some ugly slut?! What the fuck Mike?! Who the fuck are you?! I don’t know you anymore. Get out my house. I want fuck all to do with you, you can get your stuff tomorrow.” I said as I stormed into the living room and sat down, Jaime sitting by me. Mike looked so guilty and there was so much sadness in his eyes. I guess he was so out of it that he didn’t even know what he was doing. That’s not the point though. The point is that he fucking cheated on me when I have done nothing but love him. Once a player always a mother fucking player.
Jaime handed my phone that was ringing, it was Vic.
“WHAT?!” I said, my anger was building more and more in me.
“Calm the fucking tone, Scarlett I’ve been trying to phone you for an hour. The first night I was ‘babysitting’ Mike you could say he told me to get to fuck, we argued, I left to give him space but he locked me out, I couldn’t do anything because you had your fucking phone off. Don’t fucking shout at me I’ve been trying to contact you. I’m sorry Scarlett but he’s out of control, I don’t know what else to say I’m so sorry…” he started sobbing, to which so did I.
“Vicky, it’s okay…” I started to say, still sobbing.
“No, Scarlett, it’s not just all this. Not only have I lost my wonderful nephew but my fucking brother is addicted to cocaine.”
I froze. “WHAT?! I can’t believe it…” I looked around and saw it everywhere. Of fucking course. Just my luck.
“He must have been doing it behind our backs, Scar…”
“I just caught him cheating, I heard him telling the slut to go away and he hasn’t spoken to me since. I
want him gone Vicky.” I sobbed harder.
“He fucking didn’t. I’m going to fucking kill him.” I soon ended my phonecall with Vic, and told Jaime to take some of Mike's stuff that was already lying around in the living room which included DVD's and stuff and to take it round to Vic's. I had already decided, I was going to tidy up this place for Jaime and then go in and speak to Mike. I knew he’d be too much of a coward to come out and speak to me first. I cleaned the kitchen, which was the least messy. It took me about an hour and a half to clean the living room and I put everything in the trash and sat down. I was nervous as fuck. I’d told Jaime to just steer clear until the next morning, or until Mike had gone home to Vic’s.
I slowly walked over to my room and opened the door. Mike was lying on my bed, his slim body looked yellow, he was obviously ill. All he’d done was taken drugs and drink, he hasn’t even eaten. I don’t know how he was alive, seriously. He had his hands in his face and he was sobbing, hard. Good. He fucking deserved it. What did I do to deserve being cheated on? Nothing. We were both hurting; it doesn’t cost anything to just speak to me about things instead of fucking everything up. I sat down on the floor, not even wanting to look at him. It disgusted me to do so, knowing his hands, his arms, his legs, his lips had been on that girl and I couldn’t hold my tears in if I looked at him.
“Michael. I want you out. I’ll help you pack the rest of your stuff and I’ll drive you to Vic’s, because you’re still way too intoxicated, but I want you out. This, what we had. It’s fucked now. You’ve pushed me over the edge. I can’t do this. I was actually planning on coming home to you, making love to you and telling you we’d get through this, together, as a couple, and get to the way we used to be. But when I came through this door, of my own fucking home, on my own fucking bed and saw you with her. With that slut. I just can’t. I can’t do this Michael, I’m done. We’re done.” I managed to keep calm whilst speaking but automatically started sobbing once I was done, with my head in my hands and my knees up to my chest against the bed. To my surprise, he listened to everything I had to say, he then came off the bed and slumped himself down next to me, the smell of sweat, sex, whiskey, weed and cologne radiating up my nostrils made me sick. I didn’t want him to smell like this because of some other girl. I wanted him to smell like this because of me. He was supposed to be mine. Mine. I started sobbing harder, feeling tears run off my face and his arm wrapped round me.
“You’re supposed to be with me and love me no matter what you asshole!” I took his arm off me and walked to my wardrobe where I pulled out a big bag. I intended to start packing his stuff and just let him go away. But I cried harder and slumped down to the floor in front of my wardrobe, blinded by my tears. “I’m hurting too Mike! I’m hurting too!”
He rushed over to me and said, “I know, princess, I know… Shh, come on, I hate seeing you cry” he said in a high pitched voice because he was crying himself.
“Then why did you fuck her?” I said, staring him dead in the eyes.
“I was out of it; I don’t know what I was thinking or what I was doing. I love you, Scarlett, I love you. Please don’t do this, I need you. I’ll fucking die without you.” he sobbed and put his forehead on mine.
“That’s not good enough anymore Michael. This isn’t just some teenage fight, this is real. This can’t work. I can’t look at you without seeing her, without wanting to cry. I need you to go, please just go and at least give me time. You’re addicted to drugs now, I can’t watch you waste yourself away, I can’t. I’m sorry Mike. This is done…”
We packed his stuff and I drove him to Vic’s. The car ride was silent and awkward, and there was so much sadness in us. You could feel it in the air.
“Could you tell Jaime to come to the car, if he’s still awake?” I quietly chuckled. He nodded and opened the door before looking back at me.
“I love you Scarlett Danes and I always will. You mean everything to me. I’ll get clean for you, I’ll tour and then afterwards I’ll come see you at the apartment, we’ll try again, I need you to promise me we can try again.” He said with tears in his eyes and smashed his lips into mine, making our last kiss passionate. It was appropriate, I guess.
“I promise. But please, if not even for me, but for your brother, get clean. Please. If you’re not clean the promise is broken and I can’t do it. I love you too Michael Christopher Fuentes, and I’ll never forget you.” I stroked his hair, took in his beautiful facial features for the last time, in a while anyway, and lightly pecked his lips before he went out of the car, got Jaime and we drove home. I got home and just collapsed in Jaime’s bed, crying into his shoulder, he let me sleep there that night and I just cried and he let me.
It’s been a month and the guys are leaving for tour in the morning so I’m spending the night with Jaime and then I’m packing for myself in the morning. I’m moving back to New York. I need to start fresh. I can’t keep the promise to Mike. I thought about it a lot, but I just can't. I can hardly even look at him, even though I have to be civil for him, but it makes me sick knowing what he did to me at such a delicate time in both our lives.
I got ready after I drove Jaime to Vic’s, said my goodbyes and teared up, them thinking I was being silly but really it was because I was leaving for good. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’d found a good tattoo place that wanted me in New York and I was just happy to get away. I’d found an apartment and everything, this was going to be good for me. I can move on. I’m only 23 years old; I need to be happy, not moping around about Mike all the time. I haven’t spoken to him, but I know that he hasn’t bothered to get clean yet, despite Vic’s pleas. I wrote my letter to Jaime explaining everything and giving him my new number, not wanting anyone else to have it. He’d find it when he got back from tour. Everything was going to be better now. Everything would be perfect again.
Notes
Title credit: The Storm - Of Mice & MenI'm going to be writing another chapter later on tonight which will be put up! But here's this one for you just now. I'm so happy at the amount of subscribers, that's beyond crazy! I never expected to get so much love from writing a story, so thank you.
And thank you so much for reading this. It means the world!
<3
Awww, you're so sweet man!
11/11/13