Crash (on hold)

Tony’s POV
I put my glass down with force, the remains of my strong drink spilling over the edge. I looked around the little pub. All the furniture was made of wood and even though it wasn’t even midnight yet, at least eighty percent of the people here were drunk. A group of men not far away from me were sitting at the bar and drunkenly singing along to a song from the eighties. At the other side of the room I saw a man with a grey beard passed out on a table. For a split second I suspected him to be dead, but then he choked on his breath and started snoring.
“Tone, I’m going to have another round. Do you want a drink too?” My friend Sam asked me as he hit me on the shoulder.
I looked up at him and saw that he was trouble keeping his balance. His eyes were all glassy from the alcohol.
I shook my head and pushed away the glass in front of me. “No, Thanks. I still have to drive home.” I said.
Sam only lived one street away from this place, but I was here by car. Which probably wasn’t smart, because I couldn’t drink much.
“C’mon dude! You’ve only had two drinks and it doesn’t seem like you’re even feeling it.” He slurred and he leaned on my shoulder with his hand.
I laughed at him trying to form the words. “No, I’m not going to risk getting pulled over. I’ll get teased for it for the rest of my life.” I said even though he was right. I was in fact not feeling the alcohol at all. I had built up quite a tolerance for alcohol over the years. One of the reasons for that is tour. When you’re locked inside a vehicle with a lot of other guys, there’s bound to be a lot of alcohol involved. And now it took me far too much alcohol to actually get drunk. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.
“C’mon, you only live once. You’re a good driver. You won’t get pulled over if you drink this one. Those cops only pull you over if you drive really funny.” Sam said while hanging on to me for dear life.
The bartender who was cleaning glasses, laughed and shook his head at our conversation. In normal situations I might have been embarrassed, but I’m pretty sure this guy saw drunk guys like Sam every day he went work.
I leaned in until I was close to Sam’s ear. “Nope.” I said and I leaned back.
He groaned and let out a breath. “Tony, if you don’t drink one more round with me, I will go to your mother and tell her about the time we did weed in her back yard when we were seventeen.” He said and he tried to look at me with a serious expression.
There was no arguing this man, even though he probably wouldn’t even remember this when he’d wake up. Oh well, one more wouldn’t hurt, would it? Besides, my mother would probably kill me if she’d found out I did drugs in her backyard. While she wasn’t home. When we were only teenagers.
I squinted my eyes at Sam, being mad at him for his childish ways of persuasion. “That was a low move.” I said and I shifted my attention to the bartender. “one more of these, please.” I said pointing at my glass.
“Good, you decided not to be a buzz kill.” Sam said grinning and he sat down at the stool next to me, almost falling off in the process.
I glared at him, but resisted the urge to hit him in the face. Instead I downed my new drink in only one swallow. I shook my head at the burning sensation I my throat. Nope, still nothing. I was still perfectly sober. I felt a bit more relaxed, but that was it.
I stayed at the bar for another half hour after that, discussing things with Sam as far as we were able to. Sam was an old friend from high school and I didn’t see him very often anymore, so we had a lot to talk about. He was one of those friends I only saw once a year. Even though he was very drunk, he was still very nice to talk to. His intoxicated ways might have even made the conversation more interesting.
I learned that he was engaged to his girlfriend now, which was weird for me to hear. A lot of people my age got married and had kids now, but time seemed to have frozen for me. I just simply had no time for things like that and if I had I didn’t think I would’ve been ready. I was forever stuck in the party and work phase of my life. I think it was because of my job, it kept me young at heart.
After convincing Sam that I had really had enough to drink, I eventually left the bar. I stepped outside and noticed it was raining. Not that hard, but hard enough for little puddles to have formed on some parts of the streets.
I quickly looked around, squinting my eyes to look for my car in the rain. I eventually found it and hurried over to it, already feeling my tank top stick to my skin.
I caught my breath when I finally sat down at the driver’s seat and looked over the dark streets in front of me. I shook the raindrops out of my hair and started the car.
The dark streets went by fast as I sped through them, the street lights became flashing lights. My mind started to drift off to my friends and family, who I had seen again after I had come back from tour two days ago. I always tried to take in as much as I could from it so I would remember it vividly when I was gone. I guess things in my life went by so fast, that holding to memories was starting to become a habit to me.
I took a turn and noticed I was almost home. I felt relieved because I was starting to become a little tired.
The possibility of causing an accident didn’t even occur to me as I turned around the corner of the street. I did see them, the two girls passing the street. I saw that they didn’t see me and I knew it was wrong, but my brain completely froze.
It was like it took me way longer than usual to act like a normal person and hit the break. As I eventually did, I already realized it was too late. My car was still moving when it hit the first girl, who had been peacefully passing the streets a few seconds earlier.
A horrible smack was heard as the car came to a stop. My head moved forward and hit the airbag that had inflated at the same time of the horrible crashing sound.
I was still lying with my head on the puffy fabric when a fear full of fright pierced through the sky. I immediately knew it must’ve been the second girl. An incredibly hollow feeling came over me as I slowly raised my head, but I couldn’t see anything because of the airbag. Maybe that was a good thing, because deep inside I knew what had happened and seeing it would only make it real.
I felt my breath speed up because of the ongoing screaming of the second girl. My conscious told me to get out of the car, I just couldn’t do it.
I was trembling all over as I thought of something to do. I moved my hand to my pocket and took out my phone. My vision was blurry and because of that and my shaking hands, it took me longer to type in the three digits I needed.
“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?” I heard a woman say from the other side of the line. It felt a bit unreal calling the emergency number. All my life I had thought I wouldn’t ever need it.
“I-I think I hit a girl with my car.” I breathed out, the words feeling distant. My breath sped up again.
“Calm down, sir. Is she wounded? Are you wounded?” She asked, but even those question were too much for me to handle right now.
“I’m fine. I don’t know about the girl, I haven’t left the car yet.” I said, trying to control my breath.
“Sir, I know it’s hard, but it’s very important to leave the car and check on the girl. Your information could safe her life.” The woman said calmly but insisting.
Her words didn’t set in completely, but I nodded and mumbled something as a response. I forced myself to move and get out of the car. I saw that a small crowd had formed in front of my car, surrounding the girl lying on the ground.
I slowly stepped closer, ignoring the hateful stares of the people that had realized I had gotten out of my car.
I looked at the girl, taking in her appearance. “She’s unconscious.” I started to describe to the woman on the phone. “Her arms are in weird angles, she has bruises on a lot of places…blood is coming from her nose and ears.”
I looked away from the body, whishing I had never seen it. I had done this. This was all because of me.
“Is she still breathing, sir?” the woman asked, awakening a big fear in me. She was asking me if she was dead…She was asking me if I killed her.
I forced myself to look back, tears forming in my eyes. My sight was a bit clouded, but I could still see her chest slowly going up and down. I was a bit relieved, but also knew she wasn’t out of danger quite yet. No matter what happened to her, this would haunt me for the rest of my life.
I let out a breath that sounded like a mix of a choke and a scoff. “Yes, but very slowly.” I eventually responded. I had no idea how much time had passed since she had asked her last question.
“Okay sir. We will send help your way. Please remain calm and stay with the victim.” I responded by saying that I would stay here and told her the address of the street where we currently were before hanging up.
And with that, I suddenly got the incredible urge to run away. To run away from this place so I wouldn’t be able to see what I caused anymore. So I wouldn’t feel the fear anymore.
But I also knew that I couldn’t. The rational side of me and the fact that I didn’t know where to go kept me on my place. So I just stood there, only a few feet away from the limp girl and her loudly sobbing friend.
In between the cries and the hardly understandable words, I caught a name. It must’ve been her name. The name of the unconscious girl. It echoed through my head.
Audrey.

*

The next few hours were the weirdest of my life. After a few minutes of judging smiles from people who were passing the street and heart breaking cries from the friend, a police car arrived at the scene.
To be honest, I hadn’t even thought of getting arrested before they had arrived. Just because I had been too shocked to think about anything.
The police men walked over to me and put me in to hand cuffs. A speech about how I had ‘the right to remain silent’ followed. They said some other things, but I couldn’t focus on the words. All I could focus on was the embarrassment of getting taken away in front of all of these people.
After I got yanked inside of the police car, I could just see the girl being rolled inside the ambulance before we drove away.
One of the things that went through my head on the horribly silent car drive, was that they would probably test me on alcohol and drugs as soon as we got to the police office. I had drunk alcohol tonight, which meant that whatever sentence I got, it would get worse because I was ‘under influence’.
When we got at the large concrete building, my theory was proven. One of the first things they did do an alcohol test on me. Which of course turned out to be positive. The ironic thing was that I had never felt more sober in my life.
After that they took me to a different room, a questioning room. I remembered telling the cops my version of the story. Or at least what I remembered of it. It was all a big mess in my memory to be honest.
I had told them that I had felt fine after drinking, that I was perfectly able to drive. One of the police officers, a man with a grey mustache, disappointingly shook his head. Al though, it wasn’t as bad as the other police man in the room, who looked at my tattoos like they were equally bad crimes as the one I had committed tonight. Which made me kind of mad.
The officer with the mustache explained that alcohol often made people feel like they were perfectly able to drive, but in reality it made your responses slower and your concentration worse. I suddenly remembered how long it took me to hit the break and realized he was right.
All I could really do was stammer that it was only a few drinks, while reality set in. That was when the other police officer stood up and slammed his hands on the table. He leaned forward so his face was close to mine, his blue eyes filled with anger. “You know that a girl almost died because of your ‘few drinks’? She can still die at any moment and all your worrying about is your own conscience. When are you going to realize that you deserve every bad thing that is happening to you?” He said, disgust dripping of his voice.
I looked at the man with pure shock. This man was a hypocrite, but he was right. It was just that I was too afraid to worry about anything but my own conscience. But that didn’t mean his words didn’t echo through my head for weeks after this day.
After that they took me to my cell where I was ought to spend the rest of the night. It consisted of two concrete beds with decolored matrasses on them. There had been various words and drawings on the walls and it smelled like a mix of pee and vomit.
I sat down at my matrass, trying to process everything that had happened today. Apparently I shared a cell with another man and he sat across from me on the other bed. He was in his sixties and he had long white hair with a matching beard. He would’ve looked like Santa Claus if it weren’t for the filthy clothes he was wearing. His teeth were yellow and rotten and he seemed to provide the pee smell in this place.
After an hour I decided it would be best to sleep through the rest of the night, but my mind was way too busy to fall asleep. So instead I spent the rest of the night walking around the cell, trying to avoid looking at my cellmate, as he broke down in laughter every time I looked at him. It was kind of hard not to look at him from time to time, though, as he spent his time trying to pick his nose with his toes or pulling his hair out.
After three horrible hours of trying to avoid the shenanigans of the old man, the blond haired police man took me out of my cell. He told me it was time for me to use the phone call I was entitled to have. I had spent enough time in my cell to think of the best person to call and I thought I had just the person.
I didn’t want to call my mother, she would get a heart attack if she heard I was arrested. Besides, it was four am and I really didn’t want to wake her.
Calling my sister would’ve been a better idea, but I knew for a fact that she didn’t have the money to bail me out. I didn’t want to be more of a burden to her.
So I called the only person I knew to be awake at this hour.
Vic.
I often got texts from him in the middle of the night when he had figured out a song or something.
I held my breath as I heard the dial tones. If he wouldn’t pick up, I would’ve wasted the one phone call I had. Who knows how long I would have to stay here when that happened.
Luckily for me he picked up soon after that. “Hello?” he said. Told you, he sounded wide awake.
“Hey Vic, it’s me, Tony. This is going to sound really weird, but I got arrested and you’ve got to come bail me out.” I said quickly, not wanting to waste time.
It was quiet at the other end of the line for a few seconds. I bet he didn’t see that one coming. “What the fuck did you do?” he just asked. I couldn’t quite read the emotion in his voice.
I took a deep breath. Vic usually wasn’t a person to quickly judge people, but maybe I had crossed a line with this. “Driving under the influence of alcohol.” I started. This was probably the worst thing I had ever told anyone. “I hit a girl, Vic…She’s in the hospital.”
Another one of those goddamn silences followed. “Jesus Christ, Tony.” He said irritated, like I was a little kid that had gotten a bad grade at school. “you’re such a fucking idiot.”
I hated to hear him disappointed and I realized I had to disappoint a lot more people around me with this news. They were all going to look at me differently from now on.
“I know. Can you just pick me up?” I said. It wasn’t what I wanted to say, but I was so exhausted. All I wanted to do is go home.
“Asshole.” Vic mumbled. “I’m on my way right now.” He said and then he hang up.
I was guided back to my cell and fell down on the matrass. Luckily the weird man wasn’t here anymore. Had someone actually bailed him out? He kind of looked like he didn’t have much friends or family anymore. Or maybe the police had realized the man was out of his mind and let him go.
I let the back of my head fall against the wall and dragged my hands over my face. The flashes of this night flashed through my mind. Would this never have happened if I hadn’t drunken that last drink? It was weird how a choice, how small as it could be, could change the course of my life forever.
Around five am, a police officer I hadn’t see before showed up at my cell. I let out a small chuckle that almost sounded sarcastic. This could only mean one thing, I was bailed out.
The officer escorted me out of my cell and on the way to the lobby he explained to me that I couldn’t leave the city for a few months and that I could still end up in prison if the girl or her mother would press charges. Which she probably would of course.
I was greeted by a grumpy looking Vic as soon as I entered the lobby. He didn’t say anything as we left the building together. In fact, he remained silent the entire way home. I knew he was angry, I mean, of course he was. I had hit a girl with my car. What if the fans found out? All it would take was for one fan to have recognized me at the scene and the story would be published in Kerrang! Or APpress in no time. Not only did I hate the thought of our fans hating me, it would also be horrible reputation for the band.
Vic stopped in front of my house, still not saying a thing. He just stared out of the front window. “Do you think I should apologize to her?” I asked him. My words came out as barely a whisper, but I was sure that he had heard me. The question had been on my mind for a while. Would it even help her? Or me?
Vic sighed. He turned around and I saw a flash of sympathy on his features as he saw my expression. The expression of a broken man. “I think you shouldn’t. Even if she lives, you wouldn’t want to see her. You need to try to go on with your life. No matter how wrong it sounds. But it’s the best thing to do.” He said.
If she lives…Those words made me want to cry. I didn’t want to be a murderer.
I nodded and got out of the car. I murmured a quick ‘thank you’ to Vic before I closed the door of the car and walked towards my house.
As soon as I got in, I felt like the walls of my house were to narrow. Even though I had quite a big house. I somehow got myself to the bed, falling down on it with my clothes still on. I still smelled of pee, alcohol and sweat, but I couldn’t care less.
Even though I had no energy left inside my body, falling asleep was harder than ever. Mostly because my mind kept repeating everything that had happened today.
I looked up at the window at the wall across from me. A slight orange light was appearing on the horizon. The sun was coming up. I sighed. In my opinion there was nothing more depressing than trying to sleep when the sun is coming up. The sounds of birds and people going to work seemed to be a way of the world to tell me: “Too late, buddy. The world is already moving on.”
At seven am I gave up. I wasn’t getting asleep any time soon. Not as long as the image of the limp girl was still clouding my mind. The most awful thing was that I didn’t even know if she was still alive. No matter how much I tried to push the thought of her being dead away, it kept drifting back to the surface. It was like trying to drown a rubber duck.
In an attempt to silence my noisy mind I got my phone off the night stand and searched the number of the nearest hospital. The accident had happened only a few streets away, so that was probably where they took her.
I found the number and typed in the digits. After a few seconds the receptionist of the hospital answered the phone.
“Hello, I was just wondering about a patient of yours. She was in a car crash, probably came in with an ambulance a few hours ago. Her name is Audrey.” I said, being careful not to mention my name. Maybe the police would have given my name to the doctors or something. Who knows, I didn’t know how these things worked.
I heard ticking sounds on the other side of the line, probably from a keyboard. “Let’s see…Audrey Rose, twenty-four year old female…entered the hospital at twelve twenty pm…Is that right?” she asked me.
“Uhm yeah.” I said, not being able to hide the confusion in my voice. I guess it was her, I really didn’t know anything about her. “How is she?”
“Are you family, sir? I can only give medical information to relatives.” The woman said. Ugh now I was never going to know. She was probably already suspicious of me.
“Yeah, I’m her cousin.” I said. I was slowly growing a bit impatient. I just wanted to know how she was already so that question wouldn’t keep me up for the rest of my nights. “I just live at the other side of the country, so I can’t come by.” I had no idea if this sounded even remotely real.
“Okay sir. Ms. Rose suffers from a concussion and two broken ribs. She has also several fractures in her hipbones and kneecaps. Her right arm and leg were dislocated and she has several internal bleedings. We also believe there is some serious damage to her spinal nerve due to fractures in her vertebra. She’s currently in a coma.”
I felt the weight on my shoulders multiply. I didn’t even know there could be so much wrong with one person. At least she was alive, although I doubt hearing this would help me sleep at night. “Is she going to make it?” I asked softly. I found myself not really wanting to know the answer.
“I’m sorry, we don’t know that yet. I could give you a call when there’s news?” she proposed. Her voice was full of pity. She must’ve heard the shaking of my voice.
“Yeah, that would be really nice. Thank you.”
“No problem, sir. Have a nice day.”
“Yeah…you too.”
The phone slipped out of my hands and fell on the bed. I had only just realized I could get a call anytime telling me that she had passed away. A call that would turn me into a murderer.

Notes

heyyyyy guys!

fucking hell...my last update was more than a month ago...I'm so sorry! I was on holiday! I was planning to write there and update when I got home, turned out I had far less time than expected on holiday. Well, that only leaves one thing to do for me. Write until my fingers come off. I promise i will update as soon as I can on all my stories!

What did you think of this chapter? Is it boring? I promise they will meet soon. I'm just working towards it.

xxxx

Nicky