The Diary (Sequal To The Pact)
“I’m sorry about the whole drama two weeks ago. I really hope we can still be friends. I know I’m a fuck up sometimes. But I really meant well.” She said and she made sure to look at the both of us. She wanted to be sure the message was clear both me and Danielle.
I briefly looked at Danielle and when I did, I knew we were on the same level. It was extremely stupid of Luna to keep this from us, but we knew that she didn’t have ill intentions. It was still a bit weird to think about it, but I guess we knew her both good enough to know that she was doing it for our sake. And to be fair, if she hadn’t done it, we wouldn’t have been together. Somewhere deep down I was thankful to her for that.
“You’re forgiven.” I said while wondering how many times I would say this to her in the future. I couldn’t help but smile at her while I said it and that probably answered the question I had asked myself. For some stupid reason, I would always forgive her for whatever she did. Maybe it was a ‘first love’ kind of thing. They say you will always have a certain weakness for your first love. I guess I knew that for sure now.
I hoped things would go smoothly from now on. I never realized being friends with her would be so hard when we first met each other again. I should’ve seen it coming, though. Nothing was ever easy when it came to Luna.
I was just about to change the topic of conversation into something more superficial when the upbeat bells from one of those cheesy Christmas songs that all sounded the same, died out and made place for the sweet tune of piano chords. Within a second I recognized the song. And I swear, it was like god was playing some sick joke on us.
I saw that Luna realized the same thing as me as her smile faded a little. Danielle realized the tension between us and moved her head from me to Luna and back again. “What’s going on?” she asked with one eyebrow lifted.
I shook my head and waved away Danielle’s question. “It’s noth-“
“We danced to this song on our senior prom.” Luna suddenly interrupted me. Danielle and I both looked at her and a soft red color spread across her cheeks as soon as she realized what she had said. “No lies anymore…right?” she said, looking down at her feet. The fact that she was trying hard to make things up again, made me giggle a little.
Danielle laughed too. “Well, in that case you guys should dance to it! For old time’s sake!” she said while ‘The Scientist’ by Coldplay played in the background. The song had a certain feel to it that I couldn’t identify. A certain feeling of nostalgia. It felt like finding an old picture somewhere you haven’t looked in a while and feeling the feeling you felt in that picture.
I looked at Danielle and saw to my surprise that she was completely serious. She had just found out that this girl was my ex and she let me slow dance with her to a song that used to have so much meaning to our relationship?
Danielle looked at me and she seemed to see my confusion. “Oh c’mon, it’s not like I suggested for you guys to have sex in the broom closet. This is just nostalgia, I get it. I would want to dance with her right now if I were you.” She said and she shrugged like it was no big deal.
I smiled at her. I was so lucky to have her as my girlfriend. To think that she trusted me this much…I was happy that she wasn’t the overly jealous girlfriend. But still it was nagging me a little, because what if she just said it to please me and secretly didn’t like me and Luna dancing together? Girls were hard to read sometime. “Are you sure?”
She rolled her eyes and nodded. It didn’t seem like she minded at all. I turned my head towards Luna and held my hand out to her. “Would you like to dance with me? ...For old time’s sake?” I asked her and there was a strange look in her eyes I couldn’t quite place.
She slowly put her hand in mine. It felt like a déja vu. Like time had turned back.
Luna looked at Danielle with a confused expression on her features. “Are you really okay with this?” she asked, her slender hand still intertwined with mine.
Danielle sighed and pushed my shoulders, heading for the middle of the room. “Yeheeess. Just go now!” she said. She stopped pushing us when we had arrived in the middle of the dance room, slow-dancing couples all around us.
For a few seconds, me and Luna stood across from each other, trying to look at anything but each other. It was awkward, but I figured that it would grow only more awkward if we’d be standing here, waiting for the song to end. So I put out my hand to her and she finally looked at me, still with a hint of surprise in her eyes. For an instance, maybe even less than a second, I saw her standing in the gymnasium at our school. For less than a second her black dress had been soft pink and she had looked ten years younger.
She laid down her hand in mine again and I pulled her a little closer. I placed the hand that wasn’t held by hers on her back, but kept my distance from her. Which probably made the awkwardness only worse. We remained silent as the song progressed. There was only one verse and one chorus left, because of the time that had passed by repeatedly asking Danielle if she was okay with this, but for the small time we did dance, I was just wishing for it to be over. I don’t know why. I think I just didn’t want to get back to that memory of my life. Not that it was a bad one, but I had a feeling that bringing up that memory would lead only to more complication.
Her words from senior prom still found their way into my mind somehow. “You will stay, right?” and “Everything is going to change now” Well, things had changed. A lot.
But still. We were still dancing like we were thirteen years ago. No matter how much we changed and no matter how much different we felt than back then, there were always going to be things that stayed the same. And that was something I didn’t realize in that high school gymnasium. I had been too focused on everything that would change.
We had been avoiding each other’s eyes for most of the song, until Luna suddenly faced me as the song neared an end. I looked back and had another short flashback which was strengthened by her words that were barely audible over the music. “I will stay.” She said, repeating her words from thirteen years ago, but not in form of a question this time.
The weird thing was that I wasn’t shocked by her words at all. It seemed like she was supposed to say them. “Even if everything is about to change?” I asked softly but she understood me perfectly.
She softly nodded her head and she broke the only eye contact we had had during our dance. “Everything is already changing.” She said and with that the music slowly came to an end.
She moved away from me immediately got a soft red blush on her pale cheeks. “Let’s not dwell on nostalgia…for old time’s sake.” She said. She looked at me shortly and smiled, before she turned around and disappeared in the crowd of people.
I didn’t follow her. I was just left thinking about her last comment and what she had meant with it. To me it just sounded like she was contradicting herself.
Not being able to figure it out, I shook my head and looked around. I saw Mike and Alysha shoot me a disapproving look. I completely understood what this must’ve looked like and figured that I had to explain to them that it was actually Danielle’s idea.
Ever since we had met Luna again, Mike had been joking around saying that she was still into me, but now it looked like it was actually true and that’s when it became more than a joke to him.
But it wasn’t true. At least, I thought so. One thing was obvious: I would never be a hundred percent sure of how I felt about Luna Fall.
Blister’s. Blister’s everywhere.
I walked into my apartment, calling out a soft ‘ow’ with every step I took. I softly closed my door, not wanting to wake my neighbor at two in the morning. I took off my heels and let out a loud sigh. There were only a few things better than taking of your heels after a long night of dancing. Although that pleasure never lasted long, because what to walk towards the bedroom on my blistered feet. Which was even more painful than actually walking on heels.
With my shoes, or in other words: ‘torture devices’, in my right hand and my phone in my left hand, I carefully walked over to the bedroom. I dropped my heels on the floor and fell down on my white sheets with my arms spread wide.
My mind immediately went to the memories of tonight, which were a bit blurry due to the few glasses of alcohol I had consumed. Eventually this night didn’t turn out to be as bad as I first thought it would be. It was still pretty bad, though. This was the reason why I hated big parties: I could never look back on it with a content feeling. There was always drama or awkwardness. A few examples of tonight: the Casey and Mike ‘conflict’, the fact that I looked ridiculous walking in heels, the fact that I told everyone I was uncomfortable in my dress because my boobs almost fell out…yeah shouldn’t have done that. And then there was that awkward dance with Vic. I didn’t really get why Danielle wanted us to dance that bad. Maybe she thought it was a nice symbolic end to our fight our something. I don’t know, Danielle was pretty hard to read at times. At least things were resolved right now and I was happy they were. The fact that they were mad at me had really been nagging me the last few days.
I took up my phone and read through the WhatsApp conversation I had had with my dad yesterday. I would celebrate Christmas with him and Allison tomorrow and I was always the kind of person that had to check the time and date ten times, because otherwise I’d forget for sure.
I was looking forward to tomorrow, though. There was never a better way for me to celebrate Christmas than just sitting in front of the fireplace and exchanging gifts. Blasting along your favorite Christmas songs in an ugly Christmas sweater while around family was still so much better than big parties with lots of people I didn’t know. The main reason for that was probably that woolen socks didn’t give you blisters.
While I was checking the time I had to be at my father’s place, I got a text from Casey. I tapped on the notification and was sent to our chat.
Casey: I met him!!!! I repeat: I MET HIM.
I had to think for few seconds, because I had no fucking idea what she was talking about, but then I suddenly realized what she meant. I giggled and shook my head while typing my response to her.
Luna: Kellin Quinn?
It didn’t take long for her to response, she was still online and was probably too hyped to wait for my response.
Casey: YEs. I CAn’T BeLIEVE IT!
Casey: He was so nice, Luna. OMG. Asdfghjkl
Casey: Holy fuck
Casey: Holy fuck
Casey: HOLY FUCK
I could imagine Casey flipping and fangirling like crazy right now. If she was excited about something, she made sure to let you know. Preferably by sending you more messages than you can count. If I’d just scroll through my conversation with her, I could see all the separate messages she had sent me with the occasional long text I send back as a response.
I smiled and was just about to message her that she shouldn’t flirt with him too much. She was the kind of person to make people fall in love with her without even trying. I could recall all the times someone had fallen for her again and then she would complain to me about it and ask me what to do. This actually happened quite regularly.
I was just typing the message when suddenly a notification popped up on the top of my screen. I didn’t have enough time to read what it said before the notification disappeared again, but it wasn’t necessarily the text itself that sparked my interest. It was the sender…Because there wasn’t any. I furrowed my eyebrow and wondered why someone would sent me an anonymous text.
I sat up straight and hesitated for a second before I swiped down my menu of notifications and tapped on the mysterious text message. When the content appeared before my eyes, I got even more confused than I already was.
The devil came to take me to hell, but I’m already there
I’m falling on my knees right now, I’m covered in the mess I made
The death lay in pools of maroon below
I looked over the three sentences and it didn’t take long for me to figure out that this were quotes from songs. Three of my favorite songs to be exact. Asking Alexandria- The Death of Me, Rise Against- The Black Market and Pearl Jam- Jeremy. Nothing except those quotes were in the text. There was no explanation, no name of the sender, nothing.
I also didn’t really see the connection between those songs, except for the fact that they were all songs from the ‘rock’ genre. But even the genre couldn’t connect the songs that well. Asking Alexandria was metal, Rise Against punk and Pearl Jam grunge.
My first thought was: it’s a threat. This was sent by some insane psychopath who has been taking pictures of me from the bushes outside of the building and he is going to drag me into this sick game like on those shows my little sister always watches. Should I call the police? I probably should call the police.
But then the realist in me took over my thoughts and I shook off the awful scenario. This was probably either Danny or Jaime trying to pull a prank on me or something. Although I wouldn’t really know what they wanted to accomplish with this. To confuse me? Well, good job, because it fucking worked, alright.
I opened the conversations with Jaime and the one with Danny on WhatsApp and asked them both if they had sent the text. They weren’t online, so I locked my phone and fell back on my bed. I couldn’t relax, though. I was weirdly aware of my surroundings and felt like someone could break into this dark room and kill me. Besides, all I could think about was that weird text and my mind brought me back to future scenarios, one worse than the other.
I laid my hands down in my lap and made circles with my right thumb on the skin of my left palm. It was one of the nervous ticks I had inherited from my teenage years. This text was probably nothing, but I was anxious nonetheless. I’ve always been and always will be an anxious person. This kind of nervous ticks helped me to deal with that anxiety.
My thumb started to rub the inside of my hand even faster than before and I felt my heart speed up as I tried to suppress my most relived memories. I knew these visions by heart right now and could probably express every single detail of the situation I had been in fifteen years ago. Even though I’m sure I unconsciously made it more dramatic in my head.
It was weird to think that I didn’t relive a real memory I had, but a mutated version of it. A mutation that my own mind was using against me.
From the corner of my eye I saw the screen of my phone light up two times in a row. I sat up again and looked at the two unread messages that were pinned to my lock screen. My heart dropped and I’m sure it didn’t beat for the next thirty seconds after that.
Jaime: Hahahaha a text prank? Please, I’m not that much of an amateur. I prefer to pull real-life pranks. The fun is in seeing people’s reaction. Have you tried Danny?
Danny: What text? I didn’t send it…At least I don’t remember doing so. Have you asked Jaime already? It sounds like something he’d do.
I feel like the notes are just me apologising and making promises I can't keep. I'm just going to be fair with you. I don't have the drive to write anymore as much as I had even though I love writing so much it hurts. It's probably because I'm working so hard to get through this year so whenever I have free time, I just want to do nothing and watch either netflix or anime.
But I'm determinded to finish this story. I love it so much and I really feel like it's a part of me. I have big plans for the rest of this story and I can't wait for you guys to read them. I totally understand if you guys don't want to stuck around anymore, especially since this site is slow getting visited less and less, but it would mean the world to me if you'd stick around to read what is going to happen to Luna and Vic in the future.
oh and btw, I'm sorry if this story is full of mistakes. I haven't been writing in English for a while.