The Diary (Sequal To The Pact)

The rest of the night, and much of the morning, after I had received that message, I had stayed in the dark of my room. I had made myself into a ball sitting on my bed and leaned with my back against the wall. My sheets were draped over me and were covering my entire body except for my face. That’s how I sat, just staring at the door of my bedroom door. Literally the only time I moved was to get a knife out of the kitchen. You know, out of self-defense. I had sprinted through my dark apartment, it being a miracle that I didn’t trip over all the shit on my floor. My mind told me it was necessary, though. I just didn’t feel save anymore.
This must all sound a little overly dramatic, but I assure you that it isn’t. A normal person would be naturally creeped out by texts like this, but I made my bed into a bunker, just to be save. Everything to not get kidnapped and kept in a moldy shed again.
All those hours I sat there staring at the door I had stayed awake, so I had lots of time to think about an explanation for this. The more I thought about it, the more my muscles tensed up. I didn’t even feel sleepy anymore, it seemed like I was unable to close my eyes.
Maybe Jaime or Danny lied and it was one of them after all…Although that wouldn’t be like them to do that at all. They both knew about what happened to me in the past and they seem smart enough to not mess with me about these kinds of things. Thinking back on it, it wasn’t logical to assume that it was them after all.
But who could it have been then? Maybe someone who sent it to the wrong person? But why would they send quotes from three of my favorite songs then? No, this was too personal to have been from a random person. But who would send something like that?
In the back of my head I kept a scenario that I purposely didn’t want to bring up, otherwise I would surely go crazy: what if it was Ryan? Or Peter and Justin? Did they find me and were they here to seek revenge? Only thinking about it for more than two seconds would give me a full-blown panic attack.
But it couldn’t be true anyway. Even though it seemed like something they would do, they couldn’t possibly have sent it. Last time I checked Ryan was still in prison, so that was definitely a comforting thought. Peter was already out and Justin never got a prison sentence, because he was underage back then. But I really doubt they would be behind this. They wouldn’t be smart enough to pull off something like this. Whoever sent this must’ve found out what my favorite songs were somehow and that must’ve meant that they must’ve talked to someone close to me…It’s not like they are on my Facebook page…right? No, I’m sure they aren’t. I mean, if you scroll down far enough, I’m sure you’d find out that I worked on The Black Market album of Rise Against, but that wouldn’t explain how they found out about the other two songs. If I’m not even smart enough to figure out how they could’ve found out, then I doubt they would be able to.
While all these horror scenarios were playing through my head and I was mentally preparing myself to be killed, I tried to calm myself with the explanation that it possibly wasn’t a threat at all. I mean, they were just quotes. It wasn’t like it said: ‘I’ll break in your apartment and slit your throat.’ And it wasn’t like these songs were super scary death metal songs about killing someone and sacrificing them to the devil. They were just songs.
When the sun finally peeked through my dark red blinds and left stripes of light on my bed, I allowed myself to move again. I was probably the most paranoid person on earth, but even I knew they wouldn’t try to kill me at eight in the morning. It was rush hour in LA now, so if someone’d kill me now, the police would at least have enough witnesses to prove it was them.
When I opened the window of my kitchen and heard that the kids of my apartment building were playing on the streets and laughing out loud, I finally could breath normally again. I busted out crying right then and there and couldn’t stop the rest of the morning. It came to a point that my salty tears fell into my bowl of cereal and it tasted all funny because of it.
After I had dressed myself in my favorite Christmas jumper and woolen socks, the tears finally stopped streaming, but I didn’t necessarily feel better because of it.
I left to my father’s house to celebrate Christmas there, but I was so exhausted and scared that I couldn’t really enjoy it. My dad noticed something was going on when I had opened one of the presents from under tree. It was something I had wanted for a while, but it just didn’t sink in. I was just looking at it, not even noticing what it was, and muttered a weak thank you. At first I wasn’t planning on telling my dad about the texts. I didn’t want him to get worried. He was busy enough raising a teenage girl all by himself, I didn’t want him to also have to worry about me.
Nonetheless I decided to spill my guts during dinner. My dad had asked my several times already if I was okay, so he was worrying now anyway. Besides, the quotes kept resonating through my mind. Sitting there at the dinner table, I didn’t even remember what we had done all day. And I hated that because Christmas was one of my favorite holidays. Surely this had been the most horrible Christmas since my mom had died, even if it’s only because I had the Christmas spirit for my sister and father.
I handed my phone to my dad and he read over the message a few times. My sister, that was sitting next to him, was trying to look at the message over his shoulder, but my father kept turning the phone away so she couldn’t see it. I mentally thanked him for that.
After a while he gave the phone back with a look on his face that seemed even more serious than normally. He told me that I shouldn’t worry about it and forget about the whole thing, but I noticed that he wasn’t really sure of who sent it either. His logical thinking really helped me calm down a bit. He told me that it probably was just a coincidence or some stupid joke. Moreover, I couldn’t do anything with it anyway. The police would never qualify this as a serious threat and even if they did, they probably couldn’t trace back the number anyway.
So, over the next few days I did exactly what my father had advised me to do and forgot about it. Over the last days of the year, the text indeed slowly left my mind. I mostly calmed down because nothing really interesting or suspicious happened over these days. Except for the fact that I had a flat tire AGAIN. But yeah, that happened a lot to me for some fucking reason.
I hadn’t seen the boys of Pierce the Veil either, because we had a break on the album for the time between Christmas and new year’s. That didn’t mean I didn’t have anything to do, though. I had lots of things to arrange for the recording sessions that were coming up after the holidays and every time I did have free time for myself, Casey would show up out of nowhere and annoy the crap out of me. She was bad at being by herself, so she always decided to spend her free days hopping between Danny’s house and mine.
Not that I was complaining, I loved spending time with that girl, but I, on the other hand, was someone who just needed some time to be alone from time to time.
So, when New Year’s Eve arrived, I didn’t plan anything. I didn’t meet up with friends, I didn’t go to any parties, I didn’t even go into the city to see the fireworks. Why would I? I could see everything perfectly from this plastic chair on my crappy balcony. I had bought a cheap bottle of wine and some salted popcorn and by the time midnight neared, I was watching over the crowded city.
I focused my vision on the street beneath me when I heard enthusiastic yelling coming from there. A few teenagers were running through the streets and laughing hard in the process. It wasn’t the kind of laughing like someone had told a joke, it was a mixture of adrenaline and happiness that made them laugh so hard. I saw a girl with an oversized denim jacket hold the hand of a boy with long blonde hair. She was walking backwards so she could look at him and dragged him forwards. Not that he seemed to mind. He looked at her with a fire in his eyes that burned with a mixture of love and lust.
I felt a sting in my heart looking at them. I’ve always wanted to be alone. I never minded being single, but now I was looking at these kids with a kind of jealousy that only someone in love could feel. There was of course only one reason why I felt that sting: Vic.
I took my bottle of wine from the little side-table next to me and took a few gulps from it to make sure I wouldn’t start thinking about him now. I was so happy to finally have a moment for myself. The last thing I wanted on New Year’s Eve is to think about my ex-boyfriend who I still had feelings for and is currently dating another woman.
When I lowered my bottle, the teenagers had taken a turn and weren’t in my eyesight anymore. I took up my phone and looked at the time. It was one minute to midnight. Before I could lock the screen again, I heard people on the streets and from other balcony’s count down from ten. “Ten! Nine! Eight!”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Another year has almost passed for me. A very crazy one if I say so myself. The arrival of Pierce the Veil has turned my entire life around. Everything I believed in and everything I had planned doing didn’t seem so certain anymore. “Seven! Six! Five!”
I counted along with the rest with my eyes still closed. Ever since I was a kid New Year’s Eve had been a special thing for me. When the moment of the counting had arrived, I would always concentrate so much, because I wanted to know if I could feel a new year beginning. There never was a special feeling or magical moment, though. Which seems logical now, because I understood now that time is a concept made up by humans. Midnight was didn’t have any meaning except for the meaning we gave to it.
“Four…Three…Two…” I whispered, while the people around me got louder and louder the closer we got to twelve o’clock. “One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
I slowly opened my eyes as soon as the sounds of cheering and fireworks filled my ears. ‘And again no magical moment.’ I thought as purple and red light lit up the sky. Sparkles of color seemed to fall over the city like rain. Or as my sister always used to call fireworks: fairy dust. I chuckled thinking about it and took another gulp of the bottle of wine. “Happy new year, Luna. You survived another one.” I said to myself, being half-ironic.
I stood up from my squeaking chair and walked through the glass door that connected my balcony with my living room. I walked over to the book shelves against my largest wall and shoved a few books aside without thinking. When I shoved a yellow cooking book aside, I saw the familiar piece of wallpaper and pulled it up a bit. A hole in the wall became visible and I put my hand in it to reach out for a small black diary.
I half-smiled and fell back on my black leather couch. I quickly looked over the pages that had turned yellow over the years. Some letters had faded and there were coffee stains on multiple pages. I turned to the most recent pages and looked over them with a heavy heart. It hasn’t been so long since I wrote in them. It had been kind of a tradition to write in it every New Year’s Eve, even if I didn’t have a lot to tell. My last entry was a few days ago, so that was the case today.
Maybe this would be my last New Year’s Eve entry…The thought made me both sad and happy at the same time.
Before I could pick up a pen to write on the yellow pages, the sound of my ringtone filled the room. I sighed being interrupted in my moment for myself and put the old booklet down beside me. I was expecting it to be my father to wish me a happy new year, but my heart sped up when I saw the actual disturber. Why was he calling my so soon after midnight? Shouldn’t he be with his girlfriend or something?
I pressed my phone against my ear. “Vic? Why are you calling me?” I blurred out and I was happy that he couldn’t see the color of my cheeks.
I heard soft laughter from the other side of the line and then his familiar voice. “Happy new year to you too, Luna. Am I bothering you or something?”
“No, no!” I said quickly, but I took a fast look at my old diary. “I was just surprised you called me so shortly after midnight.”
Vic sighed. “Yeah well, I’m on a party of a friend right now. But it’s a little more crowdy than expected and I can’t find Danielle anywhere.” He said and he let out a soft chuckle. On the background, I could hear music and cheering: the sounds of a party. “So no midnight kisses for me.” He joked.
I let out an uncomfortable laugh. “Well, none for me either. Do you want to hear something even more pathetic? I’m at home, all alone, eating a bag of popcorn while watching the fireworks.” I said. I kind of hoped he would run away from the party and come to my apartment. I hadn’t felt lonely all evening except for now.
“Yeah, I heard from Danny that you were going to be all alone for New Year’s Eve. That’s why I decided to call you, so you wouldn’t be alone after all.” He said, the caring undertone of his voice very evident.
My heart dropped a little. He called out of pity. Of course he did. It wasn’t like he would think to call me for any other reason on a night like this. “It’s not that big of a deal, Vic. In fact, I chose to be alone this New Year’s Eve.” I said, much of the melody had left my voice by now.
“I know, but still.” He said.
A silence followed his words. A silence that was so long, that I was thinking of making up an excuse to hang up. I was wasting his time. He shouldn’t be talking to me right now! He should be searching his girlfriend!
But instead he broke the silence. “Do you remember New Year’s Eve 2000-2001? I’m pretty sure that was the weirdest New Year’s Eve we’ve spent together. Do you remember spending almost all of it on the roof of my house?” he said and I heard him softly chuckle. His voice was filled with nostalgia.
I thought back to that evening. It was the very first New Year’s Eve we had spent together. We weren’t even a couple yet. Before I knew it, I was falling into the nostalgia too. “It was a party at your house. I came there with Casey, but I spent the entire evening searching for you. I wanted to be with you at midnight, but I found you too late.” I said smiling and shaking my head. Flashes of people partying and me looking around in panic flashed through my memory.
“Why did you want to be with me at midnight?” Vic asked.
Shit. I shouldn’t have brought that up. This could only lead to this phone call being even more awkward.
My cheeks turned red as I told him the truth. “I thought that I might had feelings for you and I figured that if I’d be around you at midnight, I’d have an excuse to kiss you and figure things out.”
“And you didn’t, because you were too late?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh”
Another awkward silence. This one was yet again broken by Vic. “Maybe it was a good thing you were too late. We would’ve ruined our friendship if we would’ve gotten together back then.” He said.
“We ruined our friendship anyway.” I mumbled, but he understood me perfectly fine.
“Maybe. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth fixing.” He said. The soft chuckle that followed afterwards lit up my heart.
I looked out of the window and felt a tear flow over my cheek. I wasn’t exactly sure why I was crying. All my emotions were blending into each other and I didn’t even really know or want to know what I felt right now. “Well, thank god for duct tape then. That stuff fixes everything.”

Notes

heeey everyone!

This chapter leaves so many questions! Why was Vic calling her? Who sent the creepy text messages? And what's up with the misterious diary?

Well, if you stick around I just might write about it soon :P although...we all know me...it's probably not gonna be "soon"

thank you guys for all the support,

xxxx

Nicky