The Diary (Sequal To The Pact)
Vic’s POV *2002*
Normally fear is something we are able to explain. We’re able to explain what we’re afraid of and mostly it’s not hard to figure out why.
But do you know that feeling of being afraid or nervous, but not knowing exactly why? It sucks, right? Because with normal fears, you know what to fight. Or at least you know what to stay away from. But that’s impossible with these irrational fears. They’re just there and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I had these fears a lot growing up and they were honestly still there when I was a grown up man. They occurred the most around my teenage years, though. Which sounds logical of course. Hormones, bullies, drama, trauma’s…I definitely didn’t have a shortage of these things growing up. I guess that after all that has happened, there was no chance of me not ending up with those weird irrational fears.
Like now, for example. I had done my hair about ten times and it looked better than it has ever done. I was wearing a tuxedo that my mother had bought for me just for this occasion and even I didn’t think I looked horrible. On the dashboard of my car was a soft, pink flower, kept in a plastic see-through box. It was my corsage for Luna and I knew for a fact that it would fit her dress perfectly.
But still I was somehow nervous for this night. I knew nothing could go wrong. But what if it did? I knew how much this night meant to her. What if something would ruin it? What if it wouldn’t be what she expected? I guess that’s where those fears came from. Life had a tendency to flip everything around. One day you could be a normal kid going to school and the other one you could be hated by the whole school. One day you could be perfectly happy with the girl you love and the next day she could be kidnapped.
I took a deep breath and took the key out of the engine. I grabbed the corsage from the dashboard and walked out of the car towards the all-too-familiar house. Just like always I pushed the nervous feelings to the side and reminded myself of all the things I would’ve missed if it weren’t for those unexpected moments in my life.
I rang the doorbell and waited on the doorstep of her house. I looked at my feet and saw that the ground was glistering due to the few raindrops that were still there from the rain of a few hours ago. I know, San Diego isn’t normally a place for rain, but this was more of a tropical kind of rain. It doesn’t rain a lot here, but if it does, it rains hard. You’d be soaked from just stepping outside, branches the size of bikes flew around the city and sometimes people even got hurt. That was very rare, though. Most people knew how to handle the rain.
I was broken out of my thoughts by Mr. Fall opening the door. I looked up from my feet and immediately got sick of nerves again. He looked over me with a disapproving look. I was aware of how he thought of me. He merely accepted me, just because I had helped him find his girl when she was missing. He accepted me because I made her happy now, but he didn’t think I was good enough for her. He despised me for leaving her back in England, for breaking her heart when she was still vulnerable. The worst thing was that I couldn’t even blame him. I would’ve done the same if it were for my daughter.
“Uhm, I come to pick up, Luna.” I said, avoiding her father’s piercing look. He was still standing in the door opening, not making an attempt to let me in.
“I know, Victor. It’s prom night, it would be very weird if you were here for something else.” He said and finally moved away from the door opening, leaving a way for me to enter.
I got a slight red color and walked through the door. Her dad followed me to the living room and walked over to the stairs. In the corner of my eyes I saw her mother sitting in the couch staring ahead of her. She had a hand on her round stomach. It was still so surreal that Luna was going to have a little sister or brother. I hoped it would make things better for her here, but I knew for a fact that it would only make things harder.
Her father stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked up to the second floor. “Honey, Vic is here!” he yelled. A silence followed his words. He raised an eyebrow and yelled a little louder this time. “Are you done, darling? You really need to get going if you want be there in time.”
Another silence was followed by something falling over in her room. I wasn’t really concerned until I heard her response. I was with my mind already at the gymnasium in school, where homecoming would be celebrated. I was wondering how beautiful she was probably looking and I was looking forward to seeing everyone be jealous when she walked in.
But then she yelled back. “Yeah dad. I will be there in a minute!” she yelled. The sentence itself was not that special, it was the tone that scared me. Her voice was shaking and she sounded stressed.
Her father didn’t seem to notice it, though. He moved away from the staircase and headed towards the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink while you’re waiting for her, Vic?” he asked, trying his best to be polite to me.
I looked up the stairs and then to the kitchen. “No, thank you. I’m just going to see how Luna is doing.” I said. I hoped this didn’t sound suspicious or anything. The last thing I wanted was her dad involved if there was really something up. I knew he loved her with all his heart, but there were things that he would never understand.
Her father turned around to me and give me a small nod before getting back to the kitchen. When I saw that he wasn’t paying attention to me anymore, I walked up to the stairs and headed to my left, where Luna’s room was. As I opened the door, I saw her standing in front of her mirror with her back towards me. She was wearing a soft pink dress, that reflected different colors in the light of her room. The dress had covered one shoulder and the other one was bare. Her silver high heels stood next to the mirror and her dark brown hair fell down her back expect for two strands that were held up on the back of her head.
“Hey.” I said, announcing that I was in the room. She jumped a little, but didn’t turn around. Instead she let a hand race over her bare arm. “You look beautiful. What’s wrong?” I said and I walked out of the door opening. As I reached her, I laid a hand down on her shoulder and looked at her face through the mirror. Her skin looked smoother than ever due to the make-up and her eyes seemed even bluer because of the shades of brown around her eyes. She looked like a fairy out of those really pretty old paintings, but her eyes looked stressed and sad.
Her eyes met mine in the mirror. “I can’t go, Vic. I can’t do it. I’m sorry if you made a lot of effort for this, but I just can’t.” she said and she looked like tears could form in her eyes any second.
I sighed and moved a little closer to her. I placed a kiss on her cheek, but it didn’t really seem to ease her nerves. “What’s wrong? Let’s not take drastic decision now. You were looking forward to this for so long already.” I said and I tried to come over as calm as I could. This was of course what I was afraid of, but I knew for a fact that if I wanted to calm her down, I needed to be calm myself. It was just how she was.
She looked away from my eyes, like I didn’t understand what she meant. “Everyone will able to see them, Vic. This is homecoming and I don’t want to show up with my arms looking like this!” she said almost a bit annoyed with me as she moved a little closer to the mirror, making a little bit more distance between us.
I looked down to her underarms. The familiar scars weren’t red anymore. Most of them had faded, some were still there but were only light pink stripes. Only the really deep once were still visible, but I knew they wouldn’t go away any time soon. They were swollen and white. They were there to stay. Closer to her wrist was still a soft pink stripe all the way around, like a bracelet. It was where the ropes had been when she was tied up. Overall they weren’t that clear, but they were definitely there. Weird how it was almost a year ago now.
“They’re not that visible, Luna. No one will be paying attention to them.” I said, but she was still looking at her arms instead of me. “Besides, they’re a part of you. You need to accept that even at moments like this.”
She let out a breath and let go of her right arm. “I just want to be normal. I just want to have a normal time, at a normal school. But I won’t look normal, because my entire arms are covered in self-harm scars!” she whisper-shouted so her parents wouldn’t hear her downstairs. “I just can’t go.” She said softly.
“Hey!” I said grabbing her shoulders and turning her around so she was looking at me directly. “You can do this, okay? You look amazing and we’re going to have an amazing time. And just remember that I’m a weirdo too, okay? I have them too, those scars.”
That just stressed her out more. She shook herself out of my grip and walked away from me to the other end of the room. “But you’re able to hide them, Vic! You’re not forced to wear a dress, so no one will be able to see your mistakes marked on your arm! No one will be able to see your weakness.” She yelled at me, letting it all out. As soon as she had said it, I saw that she regretted saying it.
I must say that it did kind of hurt me. I hated feeling weak and I knew exactly what she meant by saying that they reminded her of her weakness. But I hated hearing it from her mouth, because she should’ve known better.
She did know better of course. She let out a breath and closed her eyes as soon as she saw my face. “I’m sorry, Vic. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t think you’re weak. It’s just that I think of myself that way when I look at them. I didn’t mean to let it out on you.” She said and she walked over to me. When she was close to me, she raised her hand and moved a strand of hair out of my face.
I chuckled and looked at her face that was a lot calmer right now. “I don’t think you’re weak. In fact, I think you’re the strongest person I know.” I said calmly and let a small smile take over my lips.
She did too and most of the worry seemed to vanish out of her eyes. Her smile became a little wider as she stepped a little closer to me and moved her hands to the back of my neck. “Shall we stop the mushy, dramatic talk and go to that party that is probably going to be really disappointing?” she asked.
I laughed. She was right, though. Everyone was always saying such good things about homecoming that it had to be disappointing in the end. I mean, the teachers and teen movies had really set the bar high. “Let’s do that.” I said nodding and I leaned in closer to kiss her.
She moved closer too, but before our lips could touch we heard her father yell from downstairs. “What are you guys doing up there?! It’s getting late! I swear if you guys are doing anything; I will personally make sure he never enters the house again.” He said and we moved away from each other. It was kind of annoying that he was this overly protective lately, but it was also sort of funny somehow. Luna apparently had the same thought as she was trying hard to hold her laughter. She let go of my neck, but leaned in to whisper something in my ear. “Well, I guess we have to ‘do something’ at your place then.” She said and the chills ran down my spine. Something in me wanted to skip homecoming and go straight to my place. But I knew that wasn’t what I was supposed to do. “But first let’s go party with people we don’t like.” She said and she took my hand. She dragged me out of the room and down to the stairs where her dad was waiting for us with a camera.
He smiled when his daughter came down the stairs. He must’ve been so proud of her. I think I shared that feeling with him. She was absolutely gorgeous and I knew for a fact that she was going to be the prettiest girl there without knowing how the other girls looked. But I guess I was prejudiced.
“Good, you guys are ready. Let’s make a picture of you.” He said and he raised his camera. Luna rolled her eyes and sighed, but didn’t protest any more. She hated pictures being taken of her and I did too, to be honest. But even we knew that there was no escaping this picture.
Luna’s dad saw her annoyed face and lowered the camera just a bit so we could see his eyes. “Right now you think this is annoying, Luna. But when you’re all grow up, you’re going to be grateful for pictures like this. They will be the only thing reminding you of this stage of your life.” He said and he took the picture of me and Luna hugging each other with wide smiles faced to the camera. It wasn’t your typical prom picture, but I was happy with that.
Of course William Fall turned out to be right. Only a few years later homecoming had become a small memory in the back of my head, which I was only able to remember properly through discolored pictures I still had.
The decorated gymnasium reminded me of junior prom a year ago. Me and Luna had gone there as friends, but it was a night in my life that had changed a lot. Not only did I almost kiss her before we went there, I also had my first performance that night. Tony had asked me to jump in for Jaime and so Pierce the Veil entered the stage for the first time in history. Not knowing we would sell out shows twenty times bigger than that night. But above all it was the night I realized how much I loved performing and that there was nothing I’d rather do my entire life.
The ambiance of this prom was really different, though. It was a lot more relaxed and happy. Which was probably due to the fact that Ryan and his group of people weren’t here. Even Jessie, who was known for never missing a party, was nowhere to be seen. Their absence gave people the freedom to act the way they wanted to. Last year everyone was nervous and cautious. One step out of line and Ryan would make sure that it would be the worst day out of their lives. Although I didn’t think that that cautiousness would ever really leave this school. At least not in this generation. We were marked by Leah’s death and years of tension.
The decoration had changed too. Last year the theme had been ‘Winter Wonderland’ and this year it was ‘Spring Colors’. I guess our school had a thing with seasons or something. But anyway, the glittery white snowflakes that had hung from the ceiling had been replaced by fake flowers in all colors imaginable and the blue lighting patterns had been replaced by a darker pink. To be honest, it made the whole place kind of look like the bedroom of a six-year-old, but it had been that way last year too.
I looked over at Luna and we chuckled at the exact same moment. Without saying anything I knew that she was also thinking of the ridiculous decorating our school had accomplished this year. This was of course very promising for the rest of the night. One didn’t have to be here very long to conclude that it was going to be a very cliché and over the top evening.
The music was just changing to a very well-known pop song that everyone started singing along to, when we got approached by a teacher that wanted to take our picture. Which of course turned out to be a regular senior prom picture: me standing behind Luna with my arms around her waist and we stood in front of a background of streaks of silver glitter paper. The picture itself wasn’t even that bad, but it goes without saying that Mike, Jaime and Tony had teased us a lot with that picture. Especially when my mother hung it above the fireplace where everyone could see our cliché and very uncomfortable prom picture.
As soon as the picture was taken we tried to move through the dancing crowd to get to the other side of the room. When we had finally succeeded to do so, we stood against the wall and looked over herds of dancing people in fancy clothing.
Luna let out a chuckle and I turned my head towards her. Her sight was still on our classmates that were singing along to a Britney Spears song. “Is this it?” she asked laughing. “Ever since I moved to America, this was the only thing I was looking forward to and it’s literally just the same as every other dance, only the music is even crappier, the decorations are even cornier and people are a little taller.”
I laughed and returned my sight to the dancing people once again. “We never told you it was anything more.” I said, making ‘we’ refer to ‘us Americans’.
She curled down her bottom lip. “But you made it look so magical in all those high school movies.” She said, her voice an octave higher than usual so she sounded like a kid.
I looked over the ceiling and noticed that the fake flowers actually looked less fake than I first thought. With a little bit of imagination, I would almost think we were in a colorful forest. It made me realize something. “I guess it’s as magical as you make it yourself. You can’t expect magic to just happen. You gotta make it yourself.” I said, mentally reminding myself that I had to write that down for a song or something.
“You’re as corny as the decorations, Vic.” She said and I looked over to shoot her a glare. Which just made her laugh at me more.
I shook my head. “I’m serious, Luna. Do you want magic? Then you’ve got to make it magical yourself. This is your last chance to have that magic from high school movies. In a few weeks we’ll be finally out of here. We’ll be out of this god forsaken place and let’s end it with something good.” I said and she stopped laughing.
A smile was still visible on her face, but a more serious look was now over her features. “I hate this place. It would be a bit like dancing in ruins.” She said, a little bit of sadness taking over eyes. I could imagine several memories of this place going through her mind.
But her words made a grin appear on my mouth. “I mean, how cool would that be?” I said.
As soon as the corners of her mouth curled up in a smile, I took both of her hands and dragged her into the crowd of dancing people. And believe me, as soon as we entered the ruins, the magic appeared. It’s just as I said: magic only appears if you believe that it’s there.
A few people we recognized mentioned to come and dance with us and we did. We didn’t really know them that well, but who cares? In only a matter of time we would never see them again!
God, I couldn’t believe I was almost done with school. When I started high school, I thought that it would be the worst time of my life. And in a way it was. It was even way worse than I had expected and that says something. But it was also the best time of my life in a way. It was such a weird feeling to look around and have the feeling you’re going to miss everything about a place, but at the same time be overjoyed for it all to be over.
No matter how cliché it sounded, I was going to start a new chapter of my life and it was scary as hell, but exciting at the same time. I just hoped with all my heart that the people that mattered would stay in my life, because somehow I knew I was going to lose a whole lot of people after this. But I wasn’t that concerned with that now. Because I was young and ecstatic and that made me naïve. I thought that the people who really cared about me, would stay by my side no matter what. It was such a teenage thing to think, but it made me hold on and keep going.
I looked to my left and saw Luna sing along to Shakira and she seemed to have forgotten everything that had happened before she came here. She wasn’t really a good dancer, but she didn’t really seem to care. It really didn’t matter, because everyone was bad here. She threw her arms in the air like her scars didn’t exist. I guess that was her imagination of magic.
I danced around like a fool myself, feeling a connection with people I didn’t know that well and which was going to fade as soon as I stepped out of this place. I guess that was why these kind of things existed. To celebrate the last moment of being a kid and being able to act like everything is magical before we stepped in the cold hard grown up world.
The songs changed and a haunting piano melody filled up the room. Back then I didn’t know what song it was, but it was the first good song I had heard that night. The first thing I thought when I heard it was that I wanted to dance to it with Luna. So I grabbed her hand and dragged her closer to me. I didn’t even notice other people around me doing the same and starting to slow dance with their date.
Luna smiled and came closer to me. I just knew what was on her mind right now. She was thinking about how corny this all was, but she kept quiet about it and moved to the melody of the music with me. The lighting had become a little darker and I held Luna with one hand on her back and with my other hand I held hers in mine.
She looked in my eyes and I saw a question burning in them. I kept looking back to urge her to ask it to me. I wondered why she didn’t. I couldn’t possibly think of something that could ruin this moment.
And then she did. “You will stay, right?” she asked and I saw a hint of fear in her eyes.
I looked down on her with confusion. It was the last question I had expected. But her face told me that she meant it.
“W-what do you mean?” I asked and I clenched my fingers a little tighter around hers.
She looked over the room quickly before letting her eyes return to mine. Almost as if she was scared someone would hear us over the loud music. “Everything is going to change now. And sure, we will go to the same university, but the fact is: no matter what, we’re going to be different than how we were here. Besides, we’re going to be busy and stuff. I just want to make sure this lasts.” She said. Her voice had always kind of sounded like a song to me, but it sounded even more so over the beautiful melody of this ballad.
I raised our intertwined hands to my lips and pressed a kiss on the skin just under knuckles. “I promise I will stay. I won’t ever give up on us.” I said to her. I was barely hearable over the music, but I knew that she had heard every word of it.
She got her hand out of mine and let her index finger trace my bottom lip. “I love you.” She said whispering, but I felt every word leave her lips.
“I love you too.” I said and I leaned in to kiss her. She closed the last bit of distance between us and we were only awoken from our kiss when the beautiful, haunting song had come to an end. Until then we just stood there, kissing in the ruins of where we fought for everything we had believed in, in the midst of people who were going to be merely ghosts to us very soon.
It has been a while! But yay, I updated!
This throwback was necesary for a few events happening in the next chapter. Also the song Luna and Vic are dancing to will be revealed in the next chapter too!!
Aawww that's so sweet! It means a lot that you like it!
I have a lot of work to do at college lately, but I promise as soon as All that is over I will comtinue writing this! I haven't forgotten this story!
I will definitely follow you on ig btw! You seem like a very sweet person!