Mike [11.33 pm]: Well, today was different. Is Naira always throwing glasses of water at people or am I just special? XD
Mike [11.58 pm]: Did you drop your phone in the toilet right after reading this? You never ignore my messages XD
Mike [12.35 pm]: Maya?
Mike [12.48 pm]: Did I do something wrong?

Maya’s POV
I looked at my phone for a while, figuring out what to write back. But my mind was just blank. The blue little v’s underneath his message had already appeared and it was only a matter of time before he would get online and see I had ignored him once again.
I don’t exaggerate when I say that this has never happened to me before. At least not with Mike. Part of the reason why we were such good friends is because we always had something to talk about around each other. We annoyed the others a lot by being so loud and hyper all the time, but that actually made it more fun.
And now I was looking at my phone, but I just didn’t know how to talk to him anymore. I was being so awkward and it was showing this time. Normally when I had a crush, I was able to hide it pretty well. I had my tricks to come over as normal as possible, that’s why no one ever realized I liked Jaime...
I lowered my phone as soon as it hit me. Wait what, did I just compare Mike to Jaime? Did I just make a connection between the word crush and Mike? Get yourself together, Maya! You made out one time and it didn’t even mean anything! It was just to make your ex jealous! I was just being ridiculous, me and Mike wouldn’t work out. We were too alike. It would be like mixing a hurricane with a vulcano. We were already trouble individually, let alone together.
Now take a deep breath and text back your best friend. Because that’s exactly what you are: friends. I did what I told myself to do, took a deep breath and picked up my phone again. Okay don’t overreact, just message him. He had been pretty good at noticing when something was off about me lately and I couldn’t have that happening this time. How would he react when he found out that I practically have been thinking about our make out session non-stop ever since it happened?
I turned off my mind and started off typing: ‘No, my phone is all dry hahaha. I just didn’t know what to write.’ I looked at the message for a while, but then I erased it all. It would probably sound stupid like that. So I was back where I started: staring at my screen, figuring out what to write without sounding like an idiot and praying to god he wouldn’t go online.
I lifted my head from my pillow and sat up straight on my bed. What the fuck was wrong with me? This kiss wasn’t even that great. It was like kissing a cousin. There was no passion, no spark. It wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t like my skin burned under his touch. It wasn’t...good.
Oh god, why was I fooling myself? It probably was the best kiss I ever had. I always knew that Mike would probably be good, I knew that he knew what he was doing, because we had talked about sex and girls and those kind of things before, but I didn’t know he was that good.
Of course, he kind of had the advantage of exactly knowing what I liked and didn’t like, because he knew everything about me, but still...I mean, that probably was the reason why it was that good, right? It wasn’t like we had a connection as more than friends…right?
I was woken out of my thoughts by the sound of my phone going off. I jumped and let out a little screech, but luckily for me it was just my mom checking up on me. I calmed myself down again and quickly texted my mom back.
After that I decided that I was really tired of freaking out about this, so I just decided not to text him back and put my phone in my pocket. I mean, I couldn’t really think of something that wouldn’t make me seem like an idiot. He obviously already knew something was off and I would lose my mind if I went on like this.
I reached for the drawer underneath my bed and took out a package of smokes. It had been a while since I had had one, but I really felt like I needed it right now. I stood up from my bed, with the package in my hand and walked down the stairs. I marched passed Vic and Naira cuddling with each other on the couch and headed straight for the door. In the corner of my eyes I saw them smile at each other and give each other a quick kiss. Ugh, couples. Am I right?
As soon as I got outside, I tried to get a cigarette out of the red and white package. I sat down on the stone bench against the wall and lit up the cigarette. As soon as I breathed in the smoke, I immediately felt more relaxed. I always thought it kind of tasted like coffee. That was one of the biggest surprises of first starting to smoke: the taste. Somehow it manages to taste completely different than it smells.
As I stood there, inhaling the smoke faster than I normally did, Mike somehow managed to creep back in my mind. I don't know why I thought it would be different, since I always thought too much when I was smoking.
But I still hated the way he somehow had taken up most of my brain, just by kissing me. Even if I did like him, which I didn't, then I wouldn't even want to date him. I had already dated one of my best friends before, it ended horribly. Why would this be any different? And I couldn’t just have an one night stand with him either. It would cause an equal amount of drama. One night stands should be with strangers. That would leave the least damage.
So I just had to get him off my mind somehow. I noticed my index finger getting warmer and saw that I had already smoked my entire cigarette. Jeez, I knew I was stress smoking, but this was insane. I put the one in my hand out in the ashtray and took a new one out of the package.
As soon as I had lit it up, I heard someone step on the grass next to me. I looked up and saw that it was Naira standing with her arms crossed over her chest. “Are you okay?” She asked a little cautiously, like I could attack her any minute.
Great, now Naira seemed to be able to figure me out too. I mean, she was my best friend, but I rather just don’t tell my problems to anyone.
I blew out a small cloud of smoke. “Yes of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” I said and I tapped a little ash of the tip of my cigarette.
Naira raised an eyebrow. “Well for starters, you’re stress smoking. Besides, you have been acting weird all evening.” She said, trying to make eye contact with me, but I avoided it on purpose.
“I’m okay, Naira. Is Vic gonna stay over?” I asked, changing the subject. And I looked through the window of the house, seeing that Vic wasn't on the couch anymore.
“No, he remembered that he had an early appointment tomorrow morning.” She said.
I quickly switched the conversation to that topic so she wouldn't go back to our last one anymore. “Smart move, he probably wouldn't get any sleep if he slept here, am I right?” I said and I wiggled my eyebrows up and down.
Naira rolled her eyes, but still got a light red color on her cheeks. She sat down next to me on the bench. “Yeah, we probably would be up all night talking about totally innocent things.” She said grinning.
I nodded, playing along with her little act. She knew that I knew that they would do more than talking. In fact, I was very much aware that there was a lot of action going on. “Yeah, of course. That was exactly what I meant.” I said and we both bursted out in laughter.
After a short silence, I spoke up. “So, things are going alright between you two, huh?” I asked as I took another drag from my cigarette.
Naira placed her hands in her lap and looked up at the bright moon. It was cloudy today, but some of the brightest stars still shone through the thin, light grey clouds. “Yes, better than I ever expected it to be. I never expected any of this. But I finally have the feeling everything fell into place, you know? That he might like me back as much as I like him. That he won’t date anyone behind my back or turns out to be gay, you know? Like I finally am in a real and mature relationship.” She said and I saw a certain twinkle in her eyes, I had never seen on her before. Like she was at peace or something. It wasn’t like she didn't have problems anymore, but it looked like she was at peace with them. “There’s just no bullshit, you know. And it feels great.”
Even though I was happy for her and for Vic, I still got a nasty feeling in my stomach. I wanted what they had. Sure, casual sex was awesome, but I wanted that special person I could stand enough to spend a long time with. My definition of a real relationship might've been a little different than Naira’s, but the overall thing was the same.
Of course I had Naira. I was pretty sure she was my soulmate, in a friendship way of course. But it was just different, especially now she had a relationship herself. It kind of made me feel alone.
“I’m happy for you.” I said and I wanted to take another drag of my cigarette, but noticed it was gone again. I sighed and put it out in the ashtray. “Really, you guys both deserve this. And I'm pretty sure Vic isn't gay, I would’ve’ noticed that, my gaydar is pretty good. Bi maybe, but no way he is 100% gay. You can notice that just by the way he looks at your ass. Can't really blame him, you have a nice ass.” I said and I shrugged.
Naira laughed and shook her head. “Thank you. You got a pretty decent ass too.” She said and her facial expression changed a bit. “What about you? Seeing anyone? Crushes? Are you even over Jaime yet?” She asked. It was kind of funny how I never talked about anything, but Naira still tried to find out about my thoughts. I guess that made her such a good friend.
I shrugged and put on a smile. “No love for me for now. I’m a little sick of all the drama and stuff. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone. Who knows?” I said. That last thing sounded way less dramatic in my head. I really did believe that though. There was no such thing as faith. Of course there would be a lot of people on this earth that I might be able to fall in love with and spent the rest of my life with, but the chance you meet a person like that is so small.
Naira pushed me lightly against my shoulder. “You’re not alone. And I know that it might be a little hard to believe after everything that happened with Jaime, but there are good people out there, you know. You will fall in love again, even if you don’t want to.” she said.
I chuckled awkwardly at her comment, but remained quiet. I hoped this was enough for her and she wouldn’t go on about it. It was already bad enough that she had to worry about my anorexia. She didn’t need to worry about this too.
“And what about Mike?” Naira asked. She said it very fast, like she actually wasn’t supposed to say anything about it. My head shot up immediately and I saw that she was trying very hard to look innocent.
I quickly changed my surprised expression into a neutral one, but maybe not fast enough for her not to notice. “What about him?” I asked in a calm voice. On the inside my mind started racing again.
“Uhm well, You guys seem to get along really well. Like, really well. I figured, maybe you guys would be nice together. Has nothing ever happened between you two?” she asked, she didn’t look surprised with my reaction at all. Like she already knew what was going on.
“How much do you know?” I accidently blurred out. I immediately covered my mouth with my hands, but that made everything worse of course.
Naira’s eyes went big and she pointed at me with her index finger. “Oh my god! So there’s something to know! That means something has happened!” she said, a little bit of enthusiasm going through her mostly surprised voice.
I removed my hands from my mouth. “No! I mean...No, we’re just friends. He is...I am...Friends…” I said and I tried to sound as relaxed as I could, but it was of no use. My voice sounded an octave higher than normal. Seriously, there was something wrong with me. I was able to hide nine years of eating disorders, but when it came to this, I was like a little kid trying to hide from their mother that I had stolen a cookie while my mouth was obviously smudged with chocolate.
Naira lowered her finger and shot me a judging look. She was waiting for me to spill and deliberately making this as awkward as possible so I would. It was working though. “We kissed.”
Naira’s face turned enthusiastic again and she moved up and down on the bench. It would’ve been really cute, if I didn’t hate talking about this. “Holy shit! This is big! You have to tell me everything!” she said and waited for me to tell what had happened.
“It’s not a big deal, Naira. Really, it didn’t mean anything.” I said and waved it away. Something told me she wouldn’t drop the subject anytime soon.
“Well, if it wasn’t a big deal, you can just tell me. The fact that you don’t want to tell me, means that it does mean something.” she said with an evil grin on her face. Sneaky bastard, stealing my manipulating methods like that.
I squinted my eyes at her. She knew that if there was something you shouldn’t do around me, it’s challenging me. Because I will do the thing, not matter what it is. “Okay. Mike took me to a club to forget about Jaime. We bumped up to Leila, who was rubbing in my face that she had a hot new girlfriend. And then he had an idea to make her jealous and then we made out.” I said, trying to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. It was a very big deal, though. And I knew that.
Naira smiled and nodded her head. “Smooth Mike, very smooth.” she said and she seemed to think about something. “So, how was it? And be honest. I have told you everything about me and Vic too.” she said and I couldn’t really argue with that argument.
I let out a breath and looked down at my hands. “It was good...not really much more to say. It was good...it was really good.” I said honestly.
“How good? Like, you-want-to-do-it-again kind of good?” she asked carefully. It kind of sounded like she was afraid that I would crawl back into my shell if she said something wrong.
I thought about it for a few seconds. I did wanted to do it again. To make matters worse: I wanted him. I always thought Mike was hot, but I never was attracted to him. And now he had kissed me one time and I couldn’t think about anything else. “Yeah. I really want to do it again.” I said.
“Do you like him?”
I looked up at her and laughed. “God no. Not like that. Can you imagine me and Mike? Together? As in like a couple? No, I think I’m just like attracted to him. Does that make sense?” I asked.
Naira nodded her head like she knew exactly what you meant. “Yeah I do, you just want to have sex with him.” she said dryly.
Her tone made me laugh. Although the thought of having sex with Mike made me laugh too. This was so fucking stupid.
“Maybe you should give him a chance, though. I think you two could be really amazing together.” She said. I chuckled again, thinking she made a joke. But when I looked up at her, I saw that she was dead serious. “We really wouldn’t be, Naira. We’re better off friends, believe me.” I said, still half laughing. I just couldn’t take this seriously. “I just need to get this off my mind somehow. I bet it will be gone as soon as I wake up tomorrow.” I said as I stood up from the bench. “I’m going to bed. Good night.” I said, while I picked up my package of cigarettes.
Naira examined my face, to look if I really was okay like this and then smiled at me. “Good night. Have sweet dreams about Mike.” she said, teasing me.
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked threatening at her. “Let this not become a regular thing. I swear to god, if you mention it again, I will make sure you and Vic will never be alone again.” I said.
Naira giggled, not really impressed with my threat, but she still made a zipper gesture on her mouth. Somehow I knew that she was still going to haunt me with this.

Notes

heeeyeyeyey guys!

So yeah, what do you guys think? Still shipping Maya and Mike? Because I am, like big time. :)

xxxxx

Nicky