New Jersey. My home state. My past. My worst nightmares.

And my nightmares were worse in Jersey. We arrived mid morning, and I accidentally took a nap in the hotel before we had to get ready for the show. I woke up crying, again, this time my nightmares centered on Jake. This was where he was. This was where I was, when I was still with him. This was his territory.


Except my nightmares weren’t really nightmares. They were memories. Horrible, unforgettable, memories.

He was drunk. Of course he was drunk. That’s always how it goes, right? The drunken, abusive boyfriend. He was the definition of the stereotypical abusive boyfriend, but I knew he was worse. He had to be worse than other people, especially because I couldn’t imagine any one being worse than him.

“You can’t break up with me, bitch!” he screamed.

“But I’m moving, Jake. I don’t have a life here, I don’t have a life with you. I’m sorry, but it has to be this way,” I tried to be as nice as possible. I tried not to trigger his anger. Obviously, I failed miserably.

“If you leave me, I swear to God…” his face contored with pure rage, and I was scared. But I refused to let him know that.

“What? What will you do? Hit me? Take a swing, Jake, because I’m done with your shit, and you clearly are a low-life coward who takes refuge in beating women,” I spat. Well, that was a massive mistake.

The first blow wasn’t even that bad. It just sent numbness across my face, and a warm, metallic taste formed in my mouth.

“How dare you!” Jake screamed while punching me in the face three more times. I started to cry.

"Stop it!" I wailed.

But he didn't stop. I had never seen him like this before... So angry... So passionate.

He had never used a real weapon against me before, only using his fists. Until now. He held a shiny and sharp object in his hand. I froze.

"Jake... Just calm down for a minute, okay?" I said softy.

"It's to late now, whore," his words slurred with drunkenness.

He lunged at me, and before I had time to react, I felt a splitting pain just above my left temple. Something warm and metallic dripped down my face. I felt weak and stumbled around.

I didn't even scream.

"Jake?" I asked, disoriented and utterly surprised. Or in shock.

The rusty knife dropped to the ground.

"Shit," he said. I slumped to the ground... I watched as he turned quickly around, scooping the knife on the ground. I heard the sound of running water. He was cleaning the damn knife, not helping me...

I found enough energy to open the front door. I stumbled, seemingly hopelessly, to a neighbor's house. I lightly tapped on the door, beaten, bruised, and bleeding. I collapsed on their front porch... No answer... No
\vision...


"Hey, come on, it's just a nightmare," Vic hugged me, tears rolled down my face.

"No, it's not..." I cried. "It's not a nightmare. It's a memory," I cried.

Vic didn't say anything, he just smoothed out my hair on the back of my head.

"It's okay, I'm here," he consoled softly.

I nodded, wishing that my past would just stay where it belonged: in the fucking past.

~~


"I can't believe we are playing at the Starland Ballroom tonight," I sighed, looking at the venue.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Because! I went to my first real concert here. And now I'm on the stage, not in the crowd..." I said dreamily.

"Haha, aw, look at you," Jaime patted my head. “You’re all flustered.”

“Shut up,” I rolled my eyes, playfully punching him in the arm.


I started to think about my first concert here; I saw Mayday Parade with two of my friends. I remember Derek saying how this was his favorite venue to play at, and I always thought he was just saying that.



“King For A Day! King For A Day!” the crowd chanted over and over again.

“Aw, but Kellin’s not here! It wouldn’t be the same,” I frowned in the microphone, winking at the shadow that was side stage.

“Hey, I guess we could try it anyway?” Vic turned to us, his voice acting unsure, but his eyes playful and excited.

“If you say so…” I said.

Vic cleared his throat and started screaming into the microphone: “Dare me to jump off of this jersey bridge!”

It was now my turn, but I wasn’t a screamer. I mouthed the words as Kellin actually screamed. “I bet you never had a Friday night like this!” Vic and I went back and forth, him screaming and me fake screaming, and the crowd went absolutely nuts, realizing that I was lip synching Kellin’s part.

And then the crowd went even crazier when Kellin jumped onto the stage, singing his next part, “Please won’t you push me for the last time…”

When Vic sang next, Kellin swung an arm over my shoulder, planting a kiss on my cheek. He winked at me as we sang the chorus together. Like all of the other bands on tour, I met Kellin when Vic was recovering from the bus accident.

The fans were going absolutely insane with the combination of Vic, Kellin, Jaime, and I all singing together, Tony, yet again, making love to his guitar, and Mike, as usual, head banging like no other. There was a swarm of crowd surfers, and I tried to hold the hands of as many fans as I could. I’ve never experienced such an interactive crowd before, and it was truly exhilarating.



So after the show we just played, I knew exactly what Derek meant. Something about the energy of the crowd, the intimacy of the small venue… it was incredible. And I completely forgot that I was in Jersey at all, it didn’t even matter. The people who I didn’t want to see surely wouldn’t be coming to our shows… right?

During the show in its entirety, I forgot about everything, like always. Music was always there to filter my feelings and help me lose myself for ninety minutes. Except after the show, I couldn’t help but let Jake or John’s face flash across my brain. I almost thought that I saw one of them, but my tired memories were just morphing into real life.

We hung around for a good hour and a half after the show, catching up with Kellin and fans. “After your tour, I’m coming over to show you Copeland,” Kellin grinned, a proud father of a beautiful baby.

“Anytime,” I smiled.

“Well, not anytime, because we still have to get married,” Vic chimed in.

“But Vic, I have a wife already. I’m sorry,” Kellin frowned.

“Not to you, you moron!” Vic laughed. He then looked at me and planted a passionate kiss on my cheek.

“You guys are so cute it makes me want to throw up,” Kellin sighed, punching Vic’s arm, I rolled my eyes.

Kellin smiled at us for a moment, and then got up to goof around with Jaime.

“See you guys soon,” he said happily.


~~

“Time to go! Early start tomorrow! New York, New York, here we come!” Mike said, clapping his hands together and pointing them to the parking lot.

All of the guys got up to follow Mike, but I lingered for a moment, taking in the aura of the venue. I still couldn’t believe that I had just played here, as small as it was. This was a place that was in my past, but not in a painful way. This was a place where I would go for a temporary home.

I sighed, taking one last look, and followed the guys to the van, who were already pretty ahead of me.

But then I felt someone lightly touch my waist, and, thinking it was Vic, I turned to hug him.

But it sure as hell was not Vic.


“How’s it going, sweetheart?” Jake smiled evilly at me, and I lost all emotion. I tried to wiggle away from his grasp, but he began to grab me too hard. I looked all around. I was alone; the other guys were probably in the van. They probably, at this moment, were just now turning around for me, realizing I wasn’t there behind them… calling for me…

“Let go of me,” I said fiercely. I wasn’t about to take his shit. And I certainly was not about to get raped by him.

But he didn’t let go of me. Instead, he brushed the hair from my forehead, touching my scar. The scar. The scar that he put there.

And then he kissed it.

“It’s been two years since you left me,” he said. “I think that number is a little too big, do you not agree?” he asked.

And then he applied heavy pressure to my scar with his thumb, but before I could cry out in pain, Jake’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he slowly collapsed to the ground, and I felt something warm and thick splatter on my lower body.

I stood still, looking straight ahead, not watching Jake fall to my feet, not looking down to see what had created such a mess on my clothes.


And there he was, Vic, his frozen body tense where he stood, an indistinguishable look in his eyes, and Mike’s gun still pointing in my direction.

Notes

so that happened... will update soon! craziness


Thoughts about the ending of the chapter: should it be Vic? or should i edit it and make it one of the other guys?

thanks again for everything!! :)