We only had a few hours to sleep until we had to be on the plane to North Carolina. I felt Vic fall asleep quickly, his heartbeat finally slowing down, his breaths now steady, his chest slowly rising and falling. I tried to match my breathing with his. I was tired, but I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t escape the nightmares of John in my head. I could only hope that Vic did a number to him. It was selfish to think that, but this was a selfish thought I could not avoid.

I remained clenched to Vic’s side, not wanting him to ever leave me. If any other person tried to… touch me, I would most likely cringe away. But not from Vic. Never from Vic. I was slightly afraid of how dependent I was on him, how I only felt safe with him. What was wrong with me?

“Sleep, darling,” he whispered softly, his breath calm on my face. I nodded tiredly and snuggled closer, falling asleep as he hummed a melody in my ear.

~~

“Don’t expect to see him, today,” Vic said, referring to John. He still refused to tell me what happened. What did he think? That I would be scared of him? If anything, I would be proud. But I also felt selfish again, because his face was beaten up. If I never broke down, he wouldn’t be hurt. I traced my fingertips over his bruised jaw, his split lip, and the lump on his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

He grabbed my hand that was still on his face and held it in his. “Don’t be sorry,” he said.

I sighed. “Vic. I relapsed again. Why can’t I be normal?” I said, nervously holding my bandaged arm.

“You aren’t normal. But nobody is normal. You are strong; I can see it in your eyes. And what that low-life did to you…” he stopped talking, his face contorting with anger. I shook my head, my mind flashing back to that night.


“Hey, let go of me!” I yelled, but his rough hands muffled my words. The party was loud; nobody noticed that I was being dragged away. I had left Vic to be with Parker, Parker left me to talk to Tony… nobody would know that I was being taken. Nobody would know.

“I saw the way you looked at me,” he growled, dragging me into a room.

“No!” I protested. I did not look at him in any such way! “I have a boyfriend, a fiancée, he’ll find out and kill you!” I pleaded as he shoved me inside further. I was drunk. Really drunk, so I couldn’t fight back as well as I probably could have if I were sober…. I could barely stand by myself thanks to the sudden alteration of gravity of him ripping me away from the party. “Vic will kill you,” I added sloppily.

But he didn’t seem to care. He pushed me back, and I landed on something… something… a bed. He pushed me back, and I landed on a bed. Oh, God, this was it.

“Come here,” John grinned evilly as he climbed over to me. He grinned as if he had just scored some hot girl. As if this was consensual.

“No!” I twisted and turned and flailed my arms and screamed.

“No body can hear you, bitch,” he laughed. Then I felt something rough on my ankles. Oh, no, they were each being tied with a rope. I tried to kick free, but my drunken self was not allowing it to be successful. “Stay still,” he growled. And then I felt my wrists being tightly strung with rope. It hurt; the rope was tightened so my circulation was being cut off.

“No!” I screamed as loud as possibly as I started to shiver from the cool air that rushed past me. The cool air that rushed past me… my clothes being ripped…

I continued to plead to him desperately. “He’ll kill you,” I cried. “He’ll kill you.”


“Claire,” Vic’s voice brought me back to real time. “You okay?”

I shook my head, trying to push back the haunting memories… “Yeah, yeah,” I said breathlessly.

“Let’s go then,” he said, taking my hand.

The plane ride wasn’t unbearable; John didn’t show, thank God. Mike gave me a soft hug without precedent, Jaime squeezed my hand, and Tony gave me a knowing look. I felt bad for Tony, him having to clean my cuts…

The other bands—especially All Time Low—continued to be absolute goofballs. I knew that they knew what had happened (how could they avoid asking what happened to Vic’s face? Vic, what happened? Oh, nothing, I just beat the shit out of the photographer, John, who raped my future wife). I could imagine the sourness in his reply, the anger, the pain…

Except I also wanted to forget about all of this. The nightmares that I was sure I would encounter were going to be difficult, but I could try. And playing our music on a stage for loving fans was exactly what I had in mind.

North Carolina was amazing—well, every show we played was amazing. A few fans before the show inquired why Vic’s face was beaten up, and he lied and made up some story about falling off stage in rehearsal… He was protecting me, of course. Nobody needed to know what really happened.

“You were incredible tonight, love,” Vic said. My heart fluttered when he called me ‘love’. I’ve never been called that before.

“I had several emotions I had to work through tonight,” I said seriously, but I was also smiling. I felt one hundred times better.

“Me too,” he said, ruffling my hair.

“So, what next?” Tony asked, sitting down on the backstage chair. Mayday Parade was playing, and I hummed quietly to their songs.

“Sleep. I just want to sleep forever,” I said dreamily. I intended that to be amusing, but the guys stared at me intently.

“How are you?” Jaime asked, carefully placing a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m fine,” I said, probably a little to quickly. “I, uh, I’m actually anxious for tomorrow,” I said quietly.

“Why?” Vic asked, worry spreading across his face. I smoothed out his face.

“Vic, please don’t be so worried about me all of the time. It’s bad for your health. And tomorrow we play in Jersey. I don’t know. It just freaks me out a little,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders. “It’s not really that big of a deal,” I added.

“Can we just hang out in one of our hotel rooms with a few beers and movies? I don’t really feel like partying too hard, tonight,” Mike yawned. I looked at him like he was insane.

“Well, Mike, that seems a tad out of character for you, don’t you think?” I laughed lightly. He shrugged his shoulders.

“I think we need some family bonding time,” he said, shrugging his shoulders again. “…And it’s been a really long time since I’ve watched Harry Potter, so…” I saw a flicker in Mike’s eyes, a true happiness.

We all groaned. “Why don’t we watch something that we’ve never seen before?” Jaime said.

“Well, do you have any suggestions?” Mike retorted.

“No, but…”

“Ha!” Mike exclaimed happily, proving some kind of point. I rolled my eyes.

“I wouldn’t mind some Harry Potter, either,” I said, sitting down next to Mike and swinging my left arm loosely around his shoulders.

I cursed under my breath, accidentally putting too much pressure on my fairly fresh cuts. Vic shot me a recognizing look, but I told him with my eyes that I was fine.

“Yeah, let’s just take it easy, tonight,” Jaime commented quietly. My cheeks burned, realization slapping me in the face. They wanted to chill out because of me. They wanted to make sure I was okay. Yet again, I was holding them back.



They didn’t seem to mind, though. Actually, I could not detect for the life of me resentment or regret, only care and happiness. Sometimes, it was just fun to hang around and relax with your best friends. Maybe, this wasn’t about me after all. How could I be so selfish to think that?

I was sandwiched between the Fuentes brothers, Vic on my left and Mike on my right. Tony was sitting on the floor as I braided his hair, and Jaime was already fast asleep on the other couch. I stared at him, slightly worried… he probably missed Jess, but he wasn’t complaining. He wasn’t breaking down. I wondered what it would be like to be away from Vic or any of the other guys, for that matter, for an entire summer, but I didn’t linger on the thought.

I enjoyed this. No drama, no fights, no bad memories. Just me and my boys, my best friends, my brothers.

All was peaceful.

Well, all was peaceful until I fell asleep. Even though my head was comfortably in Vic’s lap, and he was playing with my hair, I couldn’t consciously control the nightmares that always crept back. They bounced back and forth between multiple things; Jake and his abuse, John and the assault, Vic and the bus crash… They would always come back. There was no escaping.

Notes

Kind of a filler chapter, but more action next chapter!! :)

I'm not sure why i did i flash back to be honest, i guess it acted as a filler as well


i'm going to do an awkward self promotion here *blushes* check out my new story "im the killer who burned your home" -- only one chapter out right now, but i'm pretty excited about it:)

as per usual, i thank you all for your encouraging comments, subscriptions, reads, etc <3