What Hurts The Most

The thought of waking up and knowing that I had to go to school felt like a hot knife through my heart. Knowing that I gave him my whole heart just to watch him run off and crush it in the palm of his hands. Knowing that I had to face him today was probably the worst part of it all.

I hated the drive to school. I usually had fun on my way there but not knowing what today entailed scared me half to death.

I pulled into the parking lot and watched as people laughed on their way into the school and I simply sighed. I gathered the courage to get out of my car and walk to my first class. He was there, sitting in his usual seat in the corner, head down in his bookbag. He hadn't seen me yet.

I sat in the farthest seat away from him to distance myself from the heartbreak of last night. As much as I tried to ignore it, my thoughts always came back to last night and how he just ran off after I poured my heart out to him. I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes.

"Skye, are you alright?" My teacher asked and everyone, including him, turned to look at me.

"Oh, um.. yeah, I'm fine." I sniffled and averted my eyes from all of the judgemental glares.

The class continued after a brief whispered gossiping and before I knew it, it was over. The grey cloud above my head stayed with me though. I needed to pull myself together.

My last class was with Jaime and even though we had assigned seats, I sat away from him. I didn't want to be questioned another time about why my eyes and nose were red or how it looked like I was upset about something, I just couldn't do it.

"Skye, you know you're supposed to be over there." My teacher said with a sly tone. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath knowing that I was ready to explode into a million emotions at any moment and walked to my usual seat.

"What's up with you today, Skye?" Jaime asked as soon as I sat down and I finally broke. The waterworks came and I grabbed my things and ran out of class all the way to my car. I drove as quickly as I could to my house and slammed the door once I was in.

Why do people see that you're upset and feel the need to ask you about it? Why do people want to be so nosey?

I screamed at the top of my lungs and right after I heard a banging on my door. I refused to even look in it's direction.

"SKYE, LET ME IN." A panic yell from the door sounded. I just walked up my stairs to my bedroom and dropped onto my bed, sobbing.

I could hear the muffled banging on my front door and the yells but I phased it out. I wanted nothing to do with whoever might be at my door though it could really only be two people. Niether of which I wanted to talk to. One of them told me to man up and the other ripped my heart in two.

I ran back down stairs.

"SYKE, I CAN SEE YOU JUST LET ME IN!"

I grabbed the bottle of whiskey that was hidden in the cabinets and ran back upstairs. I blasted my music to fully drown out the noises from downstairs and drank myself into an oblivion.

**

"I don't know how much was in it!" I heard barely as I woke up after my rampage.

"Why didn't you just walk in? The key was right under the mat." a second voice?

"I'm sure she's fine." A THIRD?!

"What the hell did you do to her Tony?!" Oh my fucking god, they're all here.

I sat up in bed only to feel my bad mistake rush straight to my head. My door was slightly ajar and I could see someone pacing by the stairs.

I took a deep breath and walked down the stairs, knowing the questions would soon start flowing, I walked past them all to get some aspirin.

"Skye..." I felt a hand lay gently on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Please just leave." I said quietly, like a tiny mouse.

"Are you okay?" The calm quiet mouse had vanished.

"Am I okay? You fucking serious? No, I'm not okay. I had my heart broken last night and just wanted to forget about it today but instead it's all I could think about." I maniacally laughed. They looked a bit frightened.

"What do you mean?" Mike asked and I rolled my eyes and glared at Tony then switched my gaze over to Jaime. I saw his eyes widen 'oh god.' he mumbled to himself.

"What?" Vic asked while Tony and Jaime just stared at each other, one clearly infuriated and the other ashamed.

"What's what is I poured my heart out to Tony as per Jaimes advice and let's just say it didn't go well. Hence the blackout, tears, anger." I said and watched this unfold. I felt like a cold hearted bitch but I didn't care. The majority of my life up till yesterday was being spent infatuated with Tony fucking Perry while he didn't give a shit about me. I was done with it.

"What the actual fuck Tony?" Mike asked and I just walked past the boys as they bickered 'quietly' with each other in my kitchen.

"What did he do?" Jaime asked as he sat next to me. I looked back towards my kitchen to see the other three had gone out back.

"He didn't do anything but leave. No acceptance, no actual rejection but when someone just rushes out of your house after you poured your heart out to them, it feels like shit." I said with a blank stare directed towards the walls.

"God, I'm so sorry Skye. I shouldn't have told you to do it." He said and bowed his head.

"No, Jaime, you all were right. It was about damn time that one of us said something, I just wish it hadn't been me. This is in no way your fault, it's on me. I should've stuck with my gut."

I sighed and leaned back, closing my eyes tightly hoping this was all some sick twisted nightmare.

"Hey, Skye, Come with me and Vic tonight." Mike said as he kneeled in front of me, his hands resting on my knees, eyes pleading.

"Why?" I asked and he smiled slightly.

"We wanted to make you feel better, figured a good night with your fav Mexican bros would cheer you up." I felt the corners of my mouth twitch and my heart ache.

"How do you know I'm not her favorite?" Jaime said with mock offense.

"Because you're a goof." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

"I like you all equally." I said and smiled.

"So is that a yes?" He asked and I nodded. What's the worst that could happen?

"I'll go let Vic know." He said and bolted off.

I was smiling at how thoughtful these guys were. I had only gotten to know them in recent weeks and yet they cared so much about me. It almost seemed too good to be true.

"Alright, Jaime are you coming too?" Vic asked. He looked a little frazzled but smiled towards me. Jaime nodded and they started walking out.

"Where's..." I asked and they waved it off.

"He left, don't worry about it tonight, alright?" Mike said with a pleading smile and I just shrugged.

I hopped into Vic's truck and we left. I stared out of the window, I felt as though I couldn't feel anything, like I was numb. Maybe I was just in shock... who knows.

We got to his house and there was another car in the driveway... his parents were home. How weird is it for a strange girl to come in with three boys? Is that weird? It feels weird.

"Ma, we're home!" Mike yelled and I could hear some mumble from the back of the house.

"Come on, we'll just hang out down stairs." Vic said and I followed the three of them silently.

"Boys, I'm not... who's this?" A short lady with a friendly smile asked as soon as I came into view.

"Mom, this is Skye." Vic said and I smiled and waved.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you Skye. I'm Vivian, you can call me Viv or mom." she chuckled.

"It's nice to meet you as well, Viv." I smiled again and saw Mike roll his eyes from the corner of mine.

"Well, like I was saying, I'm not cooking tonight so you can order out of eat the leftovers." She said sweetly and they nodded then continued down to the basement.

I plopped down on the couch and felt the weight of the world crush me. I kept my eyes closed and took a deep breath, not wanting to cry anymore.

"Hey, Skye, just relax. You're with us tonight okay? It's gonna be good. I'll even let you pick what we order." Vic said and smiled. They were trying so hard.

"Can we get really cheesy pizza with bacon?" I asked timidly and he chuckled.

"Sure." He said and grabbed one of the takeout menus on the table and walked away.

"Pizza doesn't solve everything, you know." Mike said and I smirked.

"Pizza also doesn't break your heart and that's good enough for me." I said and Jaime nearly spit out his drink.

"Fair enough." Mike said as he looked through the stacks of CD's, DVD and games.

"Alright, food will be here in about a half hour, what do you want to do till then?" He asked and looked at us three. I shrugged and looked at Mike and Jaime.

"Wanna play a game or something?" Mike suggested, gesturing to the stack of the games. They agreed and I went with it.

"Any requests?" Mike asked and I squinted at the stack, nothing popping out in particular.

"How about a party game, something we can all play?" Hime suggested and Mike nodded, not even looking at him and stuck a disc in.

"Let the friendships crumble." Mike smirked and handed us our controllers. He had put in Mario Kart.

"This doesn't ruin friendships, Monopoly does." I said as we started the game.

We spent that night laughing at each other's rage and eating pizza. It really did make me feel better on the surface at least. It was good to know that I had made friends who wanted to see me happy rather than think of me as a charity case.

I had decided to stay overnight since it would be Saturday tomorrow and I felt comfortable doing it this time. I didn't have the tension of Tony being here to deter me from staying.


If I had to describe my feelings towards Tony, I wouldn't. I love him still but I don't want to. I wish that part of me would die and learn to move on.

Notes

Have some #FEELS :D

Some serious ish is happening. Is it a revelation? A new beginning? An ending? ONLY TIME WILL TELL YA! (and possibly a time hop, haven't decided yet.)

Let me know all the feels in the comments below!

Love you all! <3
~ Becca xx