What Hurts The Most

I stayed home all weekend trying to get the courage to go to his door and talk to him but I just couldn't get myself to do it. I felt like a little bitch for not following up.

Jaime told me he would be home all this weekend and even knowing he was there and knowing he hasn't stopped by kind of hurts me, knowing things somehow changed.

I pulled into the school parking lot and gasped when I saw Tony outside of my window, I nearly spilled my hot tea all over myself. My heart nearly stopped when I took a good look at his face, it looked like he hasn't slept in days.

I opened my car door, lock it then turned to him.

"Hey Tony." I said with a small smile, gripping my coffee tumbler till my knuckles turn pale. I felt nervous being around him for the first time in a week, I was unsure what was about to happen.

"Hey Skye." He said and game me a genuine smile, he almost looked nervous as well.

"What's up?" I asked and he looked at me and smiled again.

"Nothing, I just haven't seen you around, wanted to see what's up." He said nonchalantly as we started walking towards the school.

"Same old, same old. You know where I am everyday." I chuckled but looked away from him knowing there was something odd about this conversation.

"I know, I'm sorry I haven't been by this week." this time he looked away from me.

We arrived at our class which now was awkward considering his 'ex' was in this class with us. Every time she would glare at me, shooting daggers my way since Tony now sits closer to me. She now cares all of a sudden.

"Want to hang out later?" Tony asked just before the bell rang and I nodded my head as I got my materials out for this class.

Tonight I would head Jaimes advice. Now or never. He did say sooner rather than later, what could honestly go wrong that hasn't already?

**

The day went well and quick. Classes were easy going and I was happy to be getting out of there.

I tripped over my own two feet just before getting to my car thus causing me to scrape my knee and drop all of my things.

"Take it easy there." Someone said and kneeled down to help me. I glanced to see it was Jason, I've known him since elementary school.

"Thanks Jason." I said and stood up to assess the damage on my knee, it looked pretty bad.

"No problem, Skye." He said and went to his own car and drove off.

I sat back in my car and enjoyed my brief second of relaxation before driving home.

I made myself a quick snack after changing into some more comfortable clothes and cleaning up my knee. It would definitely be nasty for a few days.

I ate, did homework and watched a bit of TV before the door opened and shut again.

"Well, come in, sure." I said sarcastically to the dangerously beautiful guy before me. He chuckled and walked to the fridge to get us drinks and came back and sat across from me.

He was wearing baggy sweatpants and a grey t shirt, he had his backpack with him which was odd.

We stayed quiet for a few minutes, chuckling at the show on TV every once in awhile.

Now or never now or never now or never I kept repeating to myself in my head.

"Hey Tone, can we talk about something?" I asked quietly hoping that he would just ignore me, maybe not hear me.

"Yeah, sure, what's up" He said and suddenly, all the building up had turned into knots in my stomach.

"Tony, I..." I paused, weighing the possible outcomes of saying this and felt that either way, it has to be done.

"Go on, what is it?" He asked and I took a deep breath and just went with whatever came out.

"Tony, all these years we've been neighbors, we grew up together and I've watched you date and flirt with all these girls and no matter how hard I tried to get you attention, I always felt like that one girl from elementary school who got her first kiss from Tony Perry. I've been told numerous times that I should just give up on it or that someday it might work and no matter how many people have told me to give up and move on, I.. I can't! You're always gonna be the boy who I first... loved. I need to know now if anything will ever happen between us because I can't sit back any longer and watch you flirt with all these girls. It fucking tore my heart apart to watch you with those girls at the party. I didn't leave because I was just bored, I left because I was hurt. I don't know why I was but I couldn't sit around and watch. I just, I need to know." I said and stopped myself to asses the damage I had just done. I feared what was gonna come next. He wasn't saying anything, just staring at me blankly.

"Tony.." I said on the verge of tears. He looked like he had saw a ghost.

"I, I think I should go." He said abruptly and walked out of my house. I threw the beer bottle in my hand at the door after he left and broke down.

I knew this would happen. I knew I would be rejected. I'm always the girl nobody wants.


That night I drank myself to sleep, crying until the darkness consumed me; Until the heartbreak faded away with my consciousness.

Notes

My heart really hurts. If any of you have read the massive collab with my amazing friends, Worlds Over, Time to Die, Nothing Left But Our Souls Inside, then you know why.


I love you all and well, damage control for the next one? not sure.

Have a great night! <3
~Becca