The pact

Vic’s POV
On my flight back home, I already felt like I had made the wrong decision. I already started missing her. The image of her crying face when I walked away haunted me. I hated the thought of having caused her pain. But I had done that a lot already. I knew that if I had stayed with her, I might’ve fought an impossible fight. I had done her a favour by leaving. She had just one less person to care about. The same went for me of course.
Also, and this is going to sound weird, I had realised a few days ago that I’ve been fighting for her all this time, but she had never fought for me. I knew she loved me, that wasn’t the problem, but the effort in a relationship should be from two sides and I felt like I was holding it together for both. I wasn’t mad at her, it wasn’t like she had done something wrong, I just felt like it was better this way. I didn’t have to carry the weight of us both on my shoulders. A stronger person might’ve been able to do it, but I wasn’t that strong.
I don’t know how, but for some reason I had kept myself together the entire flight. When I got off the plane, my parents weren’t there. I hadn’t called them. Just because I didn’t want to talk about it. They would say I had made a mistake. They wouldn’t understand. I don’t think anyone would. I don’t think I did.
I got my luggage and dragged them on the hot streets of San Diego. The change of temperature was quite a shock to me. I looked around to see if there were any taxi drivers and eventually found one. I got in and told the driver to drive me to my house. On my way to my house I started to get nervous to face my parents and Tony and Jaime. I didn’t want to tell them such a big change. I needed to prepare for it first. Make my mind up about what I wanted to say to them.
I asked the taxi driver to turn around and bring me to the graveyard. When we got there, I paid the driver with my last money and got out. I knew the way to Leah’s grave by heart, because I had been there with my friends a lot of times. I had never been there on my own though. I think it was because from all the people in our group, I had spent the least time with her. Of course, she was my friend and I loved her, but I had a less good bond with her than the rest of the group.
I walked towards the gravestone and saw that it had several colourful flowers on it. Little notes and letters were also scattered before her stone. I read the text on the stone: Leah Whitmore. July 11th 1985- April 29th 2001. Your dead wasn’t peaceful, so we hope your afterlife will be. For some reason that last sentence always haunted me.
I sat down in front of her grave and took in a deep breath. “Hey Leah.” I started. “You’re probably surprised to see me here all by myself. Mostly I’m always here with the guys and Luna…” Damn it that name stung. “You see, something has happened and I felt like talking to someone who wouldn’t have their opinion ready immediately. No offense, but you’re quite quiet lately, so you’re perfect to talk to right now.” I said and I chuckled. “And of course you’re my friend. I feel like even when you had been alive, you wouldn’t have judged me for the decision I have made.”
I dragged my hand through my hair and took a deep breath. For some reason talking to a person that isn’t there anymore was easier than I had imagined. “As you probably already heard from Luna, I went to the UK with her to visit her family. Now you’d probably say: ‘Vic?! Aren’t you supposed to be there then? You were supposed to go there for two weeks and you’re back already after barely one week!’ Yeah, I know, it all has to do with that one decision I have made. I don’t know if it’s a good one, but it’s a decision I’m going to stick with. Because I think it’s best for me and I think I haven’t thought about what’s best for me in a long time.” I said and I looked down at my hands.
“You see, in England me and Luna had a fight. You don’t need to know the nasty details, just that I was wrong and that she shouted something about breaking up with me at the end of it. If I remember it well she said: ‘if your love for me does that to you, then maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore.’ Well that sentence got us both thinking, you know. About whether we should be together. After that we’ve barely talked to each other for two days and although I hoped I would change my mind, I didn’t. I had made a decision based on me for the first time in my life. As you already expect probably, I broke up with her.”
I paused for a few seconds as reality set in. “It’s not that I don’t love her anymore. On the contrary, I actually do love her a lot. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. But you know I’m still young. I might think this is the end of the world now, but I’m going to meet other people too. I just…I felt like I was fighting all the time when I was with her. Do you understand? I was constantly trying to make her feel alright, trying to protect and even before we were together I was already doing that a lot. I do it because I love her and I want to see her happy, but it’s dragging me down too. And she isn’t fighting for me. She hasn’t got strength for that and I know that, but that’s one of the main reasons why I felt like it would be better for us to just quit it.”
I stared at a bird sitting in a tree close to the gravestone. It looked like it was staring back at me. Then it cheeped and flew away.
I looked back at Leah again. “It’s just that, my mind and my heart are saying these completely opposite things. My mind is saying: ‘you have made a good decision. It’s better for the both of you. You’ll be happier without her.’ But my heart says: ‘get her back, you’ll break down without her, there’s hope for you two, she’s hurting because you broke up with her.”
Before I could do something about it, warm tears were rolling over my cheek. Damn it, I thought I had passed that annoying crying phase. “but I guess that’s just what a broken heart feels like. I just miss her already and I wish it hadn’t ended like this, but I guess it was bound to end up this way. If you love someone, you’re bound to end up with a broken heart. No heart gets out of relationship alive, you could say. It was naïve of me to think that I could get out of the relationship without getting hurt.”
I let out a few sobs and the tears came out with a faster rate. “I hope the pain will be worth the cause eventually. I’m sorry I’m putting this on you. This is my own fault, my own decision, I should learn to deal with it.”
I pulled up my knees and buried my head in my hands. The realisation of what happened yesterday only set in now. And I couldn’t see if my decision had been a good one, because my ability to judge that was clouded with sorrow.
“Uhm…Vic?” I heard behind me. It was Jaime’s voice. I quickly dried my tears and turned around. A few feet away from me, stood Jaime and Tony. They both looked at me with both shock and pity.
I hoped they hadn’t heard anything, but they probably already knew what had happened by the fact that I was here and not in England. “I was just…” I tried, but my voice was to raspy from the crying.
“Vic, we heard.” Tony said and he shot me a smile full of sorrow. It only made the tears escape again.
They were silent for a while as I sobbed out. I didn’t even care that they saw me cry. I might’ve not been friends with them for long, but we had been there at each other’s worsts.
Tony walked over to me and reached out his hand. “C’mon, Vic. We’re going home.” He said. I took his hand and let him drag me up.

Luna’s POV
The two days after Vic had left were quite horrible. My mom couldn’t stop talking about how right she had been about him. I guess she found her confidence as I lost mine. Of course my dad did nothing about it. He always just let it happen when my mom was being a bitch to me.
I mostly just stayed in my room 24/7 watching TV. I actually hated watching TV, but I had already seen all the movies in the house at least twenty times.
Not that I could focus on the TV anyway. My mind kept drifting off to Vic. To the memories that we had together and that made me miss him even more.
Also I kept wondering what the fuck I actually did wrong. Did he broke up with me because I was being a bitch to him earlier? No, I knew Vic and he wouldn’t do this unless he actually had a damn good reason. Maybe he just didn’t love me anymore. The thought made me afraid, but I suddenly remembered that he had told me he loved me that same day as we went to my school. It can’t be gone in two days, right? Or had he been lying to me and was the truth that he didn’t love me at all?
Of course there was another explanation: I had done something wrong. Of course I had yelled at him, but for the good reasons I suppose. I had questioned our relationship, but I guess that wouldn’t be the fault. Or was it something I had done earlier and did he think about breaking up for a longer period of time?No, I guess he wouldn’t have gone to England with me if he thought or relationship was at the edge of breaking.
Or did he feel like me that our friendship was slipping away?
I was exploding with unanswered questioned and I don’t suppose I will ever get the answers. It wasn’t like he still wanted to be friends. I would’ve accepted that. Of course, I’m still in love with him, but if I could get him back as a friend, I would. I missed his friendship. I also missed his smell, his eyes, his hands and his touch, but I guess not as much as I missed spending time with him.
Two days after Vic had left, I was searching through my suitcase for my Nirvana shirt when something fell out of my plaid shirts. It made a dull bang. I looked at it and my heart stopped. It was the ‘pride and prejudice’ copy I had gotten from Vic for my birthday. I remember putting it in my suitcase because I wanted to read it in England. Now, I wasn’t sure if I could read this story again without thinking about Vic. Great. He had ruined my favourite story for me now.
I sat down on the carpet against the side of my bed and held the copy in my hand. I had heard sometime that if you want to get over someone, you first have to go through all the stuff that holds memories with them and also just go through your memories with them in general. Relive every moment, just to let go.
I wasn’t ready to let go, but I guess I better start. The sooner I would be over him, the sooner the pain would stop. I had no idea if this was going to work though. I had never had a heartbreak in my entire life. Mainly because I have never been in love before this. Vic was my first love.
I sighed and opened the book. A letter and a picture fell out of it. What….
I never knew they were in there! I had never opened the book, because I was afraid it would fall apart. I picked up the picture and my heart started beating so hard that if it would beat any harder it would break out of my chest.
It was the first picture of me and Vic ever made. It was in his bedroom, the first time we had studied together. He had had this throwaway camera in his room and during a break we had made a few silly pictures together. I remembered how being around him felt so natural. I only knew him for like a week and this was the first time we had met up together, but we had so much fun.
I brushed my fingers over the slightly decoloured picture. I felt tears dwell up in my eyes, so I laid the picture next to me and picked up the letter. My hands were shaking, but I somehow still managed to open the thing.

March 11th 2001

Dear Luna,

Okay, this is quite weird. But I’m going to write a letter to you anyway. I don’t really know what to write, but I’ll figure something out.
So, I’m writing this a day before you birthday, but you’ll probably read it either on or after your birthday. It doesn’t matter when you’re reading this letter, the message will probably still apply even after a hundred years have passed.
So first of all, Happy birthday. I hope you’re 18th year of your life will be better than your last. I know you had a hard time in your 17th year. You’ve lost some friends, moved to the other end of the world, had to fit in in a new school, have been bullied and then this whole thing with your mom… but I’ll promise you, things will get better from now on. Let’s start make it better from this year on. I hope you let me play a part in this year of your life and many years after.
And that brings me to the second thing I want to say in this letter. The reason why I want to be in your life is because I really like you. You have really changed things for me and I couldn’t be more grateful. Since yesterday I have my brother back and I have a few more friends (including you). And I’m cherishing every moment with them.
I won’t mention the fact that you kissed me yesterday, because I have the feeling we have to talk about it in real life, but however it’s going to end, I’m still happy you walked into my life.
Maybe in a few years we won’t speak to each other anymore, but then I’ll still look back at this friendship with a warm heart and good memories. I just hope there will be a few more memories to add to the list I will remember when I’m older.

Vic.

A tear fell on the paper, leaving a wet spot on it. Why did I have to find this now? This only made things worse. There weren’t any more memories to add. This was it. Done.
And to be honest, I don’t know if I would look back at it with a warm heart. I would look back at it with a broken heart.
“What’s that Luna?” I suddenly heard from the doorstep. I looked up and saw Casey and Mike a few feet away from me.
Oh my god! Shit! Me and Vic were supposed to meet up with them at the park today. I totally forgot. To be honest, these last two days had felt like one long hour.
“Oh my god, I’m sorry, Casey. I totally forgot about it!” I said ignoring her question. I folded the letter and put it away.
Casey looked a little confused and overwhelmed. “It’s okay. Where’s Vic? Are you crying?” she said as she kneeled down in front of me and wiped away a tear with the sleeve of her grew sweater.
Did I want to talk to them about it? No. Would Casey pressure me until I told them? Absolutely.
“He left, didn’t he?” Mike said still standing on the doorstep. His eyes were big from surprise. I don’t think they saw it coming.
I nodded and let out a few sobs. As expected, Casey immediately pulled me into a hug. She rubbed my back while I was sobbing out into her chest. She mumbled things like: ‘sssh.’, ‘it’s gonna be okay’ and ‘calm down, baby’. These cliché words were calming, simply because it was Casey saying them. She was good at these things.
When I let go I noticed that Mike had sat down next to me against the bed. He shot me a reassuring smile and I tried my best to shoot one back at him. It took too much effort, though. So it didn’t look like a smile at all.
“What happened, princess?” Casey asked as she sat down across from me. I looked at her and sighed. I didn’t had the strength to fight her right now. She would definitely keep asking until I answered. I guess the only way to get rid of this soon, is to just tell her.
So I did. I told them everything. From the fight, to the phase of ignoring and eventually the breaking up. They kept quiet while I was telling them everything. I was happy for that. Because of that, I didn’t need to tell more than I wanted to.
“And I still don’t know if I did something wrong.” I said and I let out a big breath. It actually felt really good telling them.
Casey seemed to be thinking about it for a while. “Mmmh… he didn’t say anything?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No. Just that he was done caring or something. I couldn’t quite place it.” I said.
Casey leaned her head against the wall. “That’s weird. He could’ve at least explained.” She said.
“Do you think he might be pushing away again? He didn’t give me any reasons when he cut things off with me.” Mike said.
I thought about it for a while, and then shrugged. “Could be. I don’t see a reason why though.” I said.
“I didn’t see a reason why he would didge me.” Mike said.
I sighed. “I think if you could’ve thought a little bit harder about it, you would might’ve been able to figure out it was about the pact.” I said. Mike nodded and then stared ahead of him.
It was quiet for a while. My mind drifted off to the letter. If only things could’ve stayed like that. We had a good friendship, a carefree love and our biggest problem was Ryan making our lives miserable at school. If we only had known that he would make our lives even worse than we possibly could’ve expected. Would it have mattered for our relationship if the kidnapping had never happened? Would we have still been together?
“When I was ten, Vic once ignored me for at least a week.” Mike suddenly stated. Me and Casey exchanged looks, wondering why this would be useful information in this situation.
“Oh why?” Casey asked, a little bit cautious.
Mike shrugged and didn’t look at either of us. “I didn’t know at first either. I shouted at him, asked him questions, tried to bargain him with candy, but nothing would work. Until I thought of the reason why he ignored me.” he said.
“So what was it?” I asked curious. Things started to fall in its place. I realised why he was telling us this.
“He wanted me to thank him.” He said. I didn’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. “Back then, I would actually go a lot to Vic for advice or to ask him if he wanted to help him with my homework. He never declined. To be honest, I always shooed him away, saying I was too busy when he wanted my help. He just wanted a thank you for being there for me all this time. I couldn’t blame him.” Mike said and he shrugged.
I raised an eyebrow. “You think he wants a thank you from me?” I asked a little suspicious. I found it a bit weird that he would break up with me, just because he wanted a thank you.
Mike turned his head to me and let out a short chuckle. “No, that would be stupid. Because that guy loves you to death and he is not twelve anymore.” He said. “but I do think it maybe holds a connection.”
Casey sighed and shook her head. “Like what? Seriously, I love you, Mike. But you’re just as vague as your brother sometimes.” She said and we all chuckled.
“Yeah it’s in the family. That, a sense for drama and stubbornness.” He said. “but what I meant was: Maybe he feels like he is doing all the work in the relationship. Like he is fighting for someone who is not fighting back for him.”
At first that didn’t make sense, I did fight for him right?! but the longer I thought about it, the more the pieces fell into place. Of course, I had been there for him and helped him. But he did fight for me a lot and maybe it had become too much for him. And I never fought back for him, mostly because I felt like I didn’t need to. Why did I need to fight for him when he followed me like a puppy? Of course there was the time that I almost broke up with him, for his good, but still. It probably gave him the wrong impression, like I wasn’t willing to fight for him. Why did I never make it clear to him that I did want to fight for him?! And he had made it clear all the time, he had fought to keep us together, to keep me together. I guess he just didn’t want to fight alone anymore. It made sense, but I was actually a little mad at him for thinking I didn’t fight for him.
“I think you’re right.” I said, still a little off in thought. “But still would he break up with me and fly to the other side of the world for it?”
Mike shrugged. “I already told you. Having a flair for the dramatic is kind of in the family.” He said.
I groaned. I was never going to get rid of the drama in my life. I needed to either accept it or go nuts. “I’m sorry, but I’m actually kind of mad at him for leaving me like this. I get that he wants me to show him that I find him worth fighting for, that I love him, but he could’ve just told me.” I said.
“I agree, but now it’s up to you if you want to forgive him for it.” Casey said and she shot me a pitiful smile.
“does it matter?” I said switching looks with both. “He broke up with me. He broke things of with me.”
“Well, I guess he’ll take you back if you fight for him. That’s kind of the point of the whole story I just told you.” Mike said and I chuckled.
I pulled up my knees and wrapped my arms around them. “I guess he wasn’t the only one who has been wrong. I should’ve discussed things with him more. Then we wouldn’t even have had that fight and then I maybe would’ve known what he felt” I said and I laid my head down on my knees.
Things were so complicated right now. I literally didn’t understand a thing about what was happening anymore. I didn’t understand my feelings anymore, I didn’t understand his feelings anymore. I didn’t know if I was mad at him, or if I agreed with his reason. I could not see the future at all and it frightened me. I had no idea what to do or what would happen next.
But love shouldn’t be complicated like this. We make it complicated because we are afraid of getting hurt. But actually it was really simple. I loved him, he loved me. We needed to sacrifice things for each other, but that was what love was right? Sacrifice things for each other to make each other happy, simply because we made each other happy. It didn’t matter if it was about love between friends, between family or between significant others. That was the only simple thing that counted.
I raised my head from my knees and it felt a bit lighter after I had just had my realisation. “I need to get back to America!” I said. “I need to make up with him!”
Casey and Mike both chuckled and it made me blush. “That’s great, babe. I’m sure he is dying to see you, but you know, you’ll not see your grandparents again for at least half a year are you sure you want to get up and go now?” Casey said and she gave me a soft push against my right shoulder.
I pouted. To be honest, I just wanted to go to America and get this over with. I hated the distance between us and I had the weird tendency to always want something right at the moment I first want it. In simpler words: I was an impatience little bitch.
“Yeah I guess it would be kind of unfair for my grandparents.” I admitted and put my chin on my knees. I thought about my grandma telling me a few days ago how much she had missed me.
“Just go, darling. I promise we won’t die in the first couple of months.” I looked up and saw that my grandma was standing in the door opening with a plate of biscuits.
“Grandma, how did you even-“ I started.
“Walls of paper, my dear.”
I let out a small chuckle and shook my head. “I can’t go grandma, you’ve been waiting so long for us to come home.” I said.
My grandma sighed and put down the plate on the nightstand. “Firstly, this is not your home anymore, Luna. It’s in America now. You have everything there, your friends, your school, your boyfriend. The only things you have here are me, your grandfather and Casey.” She said and she sat down on the bed. “Secondly, yes I have missed you, but whether you go now or in a few days, I’ll miss you again anyway. I don’t want you to worry about me, darling. You grandfather and I, we’re old. We’re not doing much of importance anymore. But you, my dear, you are young and this is one of these choices that could change the course of the long life you still have in front of you. That’s why I want you to go. Now.”
I had never seen my grandma like this, she was so determinate. Maybe she had gone through the same with grandad. It would make a lot of sense. “My parents. They’ll not let me go. I’m sure of it.” I said, saying my last doubt out loud.
“Has that ever stopped any teenager?.” My grandma said and she smiled. In her smile I could still kind of see the young person she once was, the person I had seen in my dream. “That’s exactly why you need to go now. You’re parents are shopping now. If you make haste, you can pack your most important things and get away. I will send your suitcase after.”
I doubted for one last second, but I couldn’t find a single doubt in my mind anymore. I quickly stood up and grabbed my backpack I had gotten from my dad for Christmas and put random stuff in it. I made sure I had my book, the letter and the picture with me.
I stopped for a moment and looked over to Mike who was smiling at me very widely. “Are you coming with me?” I asked, but I kind of already knew the answer.
He shook his head, reached for Casey’s hand and grabbed it. “I think I’ll stretch my time with this one for a while.” He said and I saw Casey become a shade of red I had never seen on her.
I nodded and faced Casey. “And I won’t be seeing you for a while either. Are you sure you’re okay with that?” I asked. I felt actually really bad for leaving her. I had barely seen her this holiday and I had only realised it now.
Casey chuckled. “I promise I won’t die in the mean time either.” She said and my grandma chuckled. “No, but really. I will be seeing you again really soon. I actually have a job now. So I’m planning on coming to America as soon as I can.”
I walked over to her, helped her off the ground and dragged her in a hug. “Luna! No time for hugs! You need to hurry!” she said and she slapped my ass.
I let go off her and busted in laughter. “What the fuck did you just do?” I said barely being able to speak of laughing.
She just shrugged, but I saw that she was happy I found her funny. “We might both have boyfriends now, but you’re still my fiancé.” She said smirking. I turned around shaking my head and continued packing.
I heard Mike saying to Casey: “Are you going to slap my ass now too?”
“Nope, that’s something between me and Luna.” She said.
“guys, my grandma is in the room!” I said, but I knew she wouldn’t mind. It was just a bit embarrassing.
“I don’t mind. I’m used to worse.” My grandma said. “You should’ve heard your dad when he was young.”
I laughed and put some cash pounds and dollars in my bag. “I’m so going to use that against him.”
“Good idea, sweetheart.”
A few hours later I saw the houses of Bristol slowly become smaller and eventually they disappeared when they were covered with grew clouds. The sun shone down on the clouds and it was honestly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
It was almost beautiful enough to distract me from what I was about to do. This could go wrong in so many ways. But for some reason I wasn’t scared.
I couldn’t go back anymore, so I didn’t waste my time worrying.

Notes

Heey guys!!!

Soo here's a second update to make up for the not so regular posting of me lately...I know it's bad...I'm sorry. But holy shit! this story has almost come to an end. Only a few more chapters three or four or so. It kind of depends on how thinks work out!

ohh and about the chapter song: yess, I do like 5 seconds of summer. Deal with it. I actually think they have good songs(wel some of them). (I actually wanted to name this chapter: the cheap bouquet. But I remembered I also post things on watpadd and I always add the video of the chapter song to the chapter and none of the songs for a flair for the dramatic are on youtube...so yeah)

HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS!! HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD THE NEW PTV SONG???!!!! IT'S AMAZING! I CANT FUCKING WAIT FOR THE ALBUM



xxxxx

(a very happy) Nicky