“I don't want to waste my time
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim of your conformity
And back down.”
I sang, dancing up and down to the beat. I threw my hands up in the air and turn around. I had only discovered this band since two weeks and I was already in love with their songs. Their lyrics were amazing and they were nice songs to dance to.
I picked up my ‘sum 41’ album and read the cover while skipping a few songs till ‘in too deep’ came on. This album, which was called ‘all killer, no filler’, was apparently their debut album. It made me wonder what their next albums were going to be like.
I was actually supposed to pack my stuff for heading back to England, but I didn’t really felt like it. I had always hated packing. Mostly because I always forgot stuff. No matter how hard I tried to have everything in my suitcase, I always ended up being there and then realising I had forgotten something really important.
Besides, I don’t really know how I think about going on vacation to England. I’ve been slowly getting better this last four weeks, but I’m still fragile and I’m so scared I’ll fall back in to old habits. Or in old thoughts.
It was June 30th now, almost two months after Leah’s death. The end of the school year had already past and with lots of luck I got enough credit to pass this year. Next year I would be a senior. At one hand I looked forward to that. Prom, graduation, being the oldest of the school. But at the other hand I was terrified of being turned down by music schools and of course of losing everyone after graduation. To add to all that, I didn’t want to think about standing on that stage, with my certificate in my hand and Leah not being there. She wouldn’t ever been able to graduate.
I shook off the thought, walked over to the corner of my bedroom and took out a large suitcase. I put it open on my bed and started packing stuff.
After half an hour I looked at the results. Okay, I got bras, panties, jeans, sweaters, plaid shirts, band shirts, socks, make-up, necklaces, bracelets, my brush, my toothbrush and some CD’s. Did I forget something? I looked over to my nightstand and a smile crept on my face. It was my old copy of Pride and Prejudice, the one I got from Vic on my birthday. How I could I forget it? I took the brownish book of my nightstand and traced my hands over the cover. I haven’t picked it up a lot, I had been too afraid for it to fall apart, but I guess it was only right to take it to its home country and read it there.
I took out one of my plaid shirts and wrapped it around it. I gently put the thing down in my suitcase and closed it. I needed to quit overthinking right now, or I would worry the whole flight if I would have forgotten something.
“Are you ready?” I hear Vic say from by the door. He had a backpack on and he leaned against the wall. Because of everything that happened, my mom let him come with us too England. Even though the first time that I asked her if he could come with us, she had practically shouted at me for half an hour. But that was months ago and she was now afraid of me. which turned out to be a good thing in this situation.
I looked passed Vic, searching for another suitcase, but there wasn’t one.
“Is that all you’re taking?” I asked raising an eyebrow. “We’re going for two weeks.”
He shrugged and put down his backpack on the bed next to my suitcase, which seemed way too big next to Vic’s backpack.
“I don’t need a lot of stuff. I can wash some of my clothes when I get there so I can wear them again and I don’t have something else to take with me.” He said and he walked over to me to press a kiss against my forehead.
I just kept staring at the bag. “Do you have warm clothes with you?” I said questioning how he possibly got sweaters in there.
He chuckled a little. “Warm clothes? It’s almost July.” He said.
I looked at him like he had gone mad. “It’s England. The average temperature will be only sixty-six degrees and mostly lower. Besides, it’s practically always raining there.” I said. “And what about your guitar? Don’t you need to take it with you?”
The grin disappeared from Vic’s face and he looked like he just saw a fish fly by.
I laughed at his face. “Jeez, you’re actually worse at packing than me.” I said as I walked towards him and wrapped my hands around his waist.
“That’s why I have you.” He said laughing and he cupped my cheek with his right hand.
I rolled my eyes at him. “What would you do without me, right?”
He grinned and leaned in to kiss me. I let him and soon felt his other hand in my hair. The kiss soon deepened and I felt myself get carried away.
Vic’s hand travelled from my cheek towards my waist and slightly moved towards my hip. He gently pushed me back until I eventually bumped up against my desk and I sat down on it.
Vic moved himself between my legs and I felt his hand travel under my shirt.
I knew I had to stop him, but I honestly didn’t want to. Lately we had had these really heated make out sessions, but we didn’t really know what to do with it. We both never…well we had never slept with anyone before and of course we were to awkward to actually talk about it. It was not that I wasn’t ready or that Vic wasn’t the one I wanted to lose my virginity to, it was just that I was scared things wouldn’t be the same anymore after we had done ‘it’.
But oh my god, I really wanted him right now. I moved my hands under his shirt too and felt Goosebumps form under my touch. My head got a little dizzy when he started placing kisses on my neck and collarbones. Maybe I should just let this happen…
Then I snapped back to reality and gently pushed Vic away from me. We first needed to talk about it. I wasn’t ready to lose him for this…or get pregnant because we hadn’t talked protection through.
His face was disappointed at first, but then he nodded like he understood. I didn’t have to even say anything anymore. This had happened way too often lately.
After that we walked to his house together to trade in his backpack for a suitcase. I helped him pack and I was hoping I hadn’t forgotten anything. Not only would I be responsible for my own baggage, but also for Vic’s.
Of course after we were done we ended up having another heated make out session on his bed. Now it was his turn to push me away. I guess we thought about it the same way.
Now I was thinking about it, it wasn’t that weird that we ended up like this all the time. We were two love-struck teenagers. What do you expect?
We picked up Mike then and we ended up changing his luggage too, because he had also taken the wrong stuff.
After convincing my parents to let Vic come with us to England, Mike had also booked a ticket for the same plain. He had saved up the last two months to go see Casey and I just thought it was adorable. He would stay at Casey’s house, so there was no need to inform my parents about it.
After we had dropped the suitcases of the Fuentes brothers off at my house, we started walking towards the cemetery. Since I had opened up, we had gone there a lot. Sometimes I even went alone. When I went with the boys, we just sat next to Leah’s tombstone and started talking like we were just hanging out. It kind of felt like she was there with us.
When I went alone, I talked to her. I just told her everything that happened to my life. Which wasn’t much, but I was sure she liked hearing about things about the band, or school, or Vic.
After we had hung out at the cemetery for half an hour, I left a flower I found on the way there on her grave and we walked out.
When we got back, my mom and dad were already putting luggage in the trunk of the car. Mr. and Mrs. Fuentes stood beside the car. They were here to wave their boys goodbye of course. We helped putting our suitcases in the car and after that it was time to say goodbye to Vic and Mike’s parents. We all three hugged them and after Vic had assured his mom ten times that they hadn’t forgotten anything and that they would be alright, we got in the car and drove towards the airport.
On the way to the airport I thought about the fact that I would see Casey again. The last time I had seen her was when I had been totally numb. I guess I had a lot to make up for.
When we went through airport security I got a little nervous. I didn’t do anything, but for some reason I always get nervous when I have to go through airport control. Scenarios like someone putting drugs in my suitcase or so went through my mind. Well at least getting out of America was easier than getting in. Seriously, when one arrives in America you have to answer all these questions that don’t make sense at all. Questions like, ‘are you a terrorist?’ Dude, like I would tell you if I was.
On the plain I sat down next to Vic. My Parents were in the seats in front of us and Mike was behind us. For a while it seemed like he was going to sit alone the entire flight, but the a really fat, old lady sat down next to him. She took up most of the space and Mike was squished between the wall and her body. On top of that, she also kept talking to him about cats and stuff. Vic and I had to try so hard to hold our laughter, it actually hurt my ribs.
The flight was eleven hours and twenty minutes. Which was long. Luckily we were able to sleep. To be honest, the entire flight was less bad as it used to be before. Now I at least got to talk with Vic and laugh at movies with him. I was less bored because of it.
When everyone was asleep, I decided to put on headphones and watch a movie. I couldn’t sleep because of the old lady behind us, she was snoring really loud. I don’t get how the rest of the people on the plain succeeded at sleeping.
The movie started off in a courthouse and I immediately thought about turning it off. My thoughts went to my own life. In a few weeks, I had to do my story in front of a judge in a court house. It made me almost have a panic attack just thinking about it. Two weeks ago I had told my story to the police and that was already hard enough. I had burst out crying three times while doing so. I knew deep inside that it was the right thing to do, though.
For a few days my mind had been off this whole thing, because I didn’t have to hear about it at school anymore. At school this had been the most used gossip topic until the very last day. People would come up to me or Vic asking if the police knew more. Vic usually answered honestly, but I wanted to stay out of it as much as I could.
I turned off the movie and looked beside me. Vic was asleep with his mouth slightly open. His head rested a little on my seat. I laid back too, so my head was close to his and I looked at him sleep until I fell asleep myself.
We arrived on Heathrow at nine am, which felt weird of course, because it was one am in America. When we got out of the plain, the first thing I did was running to the ladies room. I didn’t even really needed to go, I just needed a few seconds by myself. When you’re almost twelve hours in a place with the same people, they are going to annoy you at some point.
When we got out of the airport and I saw the first cars driving at the left side of the road and the old, typically English houses, I couldn’t help but feel some sort of relieve. You never know you love something until you leave it. A screen inside said that it was seventy-eight degrees, which was warm for England, but there was a cold wind. To my surprise I got used to the warm temperatures of San Diego and the weather of England suddenly felt uncomfortable. I looked beside me and saw the Fuentes brother shiver at exactly the same time. I chuckled. “Yeah boys, welcome to North-Europe.” I said.
“Is this actually considered warm here?” Mike said as a gust of wind past us.
I nodded and laughed at their surprised faces. I didn’t blame them. They were born in California and they hadn’t been further away than Nevada and Mexico.
On top of it, the sun disappeared behind light grey clouds, leaving a very English ambiance over the houses of London. I took a deep breath and let it out again. As much as I wanted to leave this place a few months ago, that was how much I liked it to be back again.
After that my parents let us explore London for a while. I had been here so much for my dad’s job, so I practically knew how to get anywhere. I could name every single subway station.
So Mike, Vic and I travelled with the subway across London. I showed them all these really corny sightseeing’s that I had already seen fifty times, like Westminster Abbey and the London eye. Although this place was really normal to me, Vic and Mike’s eyeballs almost popped out of their head. I repeatedly caught them pointing at red busses and red payphone’s.
“Holy shit this thing is actually real.” Vic said as we got out of the subway station and immediately saw the tower of Westminster Abby doom up in our side.
I raised an eyebrow at him and laughed. “Of course it is real. Why would you think it wasn’t?” I asked.
Vic’s cheeks got a slight shade of red as he looked up at the Big Ben. “It’s just weird seeing something that you’ve only seen on TV.” He said.
I chuckled and placed a kiss on his red cheek. He turned his hand and cupped my cheek. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he was leaning in.
We got interrupted by Mike screaming: “Oh my fucking god, Luna! Everyone here talks like you!”
Vic and I burst out in laughter and we walked over to him. It was honestly so cute to see them both so excited about things that were normal to me.
After we had seen most of the seeing’s, we got on the subway towards King’s cross station. We would pick up Casey there. She would take the train from Bristol to London to spend the afternoon with us there.
We actually arrived early, but we didn’t mind waiting. And with ‘we’, I actually mean Mike. He kept himself busy by searching for platform nine and three quarters.
“Mike, it doesn’t actually exist you know.” I laughed as he was marching towards platform nine.
“I’m not listening to you!” Mike yelled back without looking behind. “I’m going to Hogwarts, bitches!”
I looked around and saw several people look up and shoot weird looks towards Mike. Normally I would’ve tried to stop him for making a fool of himself, but I was too busy right now with laughing until my lunges hurt.
As we arrived at platform nine, Mike actually walked towards the wall and put his hand on it. “Mmmh…” he said tracing the bricks. “It’s supposed to be here.”
I opened my mouth to say something back when I got interrupted by a voice behind me. “somehow I knew I would find you guys here.”
When I turned around I saw Casey standing with her arms crossed shaking her head. “Casey!” I yelled out and ran towards her. I threw my arms around her waist and she threw hers around my neck.
After a few seconds she let go of me and scanned me from top till toe. As an instinct I crossed my arms over my chest so she wouldn’t see my cuts. It had been two weeks ago, but they still hadn’t completely faded. They were dark pink now and I would be lying if I said I hadn’t added a few in the last few weeks. My parents didn’t see them because they didn’t know. That was how it worked, if people didn’t either think about self-harm a lot or keep an eye on you they were blind for them. But Casey would see them.
I don’t know if she did right now, but at least she didn’t say anything about it. “You look a lot better, Luun.” She said and I knew exactly what she meant. The last time she had seen me I had looked like a walking corpse. At least I had a little spark of life back in my body again.
“Thanks.” I said smiling at her. She smiled back at me and shot me a wink.
Then she looked passed me and yelled: “Hey muggle! I wouldn’t try that if I was you. You have to actually possess magic powers to get on platform nine and three quarters!”
I looked behind me and saw that Mike had put on an insulted face. “Don’t you dare call me a muggle again, woman!” Mike said as he walked closer towards where we were standing.
Casey let out a small chuckle. “What are you gonna do about it?” She asked playfully. I had always been jealous of her flirting skills.
Mike walked up to her, placed his right hand on her lower back and kissed her on the lips. Casey placed a hand on his cheek and kissed him back. It still looked a bit weird to see two of my best friend make out, but I can’t say it didn’t look right.

*

“Did you know that there’s going to be a movie?!”
“Of what?”
“Harry Potter!”
“Oh my god! Why didn’t I know?” Casey screamed out to Mike as we were walking out of the subway station right on the square of Piccadilly Circus. From far I could already see the flashing screens.
“Who is the muggle now, huh?” Mike said and he playfully pushed against Casey’s arm. He stopped grinning as Casey shot him a death glare. “It’s going to be out in theatre’s in November.”
Casey’s face filled with excitement. “Oh my god! Maybe I can come over with Christmas again and then we can go to it together!” she said and she clapped her hands.
Mike smiled, a glow covering his face. “Yes that would be amazing!” he said trying too hard to keep his cool.
“who is playing Harry?” Casey asked as we sat down on a random low stone wall.
Mike waved it away as he sat down next to Casey and grabbed her hand. “Some dude called Daniel Radcliffe I heard.”
“Mmmh… I don’t think I’ve heard of him before.”
Me and Vic sat down next to the two and kept quiet. Actually, we had been quiet the whole way to here, just because it was too damn hilarious to hear Mike and Casey fangirl.
I have to say, at first I had my doubts about their relationship. Not only because Mike had a bad reputation with girls, but also because of the distance. But I have to say that they are handling it well. They’re calling a lot and for some reason it works. Seeing them like this today, I have seen that they were crazy about each other. Mike had this glow over him that I had never seen before on him with any girl. This was doomed to fail and they would both end up hurt, but for now they made each other happy and that was enough for me.
At that moment Casey laid down her head on Mike’s shoulder and Mike threw his arm around her shoulder. I exchanged looks with Vic and I saw this was weird for him too.
“In a weird way, this is actually a double date.” Casey said and I bust out laughing.
“If you want it to be, Casey, then it is.” I said shaking my head.
“What?” she said. “It’s not a weird thought right? We’re with two couples and we’re all friends.”
Vic leaned forward a bit to face Casey who was sitting at the other end of the wall. “So what do you suggest we do on this double date?” he said smirking.
She made an imaginary rainbow with her hands. “We’re in London, everything is possible.” She said. “You guys are here for the first time, right? We could go sightseeing!”
“We already did that.” Mike said and he planted a kiss on top of her head.
“Westminster Abbey?”
“Been there.”
“The London eye?”
“Yup.”
“Buckingham palace?”
“The one with the guards with the red coats and weird hats? Yeah we’ve been there.”
“We can also just go to MacDonald’s and then head back to Bristol.” I said.
Vic chuckled beside me. “That sounds like a hell of a plan.” He said.
Casey got up from Mike’s shoulder and threw her hands in the air. “Yay! Double date at MacDonald’s! because we’re classy as fuck!”
So that’s when we started searching for the nearest MacDonald’s, which was only a few streets away. As always it was fucking crowded, but what do you expect with big city’s? I’ve started to get used to it living in San Diego.
We got a table and ate our diner there. It was funny how Mike and Vic were literally surprised at the size of food here. If you never have been outside the US you don’t understand that the rest of the world has smaller portions in everything. To be honest, I needed to get used to everything being smaller sized again too.
We actually had a lot of fun during diner. The good thing about Casey is that she doesn’t act shy around people she doesn’t know that well or hasn’t seen in a while. It was like she belonged in our group and maybe she actually did. After everything that had happened, she had gotten a deep bond with the boys too. With one boy in particular, but I’m not talking about that now.
The thing that became very clear was how different Mike and Casey were as a couple compared to Vic and I. Mike and Casey were a lot clinger, not in a bad way and I totally understand that they hadn’t seen each other in a while, but it was still noticeable. Vic and I could be clingy sometimes too, but we were usually more low key about it. We weren’t the type to make out in the middle of a fast food restaurant. And they were. Which was totally cool, but kind of uncomfortable. Although, whenever that happened I just looked at Vic and we bust out in laughter, which made it all a little bit less uncomfortable.
After finishing eating we took the subway back to King’s Cross and took the train back to Bristol. My parents had already gone to Bristol earlier today, so our suitcases would already be there. In the train I stared outside the window and looked at the beautiful green hills that came rushing by. The few things I had actually missed about England were my grandparents, Casey, the weather and green hills. These were things you could only find in the UK.
On the two hour ride, I found myself dozing off and falling asleep on Vic’s shoulder. It was weird how coming home had given me a feeling of calmness. And I wasn’t even really home yet.
What felt like a few seconds later. I felt someone gently tug at my shoulder. “Luna, wake up. We’re in Bristol.” I heard Vic softly whisper.
I slowly got up and looked around. I had almost forgotten we were in a train. People were already leaving it. “How long have I been asleep?” I said and I saw Mike and Casey standing a few feet away.
“An hour and a half. You looked really cute, so I didn’t want to wake you.” Vic said as we got up from our seats. Yup. That sounds like something Vic would do.
As we got off the train, Casey started to walk next to me and Vic. “Had a nice sleep, sleeping beauty?” she said and she shot me a wink.
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t judge me, I have barely slept on the plain.” I said.
We started walking and I was suddenly very happy that my grandparents’ house was only a few blocks away from the train station. It was almost ten pm already and I was honestly exhausted. All the new influences, all the walking, all the snoring on the plain. Because of those things I had barely energy left.
A few streets before my grandparent’s house we said goodbye to Casey and Mike who went the other way. As we walked in the street were the house of my grandparents was, I suddenly got very nervous. They would meet Vic for the first time now. I was actually afraid of what they would think of him. And what he would think of them. My grandparents were the only family members, accept for my dad, that I actually gave a shit about.
“Just so you know. My grandparents are literally the most stereotypical British people I know.” I said blushing.
Vic looked at me and grinned. “Awesome. I’m thrilled to meet them. Definitely after all you’ve told me about them.”
I smiled at him and took his hand. When we got to the house, my grandmother had already seen us through the window. So before we had even reached the door, she had already opened it.
There she stood with a woollen sweater and a long flower skirt. Her hair was even whiter than I remember. I had missed her so much. I let go of Vic’s hand and ran towards her. I threw myself in her arms and she almost fell over from the force. “Grandma!” I yelled.
And again I felt like I had missed her sent. Why was that the first thing you noticed again after you hugged someone after a while of not seeing them?
She softly laughed. “It’s wonderful to see you again, child.” She said with her thick English accent. Thicker than me or even than the ones of my parents.
My grandma let go of me and looked passed me. I looked behind me too and reached out a hand for Vic. He walked over with a smile on his face and took it. “This is my boyfriend Vic, grandma.” I said gesturing to Vic with my other hand. “Vic, this is grandma.”
Vic reached the hand that wasn’t holding mine to reach it out to my grandma. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.” He politely said as my grandma shook his hand.
“The pleasure is all mine, boy.” She said as she let go of Vic’s hand. “Come in! Then you can meet my husband. Would you like some tea, Vic? A biscuit maybe?”
I chuckled as I saw that Vic felt a bit overwhelmed by all the questions and new influences. As I stepped into the all too familiar hall, memories came rushing back at me. Everything in this house held a memory of my childhood in it. From the beige wallpaper to the little statures next to window to the dark red carpet on the floor.
When we got into the living room I saw that my Grandpa was reading the paper, like usual. My mom and dad were sitting on the couch, there were two steaming cups of tea in front of them on the table.
“Edward!” My grandma said, but my Grandpa didn’t move. “Edward! You’re granddaughter is here!” she said a little louder.
My grandpa jump scared a little and slowly put down the newspaper. “There’s no need to raise your voice, Alice.” He said as he got up from is brown leather fauteuil and walked towards us.
“Well apparently it is! I’ve told you a thousand times, Edward. You’re getting deaf!” my grandma said as she walked towards the kitchen. Soon after we heard sounds coming from the kitchen that suggested she was getting tea and biscuits for Vic and I.
My grandpa gave me a hug and Vic a hand. We sat down on the couch next to my Grandpa’s fauteuil and from the corner of my eyes I saw Vic take in the room. Which was probably a lot to take in, my Grandparents liked to decorate with lots of little thingies.
“How were things in London?” My dad asked and he took a sip of his tea.
“It was great! We had a lot of fun!” I said. “We’ve eaten at MacDonald’s with Casey and Mike.”
I saw my mom make a disapproving face, but she didn’t do anything. Thank god she didn’t, I enjoyed the silence between us lately.
“Well, we’re happy you got here safely again.” My grandad said as he pushed his glasses a little further off his nose and picked up the newspaper again. “London is a wonderful city, but big cities are so unsafe lately. It’s all in the papers!”
I grinned. I knew exactly what he was going to say now. My grandad was the kind of man that got all of his information from the newspaper and lived in the past. I had had so many friendly discussions with him.
“In my time things were different! People left their front door open so visitors could come in any moment. You can’t do these kind of things anymore without all kinds of scum breaking in to your house!” he said.
I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “I know, grandad. You’ve told that before.” I said. “but yeah we’re safe. All I am is really tired. I haven’t slept a lot this night.”
“Why don’t you go to bed then, Luna?” My grandma said from the kitchen. “We’ll catch up in the morning, dear!”
I felt a bit guilty for going to bed already. I had barely seen them. There was so much I needed to tell them. But at the other hand I didn’t have any energy to do so.
“Are you sure, grandma?” I asked.
“Yes, sure darling!” My grandma said and I heard the whistling of the boiler.
“We have already made up the bed for you, honey.” My dad said. “Are you going too, Vic?”
Vic nodded. “Yeah, It has been a long day.” He said.
“Okay, the guest room is on the right of Luna’s room.” My dad said pointing upstairs.
That’s when my grandma came into the room with a tray with more biscuits and tea. It honestly smelled delicious. “Nonsense. William, don’t act so foolish!” she said as she put the tray on the salon table. “They are not kids anymore! They can sleep in the same room! I can remember you taking your girlfriend home at Luna’s age! She slept in your bed too.”
My dad got a slight colour and shook his head.
“Besides, the walls here are as thin as paper. They wouldn’t be able to do any adult stuff anyway.” My grandma said sitting down on a chair.
Now it was my turn to turn red. God, this was embarrassing.
“Mother.” My dad said with a warning tone.
“What? It’s true!”
My dad sighed. “Alright, move your stuff to Luna’s room, Vic.” He said like he it took him a lot of effort.
I stood up and planted a kiss on my dad’s cheek. “thanks, daddy.” I said and I walked out of the room, Vic followed me.
As we were upstairs we moved Vic’s suitcase to my room. My grandparents had given me my own room in their house, because I was here a lot. It gave me a calming feeling to know that it looked exactly the same. From the soft pink wallpaper, to the teddy bear on the bed and the tall bookshelf in the corner of the room.
Vic put his arms around my waist from behind me and put a kiss on my cheek. “Nice room.” He said sarcastically..
I swapped his arm. “I decorated it when I was four, okay?” I said and a nostalgic feeling came over me.
“I’m happy that I can finally see where you’ve grown up.” Vic said and I turned around so I was facing him.
“I’m happy you’re here with me to see it.” I said and I softly kissed his lips.

Notes

heeyyy guys!!!

Wow! 16,000 views and 100 comments! (granted half of the comments is mine). Thank you for that!

I really liked writing this chapter because it felt closer to home. I'm european myself and it was great to write about london! If you ever get the change of going there, go!

Oh my god I need to hurry now or my parents will kill me for not being in bed yet.

xxxxx

nicky