The pact

On our way back to San Diego, we decided to pick up the other guys. I had at least some apologizing to do towards Tony. I still felt bad about that.
We stopped the car in front of the Fuentes’ house. Just as we were about to step out of the car, Mike, Tony and Jaime left the front door of the house. They were laughing and definitely weren’t sober. I guessed they were going to a party or something.
Vic lowered the window of his side of the car and stuck his head out of it. “You guys are only fifteen years old. Should you guys really be drinking so much?” he asked grinning.
Mike walked grinning over to the car. “We’re going to a party. You guys wanna join?”
Vic chuckled. “I think we’ll pass. And we were actually hoping you were too.” He said.
Mike looked over to me and then back at Vic with a serious look. It looked like he had figured out what was going to happen by now.
They all three nodded and then walked over to the doors of the car that leaded to the backseat. I was quite shocked. If these guys would pass up on a party for answers, then it really meant a lot to them. It made me more sure about that this was the right decision. At the other hand it made me more nervous. What if I wouldn’t be able to open up and just ended up having panic attacks? I would disappoint them even more.
Vic looked at me. “Where do you want to go?”
First I shrugged, but then I suddenly thought of a place I wanted to go. A place I had felt most comfortable. “I wanna go to the bus.”
Vic looked confused. “Are you sure? I mean it’s our bus.” He said. I knew exactly what he meant. It was Vic’s and mine special place. It was where he sung me a love song for the first time. It was the place in which we had become friends.
“Casey has already been in there. I think we can share the magic of the bus with them.” I said chuckling.
“Do I even want to know what you guys have done in that bus?” Jaime said with a fake scared face.
“What happens in the bus, stays in the bus, Jaime.” I said with a semi-serious face.
Jaime, Mike and Tony busted out in laughter and Vic just slapped his hand against his forehead.
“Did you really have to say that?” Vic whispered to me, so only I could hear him over the laughs of the rest of the boys. “They’re gonna think something has happened and they will tease us about it for eternity.”
I waved away his comment. “Just let them have a laugh. We both know better and that’s what counts.” I said and Vic smiled at me and nodded.
He started the engine and we drove to the edge of the forest. The guys were suspiciously quiet on this drive. I think we were all mentally preparing ourselves for what was going to happen.
Vic stopped the car when the trees were getting closer to each other. He took the key out of the lock and got out. I also got out and looked through the trees. Far in the distance, I could already see the pastel blue paint of our bus. It was weird, because me and Vic called it our bus, but once it had been from someone else. Someone had driven in it and it had a purpose. I suddenly wondered how this bus ended up being abandoned. Was there an accident? Had people died in it? No, it would have an entire different ambiance if people had died in it.
When I looked away from the forest, I noticed Tony, Mike and Jaime staring at me. At my arms in particularly.
I quickly put my arms against my chest. I had forgotten all about my scars, my plaid shirt was still in the car. They all three looked shocked and hurt, but they didn’t say anything and I was grateful for that. I think they somehow understood. They had gotten used to handling these kind of things with Vic, they just weren’t expecting to see it on me.
Vic took my hand, smiled at me and then dragged me towards the bus. The guys followed us suit. The last light of the sun shone through the trunks and the first moonlight shone through the leaves. It left a weird kind of ambiance around the place.
When we arrived at the bus me and Vic walked through the opening were was supposed to be the door. The door was somewhere in the grass a few miles further. I had found it once.
“So this is the famous bus?” Mike asked looking around the place as he got in. Jaime and Tony followed him and did the same.
“It’s just an old bus.” Jaime said sounding kind of disappointed. He traced his fingers over a piece of graffiti.
“We never told you it was something else.” Vic said dryly as he said down at his usual spot.
“Yeah, but after all the stories you guys have told about this place, I expected more.” Jaime said and he sat down in the seat in front of Vic.
“What were you expecting? That we travelled through time with it? And that unicorns inhabited the place?” I said raising an eyebrow.
Jaime got a slight colour, but it was hard to see because it was very dark. “I have a large fantasy, okay?” he said and we all chuckled.
I looked Tony’s way. I had suddenly realised that he hadn’t said a thing this whole time. I know, he wasn’t much of a talker, but now he was exceptionally quiet.
I was digging through my mind to find a way to tell him I was sorry, but I was so bad at these kind of things. Eventually I just sighed, ran towards him and threw my arms around him in a hug. “I’m sorry, turtle.” I said into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair. “It’s okay, Luna. I understand.” He said.
“No, I shouldn’t have acted the way I acted.” I said a little quieter than first. He pulled away and put both his hands on my shoulders. “If what you’ve been through isn’t a hell of an excuse, then I don’t know what would be.” He said and smiled. I smiled back at him.
“Let me make it up with you anyway.” I said and I turned to the rest of the guys. “I have been incredibly cold to you guys and I have shut you out too much. Not at all thinking about the fact that you guys are sad about everything that has happened too and you don’t even exactly know what happened. Although it’s going to be very hard for me to talk about it, I will open up just enough for you guys to find peace.”
They had all four turned quiet. Maybe they were afraid to say something wrong. I had that effect on people lately. Everyone around me treated me like I was made of glass and could break any moment.
I sat down next to Vic, at my usual spot, Mike sat down next to Jaime and Tony sat down at the other end of aisle. I anxiously looked at all of their faces and they were all staring at me expectantly. I looked down at my hands. “I don’t know where to start though.”
Vic took my right hand in his. “Is it easier for you if we ask questions?” he asked and I nodded.
Mike spoke up first after that. “Well, let’s start with the beginning. How did you get kidnapped?” he asked.
Nerves started rolling down my spine as I thought back to that moment a little less than a month ago. “I was standing by my locker.” I said trying to hide the emotions that were currently going through me. “I had forgotten my Spanish books in my locker, so I went back to get them. When I turned around to go back to the classroom, I bumped up to Ryan. He put an arm around my neck to drag me out of the school.”
“Didn’t you fight back?” Tony asked and I didn’t look up at them. I didn’t want to see the pitied looks on their faces.
“I did. It was of no use. He was so strong.” I said and a shiver went through me. “Every single minute of those five days I had fought back. Even when I had given up all hope. But well, after that Ryan, Justin and Peter took me to that shed. I had screamed to people on the street, but I guess people were used to things like that in that neighbourhood. At first I thought they were just going to beat me up, but when we got there, they tied me up on a chair in the middle of the shed and they haven’t untied me since.”
A weird tension was in the bus. In the corner of my eyes I saw Vic slightly shaking. “What did they do to you?” he asked
I closed my eyes. I didn’t really expect them to ask these questions. I expected them to ask about Leah mostly. Because that was the information they needed to move on. But I wasn’t going to argue them anymore. I would tell them everything they asked for. Even if I needed to go through nightmares, flashbacks and panic attacks for it.
“They mostly just left me there.” I said softly. “They came once a day after school, to keep me alive with bottles of water. They would hit me, shout at me, pull my hair. Touch me at certain places.”
I suddenly felt so embarrassed for some reason. I had been so weak that entire time. I had never understood why victims of kidnapping and sexual assault felt so embarrassed about what they had been through. It was not their fault right? I guess, it was because those victims felt like their privacy had been taken away from them. And they mostly felt like there was something they could’ve done to stop it.
“Have they…” Jaime started his question, but stopped in the middle of the sentence. I knew exactly what he was going to ask though.
“No. They didn’t go that far.” I said. Weirdly this was the most awkward to talk about. Probably because they were all boys. “They just felt me up, over my shirt, but still.”
I felt Vic’s grip on my hand tighten. That was when I looked up and Vic looked angry. He was holding it back, because I was finally doing my story, but his eyes were almost spitting fire.
“It was mostly Peter and Justin though, the touching. Ryan did most of the beating.” I said looking back at my hands. I found it impressive that I hadn’t had a panic attack yet. Maybe it was because I felt save around these people and at this place.
“And the cut on your cheek?” Tony asked. I traced the thick scar on my cheek. For some reason it had become the physical reminder of that I would never get over this. “Ryan made it. He poured salt in it after…” I said.
“HE DID WHAT?” Mike and Jaime said at the same time. I looked up at them and as I was expecting they looked shocked. But they also looked with a lot of empathy at me.
“I was so scared all the time. I thought they were going to kill me all the time. Or worse that I would spent my entire life in that place. At one point…” I said my voice cracking. I thought about whether I’d tell them what I wanted to tell next. I decided not to, it would make things more difficult in the future.
“At one point?” Vic repeated softly. He was almost scared to ask.
“Nothing.” I said looking to my hands again. That probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say. It had been smarter to come up with something else.
“Luna…it’s okay. We’d be the last judge.” Tony said. For some reason he had felt that I thought it would be something they would judge me for.
“At one point I just wanted to die, because I didn’t see a way out anymore!” I said and I broke down crying with my head in my hands. I felt Vic’s hand on my back when I was sobbing out. I hadn’t cried since the day of my release and as I expected, it had felt more intense than ever. Like I was pouring every piece of my soul out. “I thought I would go through the same hell for the rest of my life. Locked away in my own mind, with enough time to think through everything I have done wrong in my life. Every day at the edge of dying because they wouldn’t let me eat, but they did give me water, so I wouldn’t die. It was horrible! I was sitting in my own dried up blood and all I did every day was fearing for the moment they would come back and beat me up.”
I felt my breath speed up again. Shit! Not now! My sobs were getting sloppier now. My breaths seem to mix up with my sobs which made it sound very weird.
God damn it. I don’t need this now. I sat up straight and pulled my arms around my chest, letting go of Vic’s hand. The breathing wasn’t slowing down and the crying stopped. Eventually I felt two arms around me. And another pair of arms and two others. When that happened I slowly calmed down and returned to reality. This was going to be my life. This was going to happen so much more often.
“You’re save now. You’re not there anymore.” Jaime said with a calm voice.
I gently pushed them away and wiped my tears away. “I know, but I have to live with the memory of it for the rest of my life now. I will never really escape that place.” I said.
“You will when you realise you already have.” Mike said and it somehow surprised me that he did. These guys surprised me all the time. No matter how long I knew them.
“You don’t have to talk about it anymore.” Vic said softly and he grabbed my hand again. I calmed down a little more at the touch of his hand.
I let out a short sob. “I actually do. I haven’t talked about Leah’s dead yet and that’s what you guys actually want to hear, right? So you can mourn her and move on with your life?” I said.
“I don’t want to move on with my life, even though I actually need to.” Tony said. “I just want her back in my life again. So I don’t have to regret all the things I didn’t say to her or the times I didn’t spent with her.”
And with those words, Tony summarised the feelings of every single one of us. That was the hardest about moving on, not wanting to. It felt wrong going on with our lives, because she would never be able to.
“But I do like to know what happened. If you are ready to tell us.” Tony continued. I saw a tear run over his cheek. I had never seen Tony cry, except for yesterday of course.
I took a deep breath and tried to find a way to tell them what happened. Every single one was too horrific to tell, so I just started telling. “I had been in there for five days. It was morning, so I wasn’t expecting them for another few hours. Then I suddenly heard someone trying to get the door open, but failing. It turned out to be Leah. I still have no idea of how she even found me.”
“We do.” Vic said calmly. “The police told us that Suzy White spoke to them. She told them that Leah had asked her the day of her death, where she had been beaten up. She figured that was where they brought you.”
Some pieces fell in their place. I had almost forgotten about the fact that my friends and family actually searched for me when I was gone. I had forgotten that life went on when I was in there.
“Oh.” I said with a shaking voice. “Well, she climbed through the window and freed me. When I got out of the ropes, she started helping me get through the window. Before we go out, Leah was suddenly yanked away by Ryan and thrown on the floor. This all happened so fast, one second he wasn’t there and the other second he was. They just all three started beating her. I was trying so hard to get them away from her, but they just wouldn’t stop.” I paused for a moment to take a deep breath. “Eventually she didn’t scream anymore and they just ran away. She was limp all over and her eyes were empty. I tried to wake her up, but it was too late. I dialled 911 and stayed with her until the police and ambulances came. I even sang for her. I was so afraid that she was feeling alone, wherever she was.”
It was weird how this memory seemed so far away, but I could still remember every detail of it. You never forget it when you see someone die.
After a long silence Mike spoke up. “So it was Ryan, Peter and Justin after all.”
My head shot up. “Yeah of course it was them! Who do you think it was?” I said a bit too intense.
Mike made gestures to calm me down. “I know, it was just never confirmed. You were the only one there and you never spoke up. The police has enough evidence to know it’s them and they are searching for them, but they can’t be charged if you don’t testify.” He said.
He was right. I was the only witness. They would get away with it if I didn’t testify. I wanted them to get caught. If they had only kidnapped me, I maybe wouldn’t have. That sounds weird, but I wouldn’t want to stoop down to their level and ruin their lives. They were only eighteen for Christ’s sake. But they had also killed Leah. They had taken the life of an innocent girl. They had taken her away from her father and little sister. They needed to pay for that, no matter how bad they felt about it now.
“I will tell my story to the police as soon as they get caught.” I said more to myself than to the others.
“I have never hated someone more than Ryan at this moment.” Vic suddenly said. Every head in the bus turned to him. “I never hated anyone, mostly because I had nothing to lose. I used to understand Ryan, why he did what he did. But then I suddenly had things to lose. A girlfriend, friends…things that I cared about. And he has hurt every single one of them. He has ripped a piece of life out of every single person I care about. I would kill him if I could.”
This statement scared me a bit, because Vic wasn’t a hateful person at all. But I guess I sort of understood. This guy had taken everything away from him. “Don’t do that though. You would have to go to prison too and I kinda need you now so...” I said. I wasn’t supposed to come over serious, but I kinda was. The thought of losing Vic was terrifying to me.
He looked at me and smiled. “I said if I could. He is three times as big as me, he would kill me before I could even try.” He said and I chuckled.
“I don’t know, man.” Jaime said. “Maybe if you do one of those attacks from behind you know. You could use a knife! Or you could use a shotgun! How badass would that be?!”
We all laughed. It had been a while since the laughing had been genuine like this.
Then we got interrupted by Vic’s phone ringing. He took it out of his pocket and put it to his ear. “Vic.” He just said.
While he was listening to the other person on the line, I watched Vic’s face. Slowly a shocked expression took over his face. “Okay. Yeah. I will inform her. Thank you, sir.” He said and then he hung up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. I was pretty sure that I was the ‘her’ that needed to be informed.
Vic’s expression changed a little. It seemed like he didn’t really know how to feel. “Ryan, Peter and Justin got arrested.” He said and a bomb seem to drop in the room.
We all wanted this, but it just seemed so surreal. We had never liked Ryan or his friends, but it felt unreal that they were criminals now. They were caught and they actually had a big chance of going to prison. They deserved it, but it felt like it wasn’t real.
“Oh my god, how?” Mike said and he scooped a little closer to us over the edge of the seat.
“They fled to Las Vegas to get themselves fake ID’s. They succeeded and robbed a few gas stations and grocery stores on the way. They made it all the way to Florida. The owner of a gas station they robbed followed them after the robbery and told the police where they were. They’re now being shipped over to San Diego.” Vic said and he put his phone back in his jeans.
I sighed. I knew what I had to do now. If I told the police about what had happened, they would get punished for what they did. They wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone anymore. I was happy that I had already told the boys, no matter how hard it hurt. It seemed easier now, to tell the police.
“Do you want to go home? You seem tired.” Vic said and he traced my hand.
I looked up. “Don’t I need to make a statement to the police?” I said. I could feel my eyelids get heavier, though. This day had been exhausting.
“That can wait ‘till tomorrow.” Jaime said with a grin on his face. I smiled back.
“Can you guys stay with me tonight? I’m afraid I will get dreams again. You know, after opening up.” I said shyly looking to my hands. It was a bit of a weird request, but I just wanted them with me tonight.
They all nodded and we took off the bus without saying a thing. We got to my house and for some reason my dad understood that I needed my friends with me right now. Before all of this, he wouldn’t ever approved of me being in my bedroom with four guys, but I guess he trusted them after they all helped searching for me and have been there for me when I was down.
In complete silence we all got ready for bed. Vic and me got into my bed, Jaime, Mike and Tony slept on matrasses on the floor. The silence between us was comfortable, not scary like first. I was less scared to sink away in my pain. Maybe it was because I trusted them to help me up. I was still going to hurt, but they were going to make it less difficult for me.
The silence ended when we were all lying in bed and Vic started singing a song. I didn’t know it, but it calmed me down. Jaime joined in and we all just lay there, singing and listening. It felt right somehow, music brought us together. It was how we met, it was how we connected, it was how we stuck together.
I realised how lucky I was with these friends. I never had a bond like this with any of my friends before, except for Casey of course. They could’ve let me fall at any moment, but they didn’t. And what did I do for them? Not enough to make up for that. I made a promise to myself to start being there for them more too.
I crawled up on Vic’s chest and fell his chest rise and sink as he fell asleep. Maybe this was really going to be better. The only thing I was really fearing was telling the police, I knew I had to, but it just felt wrong.
But even that felt not as bad right now. I thought back to a song that suddenly came through my mind. I never liked the song particularly much, but at that moment, when I was at the edge of sleep surrounded by my friends, it sparked my mind. It was ‘Adam’s song’ by Blink-182. I always found the lyrics so cliché. It started out with a kid that felt done with life and it ended with the kid feeling better. It seemed like an ending for movies, not for real life, but right now it felt closer to reality than ever.

Notes

HEY GUYS

HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS. i HAVEN'T UPDATED IN YEARS. IN DECADES! okay not true, but it has been a while. just let me explain. Okay so I had an exam week last week, an art exam week. So I had an exhibition for art and a performance for music. as you understand, it has been a bit stressful. And after that, I had a bit of a depressed state, I still am in a lot. so I will write, but I'm not gonna promise it is going to be good. Oh and another reason is that I discovered the walking dead and I can't stop watching XD

oh and I want to say something to you! I noticed something on this site. There are two types of accounts on this site. Readers and writers. There's people who only read and comment on other stories and people that only write and don't write other stories. If you're a reader, go write something! you might be good! if you're a writer, go read something! you might like it! I think it's respectful to also read other people's stories when you post in this site. They have put effort in it too! I do it too less too, but I'm working on it :)

xxxxx

Nicky