My Favorite Explosion

I sighed realizing exactly how much explaining I had to give to Mike. I didn’t even know where to begin, or how it all started. But before I started to say anything I reached into his center console and grabbed a cigarette to help me focus on how to tell him what had gone on.
“Scar, you need to start talking.” He said as he drove through the streets to get us home.
I sighed again and looked over at my best friend, placing my left hand over his that rested on the gear shifter. “I know Mike, just trying to figure out where to start” I said.
“well, why don’t you start with why you left? I never got your side.” He shrugged in suggestion.
“Well, it started with Vic and I getting into a huge fight. As usual. I told him he needed to let me know what he wanted. If he wanted us to be something or not, because I was tired of not knowing what it was we were. We had been basically dating for three years without any kind of title, or official commitment and I didn’t want to do that anymore. I wanted answers, I wanted yes or no but most importantly I wanted commitment. He never answered me. Our relationship was destroyed after that. Which is why I made my decision to leave. I had been thinking about it for a while anyway, looking into jobs out there. I wanted to live a little bit. Get a new scenery, you know? I couldn’t handle seeing him every day wondering what he was doing. I loved him and it felt like we were breaking up when that happened. But I knew if I stayed and continued to torture myself with the idea of him it would end up killing me. I couldn’t handle it. So I did what I do best and I ran. But don’t ever doubt that the thought of it alone killed me. To leave my friends, my brother, my father? It absolutely killed me. But I knew I needed to get away for a while. I loved him with every fiber in my body Mike. And fuck, but I still do.” I sighed letting a few tears roll down my cheek. “I never stopped loving him, and I probably never will. He was my first just about everything, from first time to first love to first heartbreak. You don’t just forget that. So I left. It seemed like the best idea at the time. And then time kind of just escaped me. And seven years later, here I am, right back where I started.” I sighed letting a few more tears roll down my face.
Mike gently rubbed his thumb over my pointer finger which he held under his strong callused hand. “I missed you guys Mikey” I sniffed, “I needed my boys back, you know how hard it is to make friends when you’re older? It sucks!” I laughed lowly. “What did Vic tell you as to why I left?”
“He never said.” Mike shrugged as we walked into his house, “I mean, he didn't know either. You just left. We all chalked it up to you leaving for a better job and wanting to escape our music scene. We didn’t realize there were so many issues between you and Vic. Neither of you ever mentioned it, none of us thought to ask and he wasn’t he jumping to tell us. We just left it alone. It was just easier. You know how Vic gets when you ask too many questions.”
I nodded quietly, “I know all too well, Mike.”
“So Scar, what happened while you were out in Carolina?” Mike asked after taking a deep breath.

“You’re not gonna like this story Mike, not at all. So, just prepare yourself for that, okay?”
He nodded in response and stood up. “I’m gonna grab a beer for this” he stated “Want one?” I nodded in response and walked out to the back deck lighting a cigarette. Mike walked out behind me with two miller lite’s in hand lighting a cigarette for himself. “Okay Scar, I’m ready. What happened?”


“When I first started working at the dispatch center I obviously didn’t know anyone but managed to make friends after a few weeks. One of them being Danny, my ex boyfriend. Him and I hit it off instantly, he was amazed when I told him Austin was my brother and I was friends with all of you guys. He kept saying he couldn’t believe it and that he thought it was just that I happened to have the same last name as Austin. But after a few days of talking and working together, he asked me to go out with him for a few drinks and I agreed” I sighed sucking in a deep drag of my cigarette and taking a sip of my beer. Talking about this was harder than I thought it would be. “Things went great in the beginning. It was good, we got along well, he cared for me, the sex was great. And then suddenly something changed when we moved in together. I’m not sure what it was but something in him snapped. He started drinking every night, and not just a beer or two, it was a bottle a night. And that’s when he started hitting me. The first time wasn’t bad, he just slapped me. We had gotten into a fight and it came out of nowhere. He apologized profusely, as they all do.” I took another deep breath, trying to keep myself together as I relived all the painful memories he had put me through. “I shrugged it off, until it started happening regularly. The first time I had to go to the hospital I said I fell down the stairs. I had a broken wrist from how I had landed when he threw me down the stairs. It just kept going, it wouldn’t stop. I was so tired of everything and so miserable, I was depressed. I didn’t know how to get out. So I overdosed. And god, Mike I was so close to death I could taste it. And that’s all I wanted. I wanted nothing more than to die, I felt it was the only way out. He came home early that day and found me. Called 911 and I ended up in the hospital full of drugs, saline and god only knows what. He stopped for a while after that, especially since I ended up in a psych ward for a couple of days. But a few months after I got out it started again and I started cutting again. And you wanna know what made me finally wake up and realize that I was so much better than this? That I deserved so much more than what I was going through?”

Mike looked at me with a puzzled face while I had a huge smile on my face. “What was it Scar?” he asked

I lit another cigarette breathing it in along with another swig of miller lite, “Do you remember the day you called me right before you guys were going to go on tour?” He simply nodded “You were so excited, because you guys were touring with Austin and all of them and that you would be playing in North Carolina 2 weeks from the day you called me. It was like a mini reunion. And I had such a great time when you guys came to see me. And I knew how disappointed you would have been in me if I didn’t make it until that show. As soon as I got off the phone with you I called my dad and told him I wanted to come home. He didn’t ask any questions, he’s been waiting since the day I left to get that phone call from me.”

“So you mean, that the reason you were able to turn everything around was…”

“It was all of you, Mike. I think you might have played a bit more of a part in it because of how much I missed you guys. A girl doesn’t forget about her guy best friend that easily. You’re my best friend. And you managed to continue to make an impact on how I did things from thousands of miles away. I knew if I kept doing what I was doing I would have never seen you again. And I couldn’t do that to you. I knew it would destroy Austin and dad terribly, but I had a feeling that it would have been worse on you. I don’t know why, maybe it’s just because I like to think I’m your favorite” I laughed.

Mike pulled me into his arms pulling me into the biggest hug I’ve ever gotten. “I’m so sorry we just let you go without much of a fight. This never would have happened if we fought you more”

“Ah, but you don’t know that. But most importantly, I’m home, I’m safe, and I’m alive. And I cannot thank you enough for being there without you even knowing.”

“I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that Scar, I am so, so sorry. I’m so glad you’re home”

“Me too Mike, me too”

“So Scar, when are you going to finally face Vic?” He asked letting go to grab his beer.
“I don’t know Mike. He’s right. I just up and left without really telling him. I was under the impression we were done with whatever it was we were” I sighed “But judging by what he said the other night, I’m not too sure.” I shrugged.

“You gotta talk to him Scarlett”

“Ugh, I know, Mike. I know. I will, just not yet. I run away from problems, not head on into them” I chuckled.

“Oh don’t we all Scarlett, don’t we all” he said pulling me back into a hug running his hand through my hair, “I love you little one, don’t leave me again” he said kissing the top of my forehead. “Promise me, you won’t leave? I need you around to help me weed out all the girls that are no good for me”

I laughed at his comment, “I promise I’m not going anywhere. And I promise to chase away all the stupid bitches that may come your way” I laughed.

It’s so good to have you back Scar, I missed you being home so much”

“I did too Mike, it’s good to be back. I wouldn’t change it for the world”

We stayed outside on the deck, drinking and smoking until Tony and Jamie had come home from the studio, asking how my trip to the hospital was. I told them it was miserable being a paramedic in a hospital for more than 20 minutes. I asked them how their time in the studio was, their answer was that it could have been better seeing as how one certain member has been nothing but miserable for a while. The two boys joined Mike and I outside bringing the beer out with them and into the outside fridge to make life easier. We had music playing, currently was my brother’s band Of Mice and Men, ‘Second and Sebring’. It sounded louder than it had been before but I just shrugged it off thinking one of the boys had turned it up. My back was to the sliding glass door so when it opened I didn’t see who it was or hear it for that matter since I was so into the song. Remembering when Austin had written it.

This is not, what it is only baby scars.
I need your love, like a boy needs his mother’s side.

I continued to sing along with Mike when I heard a voice I hadn’t heard in months come up behind me, changing up the lyrics ever so slightly. This is not, what is only baby scars, I need your love, like a boy needs his sister’s side, yeah.

I turned around recognizing the angelic voice my brother possessed, “AUSTIN!” I yelled jumping up from my chair, “You ready for this?” I smiled laughing to him.

“I’m ready let’s do this Scar!” He said positioning himself to catch me. I got a running start towards my big brother, jumping into his arms and latching on like a baby koala. “Oh little one, it’s so good to see you! I missed you so much! What the fuck are you doing in California?! And what the hell happened to your hand?!” Austin laughed still holding me.

“Guess who’s home for good big brother?!” I squealed in excitement as I unwrapped myself from him.

“Shut the fuck up!” Austin laughed as he yelled pulling me into another hug.

“I’m home, for good Austin” I smiled waiting for my brother to freak out again.

“Oh my God, I cannot express in any form of words how happy I am to hear that little one!”
He choked out picking me up and spinning me around, like he used to when we were kids.

“Austin, how’d you know it was me though? I had this whole thing to surprise you when you came home and it looks like I was the one surprised” I laughed.

“Oh trust me Scar, I was quite surprised. I went over to dad’s and he told me to come here to find a surprise. I didn’t even to think it was you until I heard you singing” He laughed

“Oh you mean my horrendous squawking?” I laughed

“Stop it Scar, if there’s one thing we got to keep from mom forever it’s your voice” He smiled tucking a strand of hair behind my ear giving me another hug. “I’m so happy to see you back home in California”

“There are no words to describe how happy I am to be here Austin” I smiled as I hugged my older brother back. I didn’t realize how happy I was to see my brother until I had him in my arms, I also didn’t realize how much I needed him until now.

Notes

Yay new update! It's been super busy lately at work so I haven't had much of a change to get on here, I also went to Warped Tour yesterday (Which was amazing!) but here's an update for all of you patient readers! Thanks for all your support!