My Favorite Explosion

After everything that happened yesterday I knew I needed to do something I should have done the first day I was back. I bounced up the stairs eager to talk to Austin who sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the paper.
“You still find time to read with your rockstar lifestyle?” I joked as I put a k-cup in for myself as it brewed.
“Very funny Scarlett” He said placing the paper down. “What are your plans today? Do you have to work?” he asked.
“I’m off today. But I was going to ask you the same thing” I laughed, “I guess our twin thing still works” I smiled.
He smiled back taking a sip of his coffee, “What did you have in mind Scar?”
I finished making my coffee before I turned around to face him, “Can we go see mommy?” I asked quietly, taking a sip of my coffee.
His smile changed from a happy one to a sad struck small boy. “I was wondering when you would ask that” he said drinking his coffee. “Why’d you wait so long?” he asked.
I took a seat next to him at the table making myself comfortable. “I’m not sure. It’s not like it’s super fresh, like when I didn’t go for two years after she passed. It’s been over ten years. I don’t know. I just know she’d be super disappointed in everything that’s happened over the last seven years” I sighed.
“What exactly happened Scarlett?”
“It’s a really long story Austin” I said trying to avoid it.

“You said that the first day I saw you. And you told me that you would tell me another day, when we had more time. Well, you don’t have to work and neither do I. So tell me what happened while you were gone. Why you don’t talk about it? I’ve noticed that Scar.”
I sighed turning to look at him as I spun the sapphire ring mom had given me for my sixteenth birthday. “You’re not going to like this at all Austin. But can we go outside? I need a smoke” I chuckled.

He nodded with a chuckle and we both walked outside, sitting at the table. I lit a cigarette, and turned to face him.

“Well, time to start talking Scar. You can’t hide this from me forever”

“Oh god, Aus I know. Bad enough I have for as long as I already have.” I sighed shaking my head at myself. “Remember my ex boyfriend Danny? The one you met when you guys came to visit while you were on tour?” I asked. He nodded. “Remember when you asked me why I had a black eye? Well, I didn’t get attacked by a patient. It was from him” I said quietly unsure of how he was going to react. When he didn’t react at all I knew he was trying to keep himself calm. “That wasn’t the only time Austin”

“I fucking knew it” He said monotonously. “I fucking knew that piece of shit was no good. But I wanted so badly to believe you when you said everything was fine. I fucking knew it. I’m gonna fucking kill him”

“Austin please, that’s not even the worst of it” I said quietly once again.

“Scarlett, what’s worse than him beating the crap out of you for seven years?” He asked. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and he realized before I said anything.

“No. No you didn’t. Scarlett you’re kidding right?” He asked frantically.

“Nope. Not at all Austin. I tried to kill myself” I sighed as the words left my mouth.

“Oh my god Scarlett. Why?”

“I didn’t think there was any other way” I shrugged “As much as I hate to say it, that fucker’s the reason I’m still alive”

“What do you mean?”

“He found me bleeding out in the bath tub after overdosing on anti depressants and sleeping aids. And drinking a bottle of Jack to myself” I wiped tears from my eyes managing to calm myself down before I got too worked up again. “I manage to forget about it every now and then, but the reminder hits me like a ton of bricks.”

“When was this?” he asked.

“Yesterday made two years.” I sighed knowing he’d be upset that I was only telling him now.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why wasn’t I notified when it happened? Why didn’t the hospital call me? I’ve always been your emergency contact”

“He changed it so he was my emergency contact. He said I had no family. Told them he was all I had. God, looking at it now I know how fucked up that relationship was. But I couldn’t get out, I had nowhere to go there. That’s why I’m home Austin. Dad doesn’t even know all of that. All I told him was that Danny and I had broken up and I wanted to come home. He didn’t argue. I knew he had been waiting seven years for that phone call”

“How did you manage to fly across the country without him knowing?”

“He went to work at seven in the morning and I ran around packing all my stuff, wasn’t much. Only clothes and uniforms. I’m still not sure how I had managed to do it with work. Sometimes I think he knew and realized that it was easier to let me go than fight me on it. I had a few picture frames and valuables that I packed up a few days before and sent out to dad. He didn’t notice because he didn’t let me have it out. So it was already boxed up, I just had to send it. I left him a note saying I was leaving and I wouldn’t be back. I left the ring he had gotten me for our five year anniversary. It wasn’t an engagement ring but a “promise ring” he called it. I haven’t heard from him, and I’m completely fine with that.”
“I just wish you would have said something sooner” Austin said standing up to give me a hug,

“Yea, I wish I did too” I sighed hugging him back.

“Does Vic know?” Austin asked.

“Yea, I told him when I went to go talk to him two weeks ago. I can tell he blames himself for me leaving, he says he doesn’t but I know him better than that. I think it’ll just take time for him to realize it wasn’t his fault.”

“What about Mike? Did you tell him?”

“I did, yeah. That was accidental though. I told him the day you came home. Before you came home I had actually just left the hospital because I had gotten so worked up that I gave myself a panic attack and passed out and hurt my wrist and hit my head.”
Austin nodded as he ruffled the hair ontop of my head. “Do you plan on telling dad?”

“I’m not sure, he’d be crushed, pissed and ready to kill, all at once” I chuckled.

“Yea, that’s dad” he laughed as he leaned on the railing looking over the pool as I walked over to stand next to him. “Come on, go get dressed. Let’s go see mom” He smiled slinging his arm over my shoulder.

“Love you big brother” I said leaning my head on his shoulder.

“Love you too baby sister” He said turning his head to kiss the top of my head.

“Well ain’t that a sight an old man loves to see” I heard from behind us. We both turned around to see dad standing in the doorway with an old bouquet of flowers.

“You just back from the grave dad?” Austin asked noticing the flowers.

“I am indeed. What are you two kids up to?” he asked.

“That’s where we’re headed” I answered. Dad’s face lit up to hear I was finally going.

“Your momma’s missed you, I’m sure of it” He smiled pulling me into a hug.

“Hope you told her I missed her too” I laughed as he let go. “I gotta shower and change. Give me about an hour Austin” He nodded and I went to get ready.


I stepped into the shower breathing a sigh of relief that I had finally spoken to Austin about everything. I knew he was upset, not being the first to know. Or that he didn’t confront me about it sooner, especially when he was out there with me for a week. That had been a great week, I had gotten to see my brother, Mike and it was a week of not dealing with Danny. I had taken the week off from work and he had picked up as much overtime as he could so he wasn’t home. I didn’t completely believe all of the overtime he had gotten, simply because the company avoids it as much as possible. I knew he was cheating on me then, but what was I supposed to do when I had no one else out there?

I ran around the house making sure everything was clean for when Austin and the guys showed up. They were touring and had taken time off between shows to spend time with me since they were playing twenty minutes from the house. Danny had picked up overtime, but last night came home smelling like a bar and slept on the couch. It was already one in the afternoon and he hadn’t moved. The guys were supposed to be here in about an hour and I needed to get him up and functioning. Waking him up was always a struggle.
I walked over to the couch he was laying on and tried calling his name to wake him up which did nothing. I shook his shoulders and he jumped up, obviously irritated by being woken up.

“Danny come on. My brother is supposed to be here in an hour. Get up” I said allowing my anger to be heard accidently.

“Alright I’m getting up” He said sitting up on the couch.

“Busy night last night?” I asked walking back into the kitchen to make him coffee.

“Yea, got stuck at work until four” he lied.

“Oh wow. Overnight medic bang out last minute?” I asked knowing the overnight guy did
not call out.

“Yea, it was Peters. You know how he is” he said standing up from the couch and walking into the kitchen.

“I knew he was bad, didn’t think it was that bad” I shrugged handing him the cup of black and sweet hazelnut coffee.

“Thank you” He smiled kissing me lightly.

“Why are you so pale?” I asked placing my hand on his forehead like I was feeling for a temperature.

“You used to work overnights, you know how they are” He chuckled. “We ran all night. Damn villagers wouldn’t stop calling. And the BLS wouldn’t cancel us until we got to the scene.”

“Did they not like you, or your partner?” I laughed

“Probably me, I may have called one of them an idiot at one point in time” He cringed.
I laughed knowing the feeling. “Figured. Go shower and get dressed. They’ll be here soon.”

He put the coffee cup down, placing both hands around my face. I felt a moment of fear, unsure of what he was doing. He ran his left thumb over the bruise around my left eye, a mark from the other night. I closed my eyes trying not to cry as I remembered what happened. He lightly kissed my cheek beneath the bruise and then my forehead.

“I love you Scarlett” He said still holding both hands around my face.

“Love you too, Daniel” I faked a smiled as he kissed me on the lips once again and walked upstairs with his coffee in hand.


I looked around the kitchen and dining room both cleaned as well as it could get. I walked into the living room to fix the couch and turn the TV on to the music station to have something playing. I walked upstairs into the bathroom to put some makeup to try and hide the bruise I was suffering from. I finished applying foundation to the best of my ability and walked back downstairs making myself another coffee. There was a knock on the front door and I couldn’t have opened it sooner to see my brother’s smiling face and his bandmates behind him.

“AUSTIN!” I yelled as he hugged me

“Stop disappearing on me!” He yelled putting me back on the ground. I stuck my tongue out at him like I used to do when we were kids and greeted the rest of the guys as they came inside. “Where’s your boyfriend?” Austin asked looking around the house.

“He’s upstairs taking a shower. Didn’t get out of work until about four this morning.” I lied as Danny had done to me earlier. I had no proof of anything else.
Austin nodded, unsure of what I had just told him.

“You guys want anything to drink?” I asked walking to the kitchen as they followed.
Alan and Tino each grabbed a beer, Austin, Phil and Aaron taking water. I stood and talked with them for about twenty minutes as Danny finally strolled down the stairs to meet them, already dressed in his uniform. Strange I thought to myself, he wasn’t supposed to work today.

“You’re working today?” I asked confused.

“Yea, Kayla got hurt and I’m the only other one cleared to work medic 25 besides you and they know you took the week off” He said. I nodded, not completely believing him.

“What time are you working until?” I asked

“1300 tomorrow. They had her on a 24.” He said feigning a sad expression. I didn’t believe a word he said but knew better than to let him know that.

“Alright” I said, “I’ll see you tomorrow then”

“Love you” He said kissing me, “It was nice meeting you guys, unfortunately I have to go.
I’ll see you tomorrow though!” He said running out the door.

“I don’t like him Scarlett” Alan said making his opinion known.

“He’s not a bad guy Alan. He just works a lot. I do too, I took time off to spend with you guys” I stated.

I could sense an anger coming from Austin but he wasn’t making it known, not wanting to ruin everyone’s time off.
We went to the beach for the day, playing around like we always did.

“Scarlett, what happened to your eye?” Austin asked while everyone else was in the water.

“I got attacked by a patient two days ago.” I answered hiding the truth.

“You sure?” He questioned.

“Positive, Aussie. Big mother fucker too”

“Why don’t you come on the rest of the tour with us?” Austin asked.

“What would I do about work?” I laughed, “I can’t just up and leave”

“When are you coming home?” He asked, more assertively this time.

“What are you talking about?” I questioned, “I just got back from Dad’s like a month ago”

“I mean for good Scarlett. You can’t stay here forever”

“Why not?” I questioned.

“He’s no good for you. I don’t like him. I can’t put my finger on it, but I do not like him at all Scarlett.”

“Austin—“ I started but he quickly cut me off.

“I don’t want to hear you make excuses for him. Just remember, I don’t like him. Just leave it at that” He said. I nodded, unsure of what he was thinking but wouldn’t allow me to continue asking.

I laid down on my towel enjoying the sun that filled the sky. Something I hadn’t done in a few years, I lived so close to the beach and I never was able to get here. Bastard was so controlling. I knew Austin was right and I couldn’t stay here forever, and I was thinking about going back home to be with everyone I needed. But leaving wouldn’t be easy, I know he’d fight me about it, and even trying to leave the relationship would be hard. But I left because I wanted something new for myself and no one else. Well I definitely got something new, but it might not be exactly what I had expected.

“I miss mommy” I said quietly as I sat up, but enough to get Austin’s attention.

“Me too Scar, me too” He said placing a hand on my shoulder.

That was the day I knew I needed to come home. I couldn’t live like this anymore. Constantly in and out of the hospital because of that piece of shit. It’s time to call Dad and tell him I’m coming home.

Austin pulled up to the graveyard and I felt myself begin to hyperventilate. I hadn’t been here in years and I wasn’t sure if I remembered where her stone was.

“Come on Scar, you can do this” Austin said opening my door.

I nodded as I got out of the car and followed behind him on the path through the headstones. It felt like we had been walking for hours before he turned to make his way through the rows. I followed behind him, falling back with each step I took. I looked around at the headstones that surrounded her and smiled at the care everyone took for their loved ones even in death. I walked to catch up with Austin who had stopped and looked around to find me. I walked over, standing next to him and rested my head on his shoulder while we stood looking at Mom’s headstone.

“Do you think she’s proud of us?” I asked Austin.

“I think she’s more than proud of us. And ecstatic that you finally came home” Austin
smiled putting his arm around my back.

“remember that time you were chasing me around the coffee table?” I laughed remembering the event.

“Oh God, I thought mom was going to kill me when you cracked your head on it”

“Still got the scar” I laughed.

“How you feeling?” Austin asked since today had been such an emotional rollercoaster in a matter of three hours.

“Better, actually. I needed this, it’s been too long” I sighed

“Good I’m glad” He smiled, “Any other plans for us today?”

“How about some lunch and we go from there? But you promise that you’re mine today. I need some sibling bonding time” I laughed

“Well it’s a good job I cleared my schedule for the day. I’m all yours today sis. Let’s go get some noms” He laughed

“I’ll meet you by the car” I said knowing he knew I needed my own time with mom.

He nodded hugging me before he left, “Call me if you need me” He said as he walked away.

I walked over to the headstone and sat down next to it, resting my head against the granite. I looked over the work that dad had just done on his visit to see her. I smiled at the roses he left, purple; signifying eternal love.

“Hi mom” I started unsure of what to say to her. “I’m home” I smiled realizing how happy she’d be if she were still here. “I can’t guarantee I would have had to deal with this though if you hadn’t left us so soon. But who knows, everything happens for a reason right? That’s what you always told us anyway.” I sighed as I felt a tear fall down my cheek. “I really miss you mom. I hope you’re happy up there, wherever there is. Austin keeps telling me his heart is fine, but I’m not so sure about that sometimes. He worries me. Can you make sure he takes care of himself? I can’t lose him too. I know I sound selfish but it’s true. Daddy’s doing well, he said he came to visit you earlier. I hope you like your flowers. They’re my favorite color” I smiled to myself looking at them. “Austin’s probably wondering what’s taking me so long, I should get back to him so we can get some lunch. It’s nice to spend the day with him, hopefully making up for the time I was gone.” I said realizing how much of my brother’s life I had not been around for. “Oh, Vic and I are finally officially dating. I know, it took long enough. I guess we both finally woke up.” I sighed knowing it was a two sided issue. “I love you mommy, I’ll be back soon” I said standing up, placing a kiss on her headstone. “I hope you smile when you look down on me” I smiled walking away using Austin’s line from Second & Sebring.

I walked back to the car, smiling at Austin as I slid into the passenger seat. Everything was good, maybe now I can begin to heal from years of open wounds.

Notes