This Love Was Out of Control
Without You, There Is No Me
*Vic’s POV*
My best friend is in love with me. How could this happen? So all those years that we’ve been friends, he was crushing on me? And I didn’t know about it? How stupid could I be?
Actually, don’t answer that.
“Kellin, wait!” I ran down the stairs and caught up with him. I was breathing heavily. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“That you…love me?”
“I don’t. I just had the urge to go in for the kill, Vic. I couldn’t help myself.”
What? I’m so confused right now. Does he love me or? “So what does that mean?”
“Nothing…It means nothing.”
He left the house. I stood there like I’ve just seen a ghost. I don’t understand. Kellin is my best friend.
~~~
*Jaime’s POV*
♪ What a waste of perfectly good clean wrist...you were screaming till the police came...can we create something beautiful and destroy it! ♪
“Oh, Jaime, you startled me. How long were you standing there?” Vic asked.
I was leaning against the gym lockers. I folded my arms. “About a minute. Your voice is beautiful. Now I know why you were the singer and not no one else.”
“I’m not that great.”
“Vic, are you ok?” I asked, walking up to him. I stood to the side of him.
“No.”
“What’s wrong, love?” I questioned, now standing in front of him.
He looked around to see if anyone was listening. The coast was clear.
He faced me and said, “I want to tell you, but I can’t.”
“Why can’t you tell me?”
“I do, but I don’t. You feel me?”
“I wish I could,” I winked, trying to crack a joke with him.
He smiled at me. I circled my arms around his waist and pulled his body closer to mine.
“If I tell you, please promise me you won’t get mad,” Vic said.
“I promise,” I assured him.
“Ok,” he started, “K-Kellin kind of…came onto me yesterday. He kissed me…but he moved away from me.”
“Why would I be mad about that, Vic?” I smiled at him, reassuring him that I wasn’t at all upset.
“B-Because…because when he backed away, I pulled him back to me and kissed him. I’m so sorry. It wasn’t suppose to happen. I don’t love him, I swear. I love you and only you. Please, Jaime, it wasn’t suppose t-”
“Vic Vic Vic, it’s ok, babe. It doesn’t matter. Just forget about it.” I pulled his body towards me and hugged him tightly. “Don’t worry about it, ok? I know you didn’t mean to kiss him back.”
“But that’s the problem. I DON’T KNOW WHY I kissed him back. I just felt weird. Like I was suppose to kiss him back. I so didn’t mean to.”
“It’s ok, Vic. Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t bother me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Cross my heart and hope to live.”
~~~
We finished our soccer game and headed inside. It was about to pour on us outside. We quickly changed and headed for the main entrance.
I stood near Vic because he was driving me home. Tony called me and said that he couldn’t make it. He was working late again.
Mike walked over to Vic and pulled him to the side.
*Vic‘s POV*
I was driving Jaime home today. Let me remind you that we only use the car during school if we have practice after school or we have to stay after for homework purposes.
Jaime and I just stared at each other while we waited for Mike to pull up with the car. It started raining like hell outside.
Mike pulled my arm and dragged me off into the distance.
“Question: why do we have to drive him home? All because his friend is working late today, doesn’t mean you need to volunteer to drive him home. Let someone else drive him,” Mike commanded.
“You’re such a dick, Mike. His friend is busy and there’s no one else to take him home. Why wouldn’t I wanna take him home? I already told you that I lo-”
“You love him, I know,” he finished my sentence. “Vic, what happens if someone finds out about you and him together? How long will you be able to hold this down? If people find out-”
“They won’t, unless you don’t shut that whole in your face,” I said, walking away from him.
I walked over to Jaime with my head down.
“You don’t look too hot, Vic,” Jaime said, adjusting his bag strap.
“Actually, you’re right. Listen, I don’t know if I can take you home any other day. I’m sorry.”
“Is this because of Kellin or because of what your brother just told you?”
“Neither. I’m just…I’m busy with a lot of stuff going on.”
“That’s fine.”
“No, you don’t get it. I’m saying, I need space for a while. Like…I want to be alone for a few weeks. By myself. Alone. With no one around me.”
“Oh…”
I could see the disappointment in his eyes. “Don’t take it personally, Jaime. I just need time alone, alright?”
He didn’t answer me. All he did was walk to the car and sit in the back seat. Mike and I joined him in the car and drove him home.
~~~
*Jaime’s POV*-1 week later-
“1 tbs of basil and a ½ tsp of black pepper,” Caesar said to me. “Don’t forget to stir it when you put everything in the pot.”
“Alright,” I said, walking over to get the precise measurements.
We were making spaghetti in foods class. There were four people per table but the other two people weren’t here today. That made me and Caesar work double time and put forth more effort.
I applied the black pepper and the basil. I stirred it until we had to remove it from the burner and replace the pot with a different pot, boiling a shit load of water for 20 minutes.
“Hey, Jaime? You alright, bud?”
“Not really. I’ve been keeping my distance from Vic for a week now. I’m really sad.”
“I thought you guys were going great! What happened?” she said, pouring the hot water and noodles into the colander and draining it into the sink.
I stirred the sauce, meat, and spices together. “That’s what I thought and I don’t know what happened. He said that he wanted to be alone for a while. I have no clue how long ‘a while’ means and I miss him. I miss him a lot and I want to see him.”
“You guys are lab partners in Biology. Don’t you work on the project together in class?”
“Not at all. He insists on going over to Austin’s lab table with Kellin and talking with them. It’s like he doesn’t even like me anymore.”
“But…he loves you, right?”
“I don’t even know anymore.”
“Talk to him about it?”
“He wants his space, Caesar. He doesn’t want to be near me. He only spends time with his friends now. His old friends. Not his new friend, me.”
She put the noodles in a bowl. I dumped the ingredients onto the noodles and mixed it well. We set up the table in our corner and scooped up the spaghetti into a plate.
“What if he doesn’t like me anymore?”
“Oh, Jaime, there is so much more to you than you realize. You‘re a great person inside and out. If he doesn‘t see it, then fuck him. Wait, don‘t fuck him, you know, unless you want…”
I chuckled at her comment. “At least you’re trying, girl. At least you’re trying.”
“Don’t be upset, Jaime. Just give him a little time.”
I twisted a fork full of noodles onto my fork and shoved it between my teeth, smashing the soft, squishy worms in my mouth. “It’s been a long time. A week is too long and I feel like he doesn’t consider me his boyfriend anymore. Without him, there is no me.”
“Don’t think like that! He loves you. Just give him time and everything will be just fine. I promise.”
I wish I could believe her. But I can’t. What if he really doesn’t love me anymore? What if he’s planning on breaking up with me but doesn’t know how to say it without hurting my feelings? What if…he loves someone else? Maybe that’s why he wanted his space…so he could spend all the time he needs with his new special someone.
~~~
I walked to the Coronado bridge near the San Diego river. I leaned against the bricks, pressing my body against the cold, rough wall. I stared out into the distance at all the cars rolling by.
The night was bright and the moon was out. The sky was black with a tint of dark blue in it. The lights on the edge of the road were shining and the head lights on the cars were scintillating.
I was high up above the water, looking down at my faded reflection. This is a perfect night for a swim. A long swim. The swim where you jump and have no fears. No fears of dying or coming back up. I don’t want to come back up. Not after what Vic said. He told me not to take it personally, but the nights alone in my bed get me pondering about him. Wondering if he’ll break up with me. Wondering if he’ll ever talk to me again.
Without hesitation, I stepped on the hardest part of the bricks and lifted myself onto the wall. I kept my balance by holding my arms out horizontally. I kept thinking bad thoughts to myself so it would help comfort me when I jump.
I was thinking about who would miss me. Caesar and Tony. That's about it. Vic? My mom? Students in school? Mike? Austin? Alan? They don't give a flying fuck about me. I thought Vic did but he obviously doesn't. I don't care anymore. There's no sign of him missing me. He didn't call to check up on me nor did he give a shit to work with me in class when he had the chance.
This is it. This is my life.
So…dare me to jump off of this Coronado bridge?
My best friend is in love with me. How could this happen? So all those years that we’ve been friends, he was crushing on me? And I didn’t know about it? How stupid could I be?
Actually, don’t answer that.
“Kellin, wait!” I ran down the stairs and caught up with him. I was breathing heavily. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“That you…love me?”
“I don’t. I just had the urge to go in for the kill, Vic. I couldn’t help myself.”
What? I’m so confused right now. Does he love me or? “So what does that mean?”
“Nothing…It means nothing.”
He left the house. I stood there like I’ve just seen a ghost. I don’t understand. Kellin is my best friend.
~~~
*Jaime’s POV*
♪ What a waste of perfectly good clean wrist...you were screaming till the police came...can we create something beautiful and destroy it! ♪
“Oh, Jaime, you startled me. How long were you standing there?” Vic asked.
I was leaning against the gym lockers. I folded my arms. “About a minute. Your voice is beautiful. Now I know why you were the singer and not no one else.”
“I’m not that great.”
“Vic, are you ok?” I asked, walking up to him. I stood to the side of him.
“No.”
“What’s wrong, love?” I questioned, now standing in front of him.
He looked around to see if anyone was listening. The coast was clear.
He faced me and said, “I want to tell you, but I can’t.”
“Why can’t you tell me?”
“I do, but I don’t. You feel me?”
“I wish I could,” I winked, trying to crack a joke with him.
He smiled at me. I circled my arms around his waist and pulled his body closer to mine.
“If I tell you, please promise me you won’t get mad,” Vic said.
“I promise,” I assured him.
“Ok,” he started, “K-Kellin kind of…came onto me yesterday. He kissed me…but he moved away from me.”
“Why would I be mad about that, Vic?” I smiled at him, reassuring him that I wasn’t at all upset.
“B-Because…because when he backed away, I pulled him back to me and kissed him. I’m so sorry. It wasn’t suppose to happen. I don’t love him, I swear. I love you and only you. Please, Jaime, it wasn’t suppose t-”
“Vic Vic Vic, it’s ok, babe. It doesn’t matter. Just forget about it.” I pulled his body towards me and hugged him tightly. “Don’t worry about it, ok? I know you didn’t mean to kiss him back.”
“But that’s the problem. I DON’T KNOW WHY I kissed him back. I just felt weird. Like I was suppose to kiss him back. I so didn’t mean to.”
“It’s ok, Vic. Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t bother me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Cross my heart and hope to live.”
~~~
We finished our soccer game and headed inside. It was about to pour on us outside. We quickly changed and headed for the main entrance.
I stood near Vic because he was driving me home. Tony called me and said that he couldn’t make it. He was working late again.
Mike walked over to Vic and pulled him to the side.
*Vic‘s POV*
I was driving Jaime home today. Let me remind you that we only use the car during school if we have practice after school or we have to stay after for homework purposes.
Jaime and I just stared at each other while we waited for Mike to pull up with the car. It started raining like hell outside.
Mike pulled my arm and dragged me off into the distance.
“Question: why do we have to drive him home? All because his friend is working late today, doesn’t mean you need to volunteer to drive him home. Let someone else drive him,” Mike commanded.
“You’re such a dick, Mike. His friend is busy and there’s no one else to take him home. Why wouldn’t I wanna take him home? I already told you that I lo-”
“You love him, I know,” he finished my sentence. “Vic, what happens if someone finds out about you and him together? How long will you be able to hold this down? If people find out-”
“They won’t, unless you don’t shut that whole in your face,” I said, walking away from him.
I walked over to Jaime with my head down.
“You don’t look too hot, Vic,” Jaime said, adjusting his bag strap.
“Actually, you’re right. Listen, I don’t know if I can take you home any other day. I’m sorry.”
“Is this because of Kellin or because of what your brother just told you?”
“Neither. I’m just…I’m busy with a lot of stuff going on.”
“That’s fine.”
“No, you don’t get it. I’m saying, I need space for a while. Like…I want to be alone for a few weeks. By myself. Alone. With no one around me.”
“Oh…”
I could see the disappointment in his eyes. “Don’t take it personally, Jaime. I just need time alone, alright?”
He didn’t answer me. All he did was walk to the car and sit in the back seat. Mike and I joined him in the car and drove him home.
~~~
*Jaime’s POV*-1 week later-
“1 tbs of basil and a ½ tsp of black pepper,” Caesar said to me. “Don’t forget to stir it when you put everything in the pot.”
“Alright,” I said, walking over to get the precise measurements.
We were making spaghetti in foods class. There were four people per table but the other two people weren’t here today. That made me and Caesar work double time and put forth more effort.
I applied the black pepper and the basil. I stirred it until we had to remove it from the burner and replace the pot with a different pot, boiling a shit load of water for 20 minutes.
“Hey, Jaime? You alright, bud?”
“Not really. I’ve been keeping my distance from Vic for a week now. I’m really sad.”
“I thought you guys were going great! What happened?” she said, pouring the hot water and noodles into the colander and draining it into the sink.
I stirred the sauce, meat, and spices together. “That’s what I thought and I don’t know what happened. He said that he wanted to be alone for a while. I have no clue how long ‘a while’ means and I miss him. I miss him a lot and I want to see him.”
“You guys are lab partners in Biology. Don’t you work on the project together in class?”
“Not at all. He insists on going over to Austin’s lab table with Kellin and talking with them. It’s like he doesn’t even like me anymore.”
“But…he loves you, right?”
“I don’t even know anymore.”
“Talk to him about it?”
“He wants his space, Caesar. He doesn’t want to be near me. He only spends time with his friends now. His old friends. Not his new friend, me.”
She put the noodles in a bowl. I dumped the ingredients onto the noodles and mixed it well. We set up the table in our corner and scooped up the spaghetti into a plate.
“What if he doesn’t like me anymore?”
“Oh, Jaime, there is so much more to you than you realize. You‘re a great person inside and out. If he doesn‘t see it, then fuck him. Wait, don‘t fuck him, you know, unless you want…”
I chuckled at her comment. “At least you’re trying, girl. At least you’re trying.”
“Don’t be upset, Jaime. Just give him a little time.”
I twisted a fork full of noodles onto my fork and shoved it between my teeth, smashing the soft, squishy worms in my mouth. “It’s been a long time. A week is too long and I feel like he doesn’t consider me his boyfriend anymore. Without him, there is no me.”
“Don’t think like that! He loves you. Just give him time and everything will be just fine. I promise.”
I wish I could believe her. But I can’t. What if he really doesn’t love me anymore? What if he’s planning on breaking up with me but doesn’t know how to say it without hurting my feelings? What if…he loves someone else? Maybe that’s why he wanted his space…so he could spend all the time he needs with his new special someone.
~~~
I walked to the Coronado bridge near the San Diego river. I leaned against the bricks, pressing my body against the cold, rough wall. I stared out into the distance at all the cars rolling by.
The night was bright and the moon was out. The sky was black with a tint of dark blue in it. The lights on the edge of the road were shining and the head lights on the cars were scintillating.
I was high up above the water, looking down at my faded reflection. This is a perfect night for a swim. A long swim. The swim where you jump and have no fears. No fears of dying or coming back up. I don’t want to come back up. Not after what Vic said. He told me not to take it personally, but the nights alone in my bed get me pondering about him. Wondering if he’ll break up with me. Wondering if he’ll ever talk to me again.
Without hesitation, I stepped on the hardest part of the bricks and lifted myself onto the wall. I kept my balance by holding my arms out horizontally. I kept thinking bad thoughts to myself so it would help comfort me when I jump.
I was thinking about who would miss me. Caesar and Tony. That's about it. Vic? My mom? Students in school? Mike? Austin? Alan? They don't give a flying fuck about me. I thought Vic did but he obviously doesn't. I don't care anymore. There's no sign of him missing me. He didn't call to check up on me nor did he give a shit to work with me in class when he had the chance.
This is it. This is my life.
So…dare me to jump off of this Coronado bridge?
Notes
*title credit: Pierce the Veil;)*Titanic reference:) (if you don't shut that whole in your face)
*Michael reference:D [my best friend] (wait don't fuck him...unless you want)
*King For A Day reference;)
*Lets Cheers To This reference:D
Would really like to see a sequel :)
7/4/15