I Introduce The Selfish Machine

"Tony, I really think-" My sentence was cut short by an overwhelming sickness. I stopped, shutting my mouth quickly. Maybe I can hold this down.
"Don't think what?" Tony said, scanning his iPad.
I can hold this down. I can do it. "I don't think it's anything to worry-" Never mind, I can't hold this down. "Hold on." I choked out before running to the restroom. My knees hit the wood floor with a bang. I threw my hair up quickly, then leaned my head inside the toilet. I began to vomit and it was only seconds before Tony ended up in the restroom with me, rubbing my back in a circular motion.
Hell of a way of start off our Honeymoon.
I finished, then flushed the toilet and sat on my butt in front of Tony's feet. This doesn't make any sense, I didn't feel sick at all when we landed. It was sudden and I didn't like the idea of just randomly puking. It must have been something I ate. After all, all we had was airplane food for 14 hours.
"Do you feel alright? You don't have a fever." Tony said, feeling my face.
I smiled, he's so sweet to me. "Yeah, I'm fine. I think it was just the airplane food that made me queasy." I said.
"Hm, funny. I don't feel bad at all." Tony said. He shrugged. "Different things settle differently in different people. Come on, let's brush your teeth." He said, standing up. He reached out for me, and I stood up. I suddenly felt really dizzy, dizzy to the point of falling over. I tried not to make it noticeable that I now felt dizzy. I didn't want Tony to worry.
I used one hand to hold my tooth brush, and the other to push down on the counter so I wouldn't fall over. My head just keeps spinning and spinning. I looked in the mirror and glanced over at Tony, who was still staring at his iPad.
"Haw's the weathar?" I asked through a mouth full of tooth paste.
"There's no evacuation warnings, so I imagine we'll be fine. It's supposed to rain the rest of the week, thought. Except for... Yep, that seems right. It's sunny the day we fly back to San Diego."
I spit. "Well, that sucks. We can't do anything we planned."
"I know, but hey, maybe we can rent a lodge up in Big Bear and spend Christmas there this year.
"You know I hate the snow, Tony. Besides, I think mom and dad want to do Christmas at their house." I placed my toothbrush beside the sink, then turned, still leaning on the counter, to face Tony.
"You hate the sun, too. You didn't even want to come to Bora Bora when you heard how sunny it was supposed to be."
I stepped forward, then wrapped my arms around Tony's shoulders. "I hate everything." I said.
Tony smirked. "Even me?"
"Mhm, I hate you the most." I said, smiling.
"Aw, I hate you too." Tony said. I laughed, then kissed his perfect lips. He's my everything and a billion times more. I'm the most bitter person that has ever existed, and he still loves me. And that's the best thing in the world.
"Ready for bed?" Tony asked, pulling away from the kiss.
I sighed a sigh of relief. "Yes! I can't tell you how exhausted I am."
"Well, come on. Wait." Tony said. I looked up at him, confused. He then began to pick me up and carry me like a bride.
"Tony, what the hell?" I laughed in his arm.
"Shhh, just go with it." He said. I nuzzled my head in his chest. I'm in such love with this man.

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, but my stomach felt better. I kept my eyes closed, and reached across the bed to feel for Tony. He wasn't there.
I sat up, confused. Then, I smelt it. It smelled like bacon, and it was heavenly.
I rolled out of the bed and walked quickly into the kitchen where I was met with the lovely smell of food.
But, it was so overpowering.
I held my hand up to my nose, trying to block some of the smell. It was way too strong, and it was burning.
Tony glanced up from the oven. He was shirtless, and cooking bacon. What an idiot. "Good morning, I made breakfast."
"Yeah, I can smell it." I said, getting annoyed with how much was going on. The strong smell wasn't helping my headache. Suddenly, my ears picked up on a sound. The rain was hitting hard against the glass windows.
He brought the sizzling pan to the table. "I figured we could maybe find a taxi and drive into town. There's a mini mall we could go to."
"Sounds fantastic." I said sarcastically. Nothing sounded good right now except for a cold, dark room. I was getting a little sweaty now too.
Tony raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?" He asked, sounding a little annoyed.
I felt guilty. I wasn't meaning to be rude, I just don't feel good. "I'm sorry, baby. I just feel awful right now." I said.
"Your stomach still?" He sat down across the table from me.
"No, my head hurts and I don't know, everything seems louder and smells stronger." I reached for a piece of toast, dropping it on my plate. I took a bite into the buttery goodness, hoping my stomach wouldn't act up later. I grabbed more pieces of toast, only wanting to eat that for the rest of my life.
Tony reached across the table and grabbed his iPad with a determined look on his face.
Him and his iPad. I should have never bought him one.
"What are you doing?" I asked, filling my cup with grape juice.
"I'm going to WedMD your symptoms."
I sighed. I really shouldn't have bought him that iPad. "Tony, I probably just caught something on the plane."
"Yeah, and that can range from the flu to who knows what. So you were sick to your stomach last night..."
"I was also dizzy." I added.
Tony glanced up with an annoyed look on his face. "Why didn't you tell me that?"
"Because I didn't want you to worry, because I knew you would do... This." I said, pointing to his iPad.
He sighed. "Dizziness, okay. How would you describe your headache?"
"Pounding, Dr. Perry." I sassed, hoping he would laugh. He wasn't amused.
"How bad is it?"
I shrugged. "It's not small, but it's no unbearable either."
We ran through all of my symptoms, and it just made the situation worse.
"Piper, you could have the plague!"
"Tony, I really doubt I have that!"
"It's still a concern!"
"I should have never bought you that stupid iPad!" I shouted from across the table. I sighed deeply, not wanting to ask the next question. "What are the other conditions does it list?"
Tony scrolled. "The top are a stomach virus or... Pregnancy."
I laughed so hard I almost snorted. "I'm not pregnant, Tony."
"You might be. When was your last period?"
I shrugged, not actually knowing. My periods are small and short, I think my longest was probably two days. It wasn't uncommon for me to miss a period, either. "Tony, you know my periods work."
"Well, when do you last remember having one?"
"August, they day before you came home."
Tony stared at me for a moment, then stood up and took off towards the bathroom. "I think I saw a test in here yesterday." Tony said.
I stood up and followed him quickly. He's overreacting, he thinks every time I'm sick I'm about to die. I've racked up more doctors visits since I started dating Tony than I ever have before. "I'm not peeing on that stick." I said, walking into the bathroom to find him digging in drawers.
"Yes, you are."
"Nope, I'm sure not."
"Ah ha." Tony said, standing up with a box in his hand. He extended the box out to me.
I stared at his hand. "I'm not taking that."
"Piper, please."
"No, Tony. You freak out about every little symptom I have, when I'm probably fine. You thought I had the plague five minutes ago!" I sighed, realizing that I'm being a little rude to Tony. "It's probably just a stomach virus."
Tony stared at me with his puppy dog eyes. "Piper, I just want to make sure you're okay. Can you please just take the test? And I promise, if you're not, I'll make you some soup and we can cuddle in bed and watch movies until you feel better, even if we're on our Honeymoon."
I sighed, then took the box from him. Tony really means well, and I know he's just trying to look after me, but I'm used to just toughing through stuff. Maybe I need to learn to be sensitive, at least to him.
I peed quickly on the stick, then sat in on the edge of the tub. Tony came back in and was pacing back and forth, like he was nervous about this. I wish I could say I was, but I just know that I'm not. I mean, how could I be? We have safe sex, and there's only been a few occasions where we haven't used a condom. Besides, Tony and I, as parents? We're already dysfunctional enough.
"Two minutes." Tony said, staring at his phone. He looked over at me. "Piper, whatever happens, if you're pregnant or not, I still love you and your stubborn stuff the same."
I looked up at him, and that's when fear hit me. "Tony, do you really think I'm pregnant?" I asked softly.
Tony sat next to me on the tub ledge. "Kind of, yeah. After reading all those symptoms, even though it sounds crazy, it made sense. Besides, you've been bitcher lately." He joked.
I laughed, feeling a little better about the situation. "We'd have cute kids." I said, staring into his brown eyes. He smiled and held my hand.
"We really would. They'd be the sassiest cry babies ever." We laughed together. "Okay," he said once we calmed down. "You're going to grab the test and keep it face down, then hold it out in front of us. We'll close our eyes and count to three. At two, you'll flip the test over and at three we'll open out eyes. Okay?"
I nodded, then grabbed the test.
"Okay, eyes closing now." Tony said.
Then, everything started to get real. What if I am pregnant? What if we are having a baby? Am I ready to be a mom?
"1..."
Tony's going to be traveling all the time and I'm going to be alone with the baby, if there even is a baby. Will our child, our beautiful child, ever know Tony as a parent?
"2..."
I flipped the test over, my stomach turning. One more number and we know.
Gosh, this is the longest time of my life.
"3."
My eyes shot open and they took a second to adjust. When they had fully adjusted, Tony was standing up with his hand cupped over his mouth.
"I'm going to be a dad, oh my gosh, I'm going to be a dad." He said. I stared at the pink lines, not knowing what to feel. My body was shaking. I looked up at Tony, whose eyes were watering. "Piper, we're having a baby." Tony said, then leaned down and took me into his arms.
We're having a baby.
A baby.

Notes

Surprise, surprise.