Mike's POV

"She obviously doesn't want to talk." said Vic who was doing some weird stuff. I checked my phone one last time before handing it in. Our set was about to start and if I'm honest I did not want to be here. It had been a whole 3 weeks since Tony had left the tour to be with her.

"California are you ready?!" Vic screamed into the microphone as we ran onto the stage. The crowd went crazy, I should be happy about being here but I wasn't. I wasn't even happy with myself these days. My mind was only on Bianca, I really messed things up this time. I know I did. That's why I was constantly ringing her ever chance I got. I looked up to see the other staring at me.

"Are you playing?" Vic said, I nodded and started up with Disasterology. I wasn't playing my best, I didn't put my heart & soul into it like usual & everyone noticed this. I really didn't want to be here, did I mention that? Half way through a song, I stopped playing dropping my sticks on the ground & walking off stage. A few gasps and mutters were heard. I took my phone back & went back to the tour bus.

With a drink in one hand & my phone in the other, I was about to call her again when Vic came bursting through the door. "What the hell was that back there?"

"Haven't you noticed already, I don't want to be here!" I shouted, putting my drink on the side.

"It's your own fault Michael. I'm not surprised she hates you right now." his voice was now matching mine. He was right, but I wasn't prepared to win this one.

"I think you'd react like this if you're girlfriend had some other guys kid." I was still yelling. "To top it off he's probably back there now with her in the bedroom."

"Oh grow up, you know that's no...." We were cut off by the tour bus door opening. A suitcase appeared in the doorway. Both me & Vic looked at each, confusion had hit us. Then Bianca appeared. A small smile appeared on my face. "Oh sorry boys, we thought you were playing.." she smiled.

"We were unti...." I kicked his leg to keep him quiet. She didn't need to know I was falling apart even more. It was my own fault I know, but still. Tony soon appeared with Adriana in his arms. "Tone, is Warped suitable for her?"

"This is the only way I can still tour." he had a grin on his face as he looked at the baby girl in arms.

Well this was going to be fun.

** time lapse: 2 months **

"Mike, she's my baby. I can do it." she half shouted at me as she found me holding her child. Tony didn't have a problem, so why did she? She took her out my arms, there was something about her facial expression. It was as if she hated her.

"Sorry..." I mumbled, sitting myself next to Tony was engrossed in the television once again. It wasn't tense but it was certainly awkward. It was a while before anything was said. Even then it was a freak out by Bianca. "I can't do it, take her away from.." she handed her to Tony before walking off.

"What's with that?" I asked, I was curious to say the least.

"She's not bonding with her, she's basically rejecting her." he sighed.

"Why?" He just shrugged. "That must be tough...that offer. Are we any closer?"

"Not much more to do now. Just waiting for my lawyer to contact me." he smiled, it was fake I could tell. Yes, we were actually going through with this. "Mike, actually. We need to talk about that."

"Go on then?"

"I've cancelled all the proceedings for it." I looked at me, why would he do that? "I can't hand her over to you, she's mine & I'm not giving her up for anyone." I felt my heart drop into my stomach. He surely can't back out now could he? I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

We just sat there in silence. There was nothing to say I suppose. I pulled out a smoke, going to light it. "No smoking on the bus anymore Mike." Vic's voice came.

"What? Why?" I questioned him.

"Hello? Baby on the bus." Tony's voice chirped up. I rolled my eyes, putting it down. "Use the bathroom but open the window."

Well least they weren't stopping me completely which I was glad about. There was no way I was not smoking while travelling so much. Not to mention being disturbed during the night. I don't know much about babies but surely at like a nearly a year old they should be out of the whole getting up at night thing.

Bianca's POV

I'd left Adriana with Tony. I couldn't do it. I thought by now I'd begin to love her like any other parent does with their child but I couldn't. We didn't have a bond or anything. Sat in my bunk I pulled out my tablets. "Not much longer now..." I whispered to myself.

I led down, covering my whole self with the covers. I didn't want to be disturbed. I hated myself for what I've become, I hated everything about me. I really was pathetic. I was a stupid, pathetic mess who didn't deserve to be happy with a family.

I soon climbed off the top bunk, I couldn't rest. I walked out the living area to see a bottle of whiskey in front of Mike. Perfect. I walked over, picked it up & walked into the back room. I didn't even bother locking the door. I opened it & quickly started drinking it. I wanted everything to leave me. All the thoughts, all the hatred, everything.

"You know, drinking won't help." Natalie's voice appeared.

"It'll take away the pain." I replied, she sat down beside me. "Here, may as well get drunk with someone." I sighed passing her the bottle.

I told her everything. How I felt, how the voice in my head wouldn't stop. Literally everything. I was own enemy right now. After the talk, we drank more & she soon fell asleep. I knew what I had to do.

I grabbed a pen & paper and starting writing.

This was it.