Tony's POV

Bianca still hadn't moved back home, I didn't mind. I just wondered how she'd cope, we were leaving for tour today and in all honesty she wasn't coping well.

She looked run down, exhausted. “I'll call you everyday.” I said, sitting beside her on the bottom step.

“Promise?” you could tell she'd be crying.

“I promise.” My phone vibrated in my pocket. That was calling. “All the numbers you need are on the fridge, there's money in the cupboard if you need it.” She nodded, hugging me. I went upstairs, saying bye to Adriana who was sleeping soundly. “Look after mummy..”

“Have fun, don't worry about us. Love you Tone...” she smiled. I hugged her one last time before getting onto the tour bus. Vic, Natalie & Jaime went and hugged her as well. Mike didn't even attempt it. He just stood there, smoking.

I put my stuff in the bunk area and settled down in 'living area' of the bus. My lip was probably a mess from all the chewing on it. I was anxious to say the least about leaving her and our daughter. “How is she?” Mike's voice snapped me from my thoughts.

“Great, she's pretty fine actually.” Okay, it was a small lie but if he knew she was doing fine without him he'd back off. He hadn't caused trouble since that episode about a month ago. Maybe he had finally accepted it. Or planning something.

“Oh...alright then.” he turned and walked away. People always questioned why I never liked him, well I think it's safe to say these past few years have proved why I don't like him. We were playing Warped, I was pretty excited. I knew we'd be back in San Diego during the tour, I could do check on them.

***

“You cheated!!” shouted Natalie knocking the controller out my hands.

“I did not, I won fair and square.” I stuck my tongue out at her. She rolled her eyes at me, loading another match up. I don't why, but I got a sense of sadness from her. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, why?” she smiled at me.

“You miss her, I can tell.” The game loaded and nothing more was said. I'd love to bring her along, bringing a 5 month old baby to Warped is not such a good idea. it's not a place for babies, or children.

1 New Message: Bianca :)
I can't find her comfort blankie. she won't shut up.

You could sense the panic in her message. I didn't even pause the game, I got up and called her.

“Did you try the washing?”

“I've looked everywhere, she won't be quiet.”

“B, calm down please. Put her in her room, turn on her night time music & leave the room.”

“That's where she is, it's no...Adriana shut up!!”

“Stop shouting B. What do you want me to do?” I was getting frustrated, she was clearly crying & stressed out.

“I don't know what to do. She just won't shut up”

“I'm coming home.”

Vic was stood in front of me, look of concern on his face. “You need to find another guitarist. I can't d...”

“Chill, I'll find one. I'll have him turn around.” He understood, thank god. I half expected him to scream at me for letting the band down. A few of my things were out my case, I shoved them back in & took it and left it near the door.

“Going somewhere?” Jaime's voice appeared. Everyone just looked at me.

“Yeah, I'm dropping the tour.” Everyone just continued staring at me. Here it comes, one of them is about to have a go at me. “You better treat the replacement right though.”

“I'll treat him like I treat you.” laughed Jaime.

“Oh nice one, scare him off then.” We both ended up laughing. Mike came bursting through the door. He eyes on me. He didn't even say anything, he just sort of stared at me shaking his head slightly. “Problem Mike?”

“What ever happened to 'bro's before hoes'?”

“This isn't just some girl, it's Bianca. It's my daughter. She's not coping. Although you'd know that if you weren't stuck up your own ass.” I snapped.

***

Bianca's POV

I paced the room back and forth. I had no idea what I was waiting for. Adriana wouldn't stop crying, I was slowly driving myself insane. Was I beginning to resent her? I had to talk to someone about this.

How far away were they? Mind you it'd be 13 hours exactly when they left when I had called Tony. That was an hour ago. Another 12 hours, I couldn't wait that long. “Adriana please...” I muttered. She had been quiet for a space of 10 minutes before starting again.

I made myself busy, started cleaning things. The house had just been cleaned and I was doing it again. I kept rearranging everything, undoing it, then doing it again. Nothing looked right.

I eventually gave up, dropping the glass bowl on the floor. I ended up sat near the pile of glass, just staring. Call me crazy, but I didn't know what to do. I'd read about parents who did this. They couldn't cope, they began hating their own child. I didn't want that.

I didn't want to hate my baby girl.

***

My eyes fluttered open, there was no crying. I sat up, looking around. Tears were fighting to get out, look at the mess I had caused. I'm a rubbish mum, I can't even look after my own child. I stood up, heading to the kitchen. Adriana was in her seat. The backdoor was open as well, panic came over me.

That was until Tony came through the door. “Oh you're awake.”

“When did you...”

“About 2 hours ago.” Oh I slept that long? Now I really am a failure at this parent thing. “Sit down, I've made food.” he smiled. Where was the shouting? Why wasn't he shouting at me? I left her alone, wasn't being responsible, he should be yelling at me. Calling me stupid, calling me pathetic.

“I'm sorry.” I muttered.

“Hey, look at me. Don't apologise, some people find it harder to cope.” He placed a plate of food in front of me. “The adoption papers arrived while you were sleeping.”

“Tone, you don't have to or need to let her go.”

“I know, but it's for the best.” he sighed, he knew it wasn't but he just wanted to keep things peaceful. You could tell he didn't want to give her up. “Mike asked about you.”

I didn't reply. I didn't really care, I couldn't take any more of his shit. The same old promises being broken. I didn't even realise he had finished eating, I was still toying with the food on my plate. “I'm going to bed.”

“You've not eaten anything.” he replied as he took Adriana out of her seat. I shrugged, I didn't feel like it. “I'll sort this monkey out, then I'll come see you.”

“Alright.” I smiled a bit, heading upstairs. What was wrong with me? This wasn't me at all but no matter what I did I couldn't shake this feeling.

1 New Message: Mike
We're back in San Diego in 3 weeks, can we talk then?

No, we can't talk. I don't want to see you. I didn't answer his message, then the calls started. I ignored every single one. I changed into something more comfortable. A clean pair of panties & one of Tony's tops. Pulling the laptop onto the bed, I did some research.

The words 'post-natal depression' caught my eye. I couldn't be suffering from two forms of depression. That wasn't possible was it? Tony was now sat beside me, with Adriana led between his legs. “It's possible...”

“Is it though? I really don't know.” I closed the laptop, I had read enough. He called the doctor, I didn't want to leave the house so we arranged a home visit.

I'm officially crazy.