The Life and Lies of The How-To Manual

When we got back to California, the All Time Low boys were supposed to be traveling around sightseeing, but they decided to ditch that to spend with us. Mike immediately headed off to the arcade/pizza place to play a game with Rena. We had made it back just in time for him to make it to his usual appointment.

It was like he had fallen off the face of the earth for an entire six hours. Can he really be playing Skee-ball that long? I have no clue. Then again, it was Mike and he really enjoyed hanging out with Rena. She was a very lucky girl. Plus, Mike really loved Shut Up, which was the dog Rena gave him.

I was sitting at home. I should recount what had happened when I came home, but I think my ear drums burst when my mom screeched out of joy and sadness.

So you might need to speak a little louder than normal.

As soon as I had entered through the doorway, my mom wrapped me up in a hug. I was really shocked since she came out of nowhere. My blind pugs were circling my leg, occasionally bumping into everything.

“WILLOW!” She cried into my shoulder.

“Hello, mom.” I smiled and hugged her back. She gasped loudly. As if being blind wasn’t bad enough, I could be deaf to!

I’m pretty pleased to say I didn’t lose my sense of sarcasm, even after being hit in the head. Now, I can just verbalize it instead of writing it out.

“Oh my darling can talk and YOU CAN TALK!?!?!?” She cried out. I laughed a little. Jaime followed me into the house, keeping on hand on my shoulder the entire time.

I had to recount the entire experience in Arizona on the street corner for my mom. Jaime had led me down to the couch for me to sit on. When I told her I was blind, she just laughed.

“What’s funny?” I asked, kind of frustrated.

“I knew that already!” She just giggled harder. Jake sneezed against my leg. I found his head and pet the soft puggy. He sneezed again. Jaime sat down next to me.

“Wait, I never told you!” I complained. How did she know? Now I was just severely confused. My mom found my hand and grasped it. Jaime squeezed my other one.

“Dude, I’ve been living with two blind pugs for four years. Even if you don’t have the foggy cataracts over your eyes, I know a blind person what I see one.” She told me gently. I sighed, but couldn’t stop grinning.

That morning had gone easier than I thought.

The clock on our wall chimed five strokes. I guess it was five in the evening. Delicious smells wafted from downstairs and I hungered for them, but I was afraid of falling down the steps.

“MOM!” I yelled. She was humming some song. Ever since she figured out who Pierce the Veil was, she started listening to their songs. I don’t know whether to be embarrassed, awkwardly happy she was approving my boyfriend, or weirdly proud she finally figured out how to properly google search something.

“MOTHER DEAREST!” I called a little louder. She stopped singing along in her out of tune way.

“DAUGHTER DEAREST!” She yelled back. It was like our little signal to each other. We were weird and accepted it like this. Dill with it!

“Stairs!” I called. She ran to me.

“What?”

“Stairs! Help, please!” I yelled as I sat down on what I hoped was the top step. There was no movement, just the low snore of one of the pugs in the other side of the house.

“Um, what? Can’t you walk down them?” She was obviously confused. I face palmed a thousand times over.

“Mom, I’m blind.”

“SINCE WHEN!?” She screeched. I think the fumes of the gasoline for the stove was getting to her head. She finally realized her mistake and carefully helped me down. I had changed into what Jaime had told me to wear. He told me we were going night swimming.

The doorbell rang just as I got down the steps. Mom opened the door as someone stepped inside.

“Hey, MD.” The person announced happily.

“Who are you?” I asked curiously. I couldn’t really tell who it was because I was still a little dizzy from when my mom was yelling about my sudden voice earlier today.

“Pablo.”

“Haha, very funny. Now who are you?” I asked. My mom giggled beside me. I turned to glare at her, but I think I was facing a wall. Gosh, I hate being blind.

“Luke, I am your father.” He pretended to breathe in and out like the helmet. I tapped my foot and thought.

“Jaime you butt-queef, you were never a good Darth Vader. I see you more as a Yoda.” I laughed. Jaime leaned down and kissed my nose. My mom sighed longingly. I blushed harder and grabbed my phone to shove in my pocket.

“Come on, MD. Let’s go night swimming.” He laughed. My mom took a sharp breath in. I paused, fearing she was going to stop us. Wait, I was twenty two! I didn’t have to follow her rules again!

Then again, when she was holding a pan, she could be very persuasive.

“Is there any skinny dipping?” She asked. Jaime shook his head so hard, I felt little hairs tickle my cheek.

“No! Of course not.” I could tell from his tone of voice that he wanted to please her so that we could hang out tonight. She groaned.

“You kids are no fun! What’s the point of night swimming if you’re not going to break into the local club pool or skinny dip?” She asked. I groaned. I loved my mom. She was youthful but could be kind of embarrassing.

“Um, I have a pool in my backyard, so I hope that’ll do.” Jaime mumbled.

“Good enough. Just use a condom. I’m not going to be a grandmother just yet. Plus, you two aren’t married.” She trotted off down the hall humming a wedding march. I bit my lip as Jaime led me to his car. He helped me get into the seat. I fumbled a moment for the seatbelt. Jaime started the small car and backed out.

“Your mom is awesome.” He laughed uneasily. I nodded, pulling at the hem of my shirt.

“Yeah, she’s pretty insane, but I love her.” I agreed. Jaime turned down the radio for a moment. Uh oh, this means he had something serious to talk about.

“So your mom mentioned us getting married…” He started off awkwardly. I turned to what was hopefully the window. I blushed hard and nodded. What, I was only like, twenty two? Jaime was twenty eight? Did I even know how old that butt-queef was? I mean, he is a butt-queef, but he is MY butt-queef, so that makes it okay.

“Oh, she just likes to tease me about that.” I mumbled.

“Oh yeah.” He turned the radio up again. Some old rock song turned on as we pulled into his driveway. I didn’t even realize we were here already. His driveway was so long, we must’ve gone back to Canada already.

Jaime helped me out of the car. I stood up and took his hand. We walked around the house’s perimeter to the backyard, or what I assumed was the backyard. There was a click as a gate opened and I fumbled my way through. Jaime helped lead me down to where the grass faded to tiles.

“Hey, it’s MD!” Everyone yelled. I smiled, eyes flickering over the surroundings, as if I could see. Himes pointed out a chair. Autumn was next to me, or so he said. I sat down, hearing the splash of water and murmur of people in a body of water directly ahead of me.

“Who’s here?” I asked Autumn. She touched my shoulder so I turned in that direction.

“The band plus us. Mike is swimming in the pool, Vic is chilling in side right ahead of you.” She pointed out. I laughed a little. Mike could float, but not swim. He was a floater (and a sinker in deep water, but don’t tell him I said that).

“How deep is the pool?” I asked her. I was curious so I knew what I was getting in to if I decided to get in. I hadn’t really made up my mind. I just wore my suit for Jaime’s sake. Taking off my shirt, I lay back in a lounge chair in my blue bikini top and basketball shorts. It was just casual wear.

“Three feet to six feet deep. Hey, weren’t you on the swim team during the summer of high school?” She asked me. I nodded. I loved the swim team. I could out pace anyone. Then again, I was a distance swimmer. Once I got into a pace, I could go on and on forever.

“Yeah. That was fun.” I smirked. Soft footsteps came to my left side where it was open.

“Hey, you should get in.” Jaime smiled, touching my shoulder. I shrugged.

“I might in a little.” I agreed. Autumn yelped.

“What’s happening?” I asked as everyone giggled. There was loud complaints and many bad, bad words that I really shouldn’t repeat. Autumn had a….colorful vocabulary.

“Tony picked up Autumn, wanting her to get in…and….wait, wait…there it is.” Jaime laughed loudly. There was a loud splash as I assumed that my best friend had been thrown in.

“If you do that to me, I will have my mom come after you with a pan.” I threatened him. He squeezed my hand.

A couple hours later, apparently, it had turned sufficiently dark for night swimming. Jaime told me I needed to get into the water at some point, so I had to get in soon or he would throw me in.

“Fine, fine.” I grumbled and took off my shorts. Everyone was slowly swimming around in the water. I heard Jaime’s voice come from the edge of the pool. I stood up, shivering a little as a gust of wind blew through the back yard.

“You asschip. I can’t see where I’m going.” I growled at him. He laughed. There was some water rise as he slowly got out and padded towards me. I felt his bed hand grab my shoulder and jumped back.

“Oops, sorry.” He mumbled, cupping my face with his palms and kissing my forehead.

“You must hate me.” I grumbled. He chuckled and slowly led me to the edge of the pool. His voice told me where puddles were and when I had reached the pool edge. He hopped back in as I slowly sat down. Sitting on the edge of the pool’s side, I let my legs dangle in the water, content to stay like this.

I love the water, don’t get me wrong, but being blind and being in the water kind of scares me. If I get stuck under there, I don’t know down from up. I’m afraid I’ll lose my way. I don’t want to be stuck in the dark, drowning, not finding my way back.

“Come on in!” He begged.

“Come on, Willow!”

“Go MD, go!” Everyone cheered.

“You people.” I shook my head but didn’t get in. Jaime swam up, touching my knee to let me know he was right there. I looked to where I thought he was and tried to imagine his face.

“Please? For me?” He asked quietly. With a sigh and a nervous zap through my system, I held out both hands for him.

“I don’t want to fall in and drown.” I whispered. He squeezed my hands to reassure me.

“I won’t let you go under. I promise.” He whispered. Pushing myself off, I got into the water, finally. It was surprisingly warm, just at the perfect temperature.

“See? Not too bad.” He whispered. I didn’t expect it to be not that deep so I hit the bottom a little hard. I stood up straighter, the water coming up to my chest. I stood there, still holding onto Jaime’s hands.

“Okay, that wasn’t bad.” I gave him a shaky laugh. He kissed my cheek and pulled me closer to him.

“Here, I’ve got you.” He whispered and pulled me against his bare chest. I felt safer, like I wasn’t going to tumble under.

I mean, if he let me fall under, I think my mom would go after that asschip with a wok, one of those huge Japanese pans.

“You wanna go deeper?” He asked. I paused for a moment.

“It’s only six feet?”

“Yep.”

“I don’t want to bump into anyone.” I whispered nervously. He took my arms, looping them around his neck. He put his arm behind my knees and carried me like a bride through the water. I put my head on his bare shoulder as he slowly walked deeper.

“See? Not so bad anymore. I’ll just keep carrying you.” He laughed. I smiled, closing my eyes and letting myself drift. We were deeper still and even though all I saw was darkness, I felt warmth spread through my limbs in contentment.

Or maybe someone peed in the pool….

Nah, it was contentment.

Notes