The place I was. The place I am. The place I want to be.

“Could you check my pulse for me, to see if I'm alive.” Kellin sang to a jumping crowd. I had the pleasure of meeting MGK who, along with Kellin was all over the stage.

Listening to him rap reminded me of what I thought Kellin should say to Katelynn. Kellin walked to me taking a water I had for him from my hands and then he kissed my check, escaping back out onto the stage. I felt my cheeks fire up. I didn't know how to react. I was part seriously happy, part embarrassed because I know that all the fans had come to accept Katelynn within Kellin’s life. And part scared because I didn't want people to think that I was getting in the way, that I was doing everything to make an image of myself. The guys worried me the most because I did not want them to think that I was intruding and doing it on purpose.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn't mind getting kisses on the cheek from Kellin, or any of them for that matter. I had a mutual respect for all of them. Maybe it wasn't the guys. I don't think that they would have all passed me with thank you kisses this morning at breakfast had they had a problem with me. It was the fans… The people who cared most about the guys and the band as a whole.

“Hi Heather. Why does- why does you look so sad today?” Sam Link, a Youtuber that had occasionally followed the guys while they were on tours, was in my face with a camera. And I knew, from watching his videos that zooming in on peoples faces was his favorite thing to film for his own humor. Yes, he is funny and I love him to death, but my reddening face was not really something that people would want to see. And the thought ran through me again, deep in my blood. You'll be in the way…
MGK came running off of the stage after the song was over and stood next to me. I had met him earlier with a simple introduction from Kellin. So it was kind of awkward to stand next to him and not have anything to say. Kellin was speaking to the audience and they were all going wild.

“Im fine Sam. Why do YOU look sad today?” I said back and smiled at the camera.

“I am not sad Heather. But you has a pretty smile! Look at those teeth. They're so white!” He said and I laughed along with MGK who was watching us be silly.

“Why is you laughing Heather? Right MGK, she has a pretty smile?”

“Yes Sam she does.” He said laughing.

“I want you all to meet someone. Im sure you guys have seen some tweets about her from other fans on twitter. The funny thing is is that I only met her 2 days ago on a plane talking about books and bitching about some lady behind her that was having a fit, anyway.” Everyone laughed and I heard a few shout out my name.

“I want to clear something up right now before I bring her out here. I know you guys have set your mind on Katelynn. But I want to tell you now…make sure you pay attention. I don't care if your straight, gay, bi, we all fall in love. But this doesn't mean that the other person feels the same. I got tricked. I played the game thinking there was no other. So yea, make sure you pay attention.”

I could see the tention in his facial expression. He was having a hard time getting his words out and not bursting with anger as they come from his mouth. I grabbed a spare mic that was sitting next to me on an equipment table and turned it on.

“Hold on a second Sam. Ill be right back.” And skipped out on stage.

“Isnt it awesome how Kellin just puts all his feelings into lyrics so perfectly?!” I said to the crowd and waved to them all while giggling.

“Guys this is Heather. Everyone say Hi Heather!!!!” He said to the audience and they all responded. He turned around and grabbed the water I had given him, taking a drink and shaving his head at Jesse so I continued.

“I think we all know a song that we can relate too that goes with what Kellin is talking about right?” Of course they all knew as I heard a few girls upfront sing the chorus.

“Cuz you such a pretty pretty pretty pretty big what?!”

“WASTE OF MY TIME!!!!” they all screamed as Kellin wrapped an arm around the back of me, his hand setting comfortably on my waist. I felt the butterflies again and I knew my face was lighting up again as I smiled.

“Kellin! Doesn't Heather have thee most beautiful smile in the worlds?” Sam asked into a mic as he walked out on stage. Kellin shook his head and smiled to the crowd then to me.

“Yea Sam she does. Look at her teeth!!”

“THATS WHAT I SAID!!!” Sam yelled causing everyone to laugh and me to look down.

“Heather is going to be helping us write some songs and see if we cant come out with another record by the end of this year. She's super talented, she's got a hell of a voice. I think im gonna have Sam here make a recording of us sing you some Stomach tied in Knots before we end this party tonight, how does that sound?” He asked and the crowd cheered. I looked back up to them and to Kellin.

“Alright, lets give Heather a round of applause before we get started here again.” He said and as they clapped and cheered, he turned to me and hugged me, laying another kiss on my cheek before turning back to the band and his mic stand.

“Cuz your such a pretty pretty pretty pretty face, but you turned into a pretty big waste of my time. LETS GO!” Sam and I walked off the stage. I kept going though. I felt the need to write something. Maybe even someone to talk to. I walked to the back of the stage where there were stands where the bands were checking guitars and talking to each other. I spotted Vic of Pierce the Veil sitting on a stool lightly strumming on an acoustic. I knew he and Kellin were really close. I walked up to him, taking a seat on the ground in front of him.

“Well if it isn't miss Heather.” He said and smiled down at me. I had never even met him. But being apart of this scene, I felt comfortable being around these people. It feels like I've known all of them my whole life.

“The one and only.” I said and smiled up at him.

“Everyone has been talking about you. I don't know if your into social media but your name is plastered all over twitter.” He said and then strummed the guitar lightly again and hummed something random.

“Im hoping in a good way. I kind of feel like I'm intruding.” I said and he stopped playing. A few seconds passed and we just looked at each other before he put his guitar down.

“Follow me.” He said and helped me up. We walked slowly going nowhere in particular, as far as I knew a least.

“Its going to be hard. To be the newbie. People are going to make rumors. I can already see one now saying how Kellin cheated on Katelynn with you. There will be things like that you are ruining the band. Or that your tearing the guys apart. You just have to ignore it. Kellin doesn't do anything if he thinks he doesn't know what he's doing. If he has any doubts about something then he wont do it. So just know that because your still here, he really wants you here for whatever reason. Your getting along right?” I looked down at my feet and slightly smiled. We were getting along.

“Were getting along perfectly. Theres perfect chemistry between us. I don't know if he's just like…an open book, or if I can read him really well. Especially since dealing with Katelynn. I didn't realize how stressed he was.” I said. Vic nodded his head at my words.

“Yea, he’s always said that he knew that she was no good for him. He never did anything about it. But he's one of those people that thinks that they can do anything that would help, that would make things better. I don't know…We all just wanted him to be happy, to get rid of her. He would never listen to us. Your the first he's listened to.” He said. I smiled thinking back to last night after I talked to her and let him listen to what she really felt.

“I wouldn't say he listened to me. I kinda just made it happen.” I smirked.

“What do you mean?” He said laughing.

“He called her yesterday after the show and she talked to him like he was unimportant basically, telling him she had to go, she wouldn't say she loved him back or missed him. We went out like 30 minutes later and she called. I stole his phone, ran to the bathroom, gave her my two cents and then let him in so that he could hear what she had to say. And she did. She said fuck him. That she was better with the neighbor anyway.” I finished and frowned. It sounded horrible. No one should have to go through that. The thought made me think about MGK and the song that he and Kellin just sang, and thought about how now perfectly Katelynn fit within its lyrics. He did everything for her…

“Wow…I didn't know she was cheating on him. Not that it surprises me but I mean…I feel even worse for Kellin because thats like his biggest thing. Its the deepest cut for him since its happened before.” I nodded and looked back towards the stage where Kellins voice still flooded the silence.

Vic and I were spilling over into a field that must have been like a community park. A small playground was too our left and I noticed some swings. Walking to them I thought about my own past. About my ex. About the pain he put me through both physically and mentally.

A memory of a time that we fought popped up. My world turned into the room that we shared when we lived together. Of the push to the ground he gave me. Of the moment he went to hit me in the face and I grabbed him by his hair. Of him doing the same to me and the fire the rose from a spot on my head. Of the shower I took an hour later. Of the ball of hair that came out when I ran my hands through it. Of the dark strands him my hand that made me double over in tears and the heaviest cry I had ever cried. Of the hour later that I laid next him and fell asleep swearing to myself, ridiculously, that I still loved him.

“Kellin sees something in you. And im glad he does. He trusts you 100%. He told me yesterday.”

“He talks to you about me?” I don’t know why that intrigued me so much. I felt about myself already, the same way that Vic said that everyone would think about me. I felt unimportant. Just someone else that Kellin just so happened to meet. I was a kind person. But for him to think of me so highly that he feels the need to tell other about me just…amazes me. I guess my past relationship makes me think that thats all there is. Stupid brain…stupid heart.

“Yea. All the time. He really enjoys your company.” I looked up to him and smiled. Feeling happy wasn't something that usually happened with me. Not that I'm depressed. But i’ve been down and out for what seems like years now, just waiting for something good to happen. When you think nothing good will ever happen, its just all you know. My whole life has been about negativity. So when I finally grabbed my life by the horns, and made he decision to only get some new scenery, I got a whole new life. You have to be willing to take that chance. I took it. And I've never been happier.

“You should talk to him. I mean really talk to him. About nothing specific but just about life and how your each doing. Considering its only been like 3 days theres no rush, but your going to be spending a lot of time with him. If theres one thing I know about Kellin is that he's usually pretty quiet. His actions speak louder than his words. And when he is talking,, its usually funny, something to hide whats really going on. Because like I said, he's that person who only wants to make things better.”

“We should head back.” He said. I nodded and stood from the swing and followed him back to the tents again, saying hello to VIP fans and other bands as we passed. Once we got back to the PTV stand, I hugged Vic. My mind had been so jumbled the past day that he helped me out probably more than he even realized.

“Thanks for talking with me Vic. You cleared up a lot of thoughts and doubts that I have been having.” I said. He squeezed me and then held me in arms length.

“Im here for you whenever. Ill have Kellin give you my number so if you ever need to talk, we can.” He said and looked behind me and then back to me and smiled, letting his hands drop from my arms.

“Hey guys whats up?” Kellin said from behind me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. He was kinda sweaty but hey, its warped, when ARENT you sweaty?

“Nothing much bro. How was your set?” Vic replied.

“It was great dude. Always love having MGK up there with me. The fans love him.” Kellin said, using a finger to swipe his bangs out of his eyes.

“No Kellin. Those screaming girls? All you. Trust me.” I said teasingly.

“Are you one? A screaming girl for me?” Kellin said and bumped hips with me making me giggle. Vic smiled and and winked at me noticing my sudden fit of happiness and I blushed.

“You wish.” I said, trying to be normal. I felt weird acting like this. Like a fangirl. Like he's the cutest person in the world…like when I look at him and I feel the need to kiss his cheek…like wishing I could say the word boyfriend and be able to smile at him with a whole new meaning…

“Heather? you ok?” Kellin asked, leaning in front of me, his hands reaching out and laying on my face.
“You look flushed.” He said worriedly. You would think that I should be ok. But all of a sudden the heat seemed to heighten within seconds, and I could feel my skin start to get clammy. What was wrong with me? I felt my eyes close and the first second of me falling.

Some people wonder if you dream when you pass out. If theres anything you see when your world goes dark for any amount of time. Personally? I can say yes. Immediately my view was full of a life I used to know. Back when I had a mom that spent her time shooting up. Back when my poor father was the only person I could rely on. Back when I would go without eating for days at a time only to have a snack when I finally was able to share something with my family. Back to when my long brown hair would fall out with stress. To when my arms held deep glistening lines of crimson.

Then I was opening my eyes and seeing where I was now, Kellin and Vic hovering over me as well as a paramedic laying ice on my cheeks and patting a wet cloth on my forehead.

“She’s super dehydrated. Her blood pressure is down. We need to take her and give her some fluids.” One of them called.

“I… I need to stand up.” I said. I felt like if I didn't then I was going to throw up. Thankfully, Kellin was quick to pick me up and set me on my feet keeping his arms around me.

“Ill carry her.” He said swooping an arm under my knees and carrying me bridal style to the medic tent not far from where we were. My head was still spinning. I knew I was going to hurl everywhere if I didn't get some water within the next couple seconds. Im sure they knew that because as soon as Kellin set me on the bed thingy, they were handing me water bottles left and right. I didn't realize how shaky I was until I opened it and tried to take a drink.

“Relax Heather.” He said and stroked my hair. If I wasn't already so flushed, I would have blushed but I just let him do it instead of being so worried. I was too tired to let it bother me now.

“Im trying.” I said and took a deep breath, laying my head back on the head rest. His fingers felt cool on my forehead and I leaned my head in his direction, closing my eyes.

“Oh no Heather, please keep your eyes open. You cant fall asleep.”

Ugh. But…sleep. I sat up a little and tried to drink my water again, this time focusing on Kellin’s touch to keep me from shaking so much. I instantly felt better when I felt that cold sensation spread throughout my stomach. Several minutes went by while they kept me drinking water and focusing on breathing and checking all of my vitals, before they told me that my stress levels were high and that I needed to talk to a doctor or a therapist to see if there was anything they could do to help me. I didn't like doctors…or shrinks for that matter, but I nodded my head yes and happily hopped off of the table, letting Kellin wrap an arm around me and help me back to the bus, where after cleaning up, he made us some snacks, turned on a movie, and got us some blankets. He simply took care of me. He voluntarily stayed on the bus with me all the rest of the day and night. And soon, we were asleep, the feeling of my head laying on his chest sending me to a whole new dream realm that has never existed to me before. A realm of pure happiness, of a place that felt like the home I never had. A home with Kellin. No matter where we are.

Notes