The place I was. The place I am. The place I want to be.

The bus was comfortable. But when I thought about five guys already living on the bus, my idea of living with them for half a year became clouded. One question: Where was I going to sleep? Of course, all of the guys offered me to sleep with them in each of their bunks but they also knew better. The couch seemed the least appealing. Kellin had been out talking with the other bands while everything got loaded up after the show. Jesse and I sat in the living room playing some racing game. Unfortunately i’m not much of a gamer.

“Quit running into me!”

“Are you kidding me? Your running into ME!” Jesse shot. We laughed as the others joined around us and started talking to us. None of us even noticed that Kellin came in until the door to the lounge in the back of the bus slammed shut causing all of us to jump and go silent. Sparing a look to them all, I stood and walked to the door leaving the guys to take my spot as a sucky race car driver.

Knocking on the door, I looked back to the guys and Jesse was looking me dead in the eyes. Mouthing the words “be careful” to me before I heard Kellin say to come in. I nodded to Jesse and opened the door. Kellin was sat on the couch, his arms folded across his chest, his hair in front of his eyes. Call me clingy if you will but I don’t care if your famous or not, your going to get a hug when I see that your not feeling well. So I sat next to him and laid my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm around his front and setting my hand on his other shoulder.

“What happened Kellin?” I asked. He reached up laying a hand on my arm and set his chin on it before speaking.

“My girlfriend Katelynn. She's been really distant lately. She's never home and she never talks to me anymore. Every time I call she says she's busy. Im just worried something is wrong with her.” My stomach sank with the word girlfriend but I squeezed him slightly when he finished and let him go, feeling awkward in his embrace.

“Maybe she's just busy you know? Maybe she just has stuff to do. Running some errands. Im sure its got to be hard on her when she's the only one at home. Im sure she doesn't want to be home alone. If I were her, I would want company.” I said and I watched him twitch a little at my words.

“What if she's cheating on me?”

“No Kellin i’m sorry thats not…I didn't mean to say that.” I spit out quickly.

“No its fine. Sometimes I need a wake up call.” He said and bent, resting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. I lightly pushed him back up frowning when he kept his head hanging down. I pulled his face up to mine with a single finger and used another to lightly move his hair from his eyes.

“Try and give her a call again.” He nodded and pulled his phone from his pocket, dialed her number, and put it on speaker.

“What Kellin? I told you i’m busy.” She said annoyed. Kellin looked up at me, measuring katelynn’s tone.

“Im sorry, I just miss you.” Kellin replied.

“Well thats great and all but I really need to go now.” I suddenly had this fire ball rolling around inside me. She was being a bitch to him! Calling simply to say hi. Most girls would kill to have Kellin call them just to say hi.

“Alright well…give me a call later ok?” He said, his eyes watering as he looked up to the ceiling.

“Sure, whatever.” Click. I stared at the phone in Kellins hand wanting so badly to reach for it and call her back to curse her out. I wasn't sure what to do. Anything to comfort him but we were still strangers to each other. I didn't want to be…well, weird. He wasn't mine to do anything for. Kellin closed his eyes and I opened my mouth to say something but he looked to me and a few tears lazily slid down his cheeks.

“You want to go out tonight? Come on, lets go get the guys, I need a drink.” He said, whipping his face with his hands before standing. My eyes followed his hands as he stuffed his phone into his pocket. I wanted so badly to call her back…

“Heather?” He asked and held his hand out to me.

“Sorry. Lets go.” I said and smiled taking his hand. We walked back out into the front of the bus, the guys turning around to us when they heard the door shut.

“You good bro?” Justin asked Kellin and looked at me, his question written on his face. I shook my head the same time Kellin assured him he was ok.

“Lets go out guys. I could use some bro time and a few drinks.” Kellin said. Jack was the first to jump over everyone to grab his shoes earning a laugh from everyone. I smiled. I could get used to this. These boys were becoming apart of me extremely fast and it had only been one day. I mean, I had only met Kellin yesterday and was already becoming very close friends with him. He was just an open person. They all were, you could read them like books. My guess was that was the reason everyone loved them. A good reason.

We were at a local bar within the next 30 minutes sitting at a booth and laughing at anything and everything. I sat quietly letting them tell me stories of past tours and what they did in their spare time. I just kept a smile on my face because hey…who wouldn't when your around a bunch of goofballs?

“This one time Kellin was on stage and like…” Jack started, already deep in a fit of laughter. “…he ran from one side to the other and totally busted his ass!”

“Hey, I slipped!” Kellin snapped back and then laughed.

“Im not even sure how he did to be honest.” Jesse said taking a sip of his beer.

“It was YOUR chord Jack! Spinning around like a fool. It was a trap.” Kellin said and I looked to him, the blush on his cheeks making my stomach jump.

I looked away to Jesse who had his eyes on me. He winked seeing my reaction to Kellins outburst of color. The boys talked amongst themselves and I simply listened and smiled and nodded and laughed when appropriate, sipping on my coke. Yes coke. I don't usually drink. Im an occasion girl. A few glasses of wine on Christmas and Easter, maybe a few mixed drinks here and there, but I didn't really enjoy drinking. Kellins phone started to ring and I watched him look down at it and frown. I looked at the screen and Katelynns face was bright on it. I looked back up to Kellin who's eyes started to water again. So I took it. I took his phone and got up despite his calls to me and ran to the woman's restroom and answered it.

“Listen here lady. I don't know what it is that you've been doing behind Kellin’s back but its not happening anymore. He does everything he can for you no matter how far he is. You know how many girls would die if they simply got a random call from him just to say hello?! Your ungrateful talking to him the way you do when he has the decency to call you up on his free time and you just put him down. He CRIED when you called! As his friend I can’t stand around and let you just blow him off like that. Don't call again unless you have something nice to say to Kellin. What the hell is it that your so busy doing anyway that makes you think you can talk to him like that?”

Kellin was knocking at the door now, his voice bleeding through the wood.

“Who the hell are you to tell me how to talk to MY boyfriend?!” She replied.

“You wont be his boyfriend for much longer.”

“What the fuck!?” she started as I opened the door for Kellin and pressed my finger to my lips telling him to be quiet and pointed to the phone for him to listen as she kept talking.

“Who the fuck are you even?! Why are you with him in the first place?! You know what? Im done. I don't give a fuck and I haven’t for several months now. Tell Kellin I said fuck him. Im better off with the neighbor anyway.” Click. Kellin was covering his mouth now. Tears falling freely down his face and I just stared at him. I stared with sorrow until he doubled over and wrapped his hands around the back of his neck. Of course, it didn't take long for some tears to fall down my face either and I bent to him, my head pounding with the music that was playing. I didn't want this to be happening to him.

“Kellin, look at me.” I said and stood him up. He lifted his face and sniffled.

“You’ve got us. Those boys and me. Open your eyes.” His eyes opened and he looked like he had aged a hundred years and all I could think to do is engulf him in a hug. And maybe it was the wrong time to feel this but as soon as his arms lazily draped over my hips, my stomach had butterflies in it. I literally only wanted him to be happy. But I had a feeling our journey would be an even happier one. Maybe I was being foolish again, hoping for too much. But I warned you, I was taking this by the horns.
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It was that time of night. Everyone was tired and walking like zombies around the bus getting ready for bed. It was funny to see them all brushing their teeth at the same time.

“Don’t laugh Heather, your gonna make me spit toothpaste everywhere.” Justin warned with a smile on his face and his mouth full of bubbly freshness.

After Kellin and I had cleaned up our faces and exited the bathroom area after talking to Katelynn, we reproached the guys with smiles. They all obviously knew that something was wrong but they would keep their mouths closed and continue laughing and carrying on until Jesse announced that it was getting late and we would be in Georgia in the morning with a whole lot of things to do during the day. We all knew that Kellin would probably be better in the morning. I didn't say anything else to him. I didn't want to make matters worse by asking him if he wanted to talk about it. So I just made a bed on the couch, not bothering to get ready to sleep until the boys were done and in bed.

The only one that I could see that wasn't asleep within the next 10 minutes was obviously Kellin while the others were already snoring. His eyes were fixated on the ceiling above him, his arms folded behind his head. He looked miserable, deep in thought. I brushed my teeth and changed while I was in the bathroom. An old gray t-shirt and a pair of fluffy black pajama pants made me feel like I was at home.

I walked out of the bathroom thinking of something I could do or say that would ease his mind at least enough to sleep. I just stood in the middle of the “living room area”. And then there it was. It felt pretty obvious seeing how we had done it earlier today. I reached into my purse, pulling out my phone and walked to Kellin plugging my headphones in and putting one in one ear and holding the other out to him.

He looked at me and smiled, sitting up and jumping down out of his bunk and grabbed the headphone from me, grabbing my hand and walking to the couch. We sat down pulling up a blanket. I laid my head on his shoulder and just let all of the songs on my playlists play until we were both asleep.
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I was awake first. I swear I almost freaked out when I felt Kellins body behind my own, his arms wrapped around me and his face snuggled into the back of my neck. And I would have jumped had he not been quietly snoring. I needed to get up before the guys came in and thought I was trying anything with him. I didn't need to be kicked out in a random state. I tried my best to peal his top arm from over me and set it on his side without disturbing him too much and slid from the couch slowly so his head wouldn't fall to hard onto the couch.

Once I was free, I put on some coffee and pulled some bacon from the fridge as well as some pancake mix from the cabinet. As it got later and later in the morning I started to hear some people outside, particularly band members and stage crew setting up the venue. But these guys…of course they were all asleep still. Then again, it was still only 9 am. I didn't blame them. I wasn't quite sure why I was up so early either. I giggled to myself before I heard Kellin from off to the side on the couch.

“Smells like coffee.” He said, sleep still heavy in his voice. I looked over to him and smiled when I saw his disheveled but yet still perfect hair and his eyes squinted at the brightness of the day seeping in through the windows as he lifted up on his elbows.

“Indeed it is. Would you like a cup?” He nodded and stretched.

“How do you like it? Creamer? sugar?”

“Kinky.” he said and smirked lazily, plopping down onto his pillow as we laughed.

“I like coffee with my creamer.” I smiled thinking how that was how I liked it too. Knowing this, I knew that maybe a half a spoon would be enough to flavor it to perfection. I pulled the fridge open and saw that there were a different kind of creamer flavors for everyone that was on the bus.

“Uh…which ones yours?” I asked amused.

“Pumpkin Spice.” He mumbled and then got up, walking to the small table behind me and sitting. I finished his coffee and spun around, setting it in front of him and turned back around to flip the bacon.

“Thanks Heather.”

“Mhmm.” I said and mixed the pancake batter together and took the bacon out of the skillet.

“Ooh my God that smells so GOOD!” I heard Gabe yell from the back of the bus. Kellin and I laughed yet no one came. I made plates for all of them after everything was finished and poured them all cups of coffee, making them how they like them according to what Kellin told me and then sat down with Kellin, setting his breakfast in front of him.

“I could get used to this.” He said and smiled to me. It did real like it was going to be a really good day. And considering what had happened to Kellin last night, I wished it an even better day for him. I felt so clingy already. But I was honestly just trying to be a good friend. All of the guys walked out at the same time. Jesse was the only one to stop and look at his plate and then look to me.

“What…is there something wrong?” I asked actually kind of worried. Maybe he didn't like pancakes or…something was bound to be wrong with it. But he surprised me when he smiled and ruffled my hair.

“Your alright kid.” He said and then turned back around grabbing his plate and walking to the couch to watch what Jack had turned on the TV. Gabe smiled to me as he sat with his plate with us at the table.

“I think your all forgetting something.” Kellin called to them ands they all turned and smiled. Then they all got up and walked to me.

“Thank you Heather.” they all said and kissed my cheek on the way back to their seats. And then last was Kellin, his pretty little lips leaving the cutest kiss on my cheek. I swear I would have flown had I been the lucky owner of some wings.

“Your welcome guys.” I said and smiled to myself looking down at my plate, sure that I was blushing as red as a tomato.

A lot of times I think back to when I had my days of self harm, of self emotional torture, and I think about how I would go on long walks and listen to Kellin sing so beautifully into my ears. Being here was amazing not only because they were my favorite band, but somehow I always felt that at no matter what time, whenever I met any of the boys or all of the m together I knew that instantly we would all be friends. They're just like us. I dont know how much I have to stress that. They're normal like us. Emotional torturers like us just looking for a place to put the pain and change it to happiness. This is what they were doing with us. This is what they probably didn't know they were saving me from. From a life I was living that was giving me more pain than ever. And they were taking it all away, just by existing.

Notes

Sorry for the wait guys. I was having just a small bit of difficulty figuring out what to write about lol So tell me what you think! I hope your enjoying this. If any of you have any suggestions or requests or anything then be sure to let me know :) As always, Comment, Subscribe, blah blah, y'all know the drill. Much love and happy writing :)