Through the Lens

Kellin caught up with Jaime and I a few moments later and offered to take me back to the hotel. I was a mess. A literal mess. Makeup smudged all over my face and my hands wet from tears as well as blood from me gripping my hands too tightly and my nails digging into my skin.
No one could find Tony and he wasn't answering his phone.

I don't even remember the taxi ride to the hotel. I wasn't sure if it was because I was drunk or from the sadness. No, it was definitely the sadness. The whole situation completely killed my buzz.

What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?

Over and over again I asked myself the same question in my head.

"Rax, you okay?" A concerned voice rang.

I snapped back into reality as I looked to see Kellin standing next to me in the elevator of the hotel. He looked sober now.

My own eyes were red from crying, they stung. My heart stung. My head hurt. I was in so much physical pain. I didn't even know if I could talk to answer him.

"Sorry... probably not the best question to ask right now..." He sighed looking away from me. I knew he felt bad. He was drunk. We've all done stupid things when we were drunk but Tony only saw his lips on mine and that was all he needed to see.

A dinging sound was heard as the elevator stopped and the doors opened on the 4th floor of the hotel. We walked out and towards my room. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up and all of this just be a bad dream.

Finally we got to my room and I fumbled around for the card key in my purse. I was frustrated and upset and it definitely showed. I found the key and put it into the slot to unlock it quickly. It clicked and I opened the door. Before I walked in, my eyes looked to Kellin as he stood there with his hands in his pockets looking guilty as he stared at the floor.

So many thoughts were going through my head. I could only imagine what was going through his.

"Kellin..." I whispered.

His eyes slowly looked up to meet mine. He almost looked as if he were going to cry. "Rax..." he whispered back. A tear definitely fell from his eye.

I shook my head. "No need to apologize anymore. What's done is done..." I sighed.

He took a step forward and hugged me tightly. His arms around me felt nice, the hug was comforting. I knew he was sorry and I had already forgiven him, but I knew it would take Tony a while to forgive both of us.

He pulled away and looked at me, his hands on my shoulders. "Will you be okay?"

"I'm not sure..." I looked away trying to avoid eye contact, because I felt as if I were about to cry too.

"If you need someone, I'm just down the hall, alright?" He smiled slightly and pulled me in for another hug.

I nodded into his chest and hugged him back tightly. I didn't want him to let go. I didn't want to be alone tonight. All the thoughts that were going through my head were all happening at once and it made me overthink like crazy. I always had a way of doing that in every situation.

He let me go and stepped back, giving me a little wave as he walked down the hallway towards his room.

I stood there and watched him leave and finally retreated back into my room.

After getting ready for bed, taking off my makeup and getting into my pajamas, I laid down into my bed. It didn't feel warm like it usually did. It wasn't as comfortable. I missed him already. I sighed and buried myself into the white and fluffy hotel blankets and propped myself up with the pillows behind my head. I reached for my phone on the night table and noticed I had a text from Trista.

'How's Mikey? :)' It read.

I sighed. I didn't know how he was at the moment since I wasn't at the venue anymore.

'Probably drunk with the guys. I left from the venue early. Kellin brought me back.' I replied.

A few moments later, there was a notification sound from her again.

'Feeling okay?' She asked.

'Not really. More mental than physical.' Sent.

That was a lie.

'Scratch that. It's everything.' Sent.

Another message arrived.

'What's wrong?'

'Kellin kissed me. He was drunk. Tony saw. The end.' I felt guilty just texting it.

'Call me. Now.'

I knew she was going to do that. I rolled my eyes and gave in to my best friends demand and I pressed the call button in the upper right corner of my phone screen. it only took one ring and she picked up.

"You kissed Kellin?" Trista sighed into the phone.

"He kissed me... and Tony saw. Trista, I feel so fucking guilty, you have no idea..." I felt my headache approaching again and I placed my hand onto my forehead.

"He didn't let you explain?" She asked.

"Of course not. He was furious. Said 'we're done' and ran out. Kellin had to bring me back to the hotel because I was such a mess." I shut my eyes, immediately feeling all of the guilt come back.

"Give him a bit to calm down. I'm sure he's mad right now, but once he calms down I'm sure he'll want to sit and talk about what happened." She tried to be optimistic. Usually it worked with me, but not right now.

"I don't know, he seemed pretty sure about his decision..."

Was he sure? Was he never going to let me explain? God dammit.

"Hey, look at it this way... if he's an asshole about it, I'll tell Mike to shove a stick up his ass." She giggled.

"He might actually already do that without either of us asking to." I chuckled a bit, remembering that Mike said he would kick Tony's ass if he needed to.

"Just get to sleep. Isn't it late there?" She asked.

"Yeah, a little passed midnight." I looked at the digital clock on the night table.

"Text me when you're up, alright? Night."

"Night, Trista."

We hung up.

Notes

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!!! Please review and subscribe! I honestly get so excited when I see people subscribing and commenting, makes we want to write even more! :3