Through the Lens

I tried to sleep, but every time my eyes would close I would see Tony with the shock and disappointment on his face. I tossed and turned and couldn't get comfortable. This was the worst part, the physical pain it was putting me in. It wasn't just in my head anymore. My brain was starting to grab at my skin and bruise it. I rolled over once again to look at the clock on the night table. 3:13am. I sighed and pulled the blankets over my head. I just want sleep. God dammit.

There was a knock on my door that made me nearly jumped out of my bed. I even made a little squeak because I wasn't expecting it. It was probably Kellin checking up on me. Maybe even Jaime. I'm sure the boys would be back by now.

I got up and walked to the door. I flicked the light switch on that was right next to it. I unlocked the door quietly and opened it a crack and was even more shocked by who stood there.

"Tony...?" I questioned, opening the door a bit wider.

He was standing there biting his lower lip with his hands in his pockets and looking at me... nervously?

"Hey, Rax... you weren't sleeping, right?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No... haven't really been able to sleep. Just sorta staring at the ceiling."

"Typical." He let out a little chuckle. Oh, that adorable laugh... "Can I... come in? If not, it's f-"

"Please." I opened the door more and stood to the side to let him in.

He nodded and took a few steps into my room and I closed the door behind him.

I didn't know what to say to him yet. I wanted to sleep first, but I couldn't push him away. I walked over towards the window and stood there, just looking out down to the street below. It was late, but the streets were still active with people walking and driving. I wondered to myself, who else was having a night like mine?

"Rax-"

"Tony-"

We looked at each other as we both had started to talk at the same time.

"Um, you first." I whispered.

"Ladies first..." Tony protested.

"No, Tony. You came here to talk to me and you didn't have to. You obviously have something you want to say." I turned my eyes to look back out the hotel window.

There was a moment of silence. Maybe he really was mad and he was going to stay mad. Did he not want to be friends anymore? Did he tell anyone else? What was he going to say? Just say something, Tony.

"I know I was a bit harsh earlier. I just... I saw what I did and didn't ask questions when I should have. I should have stayed and talked to you when you came running after me, and I didn't. So, I'm sorry for that." I saw his reflection in the window as he took a few steps closer to me. "So why were you kissing Kellin?"

I sighed and turned to him to see him standing about 5 feet away from me. His eyes had been focused on the floor, but as soon as I turned his eyes were on me.

"He was drunk. Very drunk actually. I was tipsy and he kissed me. I didn't quite react right away because of the alcohol. I felt horrible and even more horrible when I knew you walked in on it. Kellin apologized a hundred times and he was so upset with himself." I shook my head and now was biting my own lip. "I thought you hated me Tony..."

"I did." he said abruptly. "For a few minutes I did. When I ran out of the venue, I did. I was hurt and angry and I didn't know what to do, so I ran. You didn't follow me and that's when I realized I messed up and I hurt you."

My eyes began to well up with tears and a single tear fell.

He saw and immediately walked up to me and hugged me tightly.

I gave in, right then and there. My knees felt weak and my head felt like it wanted to explode. I broke down crying in his arms.

His hand pet the back of my hair slowly. He then moved his hand to wipe the tears that were falling down my cheeks. Luckily I didn't have makeup on this time. Our bodies were close and it felt nice figuring just a few hours ago I never thought he'd hold me like this again. My arms slowly wrapped around his waist as I held him close. Never again did I want to let go.

He tilted my face up to look at his with his hand on my chin, our faces inches from one another. "Rax, I love you and I am never leaving your side, you got that? You're stuck with me."

I nodded a bit, my bottom lip trembling and a few more tears falling. "... and you're stuck with me."

"Good." he whispered.

His lips pressed against mine. This kiss was different. It was screaming 'forgive me'. My eyes closed and I kissed him back, asking for the same forgiveness in return.

Before I knew it, he had picked me up and brought me over to the bed, gently laying me down as he hovered over me, our lips not wanting to leave each other. I breathed against his lips and I felt his hand begin to move down my side and back up under my shirt.

Our lips parted for air for a moment and he kissed my cheek and neck. I felt his warm breath against my skin on my neck. He paused for a moment and his lips were so close to my skin I could feel him smile. "I love you..."

Notes