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Hidden in Plain Sight

Chapter 16

*Jaime's POV*

My eyes slowly open to the sunlight of my room, unable to remember coming home from the hospital. I don't remember much to be honest. All I can remember and all I can see is her face. Her smile, her eyes, her nose. Her image is tattooed on my mind and it hurts like razor blades. I find myself crying yet again. I honestly don't know how I can still possibly cry after I cried so much last night. I must have cried myself to sleep last night.

I roll over in my bed wiping my eyes on the pillow. I stuff my face in the pillow to try calm my breathing and to my surprise it works. After I've calmed back down, I look at the clock and it's a bit past 8am. I walk to my bathroom and douse my face in water. The soothing feeling washing the stains of my salty tears. I leave my room.

I walk down the hallway into my living room and I get jump slightly not expecting to find what I saw. All the guys and the girls are asleep in my lounge room. Vic and Danielle on one lounge, mike and Alysha on the other. Tony and Erin are on the floor and so is Carly, but on the other side of the room. They are all sound asleep. They're probably all still tired from last night. It would have been a shock for them too. I leave them be.

I walk to the kitchen and make myself a coffee before sitting at the counter. The warmth of the mug reminds me of Jess' warm hands holding mine. The sweetness of the coffee reminds me of the taste of her lips. The steam of the drink reminds me of her short temper when she got mad at me. Everything just seems to remind me of her and it's painful. Don't cry. No more crying. Not yet anyway.

I hear a pair of feet shuffle into the kitchen. It's Vic. He pours himself a cup of coffee and joins me at the counter.

"Hey man, how you feeling?" He asks softly, his voice still croaky.

"I'm not even sure if I can feel anything anymore" is my honest reply.

Vic lays a hand on my shoulder, it's actually somewhat comforting. "I am so sorry man. She was a wonderful girl and we all loved her. We are all going to miss her so much".

"Thanks man. It really means a lot" was all I could press out. "Why are you all here?"

"There was no way we were leaving you alone in the state you were in. We could never do that"

"So you all slept on the floor?" I ask confused.

"Only Tony and Erin did" he smiles a little trying to lighten the mood.

"I saw Carly there too though?" I ask confused.

"Oh yeah, she's still here. I wasn't sure where she ended up falling asleep. She stayed up all night with you. The rest of us had quite a shock ourselves too and we ended up just crashing" Vic explains.

"Wait, Carly stayed up all night? But I don't remember anything"

"Yeah she did. When we brought you home you ran to your room and slammed your door, locking yourself in. We all wanted to come in and make sure you were okay but you wouldn't let us. Carly sat outside your door all night and talked to you from there. Well she talked while you screamed and shouted at her. She sat there for hours until you must have fallen asleep"

Wow. I don't believe it. I don't remember it either. But did Carly really do that. Did I really lock myself in my room and not let anyone else in? But I looked at Vic and he was serious. Everyone else woke up eventually, telling me the exact same thing. She refused to leave me alone. As everyone describes it to me, I start to remember it.

"Jaime! Unlock the door now! Please just let us in!" Carly screamed.

I really wanted to open that door but I was totally numb. I couldn't open it. I couldn't move.

"I cant! I'm sorry! Just leave me here! I've told you so many times to leave me alone why can't you just do that!" I cried so loud. You could hear the pain in my voice.

"Im not leaving you Jaime. I know how much you are hurting right now. Losing a loved one hurts more than words can explain. Jaime you have to let me in, or someone else. We just want to make sure you're okay" she cried to me.

"Just fucking leave me alone won't you! Obviously I'm not fine! I just lost my fucking girlfriend, don't you understand! You have no idea of the amount of absolute fucking pain I am in right now! So don't tell me you know how I feel because you have no fucking clue alright. Just leave me alone" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was so furious, so angered, so upset.

"Jaime," she says ever so calmly. "I know exactly how you are feeing. I know the pain of having someone you love being taken away from you. My mother was killed when I was 7. Being so young I didn't understand and I waited for months for her to come back until I finally understood she wasn't coming back. Jaime, I was in the same amount of pain when I was 7 as you are right now. You may not believe it but I know what you are feeling and you may not want it, but having someone around you will help you more than words can explain. Jaime please just let me in."

It hit me. Her words hit my right in the gut. She really did know how I was feeling. But I stayed silent.

"If you're not going to let me in, i am going to sit right here until you do." She says still so calm.

I am shaken out of my daze by Vic. Everyone stood around me, asking where I just went. I told them that I remembered a bit of what happened last night and asked if that was true and that I really spoke to her like that and that she really did lose her mother. They nod their heads. It really did happen and I felt so bad. I shouldn't have treated her like that. I told them so and they told me that i shouldn't feel bad because the way I acted was so understandable. But I really do have to apologise her.

I stand up and walk into the loungeroom but Carly still lies asleep on the floor. The guys told me that she didn't go to sleep until about 5 in the morning. She's been sleeping for only 3 hours. I can't wake her. So I grab a blanket and a pillow for her and lay them with her. She may not be so comfortable on the floor but I don't want to wake her by moving her. She really needs the rest.

Until Carly woke up, the guys all sat with me. They weren't going to leave my side and deep down, I was so thankful and so grateful. It may have not shown through but I'm sure they would have known. I am so glad to have friends like them. Friends that will not leave me and I would do the same for them.