One Hundred And One Sleepless Nights

Something worse than seeing someone you loved go through emotional pain is explaining to your daughter why her grandpa isn't coming to play. Worse than that is your child's grandma completely blanking everyone out and not talking to anyone. Well, that's what Vivian is doing. Rumour has it she hadn't spoken a word since Victor died. That means she hasn't spoken to Vic. She hasn't spoken to her son.
This is why I can't wear my ring around Vic. Or around Mike. Or Vivian. Or anyone other than Jack and Austin. That's it, no one else knows. Not even Alan, he's still team Vic after all. Besides, there's still so much we need to know about one another. We have all the time in the world. We may have rushed into this, but we're having a long engagement. I think. Definitely.
On the day of the funeral I dropped Alex off to Laurie's house. A funeral is no place for a child. I'm not letting Alex sit there wondering why Victor is being lowered into the ground. After Alex was all settled and forcing Laurie to play teachers with her I headed to Vivian's house. When I parked up I noticed that the cars were already there. There were flowers covering the lawn. I got out and straightened my black skirt suit. Then I placed a huge bouquet of flowers down on the lawn. I smiled sadly and walked inside the house.
Inside there was a mass of black. I've entered the black parade. Time to dye my hair and start marching. I spotted Mike in the corner and went over. I tapped his shoulder and he turned to me. He smiled sadly at me and I tried to smile brightly back. If I'm happy he'll feel better about being sad. I have smiles enough for everyone. Wait! What if he thinks I'm being disrespectful. I'm so bad at this grieving lark.
"How are you?" I asked, the smile going away.
"I'm not so good." Wow, stupid question, Zee.
"I meant are you coping?" I rushed.
"Best as I can... with Mom." Mike shrugged.
"She still not talking?" I asked and Mike shook his head. Suddenly he sniffed and I started to panic. A crying Vic is bad enough! I pulled Mike to me and forced him into a hug. Hugs are the cure for crying. Or sometimes the cause. Maybe.
"Zee," I heard Laura say. "Nice to see you." she said as Mike dry sobbed.
"You too. Your hair is looking nice. Did you get a hair cut?" I asked casually.
"Yeah, thanks." Laura smiled. Then I passed Mike onto her. He's her problem now.
I saw Vivian moodily glaring around the room. If it wasn't for her black dress you wouldn't know anything was wrong. Vic walked out behind her and buried his hands deep inside his pockets. I went over to him and Vic looked up.
"Are you okay?" I asked anxiously. Vic only shrugged and went to reply, but stopped himself. I hope he doesn't cry too. I pulled Vic into a quick hug and kissed his cheek gently.
But out of the corner of my eye I saw Vivian about to slip outside. I sighed and left Vic standing on his own. He's used to it, I'm a runner. I followed Vivian out into the back yard. She had her back to me.
"Vivian." I said once I'd reached her. She looked at me and turned her gaze to the floor again.
"Zandra." she greeted me.
"You're talking now?" I raised my eyebrows making her roll her eyes. Lovely. "Look, I'm really sorry about what happened. I really am. But your sons really need their mother right now." I said.
"You're lecturing me?" she mocked. I truly despise this woman.
"You need to be there for Vic and Mike." I snapped.
"I don't need to do anything," Vivian hissed. "I will handle it how I want. Just like Vic and Mike can do the same."
"You're their mother!" I exclaimed. She looked at me as if to say so. "You need to grow up!" I finally snapped. I shook my head angrily and left her to stew.
Not long after I went back inside everyone was called to move onto the church. I'm not important to go into the car so I drove. When I arrived at the church I noticed there were a lot of people that I didn't actually know. I only ever brushed the surface of Vic's family really.
I went to take my seat with Laura, Alan, Leah, Jemma and Austin. I'm not sure where Vic and Mike are. I saw Vivian in the front row. She looks like someone's hit her, if someone saw me follow her people are going to talk.
Music started up and everyone stood up. I turned back and saw the doors open. Vic and Mike were standing carrying the coffin with their brother behind them and more people I've never met. Vic wasn't looking at anyone, I don't think he wanted to.
When they had reached the front Vic came to sit down. He was sitting by Vivian. So was Mike. The priest was talking now but I wasn't really paying attention. I never do at these things, it upsets me. I don't like the idea of them reading the same service with almost the same prayers everyday. Victor was his own person. He was unique and kind and gentle and an individual. He doesn't deserve to have a service millions of other people have had. That's just my two cents though.
With all the standing and sitting and praying and pretending to be listening I'd completely zoned out. Leah had smacked me around the head and I glared at her. She pointed to the front and I saw everyone looking at me. What's up with them?
"Your speech." Austin said. I started to search my pockets. Shit, where is my speech?! Austin handed it to me. Oh.
"Thanks." I muttered.
I stood up and walked over to the podium. I looked out and everyone was watching me. I don't even know a lot of them. "I'm Zandra. Victor was my daughter's grandfather. She wanted to write him a letter. She's not here today, so I said I'd read it," I explained. I cleared my throat and unfolded Alex's letter. "Mommy said you were sick. Jack came to play and when Mommy got back she was sad. Daddy came home and was sad too. So is Grandma. I want to make everyone better again. I wish you were better and we could do all of the fun things we do.
"Mommy told me it doesn't work, but I still wished. You were fun and nice and would buy me lots. You never shouted at Grandma even when she was being mean. I don't get why you had to go away. Nice people should stay forever. But you didn't.
"Mommy said I'll see you again one day. But I don't want to wait. I love you too much and I your face and smell. Photos don't smell or give me hugs and kisses. But Mommy said you're all better now and sleeping. I want nice dreams to come and for you to sleep and sleep... with no alarm clocks. Now your heart is okay again and that's good. Even if I miss you. Sweet dreams and let the angels kiss the pain all better, like the doctors tried to do." I finished. I looked up trying not to get all emotional. But everyone else was emotional. Everyone was crying! Shit! Was it bad? Or was it good? Maybe it was just sad.
I looked at Vic and saw him crying. Oh no. I hate seeing him cry. He usually never cries. Or not that much. I nodded to everyone and went over to Vic. Polly isn't here, I can't let him be all lonely. I took his hand and Vic looked at me. He sniffed and smiled sadly. I wrapped my arms around him and Vic cried into my neck.
We eventually sat down. I went to go back to my seat but Vic wouldn't let me. He had his arm wrapped around me. I think he just needed someone to hold. The priest carried on talking and preaching until it was time to move on. Everyone was told to head outside.
I walked with Vic out to the graveyard and followed everyone. Vic broke away from me to stand near the front. I felt a tap on my shoulder and saw Jemma. "Hey." I smiled.
"Have you told him about being engaged?" Jemma asked. I widened my eyes at her.
"How do you know?"
"Austin." she shrugged.
"Who else knows?"
"No one..." she trailed away.
"Who else knows?" I demanded.
"Alan and Jemma."
"I'll kill Austin. Is that it?" I asked.
"Promise." Jemma nodded.
"And no I haven't. I can't tell him with all this going on." I explained.
"Hmm... true. I think that's wise," Jemma agreed. "Where's Polly?"
"I don't know." I shrugged.
We stood for a while until people started to leave the graveside. I saw Vivian talking with Mike and Vic. Until she left with Mike to head to the wake. I went to stand by Vic and took his hand. "Let's get out of here." Vic sighed tiredly.
"How you feeling?" I asked cautiously as we started to walk away from the grave.
"Tired. I wish I could just go home," he told me. "Happy that the burial and service is over though I guess." Vic admitted.
"I know," I nodded. "Where's Polly? Did she stay in England?" I tried to drop in casually.
"She's in England," Vic sighed. "We're not getting married, Zee. The engagements off, we split up." he explained. I just stood there open mouthed like a big, wet fish. They're not together. Is he serious? Oh, shit. He is!
"I'm sorry." I told him.
"It's for the best. It wouldn't have worked out, what with my feelings," Vic countered. "What about you though?"
"Me?" I asked confused.
"You had a ring on the other night. There's only one type of diamond ring you wear on your wedding finger." Damn it, he caught me.
"We're engaged," I tried to be casual. But it totally didn't work. "But we're not getting married for ages! It'll be a long engagement. It'll be months. Years in fact. I'm even considering a decade," I rushed, falling over my words. "Only Austin, Jemma, Alan and Leah know. Not even Kate knows."
"Don't copy me."
"I'm not." I laughed.
"But you don't love him," Vic snapped. "You're so hypocritical."
"Vic, stop. Can we not do this?" I groaned.
"So you love Jack?" Vic asked disbelievingly.
"I do." I confirmed.
"You love me more." the arrogant bastard stated.
"I- Vic, I-" I tried. But I couldn't. He was right.
"Do you?"
"I think you know the answer." I looked down and pulled my hand from his.
"I never fought for you," Vic said through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry I never fought for you."
"I fought for you," I stated. "Wow, you really are an asshole, Vic." I shook my head. I was starting to get mad at him again. I didn't want to be mad with him today, not on Victor's day.
"You should go. I want to stay here a little longer." Vic rushed tightly and turned to walk back.
"Vic!" I tried, but he was already storming back to Victor's grave.

Notes

Hey! Wow, sorry I didn't update yesterday! This chapter was only half written then. But I finished it up - I didn't check it over though so there's probably lots of auto corrects and weird words in there. I'll edit tomorrow, but I know a lot of you wanted me to post. So here you go! What did you think? Who cried? And what about Vic? Do you what Jack? Has anyone jumped ships yet? Also something I wanted to talk about that I never last time was Polly. What's your opinion on her? I'm interested because after the story I'm going to write a long ass note about the characters and my intention on Polly being in the story and what I wanted from her. So look for that. Much love! xo