One Hundred And One Sleepless Nights

Vic's P.O.V.

Wake up. Eat. Go for a run. Get coffee. Eat. Sulk for an hour or four. Eat. Sleep. That's all I do all day. It's the same thing, it's been like that for months. Every other day I'll watch some porn too. God knows I'm not getting anything off of Polly. She'd have to talk to me for us to do any of that.
Honestly I hate England. I miss home. I miss the heat and the city and the people. Most of all I miss the people. There's no one here I can talk to. Sure I know guys, but they're busy... unlike me. Not that I'd tell anyone that. My parents think I love it here. So does Mike. Even if I liked it here I'd never be happy. Alex is so far away. I can't be happy without my princess.
Polly's noticed. How could she not? I can tell by the way she keeps looking over at me. She passed me as she was tidying around the sitting room. But she didn't say anything, she just carried on. I can't believe she used to hold me when I complained to her about Zee. I don't even think she would hold my hand now.
My phone rang and I met Polly's eyes. She looked startled, like we'd both forgotten how loud sound actually is. I saw it was Mike and answered. "Hey! What's up?" I asked brightly. I always do when he calls.
"Hi Vic. You busy?" Mike asked. He sounded sad.
"No. Why?"
"I think you should come home." he sighed.
"Why? I love it here!" I exclaimed. I knew it was a lie, Polly did too.
"Dad's sick. He got admitted to San Diego hospital last night." Mike explained.
I stood up and gripped my phone tighter. "What's wrong?" I asked urgently.
"His heart. It's under a lot of strain. I really think you should come back."
"Is it that bad?" I muttered.
"I don't want to say yeah. But you should come." he urged.
"I'll get a flight. I'll get a flight and come." I breathed.
"Okay, I'll see you soon. When you're here." Mike said.
"Yeah, look after him." I said.
"I will." Mike replied simply and hung up.
I breathed hard through my nose and pulled at my hair. What if I don't get there in time? I have to. I can't not. But he'll be okay. I don't need to worry. He'll be fine. Polly came over to me and took my hand. I recoiled from the contact, I'm not used to it anymore.
"What's wrong, Vic?" she asked gently. She handed me a tissue. I realised I was crying. I shrugged and wiped my eyes viciously with the back of my hand.
"It's my dad," I told her. "He's in hospital. I need to go back and see him." I rushed.
"Will he be okay?" Polly asked calmly.
"I don't know." I said my voice choked. And I didn't know. I only hoped.
"When do you need to go?" she asked.
"Now." I replied.
"I-" Polly went to say but stopped, a frown forming on her face. "Go get your things. I'll get you an emergency flight." she smiled. It dawned on me then just why I loved her.
"Thanks." I mumbled.
I went into our room and started packing my case. I was throwing random things inside. I saw a picture of Polly and I. It was just after Christmas. We were happy then. I loved her I really did, but I didn't feel a need to pack the photo.
I went back into the sitting room and found her just getting off the phone. She handed me my passport and a sheet of paper. "You can check in in an hour." Polly said.
"Okay." I said in thanks. I pulled my jacket on and started sorting through my wallet. She stopped me and I looked down at her.
"Vic?" she muttered.
"What?" I frowned. "I need to go."
"I'll send your things to you." she said.
"But I have what I need and-"
"No," she sighed tiredly. "Vic, I'll send everything to you."
"You don't want me to come back." I stated. There was a lump in my throat that was hard to swallow. She didn't want me.
"It's not that I don't want you to. Fucking hell, Vic. I love you. But you hate it here. You're not happy." she reasoned seriously.
"You can come," I rushed. "We can go back and you can find a job. I know I said I wanted you home with me, but you can get a job. We'll sort everything. My dad will get better and we can have a welcome back party." I tried. The fantasy was nice. But it wasn't real.
"Vic, I'm the reason you're not happy. Going back to San Diego won't change a thing. You'll never be happy with me." she said, her voice heavy. It was like the weight of all the shit I've caused was resting on her shoulders.
"No, you make me happy. I swear you do. I love you." I said desperately.
"I love you. But it's not enough. You'll never love me enough. Not more than you love her."
"Her? There isn't a her." That was another lie.
"Zandra."
"Zee and I aren't together," I said sadly. "I'm trying, Polly. Damn it I'm trying."
"The reason you and Zandra aren't together is because of me." Polly said thickly.
"Zee doesn't want me."
"You never fought for her!" Polly exclaimed. "If you wanted her - really wanted her - you should have fought. You should fight."
"Zandra makes you happy. I want you happy, Vic. I want you to fight for Zandra and be happy."
"I want you happy," I told her. "You should be."
"Then go... It's okay." she sighed.
I pulled Polly to me and she hugged me. I placed a kiss down on her head and held her tighter. Throughout everything she hasn't been selfless. But I've been worse. I've been so selfish. But Polly has stood by me. Now she is selfless. She wants me to be happy. The least I could do was to let her move on.
"I'll miss you." I said.
Then it was over. I grabbed my things and walked out of the apartment. I went down to my car and got inside. I started driving towards the airport, my knuckles turning white on the steering wheel. Everything was so final. That was proved when I parked up at the airport. As I approached the check in desk inside I felt part of me dying. But that was okay.

The flight was long. I was constantly checking the time. Then when I landed I had to hail a cab. I didn't bother going home. I took my case with me in the hospital. I left it at the desk and searched for the ward. I was taken up to the third floor by a nurse when she left me. I was on my own. I walked down a corridor and stopped. I knew I was in the right place. Zee was sat outside a room.
When I got closer I could see her better. She was crying heavily, gasping for air. Her hands covered her face and she was shaking. I stepped closer and she looked up. Her eyes widened and she ran to me. Zee wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her.
"Vic," she choked. "You came. You're here."
"Of course I am," I said. "Is my dad in there? How's he doing?" I asked. Zee pulled me to her even tighter. My face was forced into the crook of her neck.
"I'm sorry." Zee whispered. That's all she said. But it created so much upset inside me.
"He's okay." I muttered against her neck.
"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I saw him. He sounded so sick. I told him you were coming. But he couldn't..."
"When?" I gasped.
"An hour ago at most." she admitted.
"I was too late." I said shakily. I let out a sob and buried my face into her neck.
"It's not your fault," Zee rushed. "He still loved you. He promised me. He loved you." she told me gently.
I stayed like that for a while. I felt better with my face buried in her neck. With my skin touching hers. But eventually I had to wake up and face what was happening. "Can I?" I asked Zee. She nodded and took my hand, squeezing it before we pulled away.
"I'm right outside. I'm not going anywhere." she promised.
I nodded mutely and headed to the door. I walked inside the room and my eyes went straight to the bed. I saw my dad, his eyes closed, his skin discolouring. The smile he always wore was wiped off of his ageing face. Even now he was handsome. He was my papa.
As I approached the bed and held his cold, dead hand I head crying. I looked and saw Mike, with tears running down his cheeks and he held my mom. She was distraught. There was no light in her eyes anymore. I averted my eyes back and placed a quick kiss on my fathers forehead.
"I told him you were coming." Mike said, his throat tight. He let go of my mom for a moment and came over to me. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight.
"I shouldn't have left. I'd be here then." I rushed.
"It's okay. Don't blame yourself." Mike told me.
"I have to blame someone." I admitted. I looked at Mom and Mike looked at her sadly.
"She hasn't spoken a word since it happened." Mike said.
A nurse came in and looked at us solemnly. She pulled the sheet over Dad's head and nodded silently before she left again. "You should go." I told Mike.
"You sure?" he asked.
"Take Mom home. I'll sort things here and come to you soon." I said. Mike nodded and went to Mom. He helped her stand and guided her out of the room.
Once I was sure they were gone I fell to my knees. "I'm sorry," I cried harder. "I'm so so sorry. It's my fault. Forgive me please, papa."
"It isn't your fault," Zee said. I turned and saw her standing in the doorway. She came over to me and knelt next to me. "I have you." she said, wrapping her arms around me.
"Don't tell me it'll be okay." I snapped.
"I won't," she shrugged. "It won't be okay. But it'll be different." she said. I realised that it was true too. It's not going to get better or easier. But it'll change and be different. Right now it's the same. I'm in the thick of it and I haven't even started grieving and it sucks.
I looked down and saw Zee letting me cling to her. Her fingers were digging comfortably into me. And so was something else. On her left hand on her wedding finger was a white gold band with a cluster of silver diamonds. It was big and overly shiny.
"Where's Alex?" I eventually asked.
"She's at mine with Jack." Zee explained.
I don't have anyone, not even Zee.

Notes

Hey! What did you think? Who's crying right now?! Are you sad it's coming to an end? I love all the feedback you're giving me, it means so much to me. Thank you! How would you like this story to end and what will happen to Vic? :)