One Hundred And One Sleepless Nights

I've come to visit Alan. It's been a pretty long drive considering my car radio broke half way there. But I'm glad I've finally arrived. From what I can tell he's been pretty secluded from the outside world. I guess they're worried that contact will throw him off of the wagon.
After I'd parked up I went over to the doors. It all seemed pretty institutionalised. There's a special buzzer to get in. I had to tell them my name and purpose before the doors even opened. I headed for the reception and looked around. It looked very clinical. There were white tiles on the floor, off white walls and a white ceiling.
"Hello?" the woman on reception asked me brightly.
"Hi. I'm seeing Alan Ashby." I explained.
"Oh, yes. Zandra Knight?"
"That's me." I smiled.
"I'll just get someone to talk you down to him." she said and pushed a visitors badge across the counter. I took it and saw a woman in a white nurses uniform coming towards me.
"Zandra?" she asked.
"Yeah." I replied.
"I'm Mary. I've been the one working with Alan mostly when he's not attending appointments here." she explained.
"Oh, hi. How is he?" I asked.
"Let's go and see." she said and urged me along. I followed her down the corridor and looked around me. There were framed words of encouragement on the walls. They said things like 'Take Back Your Mind' and 'There Is Hope In Recovery'.
Mary took me to a room and knocked the door lightly. She opened it and walked inside. I followed her and saw Alan hanging upside down off of his bed. That's why he's so childish, all this blood has permanently rushed to his head.
"Alan, Zandra has come to see you." Mary told him.
"Hey." Alan smiled, sitting up straight.
"I'll leave you two to talk. Please, call me if you need me." Mary said and left us, but the door was still open. I went to sit down next to Alan on his bed. I sat back and Alan grinned at me.
"How's the vacation?" I asked dryly.
"It's great!" Alan exclaimed and punched me lightly in the arm.
"I want to hug you." I said.
"Everyone does," he nodded knowledgeably. I wrapped my arms around Alan and sighed. "I've missed you, Zee." he admitted.
"I've missed you too, Al'. So so so much! It's not the same without you. You always make me happy and you're always smiling."
"Stop," he ordered. "Stop right there. Stop being overly nice to me, everyone has been."
"But I'm a nice person."
"You're not." Alan disagreed.
"They say you're here for another year?" I mocked.
"See, that's better. You're being you again," Alan said. "What's been going down with you and Vic then?" he asked. He knows, somehow he knows. Saying that, there's always something going on between Vic and I.
"Vic.. He's going away maybe." I admitted.
"On vacation?" Alan asked. I shook my head no. "Like forever?" Alan gasped.
"Yeah.." I trailed away.
"Where to?"
"England." I said and swallowed hard.

As Vic stepped into my apartment Alex ran to play in her room. Vic gave me a small smile and I frowned. He wasn't due to come around. Vic went into the sitting room and I followed him. I sat down and Vic watched me carefully.
"What?" I asked. He shook his head and I sighed. "I haven't done anything, I promise. I swear I have plausible deniability."
"No, you've done nothing." Vic shrugged.
"Then what's up?"
"I'm leaving Zee." he said. I was waiting for him to laugh, but he didn't. He never does when we have these serious conversations.
"What do you mean you're leaving?" I finally built up the courage to ask.
"Polly and I... We're going to England. We need some time, you know together alone with no one getting in between us. There's a house we're interested in," Vic explained. "Plus, it'd be a great opportunity for the band. You know, becoming well known in Europe."
"Bullshit!" I laughed humourlessly. "This has nothing to do with the band. You said it, it's for you and Polly. Your band are here, Vic. So are your parents and your friends," I swallowed hard. "So is Alex."
"I've thought all this over. I can fly to see Alex. I can skype her and my friends and family. This is make or break, Zee. If I don't do this I don't have a marriage."
"What about me?" I rushed. "What about Alex? Do we mean nothing?"
"Ask me to stay. Make me stay." Vic said desperately.
"Vic," I muttered, my voice choked. "I want you, I swear I do. But I can't do that. Don't you dare out that on my shoulders." I said thickly.
"I'm sorry," he sighed and rubbed his face hard. "If I'm anything I'm sorry."

"Wow." Alan gasped.
"I know." I nodded.
"Are you going to make him stay?"
"I can't do that." I shook my head.
"Zee, he's the only guy you've had any attraction to or any physical contact with for years."
"Well..." I said awkwardly.
"What?" he rushed.
"There's Jack."
"Jack who?" Alan frowned.
"Barakat." I said timidly.
"Since when has there been a Kat?" Alan asked me. "I thought it was a New Years hook up."
"It kind of was. But then Jack and I started hanging out and we were friends. And stuff has just been sort of... Developing. I like him, Alan."
"But you don't like people." he countered.
"I know." I said grimly.
"Have you hooked up since New Years?" Alan asked.
"Not hooked up..." I trailed away.

Jack pulled me outside and under a street lamp. We sat down on the kerb and I laughed at the grin that was on his face. "You look so happy." I teased.
"So do you." he told me.
My eyes went from his eyes to his lips. I chewed anxiously on my bottom lip and Jack squeezed my hand. He started to lean in and his finger tickled the nape of my neck. His lips met mine and I kissed him back. My arms went around his neck, breaking our hands apart. Jack pulled me close to his chest and kissed me deeper.
When he pulled away he rested his head on my shoulder. "You know why I like you?" Jack asked.
"Um my fantastic sense of humour?" I offered.
"No, that's on the reasons to not like you list." he countered.
"What? Why?" I demanded.
"Too sarcastic." he chuckled.
"I am not!" I exclaimed and made him look up at me.
"You are."
"Sarcasm is endearing."
"Is not."
"Shut up." I giggled and pecked his lips.
"I like you because you don't care. You have Alex and you have all your friends and all this drama going on in your life, yet you just take it as it comes. You're different to who you used to be. But I like it," Jack explained sweetly. "Oh, and you're hot!"
"Thanks." I giggled.
"Do you like me back?" Jack asked, suddenly nervous and kind of adolescent like.
"God, you really didn't go to college. Did you?"
"Huh?" he frowned.
"I like you." I rolled my eyes.
"Do you wanna do it?"
"Do what?" I asked, confused.
"Go out to dinner with me?"
"Yeah, okay." I smiled stupidly.

"Damn, Zee. So you have two guys. Vic who let's be honest would have you chained to his bed if it wasn't for Polly. And Jack who's come into the picture with the promise of a free meal. I know who I'd pick." Alan said.
"I've got an idea," I grinned. "Let's put a wig on you and a few balls down your shirt then you can get chained to the bed, and I'll go have the free meal." I suggested.
"I meant I'd pick the meal."
"I know," I stuck my tongue out at him. "Seriously though, what should I do? Go with Jack or wait forever for Vic."
"I have an idea!" Alan exclaimed.
"Oh?"
"Let's make a list."
"Why?"
"I make a lot of lists now. It's part of my therapy," he explained. Alan went to get some paper and a pen and came back to me. He wrote Vic on one side and Jack on the other. Then he added for and against columns. "So Jack." Alan urged.
"He's sweet and funny and understanding. He's great with Alex too. And he's even blown off his band for me. He's hot as well, and good in bed. There's lots more."
"Okay, and bad?"
"Um... I don't know," I mumbled. "He ignored me once. I guess I don't know him well enough to know all the bad stuff yet."
"Right, so Vic?"
"He's difficult, short tempered, he isn't understanding, he's cheated on me, he's been a complete dick to me and everyone around him, he didn't see, Alex for an entire week because he was sulking and he cares more about the band than his daughter and family." I ranted.
"Anything else?" Alan asked, writing everything down.
"On, yeah! And he never let's me finish." I added.
"And the good?"
"Good?" I echoed.
"Yeah, there must be something, Zee." Alan reasoned.
I sat and thought for a while. "Still not getting anything." I said.
"You obviously find him attractive. He's Alex's father. And he loves you."
"Oh yeah," I muttered. "But he obviously can't love me that much. He went and got engaged."
"Open your eyes," Alan sighed. "Zee, when he was in Germany he didn't choose Polly because he fell madly in love. He chose her because she was there and she was willing. She might as well have 'Rebound' tattooed to her forehead. Plus, before I got in here Vic and I went out for a drink. He told me he hasn't been happy for months." he explained.
"Really?" I asked timidly.
"Yeah," Alan nodded. "So just really think all this over." he said. I nodded to myself.
Then the door was opened. I saw Mary walk back inside and look over at Alan. "Time to see your psychiatrist." she said.
"Already?" Alan asked and she nodded. "I'll see you when I get out, Zee." he told me. I nodded and stood up. I wrapped my arms around Alan and squeezed him. He kissed the top of my head gently before he tickled my side.
"I'll miss you."
"Me too," Alan replied. "Tell everyone I said hey."
"I will," I promised. "Make sure you don't give Mary too much trouble." I added.
"I'm no trouble. I keep her young." he grinned. Mary rolled her eyes for my benefit.
"Bye Al'." I waved.
"Bye Zee. Kiss Alex for me."
"I will." I promised and left him.
I headed for reception and after dropping my badge off I went outside and to my car. When I was settled I took a few deep breaths. I rested my head on the steering wheel for a while before I finally geared myself up to take out my phone. I've decided and I need to stick to it. I called them and waited anxiously. Please pick up.
"Hey?" they asked.
"Hi."
"It's me." I said.
"I know." he replied.
"Look, I'm sorry," I told him. "But I can't do it. I wish I could but I can't."
"Why not?"
"I'm seeing someone, Vic," I eventually told him. "I really want it to work with this guy. He's been treating me so well and Alex loves him."
"Oh..." Vic trailed away.
"So, I called to tell you... If you want to really make it work with Polly and you want to go to England then go. Do it. I'll be okay, and so will Alex. You can go." I finished.
"Thank you, Zee." Vic said simply. I waited for him to say something else but it never did come. I waited a while too, before the line finally went dead.

Notes

Hey everyone! Wow, thank you all for the advice from the last chapter. I'm so happy you're all sticking with me! But anyway, what did you think? Favourite line? Vic is leaving! Who thinks Zee made the wrong decision?

A few other things I need your help on. For the first I'm calling on all my American peeps. Wanking off. Yay or nay? I'm not asking if it's moral. In one of my stories I use the term wanking off. Do you use that often or should I change it to jerking off?

Next you should go read said story. It's a story that has probably gotten the least interest out of all of my others. It's called We Breathe, Don't Leave and is part three in a series thingy. The previous story links are in the summary. I think the reason not as many people have been into it is because of the genre. It isn't scary, but there are ghosts and demons and psychic people featured in it. It's a story that I actually love. It's also a Vic/OC. Please do me a favour and go check it out and leave me some feedback. Pretty please!

Also I'm offering help on some of your stories. I'm not trying to sound all arrogant because I'm really not. But people have messaged me asking for me to help them on their stories. I don't have the energy to actually do any writing but I'm basically improving what you already have and helping with plot and basically trying to get you more interest/readers/votes/subscribers/make it a better story in general if I can. If you're interested message me please! I'd love to work with more and more people. If you want to see my system I can show you a little sample of what I usually do when people ask for my help.

And last on the agenda for today! I was browsing the fanfiction tag on tumblr, looking for an old post I made and found someone had linked my story telling everyone to read it and how good it is. Your URL has slipped my mind but I know your icon is something to do with American Horror Story. Thank you so much! Let me know who you are, I know you probably made that post agggggges ago but I only just found it. If you ever post about me or my stories I'll always find it and reblog! I'm actually thinking about posting when I update on my tumblr so go follow me! (Link in my bio!).

I think that's it. Wow, long note alert. I hope I didn't bore you. I love you all. Stay safe and if you're a fellow UK dude then enjoy the sun. God knows that's what I'm doing! :)