|June 2014|

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I watch as Issues rock another performance. Michael is up and well, still screaming like he had never been hit by my driving.

“Ask what I see in you. I don't see nothing, I see right through.

You're transparent I know you don't wanna hear it.

And I don't wanna be the person to slip up and hurt your feelings.

I guess they don't wanna say it to your face but I will cause somebody's gotta put you in your place.

I'm not afraid to scream and shout and freak out and throw my hands up and let it out.

Punk bitch walking tall like you got something to prove.

Nah man, cause deep down you know it sucks to be you.

Stingray Affliction, making small stabs in passing.

But the pain is bigger than it seems.

Stop holding me under and let me breathe...”

“Just let me breathe,”

“The pain is bigger than it seems

A tough guy dies a little inside. Just let me breathe

“The pain is bigger than it seems,”

“Stop holding me under and let me breathe,”

I missed that feeling of being on stage and prancing around all sweaty and close to passing out for thousands of other sweaty people who were close to passing out.

For so long, the only thing I knew was to write, produce, and make music. I used to make people smile and now it’s just sad I’m now stuck to the sidelines.

I have so many chances ahead of me, but why doesn’t any of them seem right? A solo career is what I want, but it feels wrong. Being in a band is what I want, but it’s not my band. Not the band that I form that was together for over five years before we even made one album.

I continued to watch as they ended Stingray Affliction and proceeded with Personality Cult.

“Hey little sis,” An arm was draped around me. I shrugged it off. “What did I do?” he asks, all innocent.

“Uh, how about pretend that your best friend A.K.A my ex-boyfriend isn’t on tour with us and you didn’t have the nerve to tell me?” I asked in annoyance. I heard him sigh.

“Come with me,”

“No. I don’t want to.” I turned to face him with arms crossed.

“Come on El, you can change your name and what not, but that bullshit won’t work with me.” I roll my eyes. “What now Austin?” David asks, looking over my shoulder.

“Austin?” My heart pounds against my chest and I turn my head ever so slightly. There was no Austin.

David reached out for me and in one movement had me over his shoulder. I started pounding against his back and screaming, but people only smiled and took photos. Why does this not seem so eerily familiar??

“Ugh, I hate you right now.” I prop myself on an elbow and stare at Austin. I was surprised he was here in my room. “What are you doing here?” I ask.

“I was going to get some breakfast.” He said with a half-smile.

“Shirtless? Shoeless? I don’t know, lack of socks?” I push Austin gently with a smile, letting my eyes roam over his face for a brief moment.

“Well no!” He pretends to gasp. “Now let’s go! I’m hungry.”

“Nooo. I wanna sleep.” I turn over to the other side and snuggle up to the blanket.

“Have it your way.” He slips an arm under my stomach and picked up bridal style before throwing me over his shoulder.

“Austin! What are you doing! Put me down!” I began to pound at his back while trying to stay alert, all the blood rushing to my head made me feel lightheaded. Austin ran down the hall and into his hotel room.

“Whoa! Ellie! Was Ben good in bed?”Alan screamed out loud. I lifted my head up and bean kicking. Phil and Tino began snickering.

“Shut up Alan!” This time I reached back and bit hard on his back. Austin yelped and dropped his hands, making me fall to the floor. I got back up and began beating him in the stomach.

“Austin you fucker!”

“Baby, slow down. Heart problems remember?” Austin leaves and returns a few minutes later with clothes on. I walk up to him and start giving him every reason why I shouldn’t kick his ass to the matrix. He then sighs and proceeds by throwing me over his shoulder again. Sometimes I hate that he’s so tall.

“Elizabeth Summer Schmitt, that is not a nice thing to say!” He mocks with a laugh.

“What the fuck?! How the fu-” Alan grabs a piece of duct-tape and runs to me sealing right over my mouth.

“Thank you.” He says. I continue to scream at him. Even though it’s muffled by the tape. Austin begins to walk out the hotel room, passing Andy on the way. I see Andy give him a glare.

What?

I began to pinch his butt and he starts squirming.

“I would stop that if I were you, you don’t want me to drop you again.” I instantly stop. We walk into the lobby where almost every head is turned my way. David looks at me weird and then he shouts “Everyone take a pic and post it on Twitter!” I shoot my head up.

---

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel bad about yourself or to feel angry.” David says as he takes a seat on the couch. “I just didn’t want you to talk to Austin until you were ready.” I scoffed. “I was just trying to protect you.” His voice falls.

I guess I have to realize, David is still my big brother whether or not we act like it. He still cares for me and is only doing what he did in high school; protect me from getting heart broken.

I never realized how much David cares because we argue and fight and tour so much, we spend time away from each other.

But this, this made me feel something I had never really felt before. I can’t describe it, but it felt like David and I were in another world where it was just the two of us.

So I got up and sat next to him, snuggling up to his chest. David laughed, confused for a moment, before I felt his arms wrap around me.

My brother truly does care.

Notes