|June 2014|

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“Are you ready for another hectic day of selling merch?” Adrian asks as he puts up the last box.

“I actually don’t know. The last mob was pretty hell bent.” I say as I take a seat next to the singer of Northlane. I dunno what made him want to sell merch, but I’m pretty glad. Adrian is pretty chill and it feels nice to have someone who’s clear of my history to talk to.

Then of course there’s the other merch guy, Cohuetta, but he’s here mostly for the night shift of selling merch.

“Tell me about it. You can never have two celebrities sell merch, its always something perverted.” As the first group of fans roll by, it was all pretty much the same.

Fans: “Sorry for your loss.”

Me: Shrugs shoulders. “It’s okay.”

Fans: “Can’t wait to hear your new album.”

Me: “Working on it.” Not so much.

Fans: “Hi Adrian.”

Me: Snorts.

Adrian: “Hey.”

Fans: “Are you and Adrian dating?”

Me: “HELL NO.”

Adrian: “Yeah. HELLNO. Hey, what’s wrong with me?”

Fans: “Are you cheating with Adrian?”

Me: “No. I’m in a committed relationship with Beau.”

Fans: “You’re dating Beau Bokan from blessthefall?!”

And that’s what went down most of the time. But not this time. Adrian and I were goofing, throwing various T-shirts and bracelets at each when five girls came up.

“Ahem.” One of them cleared their throats. We turned around to see two blondes, one ginger, one brunette, and one black hair staring at us.

“Hey, how can I help you?” Adrian flicked a bracelet at me before giving them his full attention.

“You disgust me,” the ginger spoke to me.

“Uh, sorry?” I have never seen this girl before and the first thing that pops out is that I disgust her? That’s new.

“Too bad you weren’t thinking that for your poor dead baby.” I was taken back at the harshness of her words that stung. It rendered me speechless. Matthew isn’t just a poor dead baby.

Matthew was my son that I loved very much and his life was taken way too short for him to just be labeled a poor dead baby. He was a Carlile and I but he was a pretty damn proud one too.
I know I was. I know Austin was.

“Dude, that was just fucked up.” Adrian cut in. “How can you say that? That’s fucking cruel mate.” He said.

“It’s true. He just died and here she is, whoring around at Warped Tour.” One of the brunette’s spoke. My eyes snapped to her. I know that snide voice from somewhere.

Warped Tour 2012 somewhere.

I sigh and put my hands over my face. I’m the band whore. I’m the band whore! Before I know it my anger is raging inside of me. I would talk to Andy later; I know Austin is getting ready to perform. I’m going to be front and center. I got to our bus and change. I put on my Warped Vans a fan gave me, shorts and a tank top and I trudge to their set.

Making sure my stage pass is on I shove by fans. Most of them give me dirty looks. One even whispers, “Oh, here comes the band whore.” I take off my sunglasses and meet eye contact with the person who said.

“Says the whore herself. Look at yourself before calling me a whore. At least I wear more clothes than a sports bra and stripper shorts.” The girl’s mouth drops and I shove by.

“I AM NOT WHORING AROUND!” I don’t know where the burst of energy came from, but I stood up and slammed my hands on the table.

“Lights,”Adrian warns.

“Yes you are! You already slept with David from Breathe Carolina you little whore!” My face turns into one of disgust. Here we go with that bit again.

“That’s my brother!” The other brunette rolls her eyes. I mean, how long does it take for people to realize he’s my brother! Same hair similarities, eye color, facial structure, I mean Jesus Christ, it’s like looking into a fucking mirror!

“Right. Skank.”

“I swear I will reach over this table and-”

“Ellie!” His voice barks. It wasn’t Adrian's. It was Austin’s. Tears were falling from my hot and red face.

“Lights, go, I’ll get Cohuetta, just,” I shake my head.

Angry and outraged, I turned away from the tent and stalked past Austin and into the crowd. I wiped vigorously at my face in attempt to wipe away any weakness.

I blend right along with the fans easily as I weave my way through to the nearest exit. I’m angry and upset because she’s…..right. In every way possible.


I pull out my phone and in one hasty movement, I already have his number dialing.

“Li-”

“I need you to fly out on tomorrow’s date.” My voice cracked as my mind wandered back to what the girl said.

“What happened?” He asked. I heard shuffling in the background and I sighed in relief.

“These people are so cruel Beau,” I start to cry, putting a hand over my mouth to keep the sob at bay. “Just come on tour with us,” I beg.

“Lights, David and I’ve told you. There isn’t enough room for me to be on tour the whole summer.”

“The come for one week. I need you,” I whisper. “They were so mean,”

“Fine. Baby, I’ll be out there tomorrow night. Just, please, don’t let their words get to you. I love you.”

“Miss you,” I whisper. Even though he said ‘love’, I can’t risk it. I can’t risk it. Not again, after everything I’ve been through, not again.

“It’s going to be okay baby, I promise. It’s going to be okay.”

Notes

For all of you who don't know/heard of Northlane or their lead singer Adiran, below is a photo for your wandering minds;