|June 2014|

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As the buses rolled out later that night, I opened the blinds in the ‘living room’ and stared at the dark sky, watching the road move below us.

I would have to talk to Austin sooner or later, but it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see him, of course I want to see him. It’s because I’m nervous. What if, what if he blames me for our son’s death? He didn’t exactly go well with the idea of commitment.

And I didn’t exactly leave for Warped on a good note with him either. But Austin, he’s like a drug and it’s been something I’ve been addicted to for too long.

I love Austin, present tense, and always will.

But we’re so different now.

He’s gotten more tattoos, he’s grown facial hair (something that bothers me greatly), and he seems a little more cocky than usual. (And since when did he have a fashion sense all of a sudden?) But he’s still Austin, my high school sweetheart. Whether I was Ellie with the black hair, Ellie with the blonde hair or Lights with the natural brown hair, he will always be Austin.

David will always be David.

And I will always be Elizabeth, the woman who fell in love with music and although this, this year has been tragic, the world really does go on.

I got David’s guitar from the couch and flopped on it, holding the guitar in my hands. I reopen my song book and stare at the line I had wrote a couple nights ago.

If you are a cliffhanger ending, I'm the one that doesn't know anything.

I let my fingers strum over and over again over the strings, repeating the line in my head. I sigh and yank my fingers when I hit a chord. I stopped. I hit it again and I smiled. I took my pen and wrote down the chord before playing it with a low octave and a high octave.

“If, you are a cliffhanger ending, I’m the one that doesn’t know anything,” I smile. I pause as I tried to find the right word when I heard someone clearing their throat.

“Glad to see you back in the process,” Luis said, handing me my phone. “Like a magpie and a ring, I'm always going to be looking right to you.”

“What?”

“Here,” he sits next to me and takes the guitar. “If you are a cliffhanger ending, I’m the one that doesn’t know anything. Like a magpie and a ring, I’m always going to be looking right to you.” He says, strumming the same chord I did earlier. “I was just watching Lord Of The Rings and it just clicked. Although, I’m pretty sure it’ll better with synths.” He says with a smile. “And, I just took another photo of us.” he says before getting up and leaving.

I pulled out my phone and went to the app store and re-download all my social media sights and first thing I did was open Twitter.

I’m ready to make things better for me and my life.

I upload the one of Luis and I to Instagram and title: We’re back on track people.

Then I went to Twitter. Although I had close the account for Sorry Not Sorry, my account is still open, just now it’s Lights Schmitt @EllieSNS instead of Elizabeth. I post the photo of just me and titled: My kind of mood.

And I think I’m back on track.

Notes

Filler, bleh.