The truth never set me free so I'll do it to my self

Viviana p.o.v.

I never felt less excited for a date.
The idea of going out and have dinner in some posh restaurants make me wanna run away as fast as I can. It’s almost a bother.
I got some really sad feeling about it and my sister noticed it.
“What’s up?”
“I told Jaime that we would give a try to our relationship, but I don’t feel good.
Tonight we’ll have a date and I’m annoyed by the idea to choose something nice and shit as much as I’m annoyed by the idea of us going in an expensive restaurant.”
“Do you wanna buy something new?”
“Nope. I will use my clothes. There’s no need to waste money on it.”
The face of my sister was strange, like she already knew how it will end and she though it will be a bad end. Maybe it’s too late for everything and we should tried soon to fix the problems, but knowing each other it would be impossible. We were both proud and a little bit cranky.
What should I do now?
I decided to go to beach and spent the whole day here, maybe the thoughts of Jaime and Matt will stop haunting me for a while.
I asked for just a while of silence and peace.
No more war in my minds, no more bad feelings or the strong desire to see again Matt and kissed him.
I took my shit and I went to the beach, I spread out my blanket and I laid on it, letting the sun caress my pale skin. I don’t love to be too tanned, but sometimes a little bit of sun is good.
After a while I went to swim, then I went to eat and after that I just walk on the beach. The waves caressed my bare feet and the wind moved gently my long hair.
I felt good.
I always loved the sea for an unknown reason, maybe because – even if my mother tried her best to make us forgetting – I’m a Mexican girl born in san Diego.
That’s my house.
That’s a place I can call my home, but I felt it’s not the only one.
New York would never be my home, but I was pretty curious about how I would have felt in Manchester. Yeah, I didn’t leave the idea of following Matt behind me.
I wondered if I was just fooling everybody around me, me first.
I have no idea of what to do and thought, they were all right, I gotta fix this mess even if this meant broke Jaime’s heart in two.
I left the beach at six o’clock, I was at home twenty minutes later and I decided to take a shower first. I washed and shaved what need to be washed and shaved then I wrapped myself in a big towel and I looked into my wardrobe. I need a fucking dress.
I rummaged into my clothes and I finally found a black dress with no sleeves, with a silver belt a little over my waist and a large skirt.
It was perfect, so I wore it and I start to straight my hair and then I tied them in a bun. I put up some make up and I was ready.
Wait! The bag!
I choose a little black bag and I put my wallet, some cleanex, the keys of the house, a lighter and my cigarettes.
Now I was ready.
I went downstairs and I sat on the couch waiting for Jaime.
“Nice dress!”
Said my sister.
“Thank you.”
After a while the doorbell rang and Tony went to open the door, I heard some greetings and then Jaime’s showed up.
“Wow! You are gorgeous!”
“Thank you, Jaime.”
“Can we go?”
“Sure!”
I grabbed my bag and I greeted everyone, then me and Jaime went on his car.
The date was officially began.
We went to a restaurant downtown, it was the kind of expensive restaurant that I hated. Small food and big price just to say that you ate at this place.
Fuck this shit.
“Do you like the place?”
“Nope.”
I decided to be honest, lies won’t bring us too far.
“Why?”
“Because we’ll pay a lot for not so much food and we’ll be watched like animals in a zoo the whole time. You are covered with tattoos and so am I.”
I spat to him nervous, probably I hurt him, because I saw something in his eyes for a while.
“Sorry, Jaime. I didn’t want to be so mean.
Let’s go.”
“No, let it go. A Mac Donald will be okay.”
“Jaime…. I’m sorry, I’m really trying but there’s something that stop me to be nice with you.”
“Is it Matt?”
“I dunno, really I dunno.
Yes, I like him, but…”
“But, what?”
“I never thought that it would be so difficult hang around with you. I miss our old friendship…
I miss the days when I trusted you and I was happy just having you around.
Now I feel so cold….”
He held one of my hand.
“Let’s go to the Mac, it’s my fault to forget how you are and what you like. I thought at you like you were Jess and you liked the same things.
It’s wrong, now I realized it.”
“Do you still love her?”
“Nope, but I’m used to treat every girl like she was her and that’s wrong.”
We went to Mac Donald and we ordered something and tried to talk normally, like nothing was happened between us. I loved how funny he was and his smile is a bless of God, but I felt just weak butterflies in my stomach. Where were the others butterflies gone?
What is wrong in us?
I wished for so long a night like this and now that is happening I felt awkward and out of place, I felt just friendship.
-Should I tell him?
No, wait for another time. Maybe you are just not used anymore having him around.-
I’ll wait and see how this evening will go, but I have got a real bad feeling.
After we finished to eat Jaime paid everything, I like this habit. Out the night was darker and the stars blinked in the sky, it was a clear night with no humidity.
It was just perfect, the starts seemed so close that Jaime could steal one for me if I asked him, it was a night made to love.
I wished that Matt was by my side.
-You’re with Jaime and still you thing about that boy.-
Said sternly my inner voice, I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help to think about him.
“What are we gonna do?”
I asked to Jaime trying not to thinking about Matt.
“Well, we can go to the promenade, it’s always full of nice thing to do, to buy and people.”
“Cool! Sofia told me that when I was three I loved the promenade.”
“I always forget you are born here.”
“I forget it too, don’t worry.”
I laughed, he smiled bright.
Maybe we won’t be in a relationship but I will always love his smile. When Jaime smiled seemed that nothing bad could happen to you, till you are with him.
We jumped into his car and he drove to the promenade, we parked and we reached one of the entrance. Jaime was right, it was full of people, most of them were couple like us.
I felt lost for a moment, then he held my hand and I felt a little better. I was always a little scared of crowded places.
We walked for a while whit our hands laced without saying anything. Sometimes I stopped next to a shop, but I bought just a necklace with a seahorse decorated with a blue stone.
At some point Jaime opened a little gate and we got to the beach, I took off my heels and walked on the soft sand.
It was a relief after all that pain for wearing them, Jaime was some steps in front of me, watching probably the ocean. You can hear it sang and for the first time I felt home here, a confused memory came to my mind: I used to fell asleep with the sound of the ocean in my ears.
We sat a few meters away from the sea and we didn’t say anything.
There was just an awkward silence between us, then he tried to kiss. I kissed him back but it wasn’t the same as some weeks ago. I didn’t feel much more.
I was like to kiss a friend and I guessed he understood it.
“Don’t say anything, I understand.”
“What?”
“I’m nothing but a friend for you, I miss my train when I kissed that dumb bitch.”
“I’m really sorry, Jaime.
Really, I hoped that things worked out, but it just doesn’t happen and I’m sad.
I don’t wanna loose you.”
“We can stay friends, by the way you will go away for a while and it will help.”
“Yeah.”
There was nothing more to say so we went away, it was sad but also I feel relieved, now I could start a story with Matt without offend no one.

Notes

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If you want give a look at my new story, i hope it's better than this one (that really suck for me, now)
http://www.piercetheveilfanfiction.com/Story/49492/We-are-a-family/