Fight Back

Date: 24th January 2015. Weight: 6st 11lbs. Stage: Four. Estimated time of survival: One and a half months.

I’ve tried to tell them, honestly I have. But when I try to I just can’t get the words out or something will come up. I know I need to, but I just don’t know how. Now I understand that I wanted to protect them from Infirma. I don’t want to cause them any pain.
Mike is perfect, and holding my hand right now and kissing my hair and stuff. But nothing stays perfect, at least not for me. My phone started to ring so I answered it.
“Pippa.” Phil said.
“Is everything okay?” I asked urgently.
“No, I’m in reception.”
“What’s wrong?” I rushed.
“I’ll explain everything, Pippa.” Phil said.
“Bye."
“I’ll see you soon.” he said and and hung up on me. I looked at Mike and groaned.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ve got to go.” I muttered.
“What? Where?”
“I’m meeting Phil.”
“Now?”
“Sorry,” I leant over and kissed him. Then I got up to leave. Mike watched me go and I hurried away. I walked across the grass outside and into school. When I walked in I saw Phil and he rushed over to me. I hugged him tightly and he kissed me on the head gently.
“Let’s go to my room.” Phil urged.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, Pippa.” he muttered.
“What? What’s happened?” I begged. He shook his head. I followed him and he closed the door behind me when we were in the nurses room. I sat up on the examination bed and he sat next to me.
“Pippa”
“Tell me.” I demanded.
“You need to tell people. You don’t have much time left."
“How long?” I asked stiffly.
“A little over a month.”
“That’s okay. I still have some time.” I said, trying to calm myself.
“You still need to tell people.”
“I’ve tried, Phil. I just can’t do it.”
“You’re getting worse. You need to go home and rest.”
“I’m not leaving school." I replied flatly.
“Why? I can’t put you under strain when your in this stage.”
“I can’t leave him. I can’t leave Mike wondering.” I whispered sadly.
“You have to. Why not?”
“I just can’t.”
“He’s not that special, Pippa. He’s just a boy.”
“He’s more than that. I think I love him, Phil."
“No, you just think you do. It’s not even serious between you.” what can I say to convince him?
“We’re good. I can be myself around him.”
“Its not healthy the way you are.”
“He’s the one I’d want to be with.”
“What do you mean?” Phil asked.
“I’ve slept with him.” I muttered.
There was a long pause. “You’ve done what?” he asked quietly.
“We slept together.” I repeated. He turned to look at me and took my face in his hands softly.
“Do you know how dangerous it is for you? Was it normal?”
“I kind of felt faint for a while.”
“You’re so weak already. It could have put you in hospital.” he said tightly.
“Really?” I gasped.
“Just the one time?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you wanted less pain. Why are you doing this to him?” he asked calmly.
“I don’t know.” I nearly cried.
“I’m so so sorry, Pippa. I love you dearly and you are the single most important person in my life. But you have one and a half months left to live and you need to start accepting that." he said tightly.
“Do you accept that I’m dying?” I asked desperately. Phil looked and me and then down at the floor. He met my eyes and rubbed his jaw hard with his hand.
“No, I don’t,” he muttered. “I want you to accept it so I can.”
“I need you, Phil. I need you to accept it for me.” I cried loudly. The door opened and we both looked up. Mike was at the door and shuffled uneasily.
“I heard shouting,” Mike said softly. “Why is it every time I walk in on you two you’re either embracing or crying?”
“It isn’t what it seems.” I laughed tiredly.
“What does it seem?” he snapped.
“Don’t talk to her like that.” Phil said flatly.
“Why not? That’s how she speaks to me.”
“She deserves some respect.” he said and stood up to tower over Mike.
“I deserve the truth behind you two!” Mike hissed.
“You wouldn’t understand,” I said softly. “If you found you’d leave me.”
“If its what I think then I will leave you."
“People like you. . .” Phil said stiffly. “You sleep with her and then break up with her.”
“She told you?”
“Yes, I did.” I muttered.
“Why would you do it?!” Phil exclaimed.
“We’re dating. So what if we sleep together?”
“You stupid boy."
“I don’t understand." Mike said.
“You could have really hurt her. She’s already so weak, and you just used her. You just wanted someone to have sex with, another whore."
“Phil!” I screamed.
“No!” Mike shouted and shook his head violently.
“Are you sick?! Helena is dying!” Phil screamed.
“What?” Mike asked faintly.
“How could you?!” I screamed desperately. I sunk to the floor and covered my face. I started crying and rubbing my eyes frantically. That was it, it was over. Mike finally knew. I looked at Phil desperately and saw he was crying. I looked at Mike and I’m pretty sure he was too. We all were. It was one big crying fest. I just wished Infirma could kill me now, because damn it would make my life easier.
“Is it true?” Mike asked very quietly. I looked at him for a long time and eventually nodded.
“How . . . How long?”
“Just over a month.”
“How?” he begged. He was definitely crying.
“Infirma. It’s a blood thing. I have really low cell counts, and it’s killing me.” I tried.
“How long have you known?”
“Three years.” I said and felt Phil looking between us.
“Fucking hell, Helena! Three damn years,” he spat. “And who’s he to you?!” he asked and pointed at Phil.
“My specialist nurse,” Mike started to blink vigorously. “I’m sorry.” I breathed.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mike begged.
“I tried,” I shrugged. “I’m so so sorry, Mike. I love you."
“No! Just stop! You don’t love me, if you did I would know by now,” Mike sobbed. He turned to leave and I tried to follow. “Stay away from me!” he spat.
“Please!” I cried desperately.
Mike sighed and looked at me. “I need to think. I can’t deal with you having this . . . thing. I’m sorry, Pippa. I don’t think it would be good for us to be together.”
“Please stay,” Phil suddenly said. “She needs you.”
“What about me?” Mike asked. “When it kills her how will I feel?”
“Close to how I’ll feel.” Phil said weakly.
“Do you love her?” Mike demanded.
“Imagine losing your brother to his self injury problem. Say he cut too deep. But meanwhile you work trying to improve the lives of self injury suffers. You’ll have to go to work each day knowing the thing that killed the most important person in your life puts money in your bank account.” he explained flatly. “That’s how I’ll feel."
“I’m sorry, for both of you. But I can’t do this, I’m not that brave,” he shook his head. Mike came to me and kissed me softly on the lips. “Sorry, Helena.” he finally said and left. I felt Phil support me with his arms before I collapsed. He placed me on the examination bed and I buried my face in his shirt. I sobbed and he patted me softly on the back. Everything was fucked up now.

Notes

Hey! Big chapter! Mike knows :O what did you think? Was it what you were expecting? What do you want to happen? Did Mike do the right thing? :)