A Fool's Revenge.

I had left work about an hour ago. I don’t know what it was but I had suddenly felt so overwhelmed. I think it was trying to really absorb this past week. Mike and I sleeping together, getting into the fight and him getting into the accident then sleeping with him and his two best friends. It was all so much for my head to wrap around. I hated this guy, at least, I used to. Now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I walked along the shore letting the soothing sounds of the Pacific Ocean calm the thoughts in my head. I sat down and watched as the sea foam coasted along the sand and receded back. Would it be so bad not to regret everything I do? Maybe Priscilla was right all along; Mike and I were bad for each other. I just want normality back in my life. Nothing could ever be simple. I got up and slowly made my way back to my car and headed home.

I saw no cars in or near my driveway when I pulled in and I was thankful they finally left. I needed some time to sort things out. I opened the door to find Mike sitting on my couch. I sighed sadly knowing I wouldn’t be alone. I knew at some point we would have to talk but I really wasn’t ready to, not with my mind set tonight.

“Jay…” he whispered behind me as I walked into the kitchen. I turned around and tried to read his face. He looked confused, hurt and something else. His deep brown eyes mesmerized me to no extent and I couldn’t help but get lost in them.

“We have to talk about some things.” He mumbled and played with his fingers. I noticed that was his nervous tick, I wasn’t sure what he could be so nervous about though. I nodded and continued making some tea. I followed him to the living room and set the cup down.

“I’m gonna go change and then we can talk, okay?” I said with a small smile. His face was solemn as I walked away. I changed into some flannel lounge pants and a tank before walking back down and curling up on the couch, facing Mike.

“Okay, so what did you want to talk about?” I asked hesitantly. He wouldn’t look at me but kept an intent gaze on the ground.

“What are we doing?” his head snapped up and I was taken back. I would’ve never expected him to be so blunt.

“I, what do you mean?” I stumble over my words.

“Why do we keep doing this, sleeping with each other then regretting it?” his eyes looked so saddened and I’m sure mine looked about the same.

“I honestly don’t know.” I muttered lowly. I could’ve cried then and there when I looked in his eyes, the way they glistened from struggling to hold back tears.

“Jayme, I meant it every time I said I liked you, I really did. I just want us to stop hurting each other like this.” I couldn’t help but let a few tears fly. All the suppressed emotions were starting to come out and after all the years, we were talking it through.

“I want it to stop too. I don’t know what we even are! Every day since I’ve been back, I’ve been confused. All of a sudden you, your brother and your friends have become a huge part of my life and I don’t even know why!?” I cried and raised my voice.

“I told them to hang out with you more.” He mumbled under his breath.

“So, what are you saying?” I asked timidly.

“I’m saying I wanted them to be around you more. I wanted them to scope you out. When they visited me in the hospital, right before you came, I told them that I, I thought I loved you. I do love you Jayme! You never realized it. I know I was a terrible person to you in high school but that was fucking high school! I just want to start over because I know you will never forgive me for all the things I said to you. I know what it did, I felt the scars.” The tears now fell from both our eyes and I subconsciously rubbed the lines I had made over the years through the fabric of my pants.

I couldn’t even respond to what he just told me, what he had told me over a week ago.

“What you said in the hospital, it was true?” I looked at him through glazed over eyes and he nodded while wiping his tears away.

“I do love you Jayme and it took me up until that night we slept together to really realize it. I had feelings for you in high school and I still do now.” I looked at him in shock. I tried to use my words but they were tangled in the depths of my throat.

“I’m sorry. I need to go.” He quickly got up and walked out of my house. I ran to the door to try and get him to come back but he was already gone. I closed the door and crumbled. Everything I had built up; the confidence and false happiness was now obliterated. Everything I thought I was doing right for myself was now entangled in what I knew was wrong. What was wrong, felt right and I felt like that was wrong. Every little thing I had done from the moment I got back to this own now flew about in my mind. I nit-picked every little detail trying to figure out what I could do to fix all of this.

I just potentially crushed the one person I have ever really liked. I felt like the scum of the earth and I wasn’t really one hundred percent sure why. I ran up my stairs and found the one thing I was always comforted by; tears still streaming down my face as I tenderly picked it up between my thumb and fore finger.

I resulted in the thing I truly hated to love the most; Feeling numb.

Notes

Emotions, emotions everywhere!

If you haven't already, go check out Another Bottle Down! It's just now starting up and so far it's amazing!

Thanks for reading/subscribing/commenting!<3